(Kiko)
My memory has become very poor recently, and I have confused many memories for no reason. Trying to guess the truth of the interwoven periods in my mind will only increase my depression. I suddenly couldn't remember his face and tried to piece it together. It's always wrong. I can't recognize it. No matter how I sketch, it is far from my image.
However, do you believe that even if I make a fossil, I will never forget to write that sentence on the last page.
Su Jinnian loves Sun Gerui.
I won't let anyone see it, but I will rub my fingers repeatedly and laugh quietly when I am alone, and my heart will suddenly surge like a flood, and then close my eyes. She was in tears.
( 1)
When I met Sun, I was nineteen years old, and my whole heart was transparent and pure white, with no traces of tears and injuries. I stood at the school gate with my luggage, looking around blankly and at a loss. When freshmen enter the school, the campus is full of people, and the surrounding people are even more crowded. I thought I could easily find the freshman reception desk by my glib tongue. But when I looked back, I saw a face that was more hasty than me.
She shook my arm hard. What should I do, Jinnian? We'll die of heat here.
Indeed, as she said, the air is full of heat, and even breathing seems to be a punishment.
I caught a white figure floating by. Where is the reception place for freshmen?
The white figure turned around and looked at us sweating and smiled. I sighed in unison with me: ah!
Really a woman who makes people shine at the moment. She is the only person who is cool and comfortable without sweating, just like an angel on earth. Even if I am a girl, I can't help being moved by it. How to describe her face? I thought hard for a long time and only got two words.
A godsend. Only these two words, needless to say.
Under her long black hair is a plain white face, and without makeup, it is easy to compare with the piles of fat swallows beside her. She took my hand and her voice was sweet and kind. I'll take you there.
On the way, she asked our names, and I answered honestly. Su Jinnian is rather lazy. She's great. What a nice name. My name is Gu. Yanshan said that the name senior is also very good. She shook her head sadly. The name is too thin to be blessed. I was speechless and didn't know how to answer.
Fortunately, the destination has arrived, she pointed to the inside and went in by herself.
I quickly thank you, senior beauty, thank you. She squinted at me blankly. Jin nian, you are really a lovely child. You can come to me if you have anything in the future. Spanish department. Gu liangji
Pushing open the door was not as lively as expected. I looked at it, walked up to a leisurely boy and knocked on his desk rudely. Hey! She looked up and I froze at once. What's going on here? Why do I always meet this inhuman face today?
His hair was cut very short and neat, his eyebrows were like ink, his sideburns were like knives, his eyes were rippling with gentle waves, and he looked at me lazily without saying a word.
I let his eyes sweep from my hair to the corner of my eyes and eyebrows, standing in the same place, completely forgetting the original intention of coming here, with his mouth open and unable to make a sound.
For a long time, I broke the silence, senior. We're here to register. He looked at my embarrassment and couldn't help laughing. I am not in charge of reception. He pointed to a boy across the street. Go find him.
Turning around, I accidentally saw the school card on his chest. Those three words have been implanted with bone blood since then, and it is difficult to give up.
Sun gerui
(2)
I saw him again half a month later.
At noon that day in the canteen, I suddenly lost my chopsticks and cried like a collapse. Jinnian, the food here is really not for people to eat! I sighed and threw away the chopsticks. In the evening, we go to eat hot pot.
Sisters say there is a hot pot restaurant near the school, which is delicious. We went hungry in the evening.
Hardly had I sat down when I heard someone calling me. Through the dense water vapor, Leng Ji waved to us and came and sat down. She is wearing a rose-red dress, which is indescribably charming. At present, it is Sun who is sitting beside her and helping her with food.
My heart suddenly had some infarction and my breathing stopped for a while. Nail involuntarily pinched into the palm, a burst of dizziness.
