2. Children like long days and short nights, while thieves like short days and long nights!
3. People are born by his mother, and demons are born by his mother!
You told me to get out, and I got out. You asked me to come back. Sorry, I'm leaving.
5. If you have money, you don't envy Yuanyang or immortals.
6. Some people even say that I wear blue eye shadow, which is an insult to my dark circles!
7. The male panda will fight the female panda ML, and the female panda will fight to the death. After the failure, the male panda said angrily, "We are all going extinct!" " "
8. The pull ring of cans loves cans, but the cans are filled with coke.
Fortunately, the current policy is cremation, otherwise your skeleton will excite anthropologists for a while in the future.
10. I can't help all beings, but I can hurt all people.
1 1. A man fooling a woman is called flirting. Women fool men, which is called seduction. Men and women fool each other, which is called love.
12. Carve loneliness on the bottle, drink it into the bladder, and pee it out, so that loneliness can be scattered all over the place.
13. Come back, I can't fool you alone.
14. I made a wish to God to flatten my stomach. I didn't know that God also promoted sales, and my chest and ass disappeared together.
15. I'm not a fortune teller in the square, so I can't tell you as much as you like.
16. It's not that the ending of the story is not good enough, but that we are too demanding of the story!
17. Love is like two people pulling a rubber band, and the injured party is always unwilling to let go.
18. Sleepy, wake up with a smile, the world is beautiful, why be grumpy?
19. The baby is not bad, women don't love it, the baby is not rogue, it is abnormal development.
20. China is like Super Mario. In order to find the gold coins, he kept tearing down bricks.
2 1. Don't talk about women's reality if men are incompetent, and don't think men are playboys if women are incompetent!
22. A couple quarreled. Woman: "You can't compare with anyone!" " "Man:" Yes, especially girlfriends! " "
23. When you are young, you are not sensible. If you are sensible, you will not be young.
24. Men are firm when they are decisive, while women are rash when they are decisive.
25. We walk too fast for our souls to keep up.
26. Fate is responsible for shuffling cards, but it is ourselves who play cards!
27. I installed an inch monitor to make my mistakes look smaller.
28. Success in life lies not in getting a good deck of cards, but in how to play the bad ones well.
29. No one has stepped on my head since I turned into shit.
30. Cobra dated the elephant, said hello and said, "Come as soon as you come. Welcome to lead such a big pig. "
3 1. Daughter, you have to eat a little properly to lose weight.
32. Between relatives, talking about money hurts feelings; Between lovers, talking about feelings hurts money.
Many people have jumped off buildings recently, so be careful not to be hit.
34. Mom said: Smoking is good for your health, gambling is good for your mind, shaking your head is not troublesome, fighting is good for your hands and feet, and robbery is good for long-distance running.
35. If I become an emperor, I will make you a prince!
36. It's hard for rich people to have money!
37. Eggplant was walking in the street and suddenly sneezed. It wiped its nose and said angrily, "Shit! Someone took a group photo again! "
38. The idiom "an instant hit" actually describes female artists at all times and all over the world!
39. The real society ruined my chance to be a good person!
40. Marriage is to wear cotton-padded clothes freely. It's inconvenient to move, but it will be warm.
4 1. Occasionally, living silently will feel great, and living silently will feel miserable.
42. Sighing is the most wasteful thing, crying is the most wasteful thing.
43. The word "life" has made my brain twitch and spinal cord spasm in the past 20 years. Never got to the point.
44. Art comes from life, and it is not necessarily higher than life.
To avoid domestic violence, I decided not to get married.
46. I always treat handsome guys and money like dirt, and they always treat me like this.
47. It takes 10,000 years to get from a monkey to a human, and only one bottle of wine is needed to get from a human to a monkey.
48. Now you must look at the object carefully, because there are too many men and women now!
49. Only when you have money can you go behind it.
50. Raped the earth when sleeping on your stomach, and raped the whole universe when sleeping on your stomach.
5 1. The word difficulty has never been used in my dictionary, because I don't have a dictionary!
52. Many times, I like someone else, but she doesn't know it; More often, I hurt others unconsciously.
53. No one has blown cowhide so fresh and refined for a long time!
54. Glasses are the windows to the soul. To protect your window, please install glass.
It's cold, no coat, no hug. Please give me money. I have the card number.
Introduction: The husband and wife quarreled again. The angry husband suddenly said to his wife, "honey, I don't think you need to wear a bra in the future." "Really!" She's a little happy. "You said that after so many years, my chest is still young and strong, so I don't need to wear it?" "No, I was just thinking that if you don't wear a bra, maybe you can pull down the wrinkles on your face!"
