Remember, no small matter can be saved, and the details determine success or failure.
Before redemption-five questions about 1 that you must doubt. Why didn't the other party feel sad after breaking up?
After breaking up, many students always stay in the habit of being together before, and unconsciously use the standard of falling in love to measure each other's reaction to you. I always think to myself.
"How can Ta be so heartless and how can Ta live so well?"
The other party ignores you now, and the other party can go out to play happily now, because the other party finds it difficult to get rid of a negative emotion. The other party is in a state of release at the moment, naturally happy and comfortable, without having to bear your emotional problems.
On the contrary, your state is that when the other party doesn't give you the response you want, your sensitive emotions will be aroused, and if you lose control of your emotions, you will make a wrong recovery operation, causing the other party to resent again, and the other party will give negative feedback, so that you will be more emotional, thus entering a vicious circle. In fact, you need to put yourself in a correct position at this time, and don't lose confidence because the other party's reaction to you is reduced. You should know that you are doing it for each other now. Do something for you or agree to your request.
For example, let the other party accompany you for a period of time, or let the other party agree to your invitation request, you must be clear! You have broken up, and the other party has no responsibility and obligation to respond to you; If you feel that you can't handle it, you can also contact me by clicking the card below.
2. The other person is stubborn and belongs to the type that he won't look back after making a decision. Is there no chance?
You will understand after watching the video below.
After breaking up, I want to make it back. The other party is stubborn and belongs to a character that will not change easily after making a decision. What should I do?
3. do 3. Ta doesn't love me
The factor that easily affects the recovery progress is often the mood of the rescuer, and the mood itself will not bring negative effects. And the wrong behavior made after being dominated by emotions can easily make the other party disgusted again in the process of recovery. For example, someone was blackmailed and deleted, and just got back in touch. As a result, their mentality was not well controlled, and they pestered them when they came up. However, whenever the other side was bad, they immediately questioned and accused, and the bombing began, which led to the second extortion.
You should know that you are in a defensive state, and your contact itself is breaking the comfort zone of the other party, so it is normal for the other party not to respond, the other party's indifference or the other party not to choose to make up.
But at this point, many people tend to regard the other party's response as indifference and as the other party is attacking themselves. As long as the other party doesn't treat you according to your expectations, it's that the other party is heartless and cruel, and the other party really failed you.
"People say that people who love you will never leave you no matter what you do, so Ta just doesn't love me."
If you are still using this poisoned chicken soup to define whether a person loves you or not, then you can put it aside. At least you should tidy up your head first. Poisonous chicken soup, because its underlying logic is to let others meet their own requirements infinitely, even if their requirements are wrong, as long as others do not treat themselves according to their own ideas, that place is wrong. Others are not only wrong, but also take this question.
Can the other party bind you in turn with these chicken soup? You lose your temper with others inexplicably and unnecessarily. You don't understand others, so you don't love others?
Here, to borrow a sentence from the internet, people want to maintain a long-term and comfortable relationship by sex and attraction, not by oppression, flattery, blind dedication and moral self-touch.
4. Should I write when I get back in touch? Or call directly?
In fact, whether you write a letter or make a phone call, it's just that the content is delivered in different forms. This is the same as eating with chopsticks or eating with a knife and fork. The difference is that chopsticks are suitable for Chinese food and knives and forks are suitable for western food.
Most people write letters when they want to make amends. The content of the letter is nothing more than apologizing first, then admitting your mistakes, recalling the good times and expressing your sincerity. They have all formed a fixed form, which is not targeted. It just compares your entanglement and reduces the demand a little.
This kind of content for the other party, look at the beginning and you will know what you want to express later. Guess.
The way to restore contact must be decided according to your situation, whether it is accidental or objective, and in what way, writing letters is the most thankless way. Obviously, the network is so developed, do you have to express your intention in this slow form? If you use your heart, as long as the content is good, when you pass it on to the other party, the other party will judge for yourself whether you really realize your problem, not the form can convey this feeling.