Leng Ji warmly greeted me to sit on her right and asked me with a smile, why don't you ever come to me? I whispered, I haven't figured out a way yet. She smiled and said to Sun, Jin Nian is the primary school girl I told you about. She stood at the door like a little fool on school day. He gave me a brief look and nodded and smiled.
I suddenly lost my appetite.
Scrawled to eat some vegetables, and then put away the vegetables and chopsticks, curiously asked, is it not delicious or want to lose weight? I rushed to answer before I opened my mouth. She always does. When I was a child, I heard from her grandmother that people have limited food in this life, and whoever eats first will die first. She wants to be a Millennium snake spirit.
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s 1qi
1 fans
second floor
I threw myself into her face and everyone at the table laughed. Cold silence parted us and hugged me affectionately. Tell me, lovely Jinnian, why did you live so long?
I lowered my head and said softly, because I want to die later than the person I love ... There was another burst of laughter around me, just a cold and gentle sign for me to continue. I timidly raised my head and faced my grandson. I think, if I die first, my lover can't bear the pain of losing me, so I must live longer than him. I will hold a funeral for him as a wife, so that he will not miss this world and greet me with a smile in another world.
The whole table was quiet. I took a deep breath and patted my face. Jin nian, you are really a good boy.
A faint smile appeared on Sun's lips and splashed into my eyes. Eyes burning like fire. From beginning to end, he didn't say a word.
After saying goodbye to everyone, Yan Shan and I went straight into an Internet cafe.
I wrote a diary on my blog: The first time I saw Sun in this strange campus was the first scar carved in my life because of disappointment. It turns out that love really doesn't need a lot of time to brew, and then generate. Sometimes, it's really just a quick glance that makes you blind in your life.
I've heard about their romance, a real couple. I also firmly believe that his side can only be her, and no one else deserves it.
I happened to see a red rope tied to his left wrist and a bright red one tied to his right hand tonight. I hold my heart tightly, for fear that it will suddenly spurt blood.
It's not just this kind of life. In the afterlife, she made an appointment in advance.
Life after life, never give up, how beautiful.
But, Sun, are you and I really out of touch?
Looking at the black template, then, tears fell silently.
(3)
In the dead of night, I tossed and turned in bed and couldn't sleep. I leaned my face to me and vaguely asked, what should you do if you play dead? I am tired and depressed when I hear my own voice. Come and play with me.
Her skin is smooth and delicate, and she hugs me tightly, baby. Is it for her grandson?
I laughed at myself, thinking that the cover-up was flawless, but there were still clues, and others could see the truth at a glance. Her hand turned. It's okay. I didn't tell anyone.
She said, Jin nian, go to him tomorrow and tell him how much you like him.
I shook my head firmly, why bring disgrace to oneself.
At this time, no one can continue this topic. For a long time, I suddenly asked me, have you noticed Ye Chen? I didn't respond, either one was in the morning. Her eyes sparkled like diamonds in the dark. My senior helped me register. He is here tonight, as if he were Sun's friend.
I laughed and chased it.
She is angry, so she is not reserved. I will wait for him to come to me.
Chen Yi finally came, but unfortunately she didn't go to see her. When he asked, "Is Jin Nian there?" His gloomy face became ugly and he forced out a smile. There she is. A moment, please.
In the garden of the apartment, I will look at it carefully from top to bottom in the morning. He is handsome in appearance and pure in temperament. Thinking of my glowing face when I talked about him, I pulled out a bitter smile on my mouth.
Chen Yi smiles very cute, and his eyes are as pure and clear as those of a child. He said that the golden year was encouraged by cold silence.
I have been smiling politely, determined not to talk.
He paused and continued, Jin nian, I want to be with you if I can.
At this point, I can't keep silent. I looked up and the sun shone all over me. I said, that's very kind of you, but I already have someone I like Say that finish turned and ran, stopped a few meters away, turned around and said loudly to him, in fact, decayed is a very good girl, you will like her.
With his back to the sun, he looks like an expressionless sculpture.
