Core Tips As the saying goes, "A good word warms three winters, and a bad word hurts people in June." The power of words is extraordinary. Can praise make children go in the direction their parents expect? Praising children is actually an art, but also a science. Have you mastered the appropriate ways and methods of praise?
As the saying goes, "a good word warms three winters, and a bad word hurts the cold in June", and the power of words is extraordinary. Parents want their children to be outstanding. In the past, people believed in "conquering the enemy without fighting", but children in China have had enough of the growling of "tiger mother", and appreciation education has been accepted by more and more parents. Parents nowadays know how to praise and praise their children. The idea that "good children are boastful" has been popular in American education and put into practice, but no concept can be absolute. Now, all parts of the United States are beginning to reflect on this concept. Can praise make children go in the direction their parents expect? Praising children is actually an art, but also a science. Have you mastered the appropriate ways and methods of praise?
example
White lies and praises work miracles.
My son goes to kindergarten and my mother attends the parent-teacher conference. The kindergarten teacher told her that her son has ADHD and can't sit on the bench for three minutes. She'd better take him to the hospital. On the way home, the son asked his mother what the teacher said, and her mother almost cried. Because of the 30 children in the class, only the son performed worst; Only to the son, the teacher showed disdain. However, the mother still told her son: "The teacher praised you and said that the baby can't sit on the bench for one minute, but now he can sit for three minutes." Other mothers envy their mothers because only the baby has improved. " That night, my son ate two bowls of rice for the first time and didn't let her feed him.
When the child went to junior high school, the teacher told his mother, "According to your son's current grades, it is a bit dangerous to enter a key high school." She told her son, "The class teacher is very satisfied with you. He said that as long as you work hard, you will hopefully be admitted to a key high school. " When the first batch of university admission notices were handed out, my son was holding a special delivery from Tsinghua University Admissions Office.
A child who was applauded for "killing"
One day, a couple in Zhengzhou took their son Xiao Yi (a pseudonym) to a psychological counseling center. Xiao Yi is 9 years old and is in the fourth grade of primary school. He is the only child in the whole family and is deeply loved by his parents and the elderly in the family. According to Xiao Yi's father, his son has been smart, sensible and versatile since childhood. Since primary school, his academic performance has been among the best, and he is often praised by teachers.
After the fourth grade, Xiao Yi's academic performance declined slightly. At first, his family didn't care, but before long, Xiao Yi showed negative emotions such as disinterest, indifference and boredom, and even said that he didn't want to go to school. The parents were surprised. After careful inquiry, they learned that after the exam, the teacher talked to Xiao Yi and pointed out that his grades dropped because of his pride and carelessness. Xiaoyi felt wronged when she saw that her favorite teacher suddenly criticized herself.
Xiao Yi's mother said that her son has been living with applause and praise, and has hardly encountered setbacks. "At home, Xiaoyan was held in the palm of everyone's hand, and all she heard was praise, affirmation and praise. No one has ever criticized or denied him. " Xiao Yi, who was once cared for, praised and encouraged at school and at home, has now become a child who can't stand setbacks and failures. He can't stand any criticism from his teachers.
harm
Appreciation should not be abused or exaggerated.
Xu, a national psychological second-level consultant and a full-time psychological teacher in Zhengzhou No.1 Middle School, said that appreciating children's uniqueness and differences, appreciating their advantages, "praising them" and making children succeed in "I can do it" are the core viewpoints of appreciation education. "Appreciation education is a denial of the traditional' stick education' and plays a positive role in cultivating children's self-confidence and inspiring children."
But we should look at things comprehensively and dialectically. "Appreciation and punishment are both educational means used in extreme situations, and should be used with caution." Xu said that it is necessary to carefully observe the advantages and disadvantages of children's behavior, criticize what is criticized correctly, and appreciate what is appreciated properly. Frustration education is an education that consciously trains children to improve their ability to overcome difficulties and cope with setbacks in difficulties and setbacks. Appreciation education and frustration education are both means to educate children.
