1: Don't try to dilute the marriage crisis by extramarital affairs.
Before getting married, Xiao Na was a civil servant and had a house in Chengdu. Shortly after marriage, she followed her husband to the north and became a full-time wife. She sold the house in Chengdu, but only took out 30 thousand yuan to buy a house with her husband in Beijing. Raising a wife, children and a house, the burden of life is on Zhang Ping alone. Zhang Ping is in poor health and often coughs at night. He felt that his wife was inconsiderate. Xiao Na, who is preparing for the postgraduate entrance examination while taking care of her children, is very tired during the day and often wakes up by her husband at night, and she is also very upset. Xiao Na was successfully admitted to the graduate school, took away 30,000 yuan, and the couple began to separate. However, when Xiao Na went home for vacation, the property management of the community told her that Zhang Ping had an affair. ...
Comments:
Xiao Na felt that she was the victim of the extramarital crisis. But in essence, Zhang Ping had an affair, which highlighted his dissatisfaction with the existing marriage, and Xiao Na was responsible for it. Xiao Na is selfish in her marriage. Economically, after she sold the house in Chengdu, she only took out a small part of it to buy a house with her husband in Beijing, and took away the 30 thousand yuan after being admitted to graduate school. Second, I don't care much about Zhang Ping in my life. A person's love for himself should be limited, too selfish, and marriage will go wrong sooner or later.
An affair can be divided into several situations, one is dissatisfaction with marriage, the other is meeting someone who makes you move, and the third is that you can't overcome your desire for a while. If trouble can't solve the problem, both husband and wife should first ask themselves what I have done for this family, what I haven't done and what I can do. The injured party should show its attitude, not just tolerate it. If you choose to forgive, you should adjust your mentality, and don't turn over old scores when there are contradictions, making yourself unhappy and the other party unhappy. The greatest enemy in life is yourself. When you choose to forgive, you must first overcome your inner obstacles.
When such problems arise, the injured party is often also responsible. While being economically independent, women should learn to love themselves and keep up with the development of society. Only by keeping pace with her husband can we communicate and share each other's happiness and pain.
2. Don't try to find the right or wrong of marriage problems when dealing with marriage crisis.
In daily life, many couples facing marriage crisis are complaining to each other, accusing each other of intensifying contradictions, and trying to find out the right and wrong of marriage problems and resolve and make up for them. In fact, in the eyes of psychologists, this search for right and wrong is not only futile, but also magnifies the contradiction of marriage. There is no right or wrong in marriage. Many times, it is our impulse or laziness that leads to the end of marriage. More often, we pay too much attention to the mistakes in marriage, ask too much of each other, and even become harsh in many cases.
Here is a case: Li Guoqing is a department manager, and his wife Wang Wei is the director of a foreign company. The seemingly happy couple have been arguing about who will do the dishes for half a year. The dishwashing crisis has escalated into a matter of principle between husband and wife, and no one is willing to give in. After the intervention of professionals, it is found that the problem of washing dishes reflects the marital disharmony. Li Guoqing always said that this is a matter of principle, and his control in marriage is the most important thing. Housework should be done by his wife. If he does, he will lose face and control of his family. After in-depth communication with Li Guoqing, psychologists found that Li Guoqing's parents also emphasized the control of the other half in their marriage.
Comments:
When there is a crisis in marriage, it is most important to find the essence of the crisis. In this case, the seemingly trivial dishwashing incident almost led to the disintegration of the marriage. This is not a simple event, but touches the core of marriage: whether to take self-feeling as the core or to be willing to pay and take care of each other's feelings. Li Guoqing deliberately created an atmosphere in which women obeyed him and drowned their personality in marriage. This conceited personality led to an insurmountable marriage crisis. Moreover, even if they divorce, Li Guoqing may still repeat this failure in the next marriage.
Don't ignore the dangers of the cold war.
Some couples think that the cold war or separation can put out the war, but they don't know that this negative cold war will only aggravate the crisis and is often more lethal than quarreling. The prospect of the cold war is often desperate. No one will think about the crisis of marriage during this time, but wander around looking for their own value.
Feng has a loving husband and lovely children. 10 years of married life is warm, happy and perfect. When she accidentally found out that her husband was cheating, a strong sense of humiliation, frustration and injustice led to a family crisis. Under the influence of extreme emotions, Feng had a strong voyeuristic desire for her husband's behavior. She is eager to know each other's words and deeds, but under the psychological defense strategy of self-protection, she always likes to say, "I don't care what you do." "I don't want to hear it." Maybe she didn't even realize it. She just swallowed her dissatisfaction and hatred. However, concealment does not mean that contradictions disappear. On the contrary, superficial forbearance leads to estrangement between husband and wife.
Under the guidance of professional psychological counselors, Feng gradually eased his extreme emotions and made a self-evaluation of this marriage crisis: the husband still loves himself, has a strong sense of responsibility for the family, and is full of feelings for the family. From the perspective of human nature, there are animals in people. In the face of temptation, it is difficult to say "no" to temptation when people's thinking rationality can't restrain the animality of the body. From this perspective, she tolerated her husband's infidelity. She feels that there is no perfect marriage in the world, and this little flaw is not enough to ruin happiness for more than ten years. Moreover, even if the marriage breaks up, she may not be able to find happiness again. After making such a crisis assessment, Feng no longer endured her pain, but learned to vent and face the injury calmly with her husband. Fortunately, their marriage can tolerate this kind of venting. ...
Comments:
Just because a husband is having an affair doesn't mean that his wife is worse than that woman. Often in a strong sense of frustration, the wife thinks that she is worthless and useless. Everyone is animalistic, and it is often difficult to control the temptation. If he still has a sense of responsibility to his wife and the family, his wife should be moderately tolerant, but he should vent his pain and let his husband know. Going to the other company stinks and going to the circle of friends ... These extreme emotions will push the relationship between husband and wife further and further. The consequences of crash and burn are often at the expense of happiness for the rest of my life.
Learn to deal with marriage crisis and take care of your marriage.
Marriage crisis is generally divided into two parts. One is related to the feelings between husband and wife, such as the exclusiveness of love and the appearance of an affair. Second, it is related to other social factors, such as economy, disease and social relations. Generally speaking, there are these emotional crises: betrayal of one spouse; Family economic disharmony leads to the destruction of husband-wife relationship; Different views on children's education damage the feelings of husband and wife; Because of sudden illness, the other party needs to pay more time and energy to take care of it ... Many couples deal with the crisis with intense emotions in the crisis stage, which is extremely destructive and harmful, laying a hidden danger for the crisis management. Therefore, both husband and wife need to learn to put themselves in each other's shoes when dealing with marriage crisis. If it really doesn't work, you can also consider seeking professional help.
Teacher Si Jiaxian graduated from Tianjin University of Traditional Chinese Medicine, and now serves as a senior consultant in Chongqing Overseas Marriage Counseling Center. He has profound attainments in marriage and emotional counseling, gender relationship and separation. Now he is the chief expert of Yufeng team. For details, please contact qq276694 1258.