5. Will the disconnected party forget me?
First of all, you should know that not all breakups and reunions need to be broken, and they will not play any substantive role. There is often no way to break up, because the real break-up mostly means that the other party doesn't want to have emotional entanglements with you, especially for you. In this case, constant contact is only intensifying contradictions. That's why we have to cut off contact and avoid further deterioration of the situation.
Do you really think that people will forget a person who stayed in their own world not long ago, had so many intersections with themselves, received so much information from each other, cultivated so many habits, ate so many meals together and created memories? When the other person's brain says forget it, you have never appeared in life, and science fiction movies dare not shoot it casually. Why bother with this question? You are seriously worried about some meaningless problems.
How to save it?
1. Intelligence
First of all, we should establish a good attitude, because it is very important whether the situation is good or bad. If you compare the recovery process to building a tall building, and you are the builder, then your attitude is equivalent to the foundation of this building.
Overexpression, eagerness to explain, repeated pursuit, questioning, accusation and abuse under any circumstances are all manifestations of your weak mentality, and your high demands lead to your low-value performance. When you need to attach yourself and sacrifice a part of yourself to please others, others will only think that you can't live without him, and naturally they will unconsciously regard you as their own accessory. You just keep falling into a low position. Secondly, these behaviors, which stem from your high demands, will only make the other person dislike you constantly, and will not be moved by your pursuit and come back to you.
When you can't help pestering yourself, ask yourself, "Can you bear the consequences of making an emotional mistake and making the situation worse?"
2. Judge whether it is true or false.
Fake breakup
In fact, a fake breakup is not a strict breakup.
The general performance is that the other party will not delete you, nor will they delete your public photos, and they will not disclose your breakup. Of course, deleting you is not necessarily a real breakup, but mainly depends on the other party's state and attitude towards you.
A fake breakup is a problem in which two people have a big fight because of their current emotions or contradictions, and they break up by venting their emotions so that you can solve problems or improve yourself. In fact, the other person's inner state is
"I don't really want to break up with you. I just hope you can admit your mistake, mainly to deceive me. I just hope you can get rid of this problem. "
After reading the above, if the stone in your heart falls to the ground, then now you should pay attention to write down the key points. The key to dealing with fake breakups is to handle your own emotions and ease the other's emotions. The problem itself is not important. Don't be angry! Face and solve the contradictions and misunderstandings between you rationally, know how to take care of each other's emotions, understand what the other party really wants to express, find out your own problems, and think twice before you act, so that you won't miss a relationship because of temporary emotions. If you don't know how to do it, you can click on the card below to add me.
But you need to pay attention!
Although it is easy to make up for a fake breakup, in the case of a fake breakup, the following three situations can easily lead to a real breakup if the problem is not handled in time.
1. Both of them are furious. After a long time of constant consumption, patience and energy, there is still no reconciliation after missing the reconciliation cycle, which is prone to estrangement and a fake breakup becomes a real breakup.
2. The wrong interpretation leads to the wrong handling, which is similar to the other party saying, "I feel so bad today, you don't even care about a good word, forget it, you don't love me, break up." What you need to do is comfort and companionship, not breaking up. Many times, a fake breakup is more like talking about breaking up and spreading the emotion of missing, and the only thing that makes the other party completely chilling is that you don't coax or contact.
There are too many habitual fake breakups, and one of them completely changed his attitude towards breaking up, and he didn't feel or care about your emotions in his heart, and finally separated completely.
A real breakup
Have you ever been suddenly broken up without any warning or any reason?
In fact, this is one of the real breakups-a sudden breakup. Generally speaking, the reason for this breakup is that the other party is not interested in you, and the other party needs to leave the next family quickly before entering the next relationship. So the reason for this breakup is generally out of thin air.
There is also a common true breakup-cumulative breakup.
Generally speaking, one party makes comparisons, loves to make trouble without reason, habitually proposes to break up, accumulates many contradictions, overdraws the patience and feelings of the other party prematurely, and leads to the critical point of the other party's patience and proposes to break up. Most of them are because they are too controlling, have a bad temper, feel too insecure, or insist that others love themselves according to their own wishes. What this kind of breakup needs most is to adjust one's personality.
