* Framework, just like its literal meaning, establishes boundaries and constraints around interaction. Because the framework will "mark" the experience and guide attention, it will greatly affect the way to explain and respond to specific experiences and time.
* Frameworks will make interactions more effective, because they will determine which information and topics are within the scope of the interaction goals and which are not. For example, "time frame" is a common example of building a frame. A shorter time frame makes people focus on tasks, while a longer time frame may make people pay more attention to developing relations.
* * * NLP's communication framework includes "result" framework, "like" framework and "feedback instead of failure" framework.
:: Establishing an outcome framework means considering and evaluating all activities or information consistent with the state of achieving a specific goal or desire. The results framework focuses on the expected results and effects, and the resources needed to achieve these results. In this way, the results framework remains focused on solving problems and brings positive possibilities in the future. The question frame emphasizes "what's the matter" or "what you don't want", not what you want or what you want.
* All "problems" can be regarded as challenges or "opportunities" for change, growth and learning. All the "questions" indicate the desired results. If someone says "My problem is that I am afraid of failure", it can be imagined that this means having a goal: "Believe that I will succeed"
People often inadvertently state their desired results negatively, such as "I want to avoid embarrassment", "I want to quit smoking" and "I want to get rid of this conflict". Doing so will focus on the problem, but contrary to expectations, it will often form embedded hints related to the problem. Imagine that "I don't want to be afraid" actually implies that "fear" is part of the thought itself. Using the results frame will ask "What do you want" or "How would you feel if you weren't afraid"
* When the result or requirement state is called the focus of obtaining information, although the problem state is not fully understood, a solution can often be found.
* The focus of "just like a framework" is "as if" the expected goal or result has been achieved. The feedback of failure framework emphasizes how to interpret seemingly problems, symptoms and misunderstandings as feedback rather than failure, which helps me to make adjustments and turn to a yearning state. When attention turns from "problem" to "result", new possibilities appear.
* People have long pointed out that "goals guide actions". The concrete results themselves set the framework to decide what is considered relevant, successful and "within the framework"; What is considered irrelevant, useless or "out of the frame"
* Changing the result of focusing our attention on a specific situation or interaction will change our meaningful judgment and understanding of things related to the situation.
Another result of the reaction mode is to make a statement, shifting people's attention from a fixed or implied goal of judgment or summary to a different goal. The purpose of this model is to challenge (or strengthen) the appropriateness of this judgment and summary. A good example is given in the book. A person feels frustrated when doing something because ta "didn't get the expected result" and because ta wants to "do it perfectly". From this result, people will focus on "not getting the expected results to explain what they did wrong or lack of ability", but if we change "doing perfectly" to "exploring", "learning" and "discovering new things", it will greatly change the way we handle and understand the experiences we encounter in contact. It is the failure of "doing it perfectly" and the success of "discovering new things". )。 The result of practice is to learn new things, not to prove that you already know how to do things perfectly. Think back to the interaction process and you will find what you have learned. "
* The words of hypnotist Eriksson: "It is very important to feel safe and ready; Be fully aware that no matter what happens, you can handle it-and it's very pleasant to handle it. It's also good learning when you encounter situations that you can't handle-looking back after the incident, you will find that it is useful learning in many ways. This allows you to evaluate your own strength. It also allows you to find out which areas within you need higher security. Deal with the good or bad things you encounter and deal with them fully-this is the essential pleasure of life. " Among them, what is regarded as "failure" for one result (controlling the situation) is transformed into feedback under another result ("responding to moral good or bad things and fully handling them").
* Changing boxes focuses on helping people change the framework of perceiving problems, so as to reinterpret problems and find solutions. The literal meaning of changing a frame is to change a new or different frame around some psychological images or experiences. Psychologically speaking, to "change a frame" of something means to put it in a different background frame or situation, thus changing its meaning (you can imagine yourself as another person).
* For a specific experience or event, because the psychological framework will determine what we "see" and perceive, it will affect our experience or interpretation of a certain situation, as shown in the following figure.
* Changing the box allows us to see the "bigger picture" and realize more suitable choices and actions. Changing boxes is to set up a new psychological mining machine for the content of experience or situation, expand our understanding of the situation, and thus deal with the situation more intelligently and constructively.
