Mr. Wu Si, who created the concept of "hidden rules", said that the so-called "hidden rules" are "rules that are hidden under formal rules but actually dominate the operation of China society". What are the hidden rules? As the name implies, it is an invisible "rule" that is not stipulated in the clear text. The so-called "hidden rules" are "rules that are hidden under formal rules, but actually dominate the social operation of China". It is some unwritten rules and principles of shady and black-box operation, which originated from people's greed and selfish desires, developed and expanded with the progress of the times, and now it has penetrated into all walks of life in society. Some people just stood in awe, rose up and shouted; Some people don't care about themselves, right or wrong, look at the clouds in the sky. There are also some people who are steadfast in their support and tireless. The so-called rivers and lakes will always be troubled for a long time, and it will be troubled for a long time. After all, the wind is light and the clouds are light, and many things will eventually be the same. Hidden rules are like gambling and pornography that have been passed down since ancient times. But they are tall again in the spring breeze. Wildfire has never exhausted them. They are advancing with the times and thriving, especially in the complicated entertainment circle, which is in full swing and reaches its peak. The main feature of editing this paragraph is 1. Hidden rules are behavioral constraints that people privately recognize. 2, this kind of behavior constraint, according to the two sides (parties) to each other's interests or harm, spontaneously formed in the interaction of social actors, can reduce the conflict between the two sides of the interaction, reduce transaction costs; 3. The so-called constraint, that is, the behavior that crosses the border will inevitably lead to revenge, and the understanding of this terrible consequence strengthens the stability of the expectations of both parties to each other's behavior; 4. This actually observed rule deviates from the concept of justice or the provisions of the formal system and infringes on the interests maintained by the mainstream ideology or the formal system, so it has to exist in a hidden form, and the parties have a clear recognition of the hidden form itself; 5. Through this concealment, the parties shield the representatives of formal rules from local interaction, or pull them into private transactions, and rely on this private rule to obtain benefits that formal rules cannot provide. In the process of generating hidden rules, the parties are not only the two sides of the transaction, but also the third party representing the formal rules. When the two sides use the hidden rules to conduct private transactions, they actually form an alliance against the official representatives of the third party (it is the formation of many powerful alliances that make the hidden rules have long-term, powerful and even stable confrontation ability). The "potential" of hidden rules is a survival strategy in itself, and it also shows the existence of higher-level formal systems and rules. There are four reasonable attitudes towards "hidden rules" in this section of the editor's attitude. First, as for the "hidden rules", it is not excluded that there are reasonable places. Then, let the reasonable place "surface" and everyone will abide by it. Don't let reasonable and unreasonable "diving"; Second, for decision makers, those "hidden rules" are always hidden and destroyed in the initial state, and it is too late to wait for these "hidden rules" to become popular; Third, for officials, they must be immune and cannot do things according to "hidden rules"; Fourth, for the society, we should vigorously advocate the awareness of rules and resolutely oppose the awareness of "hidden rules." Edit this paragraph related rules, hidden rules in the workplace 1. Don't believe that other people's workplaces are places where interests are exchanged. People with good moral character often make many enemies, but bad people have smooth sailing. You don't have to hurt people like a bad person, but at least you have the ability to protect yourself. The easiest way for others to hurt you is to take advantage of your kindness and because you trust others. In the workplace, trust should always be measured. Stand on your own side, stick to the interests you should have and believe what you should believe, so that you can live better. 2. hypocritical people are not different. Many girls think that their colleagues around them are too fake, like wearing masks to be human. In fact, this hypocritical talent is the mainstream of the workplace, so people who tell the truth become heterogeneous. Don't treat hypocritical professionals as freaks. Every lie they tell is good, but you can't be so hypocritical. So in the workplace, you either learn to lie or learn to be silent. The person who controls your destiny is the boss. The workplace is a place where power is used to rank. The most powerful boss is in complete control of your destiny. Your immediate boss controls your destiny to some extent. The rest of my colleagues, they just control your emotions. So, for women, things become very simple. Whoever controls the boss controls the fate of others. And if you are always controlled by emotions, it is equivalent to giving your own destiny to your colleagues. It's hard not to be controlled by your boss, but at least, you should learn not to be influenced by your colleagues. 