1. When winter arrived, Li Dazhuang's girlfriend next door knitted him a scarf. I was envious, so I said to Liu Wenjing, "You see how good people's girlfriends are, and you don't even know how to learn?" Liu Wenjing nodded his head. A few days later, Li Dazhuang went out and wore two scarves.
2. Let my colleagues wait for me to have dinner together in the evening. He went to eat by himself. So I calmly walked to the canteen, locked his bike with mine and turned off his cell phone!
My parents didn't have time to take care of me when I was a child. It is always my grandparents who send me to kindergarten every day. As a result, one day no one came to pick me up after school. I held the iron gate of the kindergarten until it was dark. Suddenly I saw my parents walking this way. My mother pointed at me and said to my father, "Look at this child, just like our son!" "
4. Today, I went back to my family for dinner with my boyfriend and wore a short skirt. I accidentally tripped on the road, kneeling on the ground with my hands on my head, and my knees were red. When I got home, I was afraid of my mother's heartache, so I hid and told her about my fall. I thought she didn't care. As a result, my boyfriend went to add rice at dinner. My mother gave me a squint and said, "It's summer. Is it showing off to let your boyfriend change his posture? " My knees are red like this, and I'm ashamed. "
5. Looking for a job "Boss, are you hiring here?" "Yes, we are hiring now." "What's your salary here?" "Now 1800, 2500 in three months." "Three months later, 2500?" "yes." "Well, let's just say that I will come to work in three months." "……"
6. The 70-year-old man went into the wrong toilet, and a female man chased the old rascal. The old man was angry: where did I flow to you? I am over seventy years old. I have never seen anything. W: What do you see? Old man: I saw you wipe your ass with underwear. There is no paper! We laughed at the onlookers …, and our stomachs still hurt when we got home …
7. Hello, dear! Woman: Excuse me, who are you? How do you think? Woman: I can't see! Man: Do you recognize who it is? Woman: I don't recognize it either. M: Goodbye (put down the phone), deaf and blind. Cousin is really, how to introduce such a girlfriend, but fortunately she was not blind date.
I was late for class in the main building this morning. I sat in the last row of the classroom and took out the steamed stuffed bun I just bought. At this moment, I saw a beautiful woman staring at me all the time, looking very hungry, so I handed her one. At this time, the teacher said: even if some students are late and forget to eat steamed buns, don't give them to the teacher ~ ~
9. I saw a five-or six-year-old sister in the community who was particularly cute, so I squatted in front of her and made faces at her to tease her. However, after teasing me for a long time, she just looked at me with a straight face and felt meaningless, so I got up and left ... Not long after I left, I heard the little girl say with relief, "This psycho scared me to death."
At the theme class meeting, the teacher said, "Xiao Ming, what is your dream?" Xiao Ming: "Teacher, I hope you will never let me go out again." Teacher: "I won't do it again." Xiao Ming: "It's very kind of you, teacher! I will never spit in your cup again. " Xiao Ming was carried out.
1 1. The teacher asked the students to write a composition about the characters, focusing on the outstanding places. Xiao Ming: Teacher, I've decided! I will write about my grandmother. Teacher: Does your grandmother have any outstanding aspects? Xiaoming: My grandmother has a lumbar disc herniation. Teacher: ...
12, teacher: "Students, Wei Zifu is actually a very famous historical figure. She gave birth to a daughter. Does anyone know her name? " Xiao Ming: "I know, teacher. Can I not go out? " Teacher: "If you are right, you don't have to go out." Xiao Ming: "Sanitary napkins." Teacher: "Get out ..."
13, when others are no longer interested, but he is still a chatterbox, what should we call him? Xiaoming: Teacher. Teacher: Get out!
14, Teacher: What would you choose, money or wisdom? Xiaoming: Of course I want money! Teacher: I will choose wisdom. Do you know why? Xiaoming: Of course, people will choose what they lack. I can understand! Teacher: Get out!
15. A real estate agent just called me and recommended a house in Luohu District. I just said, my salary is 2000. The real estate agent said, "Excuse me, thank you." Damn it, I hung up.
16, one day we went shopping with friends and met a beggar by the overpass. I can't see his dirty face clearly. I immediately whispered to my friend that it was ugly, so I threw him a dollar. Then the beggar immediately picked up the sewage next to him and washed his face. He threw me a hundred dollars and said to me, "You are ugly, here you are."
