Reflections on nonviolent communication 1? I have finished reading this book for a long time, but for various reasons, I haven't had time to write this reading note. When I started sorting out my reading notes, I found that many contents had been forgotten. This is the case with most books I have read.
? A long time ago, I set up a flag, and I said that I must make reading notes after reading a book. Now, I'm glad I set up this flag, because I found that in the process of taking notes, I actually read the book once, and it didn't take much time to review the old and learn the new.
? I am very interested in books on psychology, so this book Non-violent Communication is no exception.
? The author of this book, Dr. Luxemburg, studied under the psychology master carl rogers in his early years. Later, he developed the enlightening and influential principles and methods of nonviolent communication (namely this book), and thus made outstanding achievements in promoting human harmony.
? Although this book is called nonviolent communication, it is not only a way of communication, but also a philosophy of life to realize a happy life.
? As the book says, as a good person who abides by the law, perhaps we never thought about being involved in "violence". But pay attention to the way of conversation in reality, and we find that some words are really hurtful. Accuse, ridicule, deny, preach, etc. These unintentional or intentional language violence make people become indifferent, alienated and hostile.
? The core of this book is to strengthen the contact between people through non-violent communication, not only to fully express themselves, but also to understand others, so as to achieve peaceful coexistence between people. The examples of nonviolent communication mentioned in the book all have good results. I don't doubt this, but I don't think it's easy to do it. Anyway, just do it!
Reflection on nonviolent communication II? This summer vacation, I read a book that made me meet and hate each other late, that is, Nonviolent Communication, written by Marshall Luxembourg. He is the founder of the Center for Non-violent Communication of the International Peace Organization and the head of educational services. The famous Dr. Marshall Luxembourg discovered a way of communication, according to which people can communicate with each other and live in harmony, which is "non-violent communication".
? "Non-violent communication guides us to transform and listen, so that we can no longer respond in a conditioned way, but understand our own observations, feelings and wishes, and consciously use language, so that we can express ourselves honestly and clearly, and respect and listen to others."
? After reading this book, in retrospect, I found that there seemed to be a lot of quarrels, complaints and dissatisfaction. If we use non-violent communication, the situation will be very good. I remember some time ago, I had a quarrel with my mother because I always liked to comb my hair in my room. I liked to lose a lot of hair when I combed my hair. My mother is very angry and thinks it is not good. She asked me why I didn't go to the bathroom to comb my hair. I did it because I wanted to comb my hair. My mother suddenly collapsed with anger. Looking back on the situation at that time, I should learn to guide my mother to express all her anger. Maybe by then I have calmed down and can solve this contradiction well. It can be seen that if nonviolent communication is used well, there may be less arguments and more good communication.
? The ancients said, "A good word warms spring, but a bad word hurts June." Make good use of nonviolent communication to make life more "love and peace".
Reflections on nonviolent communication? I applied what I had learned, so I tried to use the trilogy of "Expressing gratitude" in the last chapter of this book to talk about my thoughts at this moment.
? 1. What am I feeling? I am very happy. This book has given me great inspiration. It makes me understand more clearly how to communicate with my lover, relatives and friends.
? 2. What are the needs I need to meet? Find out your mental and emotional limitations, try those ways of thinking that trigger negative emotions such as anger, depression and anxiety, resolve interpersonal conflicts with harmless communication, and learn to establish harmonious and peaceful inner peace.
? 3. This book has benefited me a lot: I learned to express myself sincerely by practicing non-violent communication, instead of blaming myself for shame or guilt; Listen to others with concern, not criticize or blame each other; Focus on the unmet needs of ourselves or each other, and take this opportunity to seek change and benign communication, so that love can lead us to learn and grow.
? This book has given me profound insights. I also decided to try my best to change some bad places in my past, so that I can grow up healthily and actively, hoping that my growth rate in all aspects can be ahead of my peers.