4. It is better to say more than to do more. In the workplace, some people obviously do a lot, but they don't know how to behave, so that no one knows and even the credit is taken away. Even if such a person is half tired, she can't get half the credit because the boss can't see her at all. Others, before doing anything, tell the world first. Therefore, whether it can be done or not, it has become a red man in the eyes of leaders. This is the reality of the workplace. It is better to talk than to do more, and it is better to speak well than to do well. Don't get angry about trifles. In the workplace, it is easy for women to get angry over trifles. However, the little things are often the most difficult to distinguish right from wrong, so I put a lot of energy into it, which made people angry and complained, and finally it went away. In fact, small things will not change your career destiny, even if you win, you will not get any benefits. On the contrary, if you obsess too much about details, you will offend many people and your colleagues will have a low opinion of you. 6. Anyone who wants to muddle along will be exhausted from work. Muddling along is not a life, but a treatment. In the workplace, the boss gives you money in exchange for your labor, and at the same time, you have to work. And only those who have power can fool around with their salaries for nothing. The little people at the bottom, however, rely on cooking instead of muddling along, and have no power in their hands. Of course, they are not qualified to eat and die. 7. Fight the enemy to the end. Failure in the workplace is often not without means and ingenuity, but too easy to be soft-hearted. The real winner is not qualified to be soft-hearted. Many people have competitors in the workplace, and girls often fail. It is not because they have no wrists and clever thinking, but because girls are too easy to be soft-hearted. In the workplace, what bothers women most is often emotional control. When the opponent is timid and pitiful, he will give up the opportunity to win at one fell swoop, but he will be swayed by considerations of gain and loss, and finally turn the situation around. Real winners don't have much skill, they just do what they have to do. 8. Not every opportunity is worth trying. The biggest problem for women in the workplace is not whether to climb up, but how to resist temptation. Many people don't have no opportunities, but have too many opportunities and don't know how to choose. At least half the opportunities in the workplace are traps. They are not helping you, but holding you back. Therefore, when the opportunity comes, we must find out whether we are pushing you or pulling you. Emotional hidden rules We will always encounter many reasons in our emotional life. These questions are inconsistent with what we have learned in books. As the saying goes, it is better to believe in books than to have no books. Maybe you don't know the rules and status quo of the game emotionally. The theory of leftover women is a problem that all media are paying attention to recently. So I often meet friends and ask me questions. Why does the report always say that the ratio of birth population is more than that of girls? In real life, we find that more women than men can't get married. Is the media propaganda biased? Why not create a "leftover man theory"? In fact, in today's society, especially in big cities, there are more women to be married than men. Last year, the male-female ratio in Shenzhen was as high as 1:7. The reason is simple: rural women flock to cities and settle in cities, perhaps only need a ticket; Rural men need a house or more if they want to settle in the city. Therefore, the process of urbanization in China makes rural women stay in cities, while rural men can only go home to continue farming. Therefore, the more developed the place, the more women there are, and the male bachelors tend to be concentrated in the poorest rural areas. Without any family background, it is extremely unlikely that a man will have a certain economic strength when he is young. If a woman asks this man, "Since you love me, you have to buy me a house and a car, otherwise why do you love me?" The man was dumbfounded. And women only have a few years of youth, and after the best years, their faces are old. Even if it is well maintained, it can only be described as charm. It is theoretically impossible to compete with young girls. Therefore, women should learn to find a balance between depreciation and discount, so as to be invincible in marriage. Second Spring Theory Some people wonder why so many middle-aged men like to find younger girls. There is such a big age gap between them. Will they have the same language? In fact, those men are not looking for confidants who have a common language with them, but looking for their own youth. Only young girls can bring them the feeling of youth, which we call the second spring phenomenon for short. The fly in the ointment is that although middle-aged men are happy to find a second spring, they are all based on stable and wealthy families. The so-called warmth and lust. The economic basis of emotional matching theory determines the superstructure, and this sentence in Marx's Das Kapital is also applicable to emotional life. It's a cliche to suit each other. Breaking parents' orders, falling in love freely and choosing your own partner, the divorce rate is still getting higher and higher. So, we're back to square one. In fact, the so-called matching is not the matching of money, but the two people in the relationship can communicate effectively. And effective communication is based on equal dialogue. The premise of equal dialogue is that two people are equal in strength. Cinderella should always know that marrying a prince is as deep as the sea, and a sparrow jumping on a branch may not become a phoenix. Edit the cohabitation rules in this paragraph. Does unmarried cohabitation necessarily mean breaking up in the future? The following are the suggestions of women who have personal experience, and their views may inspire you. Cohabitation makes the relationship advance by leaps and bounds; Soon you will find that the attraction is gone. First, his toothbrush appears in your bathroom. Before you get used to it, the jeans, T-shirts and Nike shoes he wears on campus are full of holes, which have filled your wardrobe. You say to yourself, the important thing is that we live together now. Maybe we should get married. In fact, you are not the only one who has this idea. 1996 The number of unmarried cohabiting men and women in the United States increased from 65438+52 in 0970. 