Teacher Bao not only said so, but also did so. In Jane's class, she encouraged those children who didn't want to raise their hands again and again, and the children's answers really made us parents shine.
? Really, when we put down our parents' airs and obey our children, you will be surprised to find that children are far smarter than we thought.
? Of course, the cleverest are the parents. They may not know much about psychology, but they send their children to class or appear in class together. Don't think that children don't know anything, and don't think that pure psychology is just for mom and dad. This knowledge is suitable for anyone.
? The relationship with parents, with oneself, with others, with the system ... Who can escape this relationship? Who dares to say that you can easily handle all kinds of relationships without reading? Too many abilities are not born, but more come from acquired and cultivated.
? The problem in Jane's class is not an ordinary problem. Because, in the eyes of the tutor, your question is not representative, whether your question is serious or not and whether it is necessary to present a case is a very important teaching content. A senior crash tutor like Mr. Bao, an expert on mental and psychological problems, if I do a case offline alone, I estimate it should be several thousand yuan an hour.
? Therefore, in four days, in the face of a large number of cases presented at hand, in the face of such a large amount of information, compared with a charge of 4,000 yuan, as a female classmate said, "It feels worthwhile!"
? She is very lucky. Teacher Bao helped her with a case and solved her confusion. Because mom and dad have accumulated too much resentment for a long time, because resentment has always made their lives unable to be relaxed and happy ... After finishing the case, she finally put it down and a big stone fell to the ground. ...
? A girl said, "I hope mom and dad will allow us to drive our own car, to experience the storm we should experience and the rainbow we should experience."
Did you hear that? This is the call of children, the cry of children. What should we do as parents? Either ignoring children's reasonable psychological needs or overprotecting and worrying go to two extremes. It's not fair to the children.
? In today's class, Mr. Bao Ying Ji tells the relationship between adults and children through a case, telling the families present that "the family is a warm harbor and a place to be hurt." Let children do what they want to do and build their own safety awareness. Small bumps need to be experienced, but we must understand what harm is. "
A big boy's sharing:
? 1. As a child, to live a "selfish" life, I feel a little distant from my parents, not too close.
Don't interfere in mom and dad's affairs, accept them as they are. Getting married is their business, and their own lessons have nothing to do with me.
The "selfishness" here is precisely a sense of boundary. You don't get involved in the struggle between mom and dad, don't be a referee, don't be an ally, and avoid falling into mom and dad's emotions together.
? It's one thing that you love your parents, but the relationship between parents is beyond your control.
2.？ I am me, my parents are my parents, and my children are my children. We can't be misplaced, we can't be parents, and we can't do it; Parents can't be children's children, and it's unfair to pass on their emotions to their children.
Simple and fast learning: what is the boundary? The boundary is that you know what you are doing and I know what I am doing. A person with clear boundaries will have a good choice, because he knows what he should and should not do.
I want to be myself, which has nothing to do with my parents; I want to be myself, not that child.
? Everyone can only be responsible for his own life, and what parents say is their business; How we live is our business. We don't live for our parents, nor do we live for our children. We are all unique limited editions, and we all want to live a rich and happy life of our own.
? I am better than my parents.
The narrow and popular understanding is usually the money success in the secular sense. In fact, as long as mom and dad are alive, the child will be fine. Children can feel the happiness of their parents. In this way, the children of a family will have an inner sense of strength and be more capable of facing everything in life.
? What house, car, status, power ... really doesn't matter. The important thing is that even though he is a beggar, he still has the ability to be happy.
? This is our baby. As parents, dare we say that we are smarter than our children?
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Just like I got a call for help the night before yesterday.
? My junior high school son has been out of school for two years, and my mother knows little about psychology. At present, children refuse to ask for help and communicate. My mother really wants a way to make her son recover, because she is going to enter school soon. I suggested that she study in the Tulip family, but she didn't understand. She says whatever she says, but her son won't listen.
I told her, "There is no shortcut, no panacea, and the recovery of depression takes time and process".
I asked her, "Are your words professional? Can your words make him feel better without professional interpretation? Can you make him learn something? If you don't study, where can you get the ability? How can I spend time with my son? My son doesn't accept our volunteers, so we can't communicate with him directly. What shall we do not let him die? "
Later, she agreed to let me drag her into the family group to study. It is a dereliction of duty for parents to ask their children to study and refuse to learn and grow.
? Every parent treats his children in a familiar way. "Motivation and emotion can never be wrong, but behavior has no effect", however, "having effect is more important than being reasonable."
? In the family, there is no right or wrong. This sentence applies not only to husband-wife relationship, but also to parent-child relationship.
In an article "Children's Presentation, Parents' Life", I talked about the topic of children: the root of children's character is family education.
(1) Lying "comes from the truth and is not accepted;
② "ego" originates from the child-centered family;
(3) Running away from home "comes from the child's inner warmth;
(4) "Silence" comes from parents neglecting their children's needs;
⑤ cowardice "comes from the strength of parents;
⑥ "Inferiority" comes from passive and aggressive education;
⑦ "fierce confrontation" comes from being too depressed.
? Do our children have these characteristics? What should we do?
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Teacher Bao also shared a very important "point". When children are found to have problems, parents realize that it is their own problems, and they will blame themselves and feel guilty, and fall into the other extreme: excessive psychological compensation.
"Son, what do you want? Mom will buy it for you! "
A mother in the tulip family group said, "Children definitely need psychological nutrition, but how to do it?" Will it go too far? For example, unconditional acceptance is made into doting. Unconditional acceptance is popular in the market now, but most of them are wrong. What they say about unconditional acceptance is bottomless, and children are not responsible. Actually, it's not. We accept that you are a person, even if you do something wrong or fail to meet my expectations, or you fail, you have negative emotions, which will not reduce my love for you. But children are responsible for the consequences of wrong behavior. Parents always have the responsibility to help their children. If children do not need to pay the price, it is doting and blind love. "
? Wise love, wise love for our partners, our relatives and our friends is everyone's lifelong practice.
Life's work, never, never graduated. ...
? Right?
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Yin Binglian, pen name Han Xiang, is a special correspondent of Tulip Sunshine Association. After 70, he was a member of Zhucheng Writers' Association, a cutting-edge star of 2 1 century cutting-edge writers' network, a member of Tulip public welfare alliance, and the president of Weifang Tulip Sunshine Association. His works include the rehabilitation story book "Back to Earth".
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