The good story is this. Tell a story without drawing a conclusion. This kind of blank also gives everyone enough imagination. After listening to the story with beautiful fantasy, you are satisfied and determined to be a positive person from now on.
But it often backfires. Why?
Before you continue reading, let's spend 30 seconds making up an ending for the beginning story.
Then look at this ending, what kind of thinking can it bring you?
For example, the ending is like this: one day, half a glass of water aroused the negative person's sense of crisis. He stood up from the ground very hard, turned half a glass of water into a glass of water, and then turned a glass of water into a bucket of water. Three years later, he owned his own brand of distilled water and became a water tycoon.
The same half glass of water made the activist feel comfortable. His daily mantra is: no fear, and … whenever he is thirsty, he will take a sip carefully, and then look at the water in the cup and feel very satisfied. Ah, there's still half a cup. Until one day, sitting on empty food, he found that the water was gone.
Do you have another view on who is positive and who is negative at this point in the story?
In other words, through this story, can we think: What is really positive?
2
Being positive is the wish of many people.
For example, they often say: I want to be a positive person. The subtext of this sentence is that I am not an active person yet, or it is difficult for me to become an active person.
More people have a greater misunderstanding of enthusiasm.
They think that positivity is an idea. With this idea, you will imagine everything beautifully, but forget the cruelty of reality.
At a class reunion, after three glasses of wine, Xiao Min, an old classmate, complained: My husband is always busy and comes home late. Sometimes I sleep directly in the company and come back the next day.
Several female students were very alert and said, is he really working? Will there be anyone outside?
Xiao Min's eyes flashed a little panic, and soon calmed down: I thought so, too, but we have been husband and wife for so many years, and we won't. I also saw some ambiguous messages on his mobile phone, but it was all for work!
Female students can't say much, but they are earnest: you, you'd better be careful and watch it closely!
Mandy smiled at this moment, which is a kind of smile that I can't understand.
She went on to say: Ha ha, as the old saying goes, men, it doesn't matter if they steal food, as long as they can go home.
I was surprised to hear the answer. I wanted to ask at that time: Do you still love him? Is it okay to steal food Or do you love him too much to love yourself? It feels good to be back home。 Do you think it's a dog?
Xiao Min used to be an elder sister in her class. If someone is bullied, she is always the first to stand up for us.
However, years have smoothed her temper and worn away her edges and corners. She learned to be positive and became a good person. Now she can't even make changes for herself.
This is all because of "positive"! But is this really positive? No, it's a false positive! This is called the spirit of ah q.
Maybe you will ask, teacher, what is the difference between real positive energy and Ah Q spirit? Very simple, just two words: face.
The spirit of Ah Q is to deny reality and deceive oneself, not to resist, but to be humiliated. In a word, the essence of Ah Q's spirit is escape, and escape is not positive.
three
Being positive means facing, facing different reactions to the same thing and different interpretations of the same thing. Psychology often says that events don't hurt people, but people's interpretation of events hurts people.
In fact, being positive is a choice, that is, you choose an explanation that makes you happier. Of course, this will also be related to your original cognition of things.
I remember one day, I had a toothache and rolled all over the floor. I believe that everyone who has had a toothache will never forget the feeling that it hurts like every other year.
At this time, if you jump out and say "positive" to me, be positive. Although you have a toothache, your teeth can still prove that you are not dead! I promise I won't kill you. I promise I'll give you a good beating.
Of course, this is a joke.
Pain can be said to be a completely negative word, and severe pain can also cause shock. In order to avoid or alleviate this kind of pain, human beings have invented various anesthetics and analgesics.
"You can take medicine and never give an injection, and general anesthesia must not be half numb", which is the daily life of people who are afraid of pain.
Then how do I know this toothache?
I saw a doctor and took medicine, which relieved me a lot. When I calmed down, I thought: this toothache, like any pain in the body, is a self-defense mechanism for us.
Pain, seemingly negative, is actually positive.
Because there is a disease in the world called analgesia; Painless patients will not feel any pain, toothache, headache, physical pain and so on will not appear in their world, and even surgery can save a sum of anesthesia costs.