After class, I saw He Sun, vaguely guessed their purpose, and stopped. They came over, and I subconsciously spread out my palms, which were all sweaty. However, his face remained calm all the time.
The cold tone is full of doubts. Why don't you accept Ye Chen? He is such a lovely person.
Sun behind him frowned, his eyes were calm and sharp, and his expression was clear. I deliberately turned a blind eye and answered Leng Ji softly. I have told him that I have someone I like.
Cold and silent eyes open so wide, who is it? I'll match it for you.
I finally looked up and confronted him, and every word was clear. It's a pity that the person I love has long fallen in love with someone.
Then suddenly there was a dull pain in the chest, and the blood stagnated in the vein and flowed backwards.
2008- 1-8 15:09 reply to delete the letter.
s 1qi
1 fans
second floor[British English]; third floor[American English]
(4)
I bought two black goldfish in a small shop near the campus. I change their water, feed them, clean their fish tanks and observe them carefully every day.
I am curious. You used to hate these things. Why did you come in so perverted?
I smiled and didn't explain. Of course I'm not lonely, and naturally I'm not bored. But when I first saw them swaying in the water, I suddenly realized how slippery love is like a goldfish, and it will escape from my hands at any time.
Many things are never beyond our control.
At that time, Chen and I were still diligent, but she was depressed and had found another lover.
It was cold, so I put my collar up, revealing only two bright eyes. Through the overlapping gardens, in the corner of the apartment, I saw the light of cigarette butts.
He was embarrassed for a moment when he saw me. I'm at a loss. I looked at each other and forgot my words. He put his cigarette butt on the wall, smiled at me and called my name for the first time. Jinnian, I've been waiting for you for a long time.
Tears suddenly filled my eyes and slowly overflowed from the corner of my eyes. I tossed and turned for months just to hear him call my name himself, as if I had been blessed by the Lord, and my heart was full of inexplicable grievances and joy. I stared at him stubbornly, motionless. The wind messed up my hair. He hesitated for a while, finally came over to help me heal, and then gave me a gentle hug.
I cried in his warm arms.
I asked him for a cigarette, holding it firmly with my forefinger and middle finger, lighting it, inhaling it and slowly spitting it out. Elegant and meticulous posture. He touched my head, son. Don't smoke if you can't. Hurt the body.
I looked into his eyes seriously, and my tone was very positive. Whatever you can do, I will do it.
He was dull, clenched his fist and turned his face away, as if afraid that I would see his expression. Jin nian, why did you show up so late?
I frowned and my heart ached. Hit him in the face with a cold hand. Sun, I won't be your trouble. I love you. This is my own business.
There was a crackling fire in the air, and we stared quietly. How can I deny my love? Just seeing his gentle eyes, I can cry with joy. I said softly, Sun, you know, when we first met that day, your little smile came crashing into my sight, just like being blindfolded in the sun, and the world was suddenly dark.
I tried to smile at him, but tears came down reluctantly.
He leaned down and kissed my lips hard, destroying my reason a little with the moist fragrance in his post. Between tears, I saw a figure flash in the corner, and my brain suddenly went blank.
It's him, Ye Chen.
(5)
At KFC, I had a wry smile all morning. It was Sun, and I finally understood. But Jin Nian, cold and lonely, regards you as her sister. How could you hurt her?
I hesitated several times, repeatedly, and finally gave up communication. I know that no one will understand my thoughts. If others smell the slightest ambiguity between me and my grandson, they will insist that I want to win love in her arms. No one will understand that I love him more than cherish my plain reputation. I love him, so I extend this infinite love to everyone around him, and the first thing to do is indifference and silence.
I'd rather be covered in scars than let him lose a penny. My love is actually so soft and non-threatening.
Yi Chen held out his hand. Anyway, you are the girl I cherish. If you have anything, please come to me.