17, the young man asked the Zen master: "I aim high, but I don't touch the mud, and I can't tolerate this filthy world." The Zen master took out a bag and asked the young man to put the garbage in the house. The young man quickly filled it, and the Zen master took out another bag. The young man suddenly realized, "You mean, as long as you have a broad mind, you can tolerate the world?" The Zen master shook his head, pointed to the bag and said, "pretend, you keep pretending."
18, a buddy of mine, was a little depressed after quarreling with his wife one day. He plans to go out for a walk. Before going out, he used to sway in front of the bathroom mirror and found that some nose hairs had grown out, so he cut them with scissors. After cutting, he felt very anxious and went to pee. The scissors in his hand have never been put down before. His wife passed by the bathroom door, screamed and ran in to grab the scissors, hugged him from behind and cried, "Don't do this, I know I was wrong!" "
19. After visiting the supermarket, the cashier calculated the price and said, "Sixty-nine dollars and three cents." I took out my wallet. Where is the money? Over and over again, there are only a few dollars left. The buddy at the back asked, "What's the matter? Forgot to bring money? " I suddenly remembered, turned around and said, "I had a quarrel with my girlfriend last night." Did she empty my wallet as revenge? " Alas! "The buddy smiled and said," You poor child, I'll pay you first! "A few seconds later, I saw my buddy take out a sanitary towel from his pocket and shouted," Lie in the trough! I almost forgot! I had a quarrel with my girlfriend yesterday. "
20. Mom asked Xiaoming to buy a bottle of wine and told him that no matter how much the boss wanted, he had to buy it at half price. Xiao Ming nodded. Xiao Ming: How much is this wine? Boss: 80. Xiao Ming: No, 40. Boss: 60. Xiao Ming: No, 30. Boss: 40 then. Xiao Ming: No, 20. Boss: 30 is always ok! Xiao Ming: No, 15! The boss is angry: I will give it to you for nothing! Xiao Ming: No, you have to give me two bottles!
2 1, Teacher: Xiao Ming, how to describe a man with long legs in one word? Xiaoming: Cake. Teacher: How to describe a woman's leg length in one word? Xiaoming: Lipstick. Teacher: Xiaoming doesn't have to go out. The teacher invites you to eat mala Tang after school.
22. In math class, the teacher asked Xiao Ming, "Now there are three rows of men, each row is 10, and every two men are inserted 1 woman. How many women can you insert? " Xiao Ming stood up and said confidently, "There are 10 men in each of the three rows, so there are 30 men, and then …" Before the words were finished, the teacher flew into a rage: "What kind of man are you?" Xiaoming was obviously frightened. After waiting for a while, he smiled and said, "Watching her leave and not caring? ……"
23. In physics class, the female teacher complained that the stockings kept falling off. Xiao Ming couldn't help it: "stockings are easy to fall off, mainly because the tension is too large, resulting in plastic deformation ~ in layman's terms: thick legs!" " The teacher was about to speak when Xiao Ming said consciously, "I'm going out ..."
24. The teacher asked Xiaoming: Do you like small animals? Xiaoming: Of course. Teacher: How much do you like it? Xiaoming: What can I say? Every meal! !
One day, my mother gave me a key and I fixed it with a rope. Then my cousin was right next to me. I put it on and asked her how she looked. She said it was ugly. I took out the rope and said, "Then I'll put it on you."
26. A man took chocolate from a convenience store and ran away. On the way, he turned back in the rain to grab the salesman's walkman and was finally caught. The policeman came and asked him why he did it. He wiped the rain on his face and said blankly, "I heard that chocolate is more suitable for music on rainy days."
27. In the third year of high school, in chemistry class, the teacher talked about organic chemistry polymers or something. Suddenly the teacher gave an example and drew a "phthalein bond" on the blackboard, telling everyone that this is a "eunuch". Let's give him a "methyl" and laugh.
28. In the group performance "We are All Family", the monitor came to comfort us and said not to be nervous, and then announced the curtain call. Please enjoy the program "We are All Family" brought by our class.
29, I want to have a house, facing the sea, spring flowers, 10M broadband, can order take-out, express delivery, no need to repay the mortgage, have a friend, comment on novels, Kan Kan star, don't worry about the mortgage, you can go shopping, have tea and fall in love.
It's cold, please give me a hug. If you can't give me a hug, please give me a coat I wear size m ... if you can't give me a coat and no hugs, please give me money. I have the card number ...
