1. Good study habits and healthy psychological quality are more important than knowledge.
As the saying goes; Three years old is a lifetime. Great educator Kong Ziyun; Teenagers are used to it: Bacon clearly pointed out in "On Life" that "habit is really a tenacious and huge force, which can dominate life. Therefore, people should establish a good habit through education from an early age. " It can be seen that the quality of childhood habits has a direct impact on people's life.
It is true that good study habits are the ladder for children to become talents. Ye Shengtao, a famous educator in China, said: "Education is to cultivate habits." Ushinski, a famous Russian educator, once had an excellent metaphor for habit. He said: "Good habits are the moral capital that people store in the nervous system. This kind of capital is constantly multiplying, and people enjoy its interest all their lives. " Of course, learning requires mastering knowledge, but it is more important to cultivate children's good study habits and learning ability. Knowledge is not equal to ability. Only people with rich knowledge, good habits and strong ability can become talents. Therefore, good study habits are a necessary condition for teenagers to become talents, a ladder to climb the peak of science and culture, and good psychological quality is also the wings of successful people. Good psychological quality plays a role in regulating and promoting intellectual development. Active cooperation enables intellectual factors to be fully displayed and brought into play in cognitive activities, while bad psychological factors disturb or hinder students' intellectual development. Light makes the intellectual factors unable to play normally, but heavy makes students go astray. Nowadays, with the general improvement of living standards, students are impacted by various social thoughts, and some even come into contact with commodity economy prematurely, which will inevitably produce some negative factors. They think that money is the most critical factor, which affects students' intelligence, so they lack clear learning motivation and indulge in game rooms and TV comic world. Once the proper learning motivation cannot be established in the heart, all kinds of bad thoughts that accompany children will appear under the simple and naive mind broadcasting system of students, and the children's psychology will be destroyed and go astray. Therefore, as parents of children, we should cooperate with teachers to establish a clear outlook on life and world view for children. Only students who are strong-willed, curious and eager for knowledge, care about things around them, and distrust students who have their own opinions and are willing to work hard will not waste their lives. It can be seen that success in learning is the result of good study habits and healthy psychological quality. However, at present, in family education, parents lack the attention and cultivation of study habits and psychological quality. Some parents often attribute their children's poor grades to their stupidity and poor intelligence, so they either let it go or hate iron to produce. Others seek "brain strengthening" and "memory", and some parents ask "tutors" to force their children to increase their study time and homework. As everyone knows, this kind of sick and tired tactics makes children psychologically ill, so it has little effect. For a long time, children are highly dependent, lose self-confidence or go astray because they are tired of learning, so their psychological development is unbalanced, largely because of the relationship between their families or parents, which deserves parents' attention and in-depth thinking.
Second, what good study habits do parents have to cultivate their children?
Study habit refers to an automatic tendency of students to study in order to achieve good learning results. Good study habits are not formed naturally, but are closely related to purposeful and planned training at ordinary times. In order to obtain the ideal learning effect, parents must guide and cultivate their children to have the following study habits:
1, cultivate children's habit of studying hard.
There are many ways for children to acquire knowledge, mainly in practice and reading. A knowledgeable person, in addition to being well informed, must also read widely, so it is necessary to cultivate children's habit of loving reading, reading more and knowing how to read.
There are many ways to read. Parents should guide their children to use various methods according to their own needs, such as combining elaboration with intensive reading, combining systematic reading with key reading, combining reading with thinking, and combining reading with use to write good reading experience or simple summary, which not only exercises their children's writing level, but also deepens their memory of reading content and gains something.
2. Be good at observing and thinking positively.
Observation is an important way for children to understand nature and society. Observation emphasizes not what they see, but what they see. At the same time, observation and thinking are inseparable. Children should have the habit of thinking while observing, and it is very important to be willing to think. Study habits, because all opinions are the result of positive thinking.
3. Have the habit of asking questions.
Finding problems and raising objections is the result of positive thinking. Being good at finding doubts and asking questions is a way for children to deepen their study and make it more meaningful.
Some children think it embarrassing to have questions that they don't understand in their studies. This understanding is one-sided, and the growth of knowledge is obtained through "learning" and "asking".
As parents, even if you have the ability to coach your children, don't over-coach them. This can easily lead to children's dependence. Sometimes he doesn't listen in class. If he doesn't understand, he thinks my parents can help me anyway. Over time, it will form a vicious circle in which he doesn't listen carefully in class and dare not ask questions to the teacher. Learning will definitely not be good. Therefore, parents should strive to guide their children to have the habit of improvement. I have a relative, whose two children are both college students, and now they are admitted to graduate schools. The principle he follows is to form the habit of children working independently and don't know how to ask the teacher the next day. Make children develop the habit and ability to dare to ask questions and be good at solving problems while increasing knowledge.