He and Lengji are the people I cherish from the bottom of my heart. I didn't mean to hurt them, but I'm sorry. Love is always powerless. My body curled up and my soul trembled guiltily in this thin body.
In late autumn, I received a cold phone call. Today is my birthday. You and Ershan must come.
There were colorful songs and dances everywhere that night, which made me and I look like two Cinderella who broke into the palace. Leng Ji danced in the crowd in a long sapphire dress, and her skirt danced. Her blushing face was a blooming rose.
My eyes shuttled back and forth like radar, looking for the haunted figure.
Standing behind the crowd, he looked at me with gentle and pitying eyes, and my heart trembled slightly. It turns out that we have the same loneliness and yearning. Determined not to look at him again.
My gift to Lengji is KENZO's perfume, and the bottle is a fallen leaf in the wind. I said, Lengji, I hope you like it.
She winked at me childishly, and of course I liked it. But you have to remember that a man's promise is like perfume, which can only be smelled, but not drunk.
I really can't resist her cuteness.
Sun's gift shocked the audience. In addition to a handful of delicate and charming blue enchantress, there are also Lu cherry bags brought back from abroad by his mother.
There was a surprise in her cold eyes, and then she jumped up and kissed him on the cheek. The cheers around broke out like thunder.
I grabbed my weak hand and my teeth trembled. Get me out of here, now!
2008-1-815:10 reply to delete the seal.
s 1qi
1 fans
Fourth Floor
I had the cheek to see me the next day, Jinnian. Why did you leave in such a hurry yesterday? I smiled and shirked. I don't feel well. There are too many people to tell you.
She raised her eyebrows, so I'll treat you to a cake. Don't refuse.
I have a good posture when I smoke. She looked at me in surprise. Jin nian, you are a bad boy now. I laughed, but didn't say it. She looked at the cigarette case and said absently, Marlboro is Sun's favorite brand.
He is the name I need to be silent for a long time, and I bowed my head and said nothing.
The cold season suddenly became anxious. In the golden year, Sun changed and didn't love me so much. He once said that he would give me a diamond ring at my twentieth birthday party and propose to me, but last night, he broke his word. She buried her head and her voice was cold. Maybe he fell in love with someone else.
When my fingers trembled, soot flew all over the table. Lengji, tell me, what would happen if he really felt the same way with you?
She suddenly looked up, her eyes burning with anger that I had never seen before, and her whole face was distorted. In that case, I won't make them feel better.
The cold sweat on my back. Sweating profusely
(6)
Get up in the middle of the night to write a radio:
Since knowing my grandson, I have completed the transformation of rebirth.
I have deep fear and anxiety about the combination opportunity now. Although the surface is calm, I know how subtle the situation has changed.
But I was right, wasn't I?
I love him, and it's not my fault, although no one will forgive me.
Now my grandson and I are so close to ambiguity and so far from love. That night, he said in my ear, Jin nian, you are such a pure girl, I really can't bear to wronged you. I smiled and wiped away the tears that almost filled his eyes. At that moment, the pain in my heart crossed the mountain. I'm so ashamed, it's all my fault, making the people I love embarrassed because of me.
I really never expected anything. As long as I can stand beside him and look at him, I will still feel very satisfied even if there is someone else in his arms.
Maybe our love is doomed to have no ending, and we are cursed for being late.
When I finished writing, I saw a new message. As soon as I saw it, I froze. It's him. He said, Jinnian, we either love each other or die.
On weekends, a group of people meet to climb mountains.
Leng Ji has been holding Sun, and I forced my eyes not to look at them. I sprained my ankle on the mountainside and my tears came quickly and directly. He came to carry me this morning, too. He knows why I'm crying.
After they finished eating, I slipped to the back hill, took off my socks, looked at my swollen ankle, and took medicine out of my bag to wipe it. Finally, he took out a Swiss army knife and wrote on a big stone.
Su Jinnian loves Sun Gerui.