Many people will ask, just because we broke up, will our previous feelings be completely forgotten? As for acting like an enemy?
Think about a problem first. Why did the other person leave you? In fact, the answer is not difficult, but you have been reluctant to admit it and choose to escape.
Because the other party has occupied a high point in your's mood, the good memories between you can't compare with the contradiction between you, and the other party can't bring you interest and motivation at this time. This is also the biggest difference between a real breakup and a fake breakup. False is to make you compromise and obey, but for the other party, leaving you is equivalent to getting rid of the pain. Therefore, in most cases of real breakup, the other party doesn't answer the phone, doesn't reply to the information, blackmails and deletes, and declares that he is single. I don't want anything to do with you. I want to save the real breakup. If you can control your emotions and don't release negative emotions, you have succeeded by 30%, so turning anxiety into motivation is your first step.
3. seriously review the process of your being together
The length of time you spend together and the emotional concentration together will first confirm what the relationship is based on.
Aside from the reasons and reasons put forward by the other party at that time, don't care about TA's statement.
Instead, seriously review what you have done badly or made mistakes in this relationship. This process must pay attention to reflection, rather than deliberately looking for your own problems. I found that many people either don't reflect on themselves at all, blindly think that there is something wrong with the other party, and then once they are saved by the other party, they refuse, instantly feel wronged and accuse the other party, which eventually leads to the other party being black; Either "emotional beggars" feel that they have problems everywhere, and as a result, they go to the other side to apologize and admit their mistakes.
After examining your own problems, you can confirm the essential reasons by judging the other party's cognitive attitude towards this relationship. Of course, you must pay attention to the above at this time, and don't blindly think that the other party has problems in this judgment process.
Analyze each other rationally
Use you as a transition or simply vent your physical needs out of emotional emptiness.
I still really like you, but I left because your behavior and words made the other person disgusted or tired.
Or because you lack attraction and the ability to manage feelings, the other person is not interested in leaving.
The process of this step is to let you find the most essential problems and reasons in this relationship, so as to avoid confusion in the process of recombination and lead to wrong recombination.
Note: If you really can't judge for yourself, it is recommended to find an experienced person to help you judge. Remember to describe others as impersonal as possible, which will affect others' judgment.
It is not recommended to find friends, because friends may judge your ex emotionally out of love for you.
Draw up a general plan and don't step on the minefield.
Many people's lack of this awareness also leads to random recovery, making the situation worse and worse.
After judging the most essential reason according to the previous steps, draw up a general framework according to your own situation.
If the other person is disgusted, then find ways to alleviate the other person's disgust. If the other party's state is extreme and irritable, you can generally take a certain period of disconnection. If there is a channel to know his recent situation, and he won't know, it is best to inquire about the "enemy situation." This will help you to recover in the next step.
First of all, the plan must be to change or improve ourselves, correct our mistakes and make ourselves better. Whether external or internal, promotion must be done, but I find that many people even perfunctory or "useless promotion".
What is useless promotion? Reading and fitness for the blind ... It turns out that it has no effect, but it is deliberate in the eyes of the other party.
And I also see that what many people call promotion is also these "useless promotion"
The core of real promotion is: enrich yourself and love yourself.
Promotion must be useful promotion.
Find your weaknesses and things you can't do well, make changes, and make the other person look at you with new eyes.
Recover minefield
Minefield 1: When I just broke up, I always asked TA to admit my mistake, so that TA could feel my sincerity.
This is basically a mistake of people who want to make up for it. In fact, this way only gives you some psychological comfort, making you feel that you are still chatting, as if there is still hope, as if a few sincere words or a deeper attitude of admitting mistakes can make up.
When you do this, you will find that the effect is counterproductive, because the other party itself does not want to respond to you, but because of your constant output, the other party will want to escape, and you will bomb the other party, so it will appear.
"Why do I feel annoyed when I admit my mistake? Why doesn't he like to blackmail me? "
This way is wrong. During the break-up, one party is determined to break up, and the other party is determined to save it. The results pursued by two people are opposite, so a state of opposition is formed, and this state of opposition will make the other party open negative thinking to you, which is the opposite of the other party. At this time, all your actions of admitting mistakes, pestering and arguing are forcing others to stand on their own opposite side. How to make ta not disgusted?