* Common box-changing mode: reevaluate (or strengthen) the meaning of an action, summary and judgment from a longer-term (or shorter-term), larger crowd (or personal perspective) and larger (or smaller) perspective.
* The difference between changing the frame size and switching to another result is:
? * * Switching to another result is to directly change the goal, that is, focus on the specific result change of the framework;
* * The purpose of changing the size of the framework is to maintain the most fundamental target result, but not to adjust the size of the framework scope. Such as: long-term view VS short-term view; Generally speaking, VS is temporarily; Generally speaking, vs is personal; A thousand years later. Yeah, a year later.
* Changing the frame size is related to the width or breadth of our vision. The book gives an example of the movie "Pub". The scene at the beginning of the film is a close-up: an angelic boy is singing with a beautiful voice. The picture looks sweet and healthy. But as the camera zoomed in, we saw the boy in military uniform. Later, I saw him wearing an armband with Nazi symbols on his arm. With the size of the picture getting bigger and bigger, we finally saw the boy singing at a Nazi opportunity. With the change of picture frame size, the meaning and feeling brought by its information have completely changed.
* The size of the framework we are concerned about determines most of the meanings and meanings we can perceive, which is particularly important in effectively solving problems (personally, the size of the framework can be understood as the size of the pattern in a sense)
* According to different situations, an empirical behavior or event has different meanings and results. Such as "rain" itself is neither "good" nor "bad". The relevant judgment is related to the consequences he brings in a certain situation (corresponding example: rain is good for dry people, but bad for those who are planning to hold an outdoor wedding because of the flood)
* NLP's situational change box "Accept that all behaviors are useful in some situations". The goal of context transformation is to realize the usefulness of a specific behavior in a specific situation, thus changing people's internal negative reactions to it.
A good example in the book: a mother whose adolescent son often fights with people at school, and she almost goes crazy. In view of this situation, your son can protect his sister when she is harassed on her way to and from school. Isn't that great? " This can help her see things from a broader perspective, thus changing her view of her son's behavior. The mother can understand that her son's behavior is useful in some situations, so she can respond in a more constructive way instead of feeling ashamed and unbearable (personal feeling: from a broader perspective, make good use of others' characteristics instead of treating them as shortcomings)
* * In addition, when his behavior is proved to be useful in a specific situation, instead of being attacked and accused, then the son can look at the problem from another angle without blindly rebounding. Next, mothers and sons can find out the positive intentions and interests of their sons' school behavior and explore more suitable alternatives.
* Personal perception: there is no good or bad behavior. It depends on where this behavior is used. If you regard it as a characteristic of a thing, you will find it more interesting and possible.
* Meaning switching is to change our view or understanding of a particular event or situation. For example, open space is an opportunity for farmers to grow crops, a space for architects to build their homes, and a place for young couples to have a picnic. Different people look at different things because they have different views and purposes.
*NLP's "meaning switching" aims to explore the intention behind people's external behavior. In NLP, this is usually achieved by finding out the "positive intention", "proof goal" and "meta-result" of a specific symptom or problem behavior. One of the basic principles of NLP is to separate one's "behavior" from one's "self". In other words, it is very important to distinguish the positive intention, function and belief of behavior from that of behavior. According to this principle, the "deep structure" of responding to questions is more respectful, more conducive to development and more effective than responding to the surface. Understanding the positive goals of symptoms or problem behaviors in a larger framework will change the additional internal reaction to behaviors and open a door to take actions in a more intentional and creative way.
The examples given in the book are very good. This is about a boy who complains that his father is always against his plan. Then the counselor reminded him: "Isn't it nice to have a father trying to protect you from any harm and disappointment?" I bet few fathers care so much about their children. "Let young people understand his father's intentions. Young people regard his father as a potential resource to help him improve his plan, not an obstacle or stumbling block.
* Meaning transformation is devoted to finding out the potential and possible positive intention of problem behavior. Its purpose includes two aspects: one is the positive intrinsic motivation behind the behavior (such as longing for safety, love, care and respect, etc.). ); Second, give consideration to positive interests (such as protection, translation concern, recognition, etc. ) can be brought about by a larger system or behavior.
One of the main problems of critics is that they like to draw conclusions with summative judgment. For example, one of the problems with verbal summaries such as "this project is too expensive" and "that idea can't be realized" is that people can only agree or disagree from the way of expression.