I don't remember when I fell asleep When I woke up, it was dark. He turned his back on me and banged on the stone. I went to see it.
Su Jinnian loves Sun Gerui. Sun Aisu Jinnian.
As if a broken circle finally fits. My tears are dripping down.
He hugged me and said, I found you missing after going down the mountain. I'll send them back to school first, and then I'll come to see you. I didn't see you this afternoon. I thought you were waiting for us at the foot of the mountain.
I said, let's go down and take the bus.
He raised his eyebrows and made some jokes. Idiot, they just took the last bus in the morning. We will spend the night here.
The hotel is very clean, and it's a bit embarrassing for us to squeeze into the only room.
Suddenly, he stood up. I'd better go out. I hold him, no need, dear, any taboo between you and me is unnecessary.
I gently kissed his forehead, eyes, nose, lips and earlobe. Stretch out a slender hand, pull open his coat and breathe in his ear. Sun, please want me, please.
When his body froze, he grabbed me tightly and kissed me back warmly. Every finger of his is like a burning flame. Wherever he goes, the flame is very strong.
I close my eyes and wait for the person I love to lift my taboo.
For a long time, I opened my eyes and he was smoking by the bed. I put my arm around him and whispered, what's the matter? He turned his head and his eyes were red. Jin nian, since I can't give you anything, I shouldn't have selfish possession of you. You should keep your innocence and give it to people who deserve it.
I unbuttoned my shirt quietly, Sun. If it weren't for you, I can't think of anyone else.
White body exposed in front of him, I put my hand on his chest. Please take me.
The sharp pain is followed by crazy pleasure. He saw the dazzling crimson on the sheets and struggled to tear off the red rope on his wrist. His head was buried in my neck and he choked and said, Jin nian, let's go to see Lengqi tomorrow. Let's go together.
2008-1-815:10 reply to delete the seal.
s 1qi
1 fans
Fifth Floor
(7)
He took me to her, cold and silent, and this red rope is back to you.
She shrank back, a white and bloodless complexion. Sun, please explain to me what this means.
His hand has never let go of me, and Jin Nian and I are in love. That's it.
I was shivering with cold, my beautiful face was ferocious with anger, and my eyes were shooting arrows and gnashing my teeth at me. Su Jinnian, you are a shameless little bitch. I should have known that you are not a kind person. You deliberately used me to get close to him, and then shamelessly seduced him. You had sex last night! Your body is your killer. Su Jinnian, I was wrong about you. I was blind.
I held back my humiliation and looked at her calmly. Time seems stagnant and cold. I really like you, not for him. ...
Hardly had he finished his words when I heard a clear slap in the face. Before Sun and I could react, they rushed up and slapped me. Then, I smelled blood red, sweet and sticky. My face seemed to explode and the echo in my head buzzed.
She also rushed over and was caught by Sun. I pulled myself together and left. I dare not look up all the way. She said, don't try to be brave. If you get hurt, you will cry.
I held back my tears. I'm not hurt, really.
I am sad to see how beautiful and cold silence is, and I am sad to lose her when I get my grandson. It feels like breaking a crystal cup with your own hands, but there is nothing you can do.
In the evening, I received a cold phone call. Her voice was cold and tired. I am downstairs. Come alone.
I refuse listless company. Some things should always be made clear openly, and it is useless to escape. This is a disaster for Ji Liang and me, and there is nothing others can do.
There's nobody downstairs. I looked around and was about to return. Suddenly, a figure rushed out from behind, holding a glass of liquid and splashing it on my face. I instinctively blocked it with my arm, and there was still a little splash on my face. After a burning pain, I let out a terrible scream.
Laugh coldly, haha, I see how you seduce him now.
Before I fell unconscious, the last thing I said to the hearing was, don't call the police, don't tell Sun.
The hospital smelled of soda, and my face was wrapped in layers of gauze. I vaguely heard my mother say, fortunately, my clothes are thick and my arms are fine, but there will be scars on my face.