Xu pointed out that sincere respect and praise for children's specific behavior plays a positive role in children's growth. If you use "you are great!" You are a genius! "And other languages will not be conducive to the cultivation of children's good personality. Some children behave well in order to gain the appreciation of their parents or others and convince them that their personal value is to please others. At this time, "appreciation" becomes "drugs".
"Of course, the growth of children needs the approval of parents, but the praise of children also needs skills, otherwise it will be counterproductive." Cai Jinlin, a member of the Chinese Psychological Association and the first batch of senior psychological counselors in China, said that praise and appreciation should be conditional and principled, and should not be made out of nothing and exaggerated indefinitely, and it is even more necessary to put an end to partiality. "Blindly praise sometimes can't solve the problem, but it causes many problems and encourages children's arrogance. Letting children mistakenly think that they are all right and unconditionally recognize everything about themselves will reduce their ability to withstand pressure and setbacks. "
principle
Praise children, not people.
"I remember about four or five years ago, I gave a lesson about self-knowledge to the children who were just in the first grade at that time. When asked about their comments, most children said they were great. When asked to specify where they are great, almost all children can't say it clearly. " Ma Xinyuan, a national psychological second-level consultant and a full-time psychological teacher in Zhengzhou No.47 Middle School, said. A child said, "I don't know what makes me great." I only know that I am great. " At first glance, this sentence feels that the child is quite confident. It is not difficult to find the problem after careful tasting. Children don't have the minimum specific knowledge of their own qualities. Teacher Ma said that for junior high school children, this unclear self-cognition will bring him trouble, he will wander between self-confidence and inferiority, and his mood will easily fluctuate.
"When parents praise their children, they should follow the principle of seeking truth from facts and not treat people with things. They should only evaluate a specific thing that the child has done, not to evaluate the child as a whole because of one thing, and not to let the child mistakenly take the success or failure of one thing as the standard to measure their overall success or failure. " "Good" is a very abstract concept. If parents talk about the word "good" for a long time, it will make children bored, not encouraged, but will become pressure. Praise should be timely and appropriate, not as much as possible anytime and anywhere. Praise the child's achievements to motivate him to achieve more achievements that have not yet been achieved. Therefore, praise should be purposeful and instructive, and parents should help their children after praise. Set a new goal that can be achieved by standing on tiptoe or jumping up, so that children will not stagnate or lose confidence. "Cai Jinlin said.
way
You must have something to say to get to the point.
Ma Xinyuan pointed out that "appreciation" in the word "appreciation", that is, appreciation, means appreciation because you know the value of a thing, and appreciation of a person's talent or the value of a work. The misunderstanding of many parents is that they don't understand and pay attention to the intrinsic nature of children's behavior, but praise their children in a perfunctory way, which will make children have an unclear and incorrect understanding of themselves. Parents should praise their children, first of all, they should pay attention to their specific behavior, internal quality and the process of hard work. More importantly, praise children and let them know clearly what they are appreciated for.
So, how to praise children is to praise the idea? For example, Ma Xinyuan cited an example to praise children's intelligence. For children aged 4 to 5, when the children perform well in the game, parents can say, "Baby, you are so smart. Do you know what intelligence is? You have memorized and understood all the rules of the game that your mother told you, and observed them carefully with your little eyes. The game has been very successful. " Such praise makes children know from an early age that cleverness means that the ears should be able to hear all the information and the eyes should observe things carefully.
For older children, parents try to praise the meaning behind their behavior. For example, children do things that are considerate to their parents. Parents can praise their children with their own personal feelings, such as "Mom is really happy to eat the rice cooked by her son and feels your love for her." Such praise lets children know that their efforts have brought happiness to their mothers and increased their sense of self-identity.
Nowadays, parents all know how to praise their children, what to praise, how to praise them, and when to praise them. This is more worthy of parents' thinking than saying "You are great" with a thumbs up. Carefully observe children's specific behaviors, bring their parents real feelings with their behaviors, and affirm children with unpretentious words when they need affirmation. Children will find self-worth and pursue self-Excellence in such appreciation. (Reporter Zhang Wei)