It seems that this is really a good special function. But in fact, painless means more harm.
Because painless is not "invincible mode", and patients mistakenly think that they have started "invincible mode".
Because they can't feel pain and know the existence of injury in time, they will be more vulnerable to danger and even life-threatening than ordinary people.
When you feel pain, you may feel better without pain; But you don't know that people who don't feel pain are the most painful.
Coincidentally, like painless, there is also a kind of mental painless in the world, which is called no phobia.
A 44-year-old female patient in Iowa, USA, is not afraid of anything.
The researchers tried to scare her in different ways, giving her snakes and poisonous spiders, letting her watch horror movies and even locking her in a haunted house, but all the attempts were in vain, and she didn't feel a trace of fear.
But it also prevented her from making a correct assessment of the situation in the face of danger, thus protecting herself.
I suddenly remembered a sentence that I often say when learning English: no pains, no gains. Yes, who said that there is no positive in negativity? Maybe negativity is just the beginning, and positivity is the result?
So what is really positive?
What is really positive is an angle, not turning a blind eye, but always seeing the next possibility.
four
We always forget that there is always the next possibility; You can choose to be positive.
My student C and I made an appointment for a consultation. Finally, she asked: teacher, are you such a positive person from birth?
Hearing the question, I smiled and thought: How lovely this question is, but how is it possible?
I said: Of course not! I sometimes feel sad, sad and depressed. Because I am also a normal person, and I have emotions.
Tony Robbins, the world's first potential stimulus master, was once asked the same question in a speech of ten thousand people.
The student asked Anthony: Teacher, can you always keep such a positive attitude?
Anthony smiled and said, of course not! I also have negative emotions, but the point is: I won't stay there.
I won't stay there. What do you mean? Is that he won't allow himself to stay there, he won't let himself stay in that state.
We all prefer to stay rather than leave.
Staying in negative emotions is almost everyone's common problem, but what's the point of staying?
I bought a smart speaker at the beginning of the month, and the most convenient function is voice-activated song ordering.
For example, I said to the stereo: Play a Eason Chan song. After one second, the system will play a song "Ten Years". But the problem is that the songs in the speaker are played randomly, and the released songs may not be loved by everyone.
If a song comes out and I don't like it, I will almost automatically respond and shout to the speaker: Next song.
Isn't life like this? If you feel uncomfortable, if this state is not what you want, then!
We already know that being positive is a result, a choice, a face, a step forward, and always finds the next possibility.
But what can I do to make myself more active?
Combining his own action experience and consulting cases, Shuai Shuai has the following suggestions:
1. Start with a simple behavior.
More important than positive thinking is positive action. Being positive is not an idea, but an action. If you just think out of thin air, real positive will not happen. Face difficulties, solve problems, take a deep breath, jump up and move on. Choose a small thing that can make you happy immediately and you can do it, and start here.
2. Find the trigger point of your positive emotions.
Everyone's positive emotions will have a specific switch, which will be closely linked to certain things or behaviors. Think back to the time when you felt the most relaxed and stress-free when doing something. You can try listening to music, doing sports, doing housework, reading a book on the sofa, practicing meditation, or simply sitting in the coffee shop outside your home, walking around the supermarket downstairs and finding this switch. At this time, your body feels comfortable and your state is very focused.
3. Smile and confirm yourself for 5 minutes every day.
A few years ago, there was a best-selling book on popular psychology in the United States called Positive Energy. The author tells us that you can't be sad when you smile. Yes, actions determine emotions. When you smile, there will be a corresponding "happy" emotion in your mind, even if you deliberately do this smiling action. Practice smiling in front of the mirror for 5 minutes every day, and at the same time talk to yourself in positive language in your heart and tell yourself: I am the best.
4. Spend more time with positive people or listen to their suggestions (make friends with positive people and listen to their opinions).
If you want to be someone, you must be with someone. Think about who the most active people you know are, and see what they usually do, what they pay attention to, what they think when they encounter difficulties, and how they spend it. Try to keep in touch with them. If you can't find the next possibility, you might as well listen to their thoughts.