Then you will become more and more nervous, eager to recover, and eventually pester and beat, and the other party hates blacking out.
Tip: In the process of redemption, it is necessary to carefully observe the state of the other party and rationally analyze the timing of redemption. However, many savers often fall into a misunderstanding: when they see each other give up, they will no longer be calm, and even feel flustered and depressed. They feel that the other person is getting farther and farther away from you, and the chances of saving their feelings are getting more and more slim. In fact, when TA shows that she wants to give up, it will be very easy because she has no obligation to take care of your emotions or accompany you. Although this situation makes people uncomfortable and flustered, the more he does, the faster he can digest the unhappiness of two people. At this time, if you master the time and skills of reunion, you can regain your understanding without directly facing TA's negative thinking.
If you save it in the wrong way, be careful. You need to release punk more accurately after stepping on the minefield, otherwise you will be more painful. Click on the card below to add me and let me tell you what to do next.
Why is your recovery so slow? Add my own ajiu336 to help you evaluate and analyze.
Minefield 2: Relatives and friends advise that TA will feel reluctant and TA is also wrong.
Many people will have a cognition after being broken up. Since I say it's useless, I'll ask my friend to advise you. You can keep listening. This method is really useful in a fake breakup, but it will only make him more disgusted in the face of a real breakup. When * * * tries to convince the other party, the other party will dislike you first and tell others your secret. Secondly, although they are relatives and friends, because the other party will feel that no matter what they say, relatives and friends will say, "Oh, it is normal for two people to have conflicts together. Don't be so formal, just coax. "
There will be an inexcusable sense of powerlessness, and this persuasion will also make the other party feel that you have spoken ill of him in front of your friends and let them persuade themselves like this? So, it deepened my dislike for you.
Tip: I have to say that relatives and friends can really help to save, but in a real breakup, don't do this just after separation. If you must get along with your friends, remember not to talk about anything in your relationship. As long as you avoid or shift such topics, if you still get along with friends, then you have a channel to show yourself.
Your state, your speech and your appearance can all be shown, but remember, instead of telling others directly, you can show casual details, and others can observe them. Getting this information is virtually equivalent to showing him your changes and convincing him that your changes are true through others' retelling.
Minefield 3: show loyalty, show sincerity and "touch" each other.
"I must let TA feel how important he is to me so that I can treat TA well." As a result, SMS bombing and telephone bombing began. It seems that this way will make the other party feel that they care about TA, and they can touch each other and they will come back. In fact, this practice will only make the other party desperately want to escape your harassment! Just like the first one, negative thinking has already begun, and you still have to do things that make TA feel bored and harassed. In the end, waiting for you is only a complete break and his sentence "you are so annoying!" "
Tip: In addition to the above situation, some redeemer may even "speak the truth after drinking". Why do I use double quotes when moving? Because of this, you just touched yourself. You touched each other in the way you thought was right, making yourself feel at ease, but you didn't know that the other person's inner emotions were tired of this behavior. Secondly, touching really doesn't mean love. So, stop all your harassment and go back to your original life to help you recover.
compound
Many people think that they will succeed when they mention reunion, and the other party will definitely respond. This mentality will only affect your mood and delay your recovery progress, so make the following preparations. Reunion is just a process of reunion, which does not mean that the relationship will be restored. Don't hold the idea that the other party will definitely respond. The reunion of your is only to remove the evasiveness of the other side, reduce the resistance of the other side, and let the other side let go of your vigilance, regardless of whether the other side's response is cold or warm.
Constantly chasing him will only make the other party wary of you again.
Students need to pay attention to the timing of the reunion. If we meet again during the period when the other party is extremely disgusted, either the other party does not respond, or it is cold or rude.
How to get back together is not important, but your content and the state of expression determine the attitude of the other party to respond to you, so in the next reunion, you should pay attention to the following minefields:
1. Stop nagging.
At this stage, the other party has been disgusted with you, so they are afraid of your information bombing. In the face of information bombing, he will only feel overwhelming pressure. I know you are impatient, but you impose your emotions and ideas on each other. Have you really considered his feelings?
