Marriage counseling is a very complicated process, not a single, rigid behavior to solve emotional problems.
Solve the marriage crisis, improve the relationship between husband and wife, and provide practical skills and methods to help you move forward.
I'm Xiao Du, the teacher of psychological counseling. If you have any marital emotional problems that can't be reasonably solved at present, click on the card link above to support online and offline free testing and evaluation, and help you sort out the problems from a professional perspective, so that your life will be more harmonious and self-consistent.
And the emotional problem itself is related to personality. Many emotional problems are the reflection of human nature, such as unsafe attachment mode, jealousy, control, lack of emotional ability and so on. At the same time, for seemingly similar emotional problems, due to differences in personality, values, family background and other factors, their solutions will be different, and the guidance of counselors will vary from person to person.
Formal emotional counseling never instigates "routine recovery", nor does it casually define "the failure of a relationship is only due to the low emotional intelligence of the parties" to teach you to coax the other party back with routines and strategies. Emotional psychological counseling not only points out the crux, nature and causes of the problem, but also points out the direction for properly handling gender relations and solving contradictions. At the same time, improve the ability of dealing with emotional problems and managing emotions, and improve personality.
And the obsession of "getting the other person" advocated by "emotional redemption" can't realize the growth and independence of personality at all.
At present, there are indeed some chaos in the psychological counseling industry, and there are indeed some "rehabilitation institutions" hanging around under the banner of psychological counseling and emotional recovery. The so-called institutions that guarantee programs, cures and cures all diseases can almost be said to be informal and irregular, and there are even many scams. We must be vigilant in case we are cheated.
1, About marriage counseling Marriage counseling belongs to the category of psychological counseling. There are many professional marriage counselors who focus on solving the marital troubles of visitors. After systematic study and training in marriage and family therapy and long-term professional growth, they have acquired the ability of marriage counseling. Therefore, if you want to have marriage counseling, you'd better choose a psychological counselor with training background in this field.
Marriage counseling covers a wide range of topics:
(1) Emotional counseling for unmarried or married people;
(2) Psychological counseling and adjustment before and after marriage;
(3) Sexual organs and diseases;
(4) Psychological and physical problems related to marriage; Such as fear, rejection, anxiety, frigidity, etc. ;
(5) Legal and ethical issues related to marriage; Such as extramarital love, cohabitation before marriage, born out of wedlock, engagement responsibility, etc. ;
(6) Social and cultural issues related to marriage, such as marriages of different races, nationalities, nationalities and religions, and marriages of different cultures, economies and social status.
In foreign countries, there is a very perfect marriage counseling service system. For example, there will be premarital counseling before marriage, which will help two people correctly understand marriage and see if their expectations and values for marriage match and what role they will assume after marriage. Therefore, there are few flash marriages like China's.
Therefore, it may be more important to prevent some problems that will occur in marriage. When marriage really goes wrong, the most important thing is to find out the cause of the problem. Only when you see the reasons, will you know how to repair your feelings, how to go back together, and how to deal with the conflicts that will occur in the future ... these are the contents of marriage counseling.
Marriage counseling can provide a space for couples to communicate, let them feel from each other's perspective, or learn to look at each other's relationship from an objective perspective. At the same time, I can also understand some management methods and ways to get along with each other, and finally become intimate and happy in real life.
2. The fundamental job of psychological counseling is to help people get rid of painful events, see their own value, sum up the fundamental problems of a failed relationship, better accept themselves, improve their ability to face and solve problems, and finally enable themselves to solve their own problems. Instead of consultants doing everything. This is also an important symbol to distinguish whether an institution or consultant is standardized and professional.
Psychological consultation is a process of solving psychological problems of visitors by using psychological principles and methods. Psychological counseling is not only aimed at symptoms, but also to explore the reasons behind these obvious psychological problems, so as to truly understand the fundamental problems and help visitors change and grow.
Moreover, the object of psychological counseling is normal people, mainly including normal intelligence and normal brain function.
If mental retardation or mental problems (such as schizophrenia) are caused by brain function damage, you should either go to the brain department of the hospital or go to the mental health center, which requires taking medicine and seeing a doctor. But for severe depression, medication and psychological counseling are more effective, because severe emotional distress will damage the function of the brain.
What are the categories of psychological counseling?
1, according to the nature of counseling, it can be divided into developmental counseling and health counseling.
Developmental psychological counseling includes: personal growth, professional confusion, personal background and family trauma repair and healing.
Healthy psychological counseling includes: emotional distress, such as depression, anxiety, emotional out of control, inexplicable sadness and tears; Interpersonal relationship is difficult, for example, it is difficult to establish and maintain a normal relationship with family or colleagues, and it is painful to get along with no one.
2. According to the scale of counseling, it can be divided into individual counseling and group counseling.
3. According to the treatment duration, it can be divided into short-term psychological counseling (1-3 weeks), medium-term psychological counseling (1-3 months) and long-term psychological counseling (more than 3 months).
4. According to the psychological theoretical basis of psychological counseling, it can be divided into psychoanalysis, behaviorism, cognitive psychology and humanistic psychological counseling.
