Apart from the ferocity of children, we can't help wondering whether there is a problem with parents' education at present.
Although parents don't need any assessment, they have to say that raising children is more complicated and hard than any job.
How to be a good mother? Perhaps this is the problem that should be considered more before raising children.
"If I were a murderer, would you still love me?"
Writer Wang Shuo always appears in front of the public with his maverick side. His unique writing style and unique perspective make people's cognition of this writer always biased towards "living clearly".
However, even though he is so transparent, when it comes to the relationship with his mother, he still can't get rid of his childhood alienation and love for his mother.
In 2007, he and his mother participated in a project called psychological interview. In the program, the gap between mother and child is visible to the naked eye. Of course, until the end of the program, the two did not usher in the end of crying.
Impressively, in the interview, Wang Shuo mentioned to his mother more than once, "If I were a murderer, would you still love me?"
When he was stubborn again and again and tried to get answers from his mother, we could feel that he longed for unconditional love from his mother, but in the end, her mother replied, "I want to report you."
So the whole program was carried out in an embarrassing and distant confrontation. Even though her mother tried to express her intimate relationship with Wang Shuo, Wang Shuo repeatedly denied it.
Facing his mother's deliberate ingratiation, he showed a natural indifference and resistance. It seems that it is not uncommon for families in China to be close to relatives who are eager to get close but unable to get close.
Parents and children are the closest relationship, but they become strange and alienated in the process of children's growth.
So what is quietly changing children's love for their parents?
Mom, please don't overdraw your children's love for your.
1. Separation at a young age can hurt children.
Many parent-child alienation stems from the separation of parents and children when they were young.
When a child needs to establish close relationship with his mother most, the absence of his mother will inevitably destroy the sense of security in the child's heart, and then lead to a negative psychological state of being abandoned.
The fragile emotional connection in childhood has also laid a time bomb for the shaping of parent-child relationship and parenting education in the future.
2. Excessive education will hurt children.
Perhaps in the eyes of mothers, the strict way to educate their children is for their own good, but in fact, when mothers ask themselves, it is inevitable that they will not mix excessive education with venting their negative emotions.
For example, anxiety about improper education, depression about less success and so on. The resulting abuse and abuse will stick to a child's soft heart like a knife.
3. Don't know how to respect children's appearance
It will hurt the child very much. When children realize that they are independent individuals, when children have ideas they want to express, what they want most is to be respected by their mothers.
If the mother at this time is blinded by the desire for control, if the mother at this time is blocked by dictatorship, then the parent-child relationship at this time will be in a state of great inequality, and children who are not respected will naturally be unable to respect their mothers.
Being a mother is something that mothers need to study hard.
1. Mothers' education needs skills.
Psychologist Adler once said that a mother's skill refers to her ability to cooperate with her children, but this ability to cooperate does not apply to dogma.
Obviously, when mothers blindly reason with their children or strongly demand that their children obey themselves, their educational attitude is very stupid and ignorant.
2. Pay attention to the connection between mother and child.
Every step of a child's growth is unrepeatable, just like series after series. If you miss this episode, you can only watch the next episode, without replay or replay.
If you want your education to be accepted by children, it must be based on close family relationships. Whether in early childhood or childhood, mothers should devote more time and energy to emotional management with their children.
Don't turn love into a burden to children.
When her mother came of age, she forgot her childhood wishes. Therefore, many mothers often "can't express it" even if they are good to their children.
It's like a child wants apples, but his mother gave him a car full of pears. The child doesn't like pears, so he thinks cars are a burden. At this time, the mother who gave everything felt that the child had wasted her mind.