Sometimes we get into trouble because we want to be friendly people. We naively think that we can like everyone around us, even if it is impossible. You will inevitably meet some difficult people who will oppose your point of view. But smart people are well aware of this fact. They are clearly aware that conflicts and disputes are the result of different values.
People you don't like are not necessarily bad in nature. The reason why you can't get along with him is because you have different values, which has caused the gap between you. You accept the fact that not everyone likes you, and by the same token, you won't like everyone around you. Different values will pull you back from the imaginary world to the real world. Admitting the existence of differences will make you get along better with the people around you.
2. Don't ignore, don't avoid, and silently tolerate people you don't like.
You may be afraid to face endless accusations from people you don't like. Although this kind of emotion will make us dislike a person, it is not necessarily a bad thing. Behaviorist Sutton said: From the behavioral point of view, the former is more likely to cause problems than the latter. ?
Sutton believes that leaders especially need people who are different from their own views and dare to argue with them. These people will stop the team from making stupid decisions. ? It may not be easy to tolerate them, but you must do it. Because these challenges and troublemakers often prompt us to find new entry points to help the team succeed. Remember, you are not a perfect person, maybe others are tolerating you.
3. Be polite to people you don't like.
No matter what feelings you have for others, they will often adjust their state according to your attitude and behavior, thus producing the same feelings as you. For example, if you are rude to them, they will abandon all manners and respond to you with rudeness. Therefore, you should always be fair, just and calm.
An organizational psychologist believes that it is important to control your emotions. In addition, we must always maintain a professional and positive state. ? So you won't grovel and fall into a state of listening to others.
Don't impose your expectations on others.
We often have unrealistic expectations of others. We expect others to do and speak according to our wishes, but this is unrealistic.
A doctor of philosophy said:? Everyone has an innate character, which will directly determine everyone's behavior. Expecting others to do what you want will push you into disappointment and depression. ?
If a person lets you down every time, it means that you should adjust your expectations appropriately. In this way, you will be psychologically prepared and won't be particularly surprised by the behavior of those people. Smart people are always like this. So they often don't make a fuss about the behavior of people they don't like.
5, mature and introverted, pay attention to self-cultivation.
No matter how hard you try, someone will make us angry. When dealing with people who make you angry, it is very important to learn to deal with your sense of loss. Don't always think about how to fight back, but explore the reasons for your reaction. People don't like us, which often means that we are not always satisfied with ourselves. Others didn't mean to disgust us, but just touched us? Angry? .
Will have? Emotional contact? If you recognize it clearly, you can expect, mitigate and even choose your own reaction. Remember: it is much easier to change your views, attitudes and behaviors than to change others.
6. Stop and take a deep breath.
There are always people whose personalities make you angry,' says conflict counselor Kathleen catherine battle. Maybe your colleagues can't finish the task on time, or someone may always tell you vulgar jokes. Faced with this situation, you might as well calm down and think about it. What makes you so angry and who moved you? Angry? In Bater's view, through this method, you will be psychologically prepared to avoid getting angry again.
According to Bater's analysis, if you can control your adrenaline level and restore your brain's reason by temporarily stopping working, then you will be in a better conversation state, and it is easier to ignore prejudice. ? Taking a deep breath and taking a step back can also help you calm down, prevent you from overreacting and have a more open mind and mind.
7. Express your needs and positions.
If someone always makes you angry, you can tell him directly and calmly that their behavior habits or way of speaking have brought you great trouble. However, you should avoid using accusatory language and try to use it? Did you do it? When I feel formal language.
For example, at the meeting, you may find that some people don't realize that you haven't finished your speech yet, but some people are very interested in your ideas and begin to actively and enthusiastically participate in the conversation.
8. Keep your distance
If none of the above can be done, then smart people will choose to keep their distance from people they don't like. Find a reason for yourself and continue to maintain your own style. If you meet someone you don't like at work, change your office or sit away from each other during the meeting. Keep some distance, with some insight and empathy, you will find that you can communicate smoothly with people you like or dislike.
Of course, if people we don't like can disappear automatically, then everything will be simple. But unfortunately, this is often not real life.
The survival rule of getting along in the workplace (1) Imagine others and establish the same feelings.
When you care about your colleagues, don't let them think that you look down on him. The so-called "sympathy" refers to the emotions and feelings that others can have under certain circumstances, and you can try to figure it out. So, if you were him, you would know what to strengthen and what to avoid.
Colleagues are most likely to be unreasonable and arrogant. If it happens in public again, the resentment may be quite profound. You should be tolerant, give people space and be happy. Besides, communication should be pleasant, reasoning can be clear, and words should not be emotional, otherwise it will inevitably hurt people and leave resentment.
Since the relationship between colleagues is parallel, it means that each has its own sky, and everyone is safe in his own safe space. If someone crosses the line, their relationship will soon change from peace to war.