I groaned and called my lazy name, and her warm body stuck up and hugged me tightly. Jin nian, don't be afraid. I'm here.
I almost bit my lip, fearing that I would make a faint cry. She comforted me like a child, Jin nian, believe me. You are always the most beautiful, and you are as beautiful as ever.
Chen Yi also came to see me. He brought my favorite calla lily. Take my hand and sincerely say that you are as pure as calla lily.
Even in the cold silence, she came. Although she was slapped a few times at the door, she insisted on seeing me. I calmly asked her to sit down, and she suddenly covered her face and burst into tears.
She cried and said, Jin nian, I'm sorry, I don't know what to say to you. I finally got back at you. I should jump for joy, but when I see you lying here, I just feel like a knife. Jin nian, why is this? ...
I close my eyes. Lengji, you are my first friend in this city. I am surprised at your beauty and kindness. You are my idol. I never wanted to separate you from him. I admire you so much, how could I want to hurt you?
But I love him, cold and lonely, I'm sorry. Love, it always has reason to betray the whole world.
So I don't blame you. Everything you have done for love deserves forgiveness. But you have to promise me that Sun will never know about it.
(8)
I begged my parents to help me drop out of school and leave the city. Stay at home all day and write to familiar editors to earn some pocket money. My mother couldn't bear me to be tired and told me not to be hard on myself. Anyway, there is no shortage of money at home.
I hugged her and smiled. I don't want to be a parasite.
Every holiday, Yan Shan and Hui come to see me together. They finally came together. Life is a process of going around, and there are always some unexpected surprises.
But in my life, there is one person who is always absent. Everyone was forced to promise me to hide his whereabouts and not let him know what happened during that time. I am like a fog in his life. That memory was abandoned by me in the depths of time, along with the tears and pain I didn't want him to know.
Every time I leave, I am carefully asked. Can't I really tell him?
I'm determined, absolutely not.
Look up at the sky, you don't have to pick the stars with your hands. Now this broken face is no longer worthy to appear next to the perfect face.
My right face was completely destroyed from my cheekbones to my ears by that cup of sulfuric acid. Although my parents spent a lot of money to take me everywhere for medical treatment, although the implanted skin was basically flawless, although my silky long hair easily covered my whole face. However, some things, once they happen, cannot be erased.
I never have such a young face to smile at the person I love again.
Pestering me to get a tattoo, a flying butterfly stayed on my right face all my life.
Shocked half a face, without hesitation.
Looking up information in the library on weekends, my mobile phone vibrates. I went to the corridor to pick it up, and my backpack was gone. Looking for it in rows along the bookshelf, I was in a hurry and finally saw its old figure in the corner.
I quickly checked the contents of my bag and found that the memo had been moved. Take it out and turn it page by page until it comes to the end. Tears drop by drop on the sentences written in wet ink.
Su Jinnian loves Sun Gerui. Sun Aisu Jinnian.
A shadow stopped in front of me. I grabbed my backpack and ran away, but he took it into my arms. The smell of disobedience is refreshing. Rui, who I have missed for a long time, crossed Cangshan and came to my side again.
Jin nian, you are too cruel to collude with everyone. If Lengqi didn't convert to God in Spain and decided to tell me everything, how long would you keep it from me? Do you think I only love beauty, but I don't really love you?
He rolled up his sleeves and got a butterfly tattoo on his arm, just like my face.
Jinnian, you once said I would, so you need to know everything. I should have what you have.
He lowered his head and kissed the butterfly on my face. Golden Year, I love you. Please marry me.
Su Jinnian loves Sun, and Sun loves Su Jinnian. This is the fate signed by the red line. We have to run away from each other, which is doomed to be futile.
Dear, how lucky it is, such a long time and so many people. We never lost each other. Finally, one day, I heard you say you love me.
I raised my tearful face and smiled and said, I do.