In view of the counselor's urgent emotions and scruples, everyone naturally understands that in order to achieve the goal of compound as soon as possible.
Is emotional counseling a fraud? However, retention is not a matter of words, and teachers' famous sayings are not a panacea for immortals. It can be immediate, but it must be considered from the specific situation. Generally speaking, the key factors that determine how long a feeling can last are the following aspects:
1, emotional basis
The better the emotional foundation between people, not only the higher the probability of retention, but also the shorter the time. The reason is actually very easy to understand. The emotional foundation of three years together will definitely be deeper than that of three months together soon. When you check in, the former will definitely be faster than the latter.
In the face of a large amount of investment, after too much, the stumbling block is deeper and the cost of capital investment is high. The relationship between the two is not only so simple, but also entangled in other aspects. It is not so easy to learn to let go completely.
However, the latter contact is much more sensitive. After three months together, the feelings are not strong. At this time, I have experienced something very serious with _, and I am not deeply involved. If you are separated, you will be separated, and you will not feel how reluctant you are. The idea of getting back together is not great.
2. The degree of emotional destruction
Although there are various reasons for lovers to break up, from the level of emotional destruction, there are only two kinds: fake breakup and real breakup.
The other party who pretends to break up doesn't really want to be separated from you. I still have feelings for you if I want to solve you completely. It's just that the differences between us can't be dealt with for a while. He wants to give you a concession or wants you to consider his request according to the method of breaking up.
False breakup is not very destructive to feelings, because it does not involve principled issues, but the requirements above the mentality can not be considered for the time being, leading to dissatisfaction, so the difficulty coefficient is relatively small.
To tell the truth, breaking up is no longer a psychological problem, but an unequal use value between two people, or an incorrect principle problem, which makes the other party unwilling to be with you again and denies your existence. He doesn't want to solve difficulties, just to solve you.
The real breakup has destroyed the emotional cornerstone, and the differences and problems between us can't be handled at the moment. He denies you not only emotionally, but also cognitively, so it takes a long time to retain you.
3. Reservation method
If you want to succeed, you should not only evaluate your overall strength, but also use appropriate methods, and the same is true for retaining people.
After breaking up, you blindly follow the trend and use your own way to retain, repeatedly or in extreme ways to threaten each other, always raising his negative emotions and stretching the front.
He was very dissatisfied with you. After breaking up, you not only cleaned up this dissatisfaction, but also made a series of things that made him contradict, which was always unexpected and destroyed the relationship between everyone.
And what is the appropriate way? Retention is made up of two people, one part is to take it away as soon as possible, deal with the shortcomings that existed before, and get rid of his negative emotions towards you. After that, it can be regarded as reconstruction and attraction to complete the purpose of preservation.