There are often small partners who are curious to encourage consultation, and will take advantage of the fact that the baby has not woken up and hurry up.
Many friends are curious about what encouraging consultation is, and can't bear to learn how to say nice things. They took the time to write my understanding of encouraging consultation, which is only a personal opinion and does not represent official remarks. O(∩_∩)O
Before introducing encouraging counseling, I invite you to think back: Do you feel that you often buy things, eat and wear, and have everything at home, even a little surplus, but your heart has not been enriched with the increase of material?
I think some friends are answering at the moment: yes, yes, that's the feeling!
Yes, with the rapid development of material civilization, the spiritual needs of human beings are also increasing. People's survival needs have been met, and they have had enough food and drink, but they have never "lived a happy life" since then. With the accelerated pace of life, work, family and children, all kinds of troubles and pressures have followed. The emptiness and fatigue that attack our hearts from time to time make us feel at a loss.
Work is not satisfactory, family members don't understand, children don't listen, and we fall into confusion and despair.
We started asking: What's wrong with me? What happened to him? What happened to us? I am full and warm, and I can't do any more relationships. Oh (╥ ╥) Oh
Psychologist Adler said that all problems arise from relationships, so they can also be solved in relationships, including their own relationship with others and their own relationship with themselves.
Encouragement counseling is a course based on Adler's psychology, which uses the ideas and methods of positive discipline to deal with the relationship between oneself and others.
Lynn Lott is one of the founders of positive discipline. The inspiring counseling course comes from Lynn Lott's 40 years of psychological counseling experience. There are many experiential activities in the encouragement counseling course, leading everyone together (knowing, accepting and then acting). These experiential activities can give us inspiration intuitively.
Two: Encourage important concepts in consultation.
1: personality = congenital inheritance+acquired environment+private logic (subconscious decision)
Congenital inheritance: gender, blood type, hair, eyes, etc.
Acquired environment: including family environment, physical environment, social environment, language, culture, customs and so on.
Family environment includes the family characteristics you face after birth: parents' values, parents' upbringing, parents' personality, the relationship between parents, your family atmosphere and the relationship between brothers and sisters, etc.
2. Sense of belonging and value
Everyone is pursuing a sense of belonging and value, and a lot of private logic has been formed in the process of pursuing a sense of belonging and value.
3. true self
Children are natural "observers", but they are inexperienced "interpreters"
When we were children, all of us made a series of decisions.
We don't realize that we have made a decision or are saving a decision, but we are doing both.
These early decisions constitute our "private logic".
What shapes your character is not what happens in your life, but the conscious or unconscious decisions you make about those events and circumstances.
Many of these decisions were made in your childhood before you were 5 years old.
It's like, you go out for a ride, and the steering wheel is a 5-year-old.
This child lives in your heart, when you are stressed or upset, TA? You will jump out and take control of your life. This child is your inner child.
4. Private logic
Psychologist Adler put forward:
The formation of people's ideas, behaviors and values,
It is based on the perception and interpretation of events, as well as the mutual influence and interaction of one's own beliefs and decisions, which is called private logic.
As we mentioned just now, we began to make our own decisions when we were young.
For example, parents tell their children that obedience is a good boy. Some children will believe it and listen to their parents, while others will choose other decisions. His "private logic" may be: obedience is futile, so I don't want to obey.
These decisions are not right or wrong, but we need to see clearly. Encouraging consultation is to let us learn to be an observer, see our inner children clearly and see our own private logic clearly.
Re-cultivating our inner children to grow up and walk out of the "emotional kindergarten", we will find that we can break through more restrictions, we will have more choices when facing problems, and our lives will have more possibilities.
Three: Four important steps to make a change
The first step "wish":
If you have a strong enough desire to change, you have taken the first step;
The second step is "consciousness":
You can't change your own thinking, feeling and behavior patterns until you realize them; And "awareness" is like someone turning on the light in a dark room. With consciousness, our change will begin.
The third step is "acceptance":
This step is the most difficult. Acceptance requires you to distinguish your thoughts, feelings, behaviors and self-worth.
Acceptance requires you to focus on reality (what it is), not the past (what it is) or the future (what it may be).
When you start to pay attention to "what", you can stop comparing, criticizing and judging yourself-or think that you are worthless.
If you hear yourself say, "Here's the thing; This is a fact, not a judgment, just information. " ? You're accepting!
Without acceptance, the change is temporary. If your heart says to itself, "If only it were like this" or "I should be like this", then you have not accepted yourself. When you accept who you really are, you will start to observe your behavior instead of blaming yourself.
Once you begin to accept yourself, the last step of the change process will naturally happen.
Once you become more accepting of yourself, you will begin to find that the world is full of all kinds of choices.
The fourth step "change":
When you stop paying too much attention to your mistakes or the impression you leave on others, you can try new ideas and behaviors with a more open mind, and the process of change will naturally happen.
Private logic is also like a map of life. When we see clearly our personal logic, it is like seeing clearly the road we have traveled and how to get to the present position step by step. Some personal logic is like old clothes. It used to be fashionable and the size was right. Now that we have grown up, the times are different, and outdated beliefs and concepts should be updated.
Now, at this moment, when you see this sentence, we can reset our goals and directions. Come on, ollie.
Four: the password to open a new life
There is a passage in Nepal's prayer: "God, please give me the serenity to accept what I can't change, and give me the courage to change what I can. Give me wisdom to tell the difference between the two. "
Once I couldn't tell what I could and couldn't change. Want to change things that cannot be changed, such as directly changing other people's thoughts and behaviors; But I don't believe I can change what I can, such as changing my situation and improving my ability and confidence.
Now I have a new understanding of this passage: first of all, we must distinguish between what we can change at any time and what we can't change at once. Try to change what can be changed and accept what cannot be changed. Let yourself live in the present as much as possible, calm and steady, quiet and wise.
Combining this prayer with encouraging consultation, my idea is: I can't decide the objective existence of congenital inheritance and acquired environment, but I can understand them and change their influence on me. Modify your personal logic, heal your inner child, find your inner strength, and return to inner peace and love.
Encouraging consultation is a process of knowing yourself, healing yourself and encouraging yourself to make radical changes.
People have four great courage: imperfect courage, courage to accept the truth directly, courage to take risks and courage to let go.
These four great courage looks simple, but it is not easy to do. Next time, I will elaborate on them in another article. If they can do it, it's really invincible, O (∩ _ ∩) O.
Finally, I wish you four great courage; May everyone have the ability to love themselves and spare no effort to love others; Self-consistency makes him happy.
A friend told me privately that he especially wanted to hear my story. If I start from scratch, my story can't stop for tens of thousands of words. How many sleepless nights, I cried and counted my scars before I knew the despair I had experienced, which made me flustered and uncomfortable.
These stories, I intend to write them into the book one day, haha, I won't go into details today, and I will sort them out slowly in the future.
About how to know yourself, heal yourself, and encourage yourself to take the next step. If necessary, welcome to link Bean Mom and grow together. Nearly 200 people's psychological counseling experience has received a lot of praise, so post a few.