1. Most people regret doing less than they regret not doing-social psychology
No matter what you do, whether you succeed or not, you know what it is and put an end to it. In retrospect, the first thing that comes to mind is this period, and I rarely feel regret and regret.
But things you haven't done, such as your secret love in high school, a foreign land that is too beautified, and giving up the postgraduate entrance examination halfway, always make you dream and can't enjoy the present.
2. In a survey of adults, the most common regret is that they have not taken their studies-social psychology more seriously.
In life events, studies are the most controllable and have the most far-reaching influence on us.
Usually, how much you pay in your study, how much you get accordingly. But after adulthood, love, work, interpersonal relationships, everything becomes uncontrollable.
You put in a lot, but you don't necessarily get a lot. Your love is deep, and you may not be able to catch up with other people's beautiful skins. The position you got by burning the midnight oil may just be something that someone else went through the back door.
Because this involves a factor that ordinary people cannot control-people.
Over time, shy people can often be accepted and liked by others. They are not self-centered, but modest, sensitive and cautious-social psychology.
Shy people are like fat people. They know their own disadvantages and are more willing to be kind to others in interpersonal communication. If others are kind to him, he will return more. Therefore, we can gain a deeper and more lasting friendship.
Second, Keith Sinew's "Say No to Pseudopsychology" If you want to know what is what, you must first know what is not. In today's society, pseudopsychology is very popular. Only by understanding what psychology is not can we better understand psychology.
My friend recommended this book to me when I was in college. Unfortunately, I was impetuous at that time. After reading a few pages, I put it on the shelf. Now, read it again. I can't put it down.
1. Darwin went further than his contemporaries because he was not bound by the impulse to "make the universe meet his expectations". A truly enlightened person is willing to follow the guidance of evidence. An enlightened person is willing to listen to a fair investigation, not his own prediction. The scientific method is the confirmation of the world, not our own-saying no to pseudo-psychology.
In life, you will find that we often have an "intuition" about people and things, thinking that things will develop in a certain direction and what kind of person someone is.
This is extremely harmful: when you have preconceived ideas about a person, such as "he is not a good person", when you contact him, you will deliberately alienate him and be mean to him.
Hostility always leads to hostility. If he is in his throat, he will try his best to make you unhappy. In this way, his bad behavior confirms your hypothesis that he is not a good person.
But in fact, he is not a good man. You designed him step by step.
Psychology also refers to this phenomenon as self-certified prophecy: it means that people will unconsciously act according to the known prophecy and eventually make it happen.
To put it simply, the forecast may not be correct, but we are influenced by the forecast and let the development direction of the situation approach the forecast.
However, a truly enlightened person will put down his intuition and not judge people and things, but learn as much information as possible and let the facts surface.
Third, Dennis Kuhn "Introduction to Psychology" This is a textbook that teaches you how to read textbooks from the beginning. The strong operability is the characteristic of this book. How to avoid the temptation of delicious food and how to quit smoking when losing weight, this book is detailed and comprehensive from theory to concrete operation.
The characteristics of psychotherapy are simple and practical.
1. Being despised is because they belong to a minority, not because they are born with a problem —— Introduction to Psychology
You think my three views are correct, probably because I share your three views. You think my three views are incorrect, maybe it's just because my three views are unacceptable to you.
As long as it doesn't hurt others, any lifestyle that makes us happy is worth pursuing.
2. If you don't take care of yourself, people in the funeral home will take care of you instead of you-an introduction to psychology.
Stop talking and go to bed.
Fourth, the translator of Kurt R. Barthol's Criminal Psychology is Li Meijin!
1. People who are told that they can apply for a million-dollar prize by saving 500 dollars should know that if something is too good, it should not be true, and such a thing cannot come true.
People who are often cheated and negative and pessimistic believe that small probability events will happen to them.
But the reality tells us that if something is too beautiful, it is probably not true, it is deliberately designed like that, ready to cut your leek at any time.
2. A person's life is a road accompanied by various risk factors.
Entering college means that your life begins to enter a difficult mode; Finding a good job also requires a lot of mechanical repetition; Living with the goddess can also cause a lot of trivial quarrels. ...
You sometimes expect to get rid of everything and be happy forever by realizing a dream or living with a person, but this is unrealistic. Life is a bittersweet road.
High expectations often lead to high disappointment. If you can't bear high disappointment, you'd better learn to lower your expectations.
The rational approach is to keep the expectations of the outside world to a minimum. As things change, constantly adjust your expectations.