30,000 pairs rose rapidly to 4 million pairs. But living together doesn't mean living happily. 1995 shows that the divorce rate of married couples after cohabitation is 50% higher than that of married couples. Living together is like stepping on the gas pedal for your relationship-see if the result of strong acceleration is good or bad. Because it prompted her to leave her boyfriend, it was the best decision for her to ask her boyfriend for a long time. If we don't make a decision to live together, our boring relationship will go on slowly. She said that time gave me a chance to see a real person who was different from when he was dating-an impulsive guy. Living together will push your relationship to the fourth gear, in part because it may ensure that you know the unpleasant aspects of each other. He will see the mask on your face when you sleep at night, and you will see his fat body in the bathroom mirror. Sharing these secrets may be strange, it may strengthen your feelings, or it may lead you to part ways. Peng said that she likes living with her boyfriend and has no plans to get married in the near future. I like that our lives are interrelated and independent. Peng said, "Maybe I want to get married one day, but now I still like being alone." The real romantic Chenchen and her boyfriend lived together after marriage, and the wedding was luxurious enough to surprise millionaires. A month later, she said that they were discussing divorce-a fact proved that the marriage was not as beautiful as she imagined. "The first few weeks were really good. It was like playing house, Chen recalled, but the novelty soon disappeared and we began to understand what a real marriage was-too many annoying trivial things. Who should be responsible for the balance of payments? Should some deposits be put into the stock market? Our romantic relationship is not enough to bear such a serious problem.
Don't have sex today, or never have sex. Even if you can tolerate his shortcomings and live together every day, there is still one shortcoming-boring dormitory life. Sue has lived with her boyfriend for a year. Sue said, "At first, we always had sex. Now we lie down and watch the news program at 10 in the evening. " When my single friend told me her anecdote, I thought we used to be like this. We are an old couple now, but we are not married? It's good to find that our relationship is not so attractive, but wouldn't it be better to find this before moving in together?
Interesting story about money Many couples are frustrated on the issue of money, but at least with marriage as the premise, the problem of money is not so complicated. Most couples use the same account to pay bills and keep the insurance money to buy things that also belong to you. After living together, the problem of money soon appeared, because you still treat the problem of money in the way of pure roommates-but you are not Platonic lovers. Who pays the workers when the toilet is blocked? What should I do if the water pipe is blocked by my hair? If his salary goes up, will he have to pay more for the room? Xiao Wang and his girlfriend have encountered such a problem. He recently found a job with a higher salary, so it seems natural for him to pay more for the room. However, the new consumption made him spend more money. They quarrel almost every day, and now, no one wants to talk to anyone. Divorce before marriage is always difficult no matter what kind of relationship it is, but breaking up with the person you have a house is a real estate nightmare. When Jie learned that her cohabiting boyfriend was sleeping with her best friend, she was shocked to find that she could not leave because of rent and other problems. Jie had to live with her boyfriend until the house expired. They drew a line in the middle of the house, separated by a curtain wall, and lived on their side. Jay said, "I'm wasting my youth living with a man who doesn't want to marry me."
The cohabitation signal is clean, indicating that cohabitation has the same trap. Let's call it cohabitation transition. One wants to live together, and the other wants to get married. Cohabitation can be a compromise, but it will become more and more difficult. Your boyfriend will wonder why a paper engagement is so important to you. You are used to living with him. Breaking up seems more difficult than living together. You are on the verge of living together, and you can neither move forward nor retreat. May and her boyfriend are cautious about living together. Getting married doesn't mean much to Mei's boyfriend. Mei finally became someone else's wife, but many people hesitated, just living together all the time, living on the edge of uncertain and unhappy cohabitation. Was it an impulse? Perhaps the most unstable factor in cohabitation is the word itself. It sounds casual and insecure. Any two people, whether freshmen or prisoners, can do this. Cohabitation requires no emotional support, no ceremony, no oath-no guarantee of sharing weal and woe. Mr. Li is married, but he lived with his ex-girlfriend for five years. He said: "Just because your names appear in the mailbox together, it is not enough to think that your relationship is as strong as marriage. When we said our vows at the wedding, I was shocked-we got married, and a piece of paper that I laughed at for years really meant something. Without it, you are playing house-a wonderful way to lead your relationship to a dead end. "