* Critics find mistakes by thinking about "what if problems happen". Good critics tend to adopt the views of others, those who are not directly related to the presented plans or activities, but will be influenced by them, or those who will affect the implementation of plans or activities (positive or negative).
* Make positive statements with positive intentions, such as "avoiding stress" VS "becoming more relaxed and comfortable". "Avoiding stress" describes what you don't want, and "becoming more relaxed and comfortable" describes what you want.
* A core language skill for testing criticism and transforming it from a question framework to a result framework is the ability to identify and trigger positive statements with positive intentions (that is, focus on what you want and get, not what you don't want or avoid).
* In order to trigger a positive intention or guideline statement, you need to ask some questions: "If (pressure/cost/failure/waste) is what you don't want, what do you really want" or "If you can avoid or get rid of what you don't want, what will you get (or what benefits)"
* Turn criticism into inquiry and guide positive intentions with positive words. For example, "that's too expensive" is changed to "how do we pay"; "This idea will never come true" was changed to "How are you going to realize this idea"; "This plan is unrealistic" was changed to "How do you make the steps of this plan more practical and specific"
* Pay attention to the "how" and "how" questions. This kind of question is generally the most useful. Questions such as "why" often indicate other judgments ("why" easily leads to doubts and contradictory feelings) and easily leads to contradictory objections. The "how/how" question can most effectively refocus on the result framework or feedback framework.
* The core of the response: intention and redefinition. These include:
* All actions have positive intentions to some extent (or at a certain time). From the perspective of the actor, it is an appropriate behavior in the scene when the behavior occurs. Responding to intention is easier and more constructive than responding to behavior.
* Learn to think about the intention behind the statement instead of directly responding to the statement itself. Intention mode is handled as follows: If the customer says "I like it, but I'm afraid it's too expensive", the answer of applying intention mode can be "It's important to make you get your money's worth". This will shift the customer's attention to the intention behind judging that something is too expensive ("value for money"), which will help to turn the customer's question frame response into a result frame response.
* The redefined model is as follows: "Do you mean that you think this sign is too high, or do you care if you can afford it?" This is a redefinition of "worrying is too expensive". Note: "Thinking" and "caring" are different from "worrying" in many ways. They think it is more a cognitive process than an emotional response (which makes the transaction more likely to be regarded as feedback). In other words, it is more about description than judgment.
:: Redefining new ways of thinking and interacting. Re-labeling "pain" as "uncomfortable", such as "How much pain do you have" VS "How uncomfortable are you", has different effects. This way of language switching often automatically changes people's perception of their pain. Because the word "uncomfortable" contains the embedded meaning of "comfortable". "Pain" has no such positive meaning.
* Use one word to express a specific idea or concept, and then find another word. This word can also express the same idea or concept, but it is more positive or negative than the original word. For example:
* This redefinition is to reduce negative comments and abuse of stigma (negative labels), especially when labels are used to describe people who are different in some ways. Therefore, learning to turn words with negative definitions into truth or neutral words in language can help people look at others from a broader and less judgmental perspective.
* Using the second person name means putting yourself in another person's perspective or "perceived position" in a specific situation or interaction. This means changing your point of view as if you were someone else. In the second person, you see, listen, feel, taste, smell and interact from another person's point of view; Put yourself in his/her shoes, live his/her life, stand in the position of others and so on. A bit like an actor, turning himself into another person, another role.
* The second person said that it is necessary to connect with another person's views, beliefs and assumptions, and to perceive ideas and events from another person's worldview. Being able to see the situation from another person's worldview usually brings you a lot of new insights and understandings.
* When you defend a criminal suspect or defendant, you become him, feel him, think about him, see with his eyes and listen with his ears. You must know him completely to understand the nature of his behavior.
* The map is not real. Everyone has their own personalized map of the world. There is no only correct map in the world.
* The most intelligent and sympathetic maps are those that offer the widest and richest possibilities, not those that are the most "realistic" or "accurate".
* You can consider it from at least three angles or "worldview" to enrich your understanding of the situation and your summary:
Special note: the original is more exciting. The original intention of this reading note is to save reading time for those who want to know this book better; I also hope it can help your life and work a little.