Why is anyone interested in speaking ill?
According to the theory of psychology, speaking ill of others is an aggressive behavior. Any kind of animal, because of competition or self-defense, has the instinct to attack. At this point, human beings have the same instinct. However, in modern society, violent attacks are against social norms. Therefore, compared with violence, people tend to use the language of "speaking ill" frequently. Venting in person may lead to a fierce counterattack, but if you talk to a third party, you will get sympathy or recognition. From a psychological point of view, it is more reassuring and easier to be satisfied.
Since it is common to express opinions or talk about others, it is also common to be judged or talked about by others-the same reason.
In the workplace, hearing what others say about you directly or indirectly may not be very "bad"-it doesn't involve exposing your shortcomings, mocking your behavior or damaging your reputation-they are just gossip, or that person's starting point is not aimed at you at all, but you always feel that it is not good to listen. Think over and over again, "that man is provoking the relationship between me and my colleagues!" "You suddenly realize again.
Cher Dale, a The New York Times workplace columnist, offers four ways to deal with "workplace abuse": First, review yourself; Ask the reason clearly; Warn gently; Report to the boss.
The so-called introspection is also a test of a healthy workplace mentality. In addition, if those are just gossip, or are not directed at you at all, and you come to a conclusion that is not good for yourself after repeated thinking, isn't it a bit worth the candle?
0 1 reaction time: 1 to 60 seconds.
Zhang Zhifeng admits that he is the excitable type.
When I was chatting with my colleagues in other departments, the colleague talked about a project with criticism, but he didn't know that Zhang Zhifeng was also involved in the project, which led to Zhang Zhifeng's counterattack. Afterwards, Zhang Zhifeng felt that what colleagues said was not unreasonable, and there was something wrong with the operation of the project. He regretted the impulse. After all, colleagues look up and don't see them, and the relationship is not good.
After hearing a bad word about yourself, the first reaction in anger may be irrational or polite.
On the one hand, doing so will lead to improper attacks on the speaker, on the other hand, such a stress reaction will not do you any good, and it may also expose greater weaknesses or be caught by others. It is wise to give yourself time and space to react and buffer.
Comments Many people will have some emotional reactions at the first time when they hear others speak ill of themselves or gossip. This is normal, but if you demand yourself by the standards of a professional, you may wish to minimize your emotional part. Pay attention to two points: don't be emotional, because once anything happens, you can't communicate; You don't have to worry about these "bad words" all day, or you will get yourself into it.
02 reaction time: within 24 hours.
Less than half a year in her current position, she met the last thing she wanted: swearing at each other. A colleague told her that someone complained about her work performance, which made her feel very wronged. Later, she found an opportunity to communicate with the colleague who heard that she complained about her work, and found that this was not the case. Asking other colleagues also proves that what she said to her colleagues before is not true.
This period of time within 24 hours can calm yourself down and make a more objective judgment. Whether the facts are as people say, or where the problem lies, if necessary, you can also ask some third-party or fourth-party statements instead of listening to a single source. Because information is often distorted after transmission.
After that, you decide whether you need to respond, and the way depends on the nature of the "bad words". If it is a matter of principle, it will have a more important impact on you, then you should consider dealing with it carefully.
Comments from the attitude towards such things, the first thing is to think about whether you have done anything wrong in your daily work and being a man. The second is not to make any explanation or excuse, just like the saying "adding insult to injury"; The third is that no matter what the speaker's motivation is, as long as it does not violate professional ethics, company system and laws, there is no need to worry.
03 reaction time: long term
As a company person who has worked for more than five years, the third runner-up believes that everything in the workplace, from career bottlenecks to office gossip, needs to be taken seriously, because these are all part of his career and will affect his professional performance.
He once received a short message from a colleague by mistake, the content was about himself, because he felt that the content was harmless and there was no need to embarrass everyone, so he chose not to accept it. However, when a colleague maliciously slanders his work attitude many times, the third runner-up must stand up and deal with it seriously. He told his boss that he hoped to be treated fairly.
Although "being spoken ill of" often involves personal feelings and personal grievances, a mature company person should still treat it with a professional attitude and inherent principles. After all, this is a common problem in the workplace.
In the workplace, you have to be tough when you need to be tough. If you really have been vilified by others, then you must find a way to get a good remedy for yourself.
There are different bad words in the workplace. Generally speaking, some people are unintentional, some are intentional, and some may be well-intentioned. China has a few old sayings that can be used here. The first one is "there is no smoke without fire", which is the most positive one, that is, asking yourself what you have not done well enough. Then there is "encourage if there is something, encourage if there is nothing", and then "self-purification if it is not good". These all come from a positive attitude. It is also a kind of self-confidence to believe that time can prove everything. In addition, the workplace also emphasizes that interpersonal communication is an emotional interaction. When you meet a colleague who speaks ill of you, if you have a good relationship with your immediate boss and have a high degree of mutual trust, you might as well report it to your boss, especially when it comes to work. Reflection is not a snitch, but shows that you are responsible for your work, not for things. Of course, if you encounter bad words involving the legal level, you need to implement legal means.