2. Forget about feelings
The other person's mind is full of your quarrels and negative things together, so it is difficult to think of you and good memories in feelings, so you put forward feelings to deepen the other person's resistance to you.
Don't always think about negotiation and so-called communication. After breaking up, many people always think: You should have a face-to-face and frank talk with ta. What you want to make clear is that you have broken up now, and your's position is opposite and conflicting. You want it back, and the other person wants to break up. Do you think this can be solved by talking? Talking about business cooperation is not that simple, what's more, you are accumulated problems.
Even if the other party gives you a good response temporarily, it is only a delaying tactic to stop your current entanglement for ta.
6. In daily communication, find a window to invite, appropriate "suspense"
We must pay attention to this point. After restoring contact, don't rush to let the other party make up with you. Instead, let the other party feel happy and relaxed with you through chatting, but new problems will soon appear, and the other party may think that you are actually better friends. At this time, you should learn to send some ambiguous signals, which flash red and green at the same time.
For example, "You are too sweet, I want to be your boyfriend (girlfriend)".
Long-term relaxation and pleasure plus occasional ambiguous breakthroughs.
When the other party is ready to move, don't strike while the iron is hot, but retreat to create some sense of crisis and let the other party feel that you are so "excellent" now. If TA doesn't grasp it, she will lose you at any time, facing "what originally belonged to her will soon fall into the mouth of others."
Follow-up needs to judge the window and invite moderately. If you don't invite and stay online to chat, then the other person will gradually get used to the framework of getting along with you, and it will be difficult to be together again.
Finally, I wish you a successful reunion.
No small matter can be saved, and the details determine success or failure.
Psychological test: test the probability of getting back together after breaking up.
Have you ever thought about the possibility of getting back together after two people break up? This set of test questions helps you test the probability of getting back together after breaking up. Let's try it together.
Do you still have your ex's contact information in your mobile phone?
It's five points.
No, all 0 points have been deleted.
What is the reason why you broke up?
Due to objective reasons, the family disagreed with 1.
Long-distance love, no future 2 points.
TA thinks I have a bad temper and our personalities are incompatible. Three points
There is a third party involved in our relationship.
After our quarrel, no one would bow their heads and broke up in a rage.
I think TA has a bad temper, always complaining, and was dumped by TA for 6 points.
Of the following four statements, if you had to choose one statement that you agree with most, which one would you choose?
If a person loves another person, he should love all of TA, regardless of its advantages or disadvantages. Otherwise, it is not true love. He likes 2 points at most.
Although feelings are what you want, but it depends on people's efforts, the other person's love can also be controlled, as long as it can meet the other person's psychological needs, love can guide 4 points.
Twisted melons are not sweet. If TA doesn't want to get back together, I respect the idea of TA 1 minute.
The emotional world can never be equal, and those who want to get back together must not be stingy with their 6 points.
When you express one thing, you value it more.
The accuracy of verbal expression is 2 points.
Talking to the other person gives the other person a strong impression of 1.
Are the people around you comfortable with what you said? 6 points
The ultimate goal that words can achieve is 4 points.
What do you think are your basic emotional characteristics?
Emotional, often unable to control his temper 0 points.
Self-control ability is strong, the surface is calm, but the inner mood fluctuates greatly, and it is difficult to calm down 2 points in case of contusion.
Everything is a cloud, and it is not easy to get angry by nature. My friend praised me for my good temper by six points.
Feelings are not slow and direct, but once they are unstable, they are easily excited and angry. Three points
Did you save your ex?
I saved it, but it was rejected. I didn't save four points.
No, I don't know what the other person is thinking, so I dare not say 2 points.
I saved it several times, but the other party was very exclusive, Lahei, and I don't want to see my zero again.
I tried to talk, but the other party thought we were not suitable. Hope to find happiness 6 points.
The complete version of the test questions and answers can be obtained by private mail.
I'm Chen Yu, an emotional counselor, and I know more than you think. If you are emotionally confused, you can ask for a private letter or comment.