4. Have the habit of cherishing money like gold.
Cherish every inch is the secret of success. In order to make children achieve something in their studies in the future, parents must cultivate the habit of cherishing money from an early age. "If you don't work hard, the boss will be sad." This is an old saying of China people. While educating children to "do today's work well and finish today's work" in their studies, they should seize the time to study, take part in more activities that are beneficial to physical and mental health, and don't waste time.
So how can we cultivate children's good study habits?
(1) Create a good home study environment.
Talent research shows that environment is one of the important conditions that affect people's success. For children who are studying at school, the learning environment of the school is of course important, but the family is the base of children's life, and the learning environment of the family can never be ignored. Children should stay at home 24 hours a day 16 hours or more. What they learn at school every day must be digested and absorbed at home. Therefore, it is also important for children to learn well and develop good habits.
A good family study environment includes not only quiet residence, bright study, comfortable desks and chairs, suitable lighting and other material conditions, but also harmonious family interpersonal relationship, strong family study atmosphere and reasonable living arrangements, which families must attach importance to.
(2) Parents should set an example.
Parents' habits have a great influence on children. Many children's habits are subtly "transplanted" or learned directly from their parents. Therefore, children's good study habits depend on family members. First of all, parents teach by example. Parents love learning, regard reading and learning as their biggest hobby in their spare time, and talk about learning as an important topic in their families. Children will unconsciously improve their interest in learning and consciously imitate their parents to study hard, thus forming good study habits, and edification is an important way to cultivate good habits.
(3) Parents should criticize less and encourage more.
Parents should affirm and encourage their children's words and deeds and achievements that are conducive to the formation of the above good habits in the learning process. Makarenko, a famous educator in the former Soviet Union, said: "The best way to educate children is to encourage them to behave correctly." Psychological research shows that proper use of external rewards not only contributes to current study, but also promotes the development of internal motivation and the formation of habits. When Mao Yisheng, a modern bridge builder in China, was 1 1, he had the idea of "building a bridge when he grew up, and making it strong", and his idea was immediately praised and encouraged by his father. His parents encouraged him with the old saying "Where there is a will, there is a way" and educated him with the deeds of famous ancient scientists in China, such as Zhang Heng and Zu Chongzhi. Mao Yisheng's lofty ideals and parents' encouragement drove him to make unremitting efforts, and gradually developed good study habits such as diligent study, good observation, active thinking, courage to ask questions and cherish money, and later made contributions to the bridge cause in China.
Third, besides good study habits, psychological quality is also very important for learning success.
Children's psychological quality is not innate and balanced, it depends on the cultivation of the day after tomorrow. However, in real life, due to parents' psychological quality, parents' expectations and other factors, children have many psychological problems. Last year, I participated in the training course of Shanghai Family Education Construction Base and organized some surveys. The results show that the psychological problems of teenagers are more prominent, mainly as follows:
1, psychological pressure.
Students know what their parents expect of them, and they know that they shoulder heavy responsibilities. They study hard to repay their parents. Parents with excellent academic performance demand a constant victory, so they are afraid that others will catch up and surpass them. They are often nervous and dare not relax at all. They think that once they relax, they will be dragged into the water, and there is always a sense of urgency. Students with poor academic performance always feel inferior to others, anxious and afraid, desperately trying to catch up, but unable to catch up. Their psychology is really bitter, so no matter whether their grades are good or bad, especially the students in key middle schools feel that their grades determine the fate of the whole family, and learning is too important. So they feel that the psychological pressure is too great, the psychological burden is too heavy, and they are really tired! Nowadays, students are under great psychological pressure and heavy burden, and students from 1950s to 1980s didn't realize it.
2. Inferiority and self-blame.
Rosenthal, a contemporary psychologist, puts forward that not only individual expectations are related to individual behaviors, but also expectations affect others' behaviors. Parents' expectations of students will affect their development. Some students are influenced by their parents and have high expectations in every exam. Due to unrealistic or other reasons, they often fail. They think they can't meet their parents' high expectations and lose confidence. As a result, they have bad feelings. Lighter people are depressed and have a heavy feeling in their hearts, which further leads to low self-evaluation. They are worried, sad and bored all day, which leads to inferiority complex, especially those who spend a lot of money to enter school.
3. Nervousness and anxiety
Students' self-esteem and self-confidence are frustrated because they can't reach their goals. When their sense of failure and guilt increases, they will form a state of anxiety and fear. Especially when they are faced with exams, it is difficult for them to fall asleep, even staying up all night for several days, and nervous reactions such as rapid heartbeat, sweating and chest tightness occur during exams. There are also abnormal psychological activities, such as distraction, memory loss, slow thinking and so on. There are also some students who said in psychological counseling that their minds were blank during the exam and they were at a loss.