5. According to the forms of consultation, it can be divided into outpatient consultation (the most effective form of consultation), telephone consultation and online consultation.
Let's learn more about the working mode of psychological counseling:
1, the working mode of psychological counseling is the active mode of help seekers.
The definition of psychological counseling has clearly stipulated that the task of psychological counseling is to help visitors solve psychological problems, but in real life, quite a few people have psychological problems, but they don't ask for help.
For such a situation, psychological counselors must understand that psychological counselors are not omnipotent and their role is limited. Psychological counseling can only help those who want to help, but it is very difficult for those who have psychological problems and don't want to ask for help or explicitly refuse to ask for help.
2. The working mode of psychological counselors is to inspire and guide visitors, improve their psychological ability, promote their psychological growth and solve their own psychological problems.
Psychological counseling will not directly tell the visitors what went wrong, but in the process of conversation, through the guidance and inspiration of the counselor, the visitors will reflect and perceive themselves, and finally realize where their problems are. Therefore, psychological counseling is not educational preaching, not solving psychological problems for visitors, but helping visitors solve their own psychological problems.
3. Psychological counseling is not a social conversation.
Psychological counseling is indeed to help visitors solve their psychological problems through conversation, and conversation is indeed one of the main communication methods, but the conversation between psychological counselors and visitors is a professional conversation and must be carried out in a formal psychological counseling room. The consultation talk has a very clear purpose, taking the consultation goal as a clue, grasping various principles and adopting various technologies, and finally helping visitors solve their psychological problems. The conversation of psychological consultation is a combination of verbal communication and nonverbal communication, while the social conversation between friends is random and aimless, and there is no need to follow any principles.
4. Psychological counseling is not logical analysis.
Perhaps, you go to psychological counseling and ask a psychological counselor who knows psychological knowledge to help you analyze yourself or others. Some visitors will simply say to the counselor, "My mind is a mess. Please help me analyze it. " Some female visitors will say, "Help me analyze it. What does my husband think? "
At this time, the counselor will help the visitors to grow up psychologically and help them solve their own psychological problems through psychological counseling, instead of just relying on the logical analysis of the counselor to give solutions.
5. Psychological counseling is not to solve problems for visitors.
Some visitors will think that since I have paid the consulting fee, the consultant should help me solve my difficulties. In fact, the highest level of psychological counseling is to help others and help themselves, that is, to "give people fish", to help visitors grow up, to improve their ability to understand and solve problems, to adjust and control their emotions, to establish and improve their personality, to improve their psychological quality, and finally to help them solve psychological problems and specific problems and get a healthy and happy life. This is the ultimate goal of psychological counseling.
Psychological counseling is not about "giving people fish", that is, simply giving fish to those who ask for help, rather than helping those who ask for help to eliminate disasters and reduce difficulties. Psychological counseling should be "doing something and doing everything."
6. Psychological counseling is not education.
Perhaps, you came to consult with the idea of receiving education. You are eager to receive some education, just like attending some skills training classes, and you always want to learn something.
In fact, psychological counselors can provide some psychological knowledge that seekers lack, but counseling is not education. Counselors will not do counseling like teachers educate students and coaches discipline athletes, but will encourage help-seekers to explore and solve problems themselves, or urge them to implement self-education with equal counseling relationship.
Let's take a look at what the main tasks of psychological counselors are:
● Help visitors to establish good interpersonal relationships.
● Help visitors deepen their self-awareness.
● Help visitors to correct their misconceptions.
● Help visitors learn to accept reality
Help visitors to increase their psychological freedom (try to save some of their own defects and deficiencies).
● Help visitors understand and solve internal contradictions.
● Help visitors establish new behaviors and new behavior patterns.
● Help visitors shape good personality characteristics.
● Help visitors to strengthen their awareness of maintaining mental health and master psychological knowledge and skills.
These are all done through professional chat. So when consulting, please trust your counselor and tell her your confusion and incomprehension. She will guide and inspire you to know yourself step by step, learn to solve your own problems, and finally have a healthy mental state and become a better yourself.
3. Individual counseling can be combined with marriage counseling. In fact, individual counseling and marriage counseling can be conducted at the same time. Maybe it will work better this way.
Fosdick, a famous American marriage psychologist, once said, "There are no failed marriages in the world, only failed people, and all marriage problems reflect human nature".
Professor Song Jiayu, the chief expert of China Marriage Counseling and Rescue Network and a famous expert in marriage psychology in China, wrote in his book Pulse Marriage that "almost all marriage problems are related to people's personality, and relatively healthy marriage and family relations are often that both husband and wife have better personality characteristics or healthier personality qualities, while problematic marriages are often that at least one of them has some shortcomings or problems in personality or personality, which directly or indirectly affects their marriage and family relations".
The explanation of marriage problems by marriage psychologists brilliantly points out the crux, nature and causes of marriage problems, and points out the direction for us to properly handle family relations and solve family conflicts.
When solving your own marital problems and family conflicts, you should also check your own shortcomings from the personality level. Only by solving the personality problem can we finally solve the marriage problem. This is the dialectical relationship between internal and external causes, and it is also the causal relationship between cause and effect.
I wish you happiness!