This is a two-day course.
I finished the first day of class. After taking notes, there are more than 20 thousand words in one * * *. Just finished sorting out the text version of 0~ 1 1 year-old, and share it in several articles.
This article is the preface: important concepts.
The first important concepts to be distinguished are age-appropriate behavior, improper behavior and abnormal behavior.
This difference is really, really important! !
Because many parents regard school-age behavior as improper or abnormal behavior and adopt inappropriate coping styles, finally, the originally good children have psychological problems.
School-age behavior: behavior that conforms to the characteristics of children's age development. Translated into vernacular, it means: normal behavior. It's normal!
For example, a two-year-old child keeps throwing spoons. You help him pick it up and he throws it away. You pick it up again, and he throws it out ... this behavior is the age-appropriate behavior of a two-year-old child.
Knowing this, you won't be angry, and you won't say, hey, why does my child always throw things?
To deal with such behavior, the treatment method is:
Many parents, not knowing their children's age characteristics, interpret these behaviors as: children are naughty and stubborn. I have told you 100 times, don't throw the spoon, why did you throw it! ?
The parents felt very annoyed and angry and began to forcibly stop their children's behavior.
As a result, parents will really educate a stubborn child.
So many parents reflect their children's problems. In fact, parents don't understand their children.
There is nothing wrong with the children themselves, but parents should make up lessons.
If parents don't understand, they will suppress their children's normal needs and lead to psychological problems.
You might think, I won't make such a mistake. I know the stage of children's development and I am very patient.
So, let's talk about another common child "problem". Did you get shot?
Parents generally complain that children in the first to third grades of primary school are too lazy to do their homework. Do you know that?/You know what?
In fact, this is also because parents are too! Look! Urgent! .
The average attention of a first-grade child is 15 minutes. If he can sit there honestly, there are only two situations.
If you can't meet the above two requirements, then don't complain about your child's procrastination. Because this is also: school-age behavior.
Children in kindergartens and lower grades of primary schools can't distinguish between imagination and reality. This will be mistaken by parents for hallucinations, fantasies or lies.
A mother suspected that her child in the first grade of primary school had schizophrenia, because the child kept saying something that didn't happen, and he took it seriously.
For example, children will say that the school will form a band, let him participate, and need to stay and train after school. Mom feels quite happy. But the next day, I confirmed with the teacher that there was no such thing. Mother went back to ask the child. The child insisted: Yes, it is true.
For another example, the child went home and told his mother gloomily that our class XXX was approved by the teacher and was punished in class. The mother later found out that the child was talking nonsense again, but the child insisted that it was true.
This has happened several times. The mother began to worry about her children's hallucinations and delusions. I even wonder if the child is schizophrenic.
In fact, the incidence of schizophrenia in children is very low.
The high incidence age of schizophrenia is over 17 years old, female 17 to 37 years old and male 17 to 27 years old.
In addition, the emotional experience of children with schizophrenia is unpleasant. Most of them are painful experiences, rather than happily saying what happened.
There is only one accident, that is, the patient is exaggerating his delusions. For example, he said: I am the leader of the people, and I am here to save the earth.
In the above case, the child's behavior is a scene conceived by the child to satisfy his inner wishes. This is not! Yes! Gross!
This situation is common in kindergartens and children in grades one to three of primary school. As a freshman, the change of environment may cause his anxiety and loss, so he imagines something to comfort himself. At the same time, he couldn't distinguish between imagination and reality, so he took thinking as reality and told it to his mother.
In this case, parents don't have to worry too much, just need to understand that this is the normal performance of children of this age.
Another mother is worried about her children. Her son graduated from senior three, read a book, made a reading sharing, and was praised. However, children began to worry about the future of mankind. Instead of going out to look for a job, he stayed at home all day worrying.
The child may have schizophrenia.
First of all, it is in line with the high incidence of schizophrenia. Symptoms: worrying about the future of mankind is an exaggerated delusion. Because he feels responsible for the future of mankind.
In this case, another possibility is obsessive-compulsive disorder, which belongs to exhaustion obsessive-compulsive disorder (obsessive-compulsive disorder is generally divided into obsessive-compulsive concept and compulsive behavior).
The child's age is at a high incidence of fine scores and obsessive-compulsive disorder. According to the symptom description, it is more likely that the child is a subdivision. It is recommended to go to a specialized hospital for diagnosis.
I asked the teacher: What is the cause of schizophrenia? How to prevent children from getting segmentation? Senior three is difficult to raise and get good grades. How depressed parents are.
The teacher said that the finer points generally have a family genetic history, and may also be stimulated by environmental factors.
Some students asked about the case of red, yellow and blue kindergarten. The case of red, yellow and blue kindergarten was caused by the abuse of children in kindergarten after they returned home, which attracted the attention of parents, triggered further investigation and led to the exposure of the case.
If children can't tell fantasy from reality, how can we judge that children are showing reality from the beginning? Maybe this is their imagination.
The teacher gave a good standard: children's fantasies are generally good.
Because children's fantasies are to satisfy their own wishes, and their wishes are beautiful. For example, the first-grade boy in the above case wants to join the school band. He fantasized that his classmates were criticized by the teacher, and he also gloated. He has no illusions about being criticized by his teacher.
Children will not fantasize about some bad things, find unlucky things and upset themselves. Because everyone has the function of self-protection.
Therefore, if young children and children in lower grades tell their parents something bad, parents should pay attention to it and not simply think that it is their fantasy.
A classmate asked that a seven-year-old child witnessed death and was in a state of emergency recently. He would talk to his mother about death from time to time. What should I do with it?
Teacher's suggestion.
About emergency handling, or crisis handling, the specific operation mode.
It should be noted that adults themselves should be strong and not too fragile. Of course, if you are afraid, you can also express it without being too depressed.
Special reminder: If your child has the following traumatic stress reaction, you must find a professional counselor. It is not enough to rely solely on the company of parents.
The teacher suggested that parents should pay less attention to abstract terms such as reason, meaning and social responsibility, and discuss with their children in specific scenes. So that children can understand.
The teacher also shared her practice.
For example, she and her son, who is in primary school, discuss events outside the world. Let children know that this society is not all beautiful, but also has a dark side.
Parents can tell their children to pay attention to safety, not to join in the fun, and to know how to protect themselves. Run when you encounter a dangerous environment. You can call 1 10 on the premise of ensuring your own safety.
You can also go one step further and analyze the incident with your child. At the same time of analysis, parents are also transmitting values to their children.
For example, discussing this murderer feels that society is unfair and hurts innocent children, right?
The son said: society is unfair, but you can't hurt innocent people.
The teacher reminded that you can discuss the incident with your child, but don't show your child bloody photos and videos, because that picture is too exciting for your child. In fact, the spread of these photos is also a secondary injury to the victims.
Summary: Brainwashing should be early! Indoctrinate children with ideas and ideas before puberty.
Parents' words and deeds, every conversation, are imperceptibly affecting children and establishing their three views.
So to sum up, parents should learn to understand the normal behavior of children at different ages.
Many parents feel tired because they can't understand their children's age-appropriate behavior and ask them to restrain themselves.
Everyone has read that a good mother is better than a good teacher. This book is well written. But I still can't learn after reading it. Because education is an art, not a recipe. Because mothers are different and children are different. The book lists many scenes and measures taken by my mother. The scene is ever-changing, and the most important thing is that parents should understand their children and adjust their mentality.
When you understand children correctly, then your behavior will be different. Your children will be different, too.
Next, let's talk about the development priorities of children aged 0 to 1 1 and the priorities that parents need to pay attention to.
Other articles on parenting, psychology and positive discipline.