It is nothing more than arresting people across the border to seize power, interfering in other people's housework, slandering colleagues' reputations (whoever is impotent and who is abandoned by men), and competition among colleagues, so some people deliberately cut in here to highlight their personal abilities and further expand their powers.
The law of the jungle is another real scene in modern society, but this kind of person who can declare war with his colleagues at any time is definitely a hedgehog in the office. Everyone is afraid of people, and everyone is afraid of ghosts. If he can still be happy in this situation, it is Superman.
China people often say, if you are not in place, you will not seek its own government. This is a way to respect others' safe space and right to exist, and it also represents a declaration of peaceful existence. If you can do this, others will be happy and you will be happy. However, interpersonal relationships are very subtle, and the so-called "politics that does not seek oneself" also has a broad explanation. Sometimes some unintentional actions between colleagues, even those based on goodwill, may be interpreted as "malicious beginning" because their positions are competing.
(2) Be careful to belittle others when showing yourself.
It is understandable to show your professional style or moral style at work, but if it involves the rights and interests of others, it is best to cooperate first, otherwise it is "infringement".
For example, the boss of a company saw that employees often worked overtime until late at night, and his conscience found out that he decided to discuss the payment standard of overtime pay with everyone. However, when they met, he just showed a careless attitude and looked like a loyal country. He pointed out that employees work overtime automatically and spontaneously based on their centripetal force to the company, and they don't care whether they have overtime pay. What's more, what's commendable is that if the company doesn't reduce its salary, how can they expect other benefits?
Do you think everyone shouted after the meeting?
(3) How to deal with villains
There are villains everywhere in the world, and the workplace is no exception. If such people are your subordinates, it is easy to treat them. Besides, villains are so good at flattery, so don't take the wrong medicine to offend the boss and spoof the boss unless you have to.
The most difficult villains often come from colleagues who are not directly related to you, so how to get along is a compulsory credit in the way of cooperation.
In the late Ming and early Qing dynasties, Wang Fuzhi, a university student, famously said that the heart of a villain can be measured by a wise man and controlled by a rigid one. Not expected, but possible; Not expected, but expected. This means that the wise can't predict the mind of the villain and the strong can't suppress it. You expected him to fail, but he did. You think he doesn't want to do anything, but he insists on doing it.
Situations like this are often unpredictable, leaving you no chance to defend normally. Of course, there is this negligence, largely because you don't know that the other person is actually a villain, so you should guard against people. The original intention of this old saying is to remind everyone to beware of invisible villains.
Beware of invisible villains, there is no trick. One is to observe what you say and what you do, but this involves the ability to recognize people. Without considerable experience or special talent, it is not easy to see through the minds of villains.
Helping others is the most enjoyable.
It is human nature to help each other. It is often beneficial to maintain friendship at work when colleagues take over each other's work when they are on vacation.
However, if you ask someone to cover for you during your vacation, you must take care of your urgent work first, instead of leaving what you can't handle behind and letting the agent worry. Over time, others will be unwilling to help you and will greatly discount your evaluation.
I remember when I was working part-time, a colleague was very enthusiastic about helping others. Others always have a mentality that it would be better to do one more thing. If it wasn't his job, he wouldn't touch it, but he always saw where he could help others, and immediately took the initiative to ask if he needed help and give it. He is always popular and respected.
Rules of survival in the workplace 1. Be on time and don't be late.
Whether it is school or work, being on time and not being late is a basic requirement and will not leave a good impression. Usually being late will be considered as bad faith and not taken seriously. On-time participation gives people the impression of being active, responsible, willing to take responsibility, honest and serious.
Second, if you have something to report to the leader, try not to call.
It's convenient to make a phone call, but sometimes it needs an interview, which is more serious and formal. The most important thing is respect, because face-to-face reporting can have face-to-face communication, and there is room and time for thinking, rather than a direct reply on the phone. If you call, you will feel directly told, not asked for instructions.
Third, personal leave must be said in advance.
When you ask for leave from your superiors for personal reasons, you should try to call in advance. Don't call you directly to tell you about the leave. If the leader doesn't ask for leave, he will feel that the leader is unreasonable and playing politics, and that he is being forced to harm. Actually, you have gone too far.
Fourth, maintain positive energy and not spread negative information.
Strive to uphold justice. If you cannot do this, don't spread negative energy. For example, if you are dissatisfied with the company, you are dissatisfied with the company. It is said everywhere that this is a black sheep, and the leaders will resent it and have the impulse to fire immediately. This is a taboo in the workplace.
Fifth, it is very important to do things and learn to be a man.
Newcomers are often pointed out, and you don't need to be unconvinced. When colleagues give orders again, smile and ask what is appropriate. You can maintain a good relationship at the same time, but you will never do anything in collusion with each other. Sooner or later, you may become a scapegoat for new people.