4, rebellious psychology
When students enter adolescence, they have their own thoughts, demands and interests, but their parents don't understand and communicate. They just emphasize reading blindly, too harsh and rude, which makes students have rebellious psychology and strong resistance. They object to what their parents say illegally, or passively resist or disobey. Most junior high school students report that they would rather tell their classmates than their parents. If parents are usually easygoing and kind, the family atmosphere is still calm; If parents are tough at ordinary times, the family atmosphere will be stormy at any time. For example, the relationship between a middle school student and his father is not harmonious. On weekdays, his father is very fierce to him. She is afraid of him. She is always silent. Her father insisted that she be admitted to the university, and she had to get her father's permission to do everything except study all day. Finally, one day she couldn't bear it, and wanted to kill her father, vent her anger, and then commit suicide. Due to timely discovery and psychological counseling, the tragedy was avoided.
5. Lack of learning motivation
Some students' poor academic performance is not due to other reasons, but lack of motivation, especially young boys. They only hear their parents nagging them to study hard all day, but they don't know what the motivation is. They think they are studying for their parents, so they have no active learning requirements and lack interest in learning. They just go to school to perfunctory their parents. Many students' academic performance is not bad, and they just study for their parents' expectations, so they have insufficient learning motivation and do not like learning.
It can be seen that the psychological problems of teenagers are quite prominent. As a senior one student, he just started junior high school and has relatively few psychological problems. If parents can pay attention to it from now on, it is not too late. As parents, to cultivate children's good psychological quality, we should first:
1, parents should set an example.
First of all, parents' words and deeds have a subtle influence on children. Parents are civilized and decent, work hard and study hard, and treat people warmly and sincerely. It will naturally become a role model for children, thus promoting their healthy growth. Secondly, with the continuous development of information today, as parents, we should keep learning, learn new knowledge and master scientific educational methods to adapt to this rapidly developing era, and at the same time cooperate with school education to cultivate cross-century talents. Finally, parents should also pay attention to the healthy development of psychology, because every day of life can't be smooth sailing. If parents often face life with an unbalanced attitude, it is extremely unfavorable for their children's growth. On the contrary, they can adjust their mentality, face life with a positive and good attitude, set an example for their children, and cultivate their psychology and self-confidence to bear setbacks from an early age. These psychological qualities will benefit their children for life.
Parents should encourage more and blame less.
Children's growth has different characteristics. He is not step by step, but a gradual process. As parents, we should respect children's personality and educate them according to their different age characteristics and hobbies. Not only pay attention to intellectual education, but also care about children's hearts and listen to their voices. You can also exchange roles or participate in children's activities, and you will find a wider world. When your heart is gradually attached to your child, your requirements for the child will be more realistic and easier to be accepted by the child, thus cultivating the child's good psychological qualities such as self-confidence, responsibility and good interpersonal relationship.
3. Parents' expectations should be appropriate.
Whether parents have expectations for their children is of great significance to the formation of family psychological atmosphere. If parents have no expectations for their children and let themselves go, they will form a neglected-indifferent family psychological atmosphere. If parents expect too much from their children and take severe measures to ask them to achieve goals they can't achieve, it may form a family psychological atmosphere of severe resistance, which will have a negative impact on their quality and studies.
Only when parents have appropriate expectations for their children can they have a good family psychological atmosphere, and children can master knowledge in the process of jumping and picking fruits and cultivate the ability to realize their parents' expectations. By appropriate, we mean appropriate and practical. Parents' expectations should not only suit the laws of children's physical and mental development, but also suit their children's characteristics. Proceed from the reality of your children, don't fan the north and encourage them, otherwise the children will rebel and suffer extreme opposition from their parents' will.
Parents' expectation of children is the alloy of parents' emotion and will, and it is the process of transmission and feedback of extreme psychological information between parents and children. Appropriate and balanced psychological information exchange will form a harmonious family interpersonal relationship and enable both parties to obtain a good psychological atmosphere that can fully develop their personalities. The famous "Rosenthal effect" in psychology proves that children who have expectations of teachers are often happier, more curious, more attractive and more adaptable than children who have no expectations of teachers. If parents have appropriate expectations for their children, they will also have this effect.
In short, parents will improve themselves while educating their children in a scientific way. Tolstoy said: "The essence of educating children lies in educating parents themselves." Confucius said, "His body is upright, but he doesn't obey, and his body is not upright, although he doesn't obey." If parents have noble sentiments, elegant tastes, strong enterprising spirit, healthy body and mind, and civilized manners, then these good qualities will certainly inspire children, promote a positive family psychological atmosphere, and make children develop physically and mentally healthily.