Editor's note: Xiaoming: "Teacher, I will never make you angry again." Teacher: "What a good boy. Sit down and listen to the class. The textbook turns to page 16. Today we are going to talk about alpacas. " Xiao Ming: "Hey, mud horse." Teacher: "Keep getting out ..."
Sincerity is not as good as red money, and feelings are only for sexual needs.
1. After winter, the world is divided into two parts, one is under the covers and the other is outside.
Second, thank those who patiently try to make me laugh when I cry.
Third, when I say I like you, will you hug me and say, damn it, I stopped talking! ! !
Fourth, everything can be replaced by love, past events, memories, disappointment and time. Only you can't be replaced.
If I can, I would trade anything for that unforgettable memory.
6. You say you don't know love, so I will love you with your share.
7. When she told the people in your class, she didn't agree because she didn't dare to face you after breaking up.
Eight, I hate the night, because sadness will flood and my heart will keep hurting.
The saddest thing about liking someone is not knowing his or her name.
Ten, turtle with red wine is called outfit, bitch with red wine is called waste.
Eleven, the happiness on the face can be seen by others, and who can feel the pain in the heart?
In fact, what I admire most in my childhood is not their love story, but their everlasting friendship.
Thirteen, I will always be a fairy tale without results ... in the final analysis, it is a funny comedy.
14. After several illnesses, I finally lived a pair of invulnerability.
15. I don't remember what I had with you. Maybe I have amnesia.
Sixteen, you are calm because you are not afraid of death, and I am calm because I am not afraid of your death.
Seventeen, don't wait for the people around you to leave, only to regret not cherishing;
Seeing you is the reason why I go downstairs to the canteen every day.
19. Don't call me playboy. I used to work harder than any of you.
Twenty, I want to be a single-celled creature, and I can live mercilessly.
Twenty-one, the cold glass is separated by Xin.
I know this is a one-way ticket, but you know I have to come.
23. Don't take it for granted that I am good to you.
24. I am such a person: I am good to whoever is good to me.
At the age of twenty-five, I was as eloquent as Coulee, and your love for her stopped me.
Twenty-six, some words and don't say hurt, some people will leave whether they stay or not.
Give time, let bygones be bygones, let a new beginning.
Time will give you everything you want.
The moment you approached my life, I knew you were a trap I couldn't escape. Now I can only blame myself deeply.
You once said that you would stay with me forever, but now I'm the only one.
Thirty-one, I decided to live my own life, so love was temporarily put on hold by me.
Thirty-two, we no longer contact, please don't mind, it's strange that we weren't together at the beginning.
Thirty-three, sincerity is not as good as red money, and feelings are only for sexual needs.
If you don't have a shoulder to cry on, look up.
35. The billboard on the street corner says, You are my friend, Lemei. I just want to say that in my heart, you are the most beautiful. * *
If you think I'm gullible, please go on and I'll watch you perform.
I want a man who is single-minded to me and doesn't play with anyone.
If you start to miss me, remember, I didn't leave by myself, you let go.
Thirty-nine, now you see that I am so haggard, will there still be a trace of love?
Forty, it is useless for a sinner to be tied up in chains all his life.
4 1. I don't have a heart attack, but I have a heartbreaker. Can this be cured?
Forty-two, maybe the lost melancholy will interrupt my steps, but I still believe that where there is you, there is light.
Forty-three, in the friend dynamics, I will always be the redundant one.
Personality and emotion: sincerity is not about money, and feelings are not about loneliness.
First, there are trees on the mountain and branches on the wood. I don't know whether I like you or not.
Second, remembering your name means I miss you.
Third, step by step, see the vicissitudes of life before living.
Fourth, hold your left hand and run endlessly in the rain. Finally, we snuggle happily together.
Fifth, many people love you; You are the only one I love!
6. We devoted our best years to compulsory education.
Close your eyes and empty your heart. Let bygones be bygones.
Eight, one person is half, and it is a companion. One bite is a couple. Couples are two people who eat together every day.
Nine, in fact, have touched my heart and warmed my heart.
10. I don't want to explain to anyone. Those who love me don't mind, and those who hate me won't believe me.
You always say that I am too indifferent to you. You don't know that I just didn't express it.
If two people are destined to be together, they will eventually find a way to get back to each other.
Thirteen, think more about others and think more about others, then everything will be completely different.
14, six In the snow, there will be resentment. When it snows in April, there will be adultery.
Fifteen, black and white keys, with seven-color notes flowing, is the continuation of one dream after another.
Sixteen, we are like ripples with different frequencies, seemingly on a horizontal plane, but we will never meet.
