The deterioration of any relationship is not achieved overnight.
When two people are together, the most important thing is mutual understanding and tolerance. This is a process of giving to each other, and any behavior that only protects one party will easily lead to the breakdown of this relationship in the end.
Even if you get married, it is no exception.
During the epidemic, Sister Juan's shop has not been opened, and there are few deposits left at home. The monthly rent, the store rent and the expenses of two children make Sister Juan breathless.
And her husband can sleep like a normal person.
Sister Juan asked her husband to go out and look for a job. Her husband refused to go, but began to argue with her about right and wrong: "Why don't you go, men and women are equal, why should I go out to find a job and you play at home?"
Sister Juan said that when she heard this, the whole person would explode.
She is not idle at home every day. She is busy with all kinds of things, housework and tutoring her eldest son. The youngest daughter is less than one year old, and she is indispensable.
This is the case. Her husband asked, why don't you go out to work?
Her husband said that if she went out to work, he could do things at home.
On the one hand, Sister Juan doesn't believe that he can do the housework well, and she doesn't trust to leave the children in his charge. On the other hand, she was also a little unconvinced.
Why do I have to carry everything alone?
Before the outbreak, Sister Juan and her husband ran a small shop together, mainly selling snacks at the school gate. Life is not good, but life is ok.
Of course, this can be done, which means that basic food, clothing, housing and transportation can be maintained.
What Sister Juan regrets most now is that she relented under her husband's sugar-coated cannonball and agreed to have a second child. Now her two children have completely trapped her later life.
She said she would never leave again.
Children are often a mother's weakness, but they can also make people strong, because as long as she is willing to feel wronged, life will continue.
02
When I met Sister Juan, she learned that I was not married and earnestly said to me:
"After you find the other half, be sure. Don't make a wrong choice because the other person is temporarily better. This man, he will change. "
Later, I learned from another sister who also knew Juanjie that Juanjie was the one who "finally smashed a good card" in the eyes of many people in her family.
Sister said that if Sister Juan had found a slightly suitable person, life would definitely be different now.
At least, not like this. In summer, Sister Juan will quarrel with her mother-in-law because of the electricity bill of a little air conditioner.
Mother-in-law doesn't like her to turn on the air conditioner and use too much electricity.
In fact, is the mother-in-law qualified to abandon her?
Sister Juan said that when she got married, her mother-in-law paid more than 6 thousand yuan, no garage, no bride price, and her husband had a wedding of more than 20 thousand yuan, and then there was nothing.
When she got married, her family gave her 80 thousand, and later gave birth to her first child. Her mother gave her 20 thousand yuan, including her expenses in the hospital, which was also paid by her mother.
It's nominally for my grandson. Actually, it's not because she's having a bad life Do you want to give some relief?
What about her mother-in-law?
Sister Juan said that since they got married, her mother-in-law has been asking them for money, and even for big and small things, she has to call them to get a cold medicine and ask her husband to take money.
Mother-in-law thinks that we should rely on our son, who is raised to prevent old age. When she was young, she didn't save a penny and squandered it, but her husband thought it was right for her son to be unconditionally filial to her mother.
The two of them argued about these things many times, but they never got a result.
If they are well-off, Sister Juan will not make trouble with him because of these.
The most important thing is that the two of them have a bad life and are short of money. After six years of marriage, they still live in a rented house and manage an air conditioner in summer. The savings are pitiful and the future is bleak.
Her attitude now is: let's take it one step at a time.
03
Sister Juan and her husband are now opening a shop, which was also found by her family. Her mother took the transfer fee, which was close to 30,000 at that time.
Although her parents were a little angry at first because she insisted on getting married, what is done is done, and later they are trying their best to help change their lives.
Regarding these, Sister Juan's husband is ungrateful.
Because my husband always thinks that Juanjie's parents look down on him because he has no money, they also have a lot of dissatisfaction.
That's not all the facts.
From Sister Juan's point of view, she understands that her parents sometimes speak badly, but also because they are distressed by her and angry with her husband for disappointing him, saying that he is too lazy and hates iron to produce.
And her husband, a man with strong self-esteem, also thinks more.
But whenever her parents say something wrong, her husband will make a big analysis and draw a bad conclusion, that is, deliberately targeting him.
Sister Juan can understand the truth, but her husband can't understand: "What are my parents good for him? They just can't stand his laziness sometimes and won't say anything harsh. If they really targeted him, why did they help us so much? "
Someone must be curious, since the two are so incompatible, why can they get together in the first place.
This is a very common routine: be good to her.
Her husband was so kind to her before marriage that she thought that if she didn't stay with him, she would never meet such a wholeheartedly person again.
Besides, her husband was not so lazy before marriage, and she never cooked before they got married. Her husband went to her house and did well. It was hard to help her mother cook, stir-fry and wash dishes. These are all extra points.
But the first quarrel with her husband after marriage was because she followed her back to her mother's house, and her father asked her husband to wash the fruit. Her husband began to be dissatisfied, saying that she went home as a son-in-law, and her father didn't go in person, nor did he ask her mother to go, but only asked him to go alone, which looked down on him.
Since then, her husband has paid special attention to these details, so he has a great opinion of her parents in private.
04
After getting married, their efforts in the family began to reverse, and her husband's pre-marriage happiness was gone forever.
She can't convince her husband, and at the same time she can't understand his views. She can only spit behind her back, but dare not tell her family, because it is her own choice.
At first, her parents also stopped it.
She said: "After six years of marriage, my husband is ungrateful. I don't want a garage or a bride price. On the contrary, I blame my family for not giving strength and being too cruel. " Her husband's opinion became more and more serious later.
He ignored everything her family gave them, including the 10 thousand yuan her mother gave her during the epidemic.
He only focuses on what he wants to see.
Because her husband thinks that her parents obviously have the ability to buy a house for them but don't buy it, which is a manifestation of son preference, saying that her parents' goodness is false.
Every time they talk about this topic, her husband will use this sentence: "If your parents really like you, why don't you buy a house for your brother?"
She asked, "Did your parents buy us a garage?"
Her husband said: "My parents have no money and will definitely buy it. Your parents have money but don't buy it. Isn't this biased? " You are still facing them. "
He is very weak. He's right. Every time Sister Juan talks about this phenomenon, she can only sigh.
This is the person she chose.
If she leaves, the price she needs to pay is too high. She doesn't trust to give him one of the two children, but she can't take both of them by herself.
As she said, we must take it step by step.
In marriage, what kind of person you choose is what kind of life you choose. Sometimes, a good relationship can make people progress, and a bad relationship can also make people go backwards.
In fireworks, whose life doesn't stumble?
However, if you can, polish your eyes before marriage, and you will certainly get more happiness after marriage.