? First of all, I'll tell you a daily story: a married couple, boys are all thumbs about housework, plus busy work, girls take on the cleaning of daily life at home. Boys will have some habits that girls don't like very much, such as getting up every day without opening the window, putting off slippers at will, and putting used paper towels on the table at will. As a result, the house was a mess. Every time a girl drags her tired body home, she feels uncomfortable when she sees this scene, because she loves cleanliness and neatness. Then, the wife will be very angry and say to her husband, "You don't pack your things again! Why don't you put your slippers away? "
? From this short story, we can sum up several characteristics of "violent communication": accusation, criticism and evaluation. On the contrary, "non-violent communication" is characterized by "no accusation, no criticism, no evaluation and no expression of feelings". Feeling not only includes the information, thoughts and emotions we want to express, but also clearly puts forward our own requirements, that is, communication goals. In this book, the purpose of nonviolent communication is to force people to delete the subtext automatically generated by the brain. These subtext make people wear colored glasses to see people and think things, which hinders effective work and communication. Instead of pointing fingers and swearing, it is better to think calmly first and then express your thoughtful thoughts. The key to a nonviolent life is to appreciate the gift of life, not greed. Nonviolent communication leads us to change the way we speak and listen. Instead of reacting reflexively, we understand our own observations, feelings and wishes and use language consciously. We can not only express ourselves clearly, but also respect and listen to other people's ideas. At the beginning of this book, four elements of nonviolent communication are explained: observation, feeling, need and request. According to these four elements, I summed up a complete model of nonviolent communication, something like this: "You criticized me three times today, and I feel very sad because I want to get your affirmation. Next time before you point out my mistake, can you affirm my love for you, tell me that you know I didn't mean to, and then tell me what I did wrong? " If you try to communicate with your lover in this way, even if the other person starts to get emotional, you can gradually soften. And when you make a specific request, the other party will also consider whether your practice really hurts you.
? Influenced by the family background and infected by the growing environment, we are always used to finding fault with others. I like to label others in one way or another, either to raise myself or to excuse myself. It seems that we put on a thick shell to protect ourselves, and also put a face of post-it notes on others. This not only alienated people, but also made them learn to escape and blinded their eyes. I can't see my own needs, my own desires, the reasons and needs of others' behavior. It may be the reason why boys work long hours and have rich social experience. Sometimes he will show disdain for the questions or words asked by girls. This attitude is hard for girls to convince themselves to accept it calmly. Because of this disdain, the intimate relationship between husband and wife has been erased to some extent. As a result, girls didn't use nonviolent communication to express their real inner needs and thoughts at all.
? This nearly half-year marriage has made me more deeply understand that the relationship between husband and wife is not a parent-child relationship, and we can't find a parent-type lover who will always take us as the center and give us "unconditional love". If you enter the marriage with such extravagant hopes, you will definitely end in failure. Your lover is not your counselor. Just like my husband often told me that he had many psychological problems before. But in fact, I just heard about it, and I can't really understand the trauma caused by his past. The relationship between consultation and interview itself requires the counselor to put down himself and pay full attention to you, but if you ask the other person to put down himself and pay attention to you in marriage, it is an unequal act in itself. So, do what you like and feel right, instead of taking the other person as the whole of your life and expecting your other half to pay attention to you. I also re-examined my attitude towards this relationship. I am an independent girl with my own ideas, many of which are not easily influenced by others. I still have my favorite life after marriage, and I am not overly attached to this relationship. Too ideal and full of expectations will lead to the loss of something in this relationship. Too much love makes it hard for the other person to breathe, and too much love makes the other person frustrated repeatedly, and all I get is negative feedback. Therefore, use non-violent communication to express your inner desires and needs, so that love can be better integrated into life.
? You took it away from me, which is the best gift I have ever received. When you know that I am happy because of my dedication to you, you will understand that my dedication is not to make you owe me a favor, but because I want to live my love for you. Accepting it cheerfully may be the best reward. I can't separate them. When you give it to me, I give you my promise. When you take it from me, I appreciate your gift.
? I'm Mona. If you like my article, you can add me to WeChat. Hope to meet you in the vast sea of people.