I often hear people around me say that women are stingy, especially married women. In the eyes of most people, women are gentle as water, but this does not mean that women are only gentle and not tough.
I admit that women who are confined to the moon are stingy, and any little injury can make them hold grudges for a long time. To tell the truth, "the hatred of confinement" is not a deep hatred, but an insurmountable hurdle in their hearts.
In fact, it is not that women are stingy, but that life forces them to wear armor. Why are married women particularly prone to hold grudges? Nothing more than life forcing them to be strong, forcing them to write down these bad memories to make themselves strong.
If someone around her always loves her and gives her enough sense of security and belonging to get along with life like a child, she certainly doesn't want to be an alternative in the eyes of others, the one who doesn't want to be close, because human nature is good.
However, the ideal is full, and the reality is always skinny. Most women's marriages are actually not so happy, and it is difficult for people they meet to give her great love.
In fact, for the love given by the other half in marriage, as long as he can provide more than five points, no woman will care too much, because marriage needs to be managed, and the feelings of two people need to be slowly adjusted. What women care about is the affection that blood is thicker than water.
For a woman, no matter how good her husband's family is to herself, she is not half as happy as her mother's family, because blood is thicker than water, which makes it easier for people in feelings to touch the tears in their hearts.
02
In the fifth year after marriage, Lin Haiying's husband offered to accompany her back to her family for the New Year. Lin Haiying had mixed feelings all night. That night, there were thoughts, hatred and joy in her heart.
Lin Haiying was born in a poor rural family with two older brothers. In the village facing the sea, the conditions of every household are not good and there are many children. Most of the reasons for the large number of children are that they want sons and expect their sons to provide for the elderly.
Parents facing the sea are no exception. When Yinghai was born, she thought she was a son, but she didn't expect to be a daughter. She thought she would continue to give birth, fearing that her daughter would be next, and that she would not give birth if she could not live.
Shortly after Yinghai was born, Yinghai's grandmother proposed to lose Yinghai and let Yinghai's parents have a new son. Yinghai's mother agreed, but finally Yinghai's father refused.
The two brothers arrived three years before Yinghai. There is a saying in the countryside: new boss, old second child, old boss. Originally, Yinghai was a burden to her parents (her father was incompetent and couldn't support a family), but in her eyes, Yinghai was raised as a girl.
Doll, skirt, these are all terms I learned from my female colleagues when I went out to work after going to the sea.
Before finishing primary school, Yinghai was forced to drop out of school by her mother, who asked her to go home to help with farm work and share the family burden. Even though her two brothers are far behind her in school, her mother still lets them continue their studies.
At the age of 15 or 16, Yinghai was asked by her mother to go out to work. A girl, a stranger, has no skill and knows little. When she first went out, Yinghai suffered a lot.
The mother of her hometown, no matter what she has suffered and what injustice she has suffered. She only cares about her monthly salary. If Yinghai's salary is not right, she will keep asking where the little part is spent.
Mother's partiality was clear to the sea before she went out to work. Although her father has no problem with himself, in front of her mother, he becomes a coward and never helps her.
The water in my mother's bowl is uneven, and my father's passive attitude is Nuo Nuo. This kind of family made Yinghai, who went out to work later, escape all the time, and couldn't wait to draw a line with this family.
However, the heart of facing the sea is still soft, and she will still take the initiative to give the money saved every month to her mother, still unable to cut off contact with this family.
03
After working outside for several years, Yinghai met her current husband. Her husband's family conditions are very good compared with those facing the sea. She has two sisters, and her parents are both workers. Yinghai's husband is very kind to her.
But she is such a good son-in-law, and her mother still bosses him around. If it weren't for the indifference of Yinghai's husband's family, Yinghai's marriage would have been cancelled because of the bride price.
At the beginning, Yinghai's mother asked for a bride price of 30 thousand yuan, and Yinghai's parents-in-law also agreed. Later, however, Ying Hai's aunt knew that Ying Hai's husband's family was in good condition and asked for a bride price of 50,000 yuan. The mother facing the sea naturally listened.
Actually, it doesn't matter if the bride price is changed. The big deal is that the two sides sit down and continue to discuss, but what Yinghai can't accept is that her mother actually asked for an increase in gift money when her husband's family came to propose marriage. At that time, Yinghai could still remember that scene.
Looking into her husband's eyes, the heart of facing the sea is much cooler. On the one hand, she can't bear to part with this marriage, on the other hand, she is chilling for her mother's words and deeds.
Fortunately, my husband's family didn't care, and finally gave a bride price of 50 thousand, and the dowry given by my parents was up to several thousand.
As the saying goes, the married daughter and the spilled water have been married for five years, and there are only a handful of times to meet the sea and return to her family.
First of all, the distance is too far. Yinghai is a married woman in a long-distance relationship. The distance between husband's family and her family is 1000 kilometers, and we have to change trains halfway. It's not easy to go home every time. Secondly, her family has done enough harm to herself over the years, and she doesn't want to relive those painful memories.
But this time, under the persuasion of her husband, Yinghai promised to go home for the New Year. After all, she is their daughter and they are their biological parents.
However, after more than ten hours' drive, I returned to my family that had hurt me. I am not waiting for my parents to make up for the lost love in the past, but for the continuation of the past injuries.
I didn't take care of the room where I slept at night I don't know how long it took before I covered them with quilts. I don't care about the children facing the sea. When I saw Ying Hai coming back, I asked her to arrange a family reunion dinner.
Her parents' behavior made Ying Hai's anger suddenly rise to the extreme, but under her husband's persuasion, she still endured it. I don't know. The anger broke out the next morning.
"Porridge cooked less, you want to eat less. Your two brothers will eat later, and leave the eggs in the pot for them to eat. "
"You mean I eat less, maybe I'm not your own? I didn't come all the way to spend the New Year with you to stay angry with you. If you have no eyes for my daughter, just say so, and I'll go back now. "
"I didn't call you back for the New Year. Besides, you are married, and there is no one in this family. "
Mother's words are completely cold to the heart facing the sea. The porridge just served went straight down. When I went back to my room to pack things, I asked my husband to drive back, and all the gifts I brought back for my parents were brought back.
This time, I didn't set foot in my parents' home for five years. I lived in my husband's home in 2006 and didn't go to my parents' home to pay New Year greetings.
04
Although the taste of Chinese New Year is getting weaker and weaker now, it is still the most important festival in the hearts of everyone in China. On this day, we put down our work, chatted with our closest relatives and had a happy reunion dinner.
No matter how much harm a family has done to us in the past, as long as the family is still there and the owner of this family is still there, then we will let go of the bad feelings of the past, but blood is thicker than water, which makes it difficult for us to give up.
With the growth of age and the change of self-role, we can all understand our parents' "preference for sons over daughters" more or less, but if we have let go of our parents' past eccentricity in our hearts and parents still go their own way, I think most people will find it difficult to accept it.
Born to be human, everyone is an independent individual. No one wants to fulfill the feelings of others, thus wronged himself. Especially in terms of affection, everyone hopes to get the recognition and love of their parents. I remember the children's song sung when I was a child: a child without a mother is like a grass.
For a long time, Yinghai has been forcing itself to compromise inward. She can accept the partiality of her parents in the past, but she can't accept the partiality of her parents all the time. The taste of not being recognized is hard for anyone, let alone a long-married woman.
It's really not that difficult to make a bowl of water level. It is true that parents are biased, but children's demands have never been so harsh. I just hope my parents can be as flat as possible.
Everyone wants to be treated well, but the premise of being treated well is that you should be kind to each other. I hope that in the eyes of every parent, my son and daughter are treasures that I love with all my heart.