Cyclic questioning refers to asking each family member's views on family problems and family relations in front of the whole family. On the one hand, these questions and answers can give them the greatest information, on the other hand, they can see the interaction between family members. The concentrated presentation of these interactions sometimes surprises and reflects on some family members, which is of therapeutic significance. This paper is mainly about the author's application of circular questioning in actual treatment, and there are some inspirations and gains to share with you.
The following is a clip of my circulating questions in family therapy:
Counselor: (to mom) What do you think dad will think of the advantages of the army?
Mom: Dad? You may think the army is more obedient, but ...
Counselor: Don't say but yet. Anything else?
Mom: I think it is obedient.
Counselor: (to dad) Is that right?
Dad: I am obedient, but ...
Counselor: I found that your family likes to say "but". Can we not say "but" for a while?
Dad: Well, he is very obedient. He won't go out to internet cafes or anything, and he won't make trouble with bad children.
Counselor: (to dad) What do you think mothers will think of their children's advantages?
Dad: That is to say, listen, nothing else.
Counselor: (to mom) Is that right?
Mom: Hmm. I asked him to help with the housework, and he would help, but he wouldn't take the initiative to help.
Counselor: Another "but".
Mom and dad both laughed.
Consultant: Jun Jun, did they describe you accurately?
Jun Jun: Well, I don't like playing games online like other children. If it rains, I sometimes take the initiative to help my mother collect clothes. Because my mother likes playing mahjong, she can't come back to collect clothes when it rains.
Mom: (to the consultant) He has always had a problem with me playing mahjong.
Consultant: Did you guess or did he say it?
Mom: I think so. He also said that I didn't pay so much attention to him after playing mahjong for two years.
Dad: Actually, mom takes good care of the family. She only plays mahjong in her spare time. Besides, when the child grows up, she should be independent. (to the army) Really?
Jun Jun didn't respond.
Counselor: Jun Jun, so you took the initiative to collect clothes while your mother was playing mahjong, and your mother didn't pay attention?
Jun Jun: Yes. They always stare at my shortcomings. You see, I just said that my advantages can't be said for long.
Consultant: What can the army add? Tell me about your other advantages?
Jun Jun: I don't want to talk about it. Can I show it to you on paper?
Consultant: OK. (hands him paper and pen)
Military army: (writing advantage: I like to make friends, I will take the initiative to help others solve problems, I will take care of others, and I will not only care about myself. )
Consultant: Good. Do you think mom and dad know these advantages?
Jun Jun: (shaking his head)
Consultant: Can I show this paper to my parents?
Jun Jun: (shaking his head)
In the process of answering questions and clarifying their children, parents began to know that they did not fully understand their children, and they also saw that their children were tired of criticism and avoided communication. Communication between parents seems to be smooth.
Consultant: Shall I put it away first? Ok, now let's see how much the army knows about mom and dad. Mom guessed what advantages the army would think dad had.
Mom: I guess he hates me and his father, so he ignores me all day. He should think that we all have no merits.
Consultant: Is it true? Jun Jun, what advantages do you think dad has?
Jun Jun: Well (thinking for a long time), I think dad will become a man.
Dad: (seems surprised) Can you be a man? Tell me.
Jun Jun: Yes, your work is respected and welcomed in your life. This is exactly what I lack.
Dad: (to my surprise, I was so excited that tears were flashing) I thought you just hated Dad. ...
Consultant: Dad was very touched. It seems that everyone likes to listen to positive language. Oh, the army is no exception. So, dad, what do you think the army will think of mom's advantages?
Dad: Well, I'm not sure. He said that his mother likes playing mahjong. I don't know if I see a fucking advantage. ...
Consultant: Is it true? Jun Jun, do you think mom only likes playing mahjong?
Jun Jun: No. Well (after thinking for a long time), I think my mother works too much and is very hard.
Mom: (surprised) I thought he would say that I only play mahjong and don't care about him!
Counselor: It seems that the army and the army have all seen what mom has done for this family. Besides playing mahjong, the army saw the mother's efforts.
Army: (whispering)
Consultant: Jun Jun, what did you just say? I didn't hear you clearly.
Jun Jun: (still whispering) It's not that I don't care, but that I don't care more than before and feel farther away.
It can be seen that children's observation and evaluation of their parents are more comprehensive, which makes parents moved, promotes their emotional connection, and makes them reflect on their one-sided and subjective views on their children.
In the above cases, the initial motivation for parents to bring their children for counseling is to suspect that their children have autism tendency, because they have never communicated with their children in the past two years. As a result, I was surprised to find that my son was able to talk with Kan Kan, a consultant, and have a comprehensive observation and evaluation of them. Therefore, in the following consultation, parents unconsciously changed the consultation goal from worrying about autism to promoting communication.
This is the charm of circular questioning. When asking questions repeatedly, the interviewee will describe other people or their relationship as a bystander, and the described person can get a different explanation from his own inner feelings and see how their relationship is different from his own feelings in the eyes of another person. The differences described contain huge information, which disturbs their persistent attitude towards each other, transforms the client's vision, makes him see various possibilities and forms new communication within the family.