Seventeen, good looks are temporary, noble sentiments and responsible attitude are forever.
Eighteen, reach out your hands, want to keep you, just seize your beautiful excuse.
Nineteen, if you care, you will think. If you don't care, you won't even think.
Twenty, I really don't have much money and my feelings are not lonely.
Twenty-one, gorgeous words are ultimately ugly.
Twenty-two, as time goes by, the fallen leaves return to their roots. In the end, everything goes to dust.
Twenty-three, the film has been over, and it no longer has retrospective significance.
Twenty-four, two people who were very close have become far away, even farther away than before.
Twenty-five, the shoulders that once depended on each other are now wandering in the sea of people.
Twenty-six, staring at myself in the mirror, that face scares me.
Twenty-seven, you say you don't love me, it doesn't matter, I love you!
Twenty-eight, come to my arms, or let me live in your heart, love each other silently, and be happy silently.
Twenty-nine, when children are vulnerable, they always think of memories that they have accidentally lost.
30. Every relationship is unique. Every confession is the deepest memory.
No one dares to say loudly that no one in this world is qualified to be with me except you.
Thirty-two, I am a wonderful person, why should I run into other people's lives as an episode?
I cried like a child and told you to stay. You waved to me without looking back.
The deepest and shallowest thing in the world is human feelings, and the biggest and smallest distance in the world is the distance between people's hearts.
Thirty-five, when you care about a person, he won't care about you, how can you never understand?
The most precious thing in the world is not what I can't get and what I lose, but the happiness I have now.
Thirty-seven, inch by inch, those were my lonely years, when you were young and frivolous.
I know it's impossible for us, but I still really love you. Although I really want to forget you and hate you, I really can't.
39. In memory, there are always moments that are nothing special when experienced, but they are worth a thousand words to recall.
40. The best way to avoid disappointment is not to pin your hopes on anyone or anything.
Forty-one, walking will disperse, and the memory will fade. It's hard to relive.
Forty-two, there will be a familiar name and you will be completely confused.
Forty-three, love is like the blooming of fireworks, no matter how beautiful it is, it is also a moment of brilliance.
44. Give you my heart, please don't abandon it.
No matter how unwilling we were at the beginning, we still lived indifferently.
46. Everything in this world has a reason, but there is no emotion.
For China football, I can only miss the past, because I can't see the future.
If I see you again, I will let go of my pain.
Forty-nine, if I am really strong enough, I won't spread your hand on the road to happiness.
When you have to tell yourself over and over again, the people you will forget are deeply imprinted in your mind.
51. gradually bury the precipitated love, and one day you will not see its sadness.
Fifty-two, who can give me a shoulder to cry on?
Fifty-three, don't talk about a lifetime easily, there are not so many lifetimes.
Fifty-four, silent for a long time, decadent for a long time, sighing for a long time, sad for a long time.
Fifty-five, life is not easy to get old, and everything can't be satisfactory.
56. There is nothing wrong with the chosen route, but there is no right option for this road.
57. The world is not only black and white, but also right and wrong, love and not love.
Fifty-eight, blow dry your tears against the wind, and the unspeakable pain hides more and more.
59.blame yourself. Have the ability to like others, but have no ability to make others like themselves.
Sixty, the wind from the cheek walk on by, do not grasp can also get a little happiness.
Sixty-one, I finally know that we are over, and my beautiful insistence is useless.
Sixty-two, a child in a long-distance relationship is waiting for someone or a mood.
Sixty-three, sometimes you can look at it indifferently, sometimes it's a bit too persistent.
64. The tragedy of life is that when the exam comes, others are reviewing, but I am previewing.
Sixty-five, I don't know anything. I just want to keep dreaming, afraid I won't be able to hold your hand when I wake up.
Sixty-six, I had a dream about you. I'm sure it wasn't black and white.
67. Friendship can be further transformed into love, but taking a step back from love may not necessarily restore friendship.
Sixty-eight, I would have given you my heart, but you played Yang Guo.
Sixty-nine, who gave me a promise and made me sad, but I still love him wholeheartedly.
Seventy, I am used to loneliness, or rather, I am used to a person's freedom.
Seventy-one, because my soul has no sustenance, you can lie to me as much as you like.
Seventy-two, fall, get up in pain, and give yourself a tolerant smile.
Seventy-three, my illness is a person's name, and so is my life.
Seventy-four, don't tell your sister to grow old together. My sister will always have black hair.
I don't know how much I love you. We have never met. We only talked on the phone, but I think I will be deaf if I don't hear your voice again.