The most important thing is to enjoy the present. Because the future is unpredictable.
After graduation, you went to Shanghai, lived in a box of 2000 yuan a month, and were squeezed into patties by people on Line 5, cursing in the smell of perfume, sweat and fart.
If you are a woman, you should be careful of the nasty salty pig hands. When you can't sleep at night, you often feel lonely and desperate. In this pervasive sadness, your face is aging, your body function is declining, and the key is that you may not have money yet.
3. It is easier to slap a child than a patient and meticulous educational strategy, but the result of this slap may be serious.
Angry teaching children seems to be good for them, but it is actually a manifestation of incompetence: difficulty in empathy, inability to communicate effectively, and lack of patience. Obviously, it is much easier to hit a child directly than to face up to his incompetence.
If you are beaten, the child will find the reason. In an authoritarian family (parents first), he can only find reasons from himself. He thinks he did something wrong, which led to his being beaten.
This will lead to his negative self-concept: he began to become cautious, self-abased and too self-blaming. This is particularly evident in her love and marriage.
We usually think that violence is the most hated and rejected by children who often suffer from domestic violence in love. Actually, not necessarily. They may be more tolerant of violence from their lovers than normal people, especially if their mother is also subjected to violence.
I must have done something wrong to get hit. I deserve it. This attribution model (victim guilt theory) is the biggest harm that domestic violence brings to them.
5. Roland Miller's Intimacy is a textbook for those who find it difficult to maintain intimacy; For those who know how to manage intimate relationships, this book can be icing on the cake.
1. Jealousy is characterized by a humble desire for what others have. Jealousy, on the other hand, is a complex psychological state of injury, anger and fear, which stems from the fear of losing what you already have or the intimacy that you don't want to give up.
Jealousy is the desire to become him, and jealousy is the desire to destroy him.
2. The most effective refusal is self-confidence, decisiveness, consistency and persistence.
Please don't give him any hope if you don't love him. The greater the hope, the greater the disappointment.
If short men want to get as many hits as tall men on dating websites, they only need to earn an extra $654.38 million a year.
Ah, that's ... heartbreaking.
Of course, this is also an evolutionary advantage. In ancient times, tall people could pick taller fruits and run faster, which was more conducive to catching animals.
However, the situation has been greatly improved. Smart is the new sexy. Mark also confirmed this to us: collecting money makes you stronger!
Six, philip zimbardo's "General Psychology" is the most basic introductory book of psychology. The first professional course for students majoring in psychology is generally general psychology. The teachers who teach this course are generally elite teachers in the psychology department.
1. The tendency to simplify complex things in human nature and cognition still seems to encourage us to classify human beings.
The world is not black and white. Black and white cognition is a kind of lazy and immature cognition. We just can't accept that good people have evil thoughts, and bad people may be obedient to their mothers.
The feeling of faith collapse is not what everyone wants to bear. People are more inclined to rely on their original beliefs than to rebuild them. Even if it's wrong.
There is a way to help you get rid of the aura of idols: always imagine them going to the bathroom. There will be urine on your hands after going to the toilet, and you may not wash your hands when it is cold.
The reason why we over-beautify others may be simply that we are not satisfied with ourselves.
2. Running into a collapsed building is not a typical human reaction, but a learning reaction of well-trained rescuers.
This means that nothing is taken for granted. Good people are not born. Good people are the natural result of practice.
In this process, they need to overcome psychological barriers and stick to their bottom line. The most important thing is that they need to overcome the human nature of seeking advantages and avoiding disadvantages.
Good people are not special, they just keep practicing how to do good things. Don't overemphasize the label of good people, otherwise we will exaggerate our nature and ignore their efforts.
Are firemen who risk their lives to put out fires good people? Of course. But please don't send them away with the title of good man. Because in order to overcome their fears, they practice hard day after day.
At the same time, we should be alert to the influence of halo effect and shape a good person into a perfect person. And when they make a slight mistake, they think that he has changed and abandoned him.
But he is still him. He just did a "good man" exercise in his professional field. In other fields, they also have desires, selfishness and ignorance, and they have not practiced for it. But this is also the real him.
The most important revelation from the above is that everything can be learned. Including virtue.
3. Peaceful divorce, raising children with ex-spouses and not slandering each other in front of children will reduce the negative impact of divorce. Sometimes it is obviously better for children to get rid of the family environment where conflicts often occur or parents are prone to abuse.
Please don't maintain a broken marriage in the name of children. This reason obviously makes you much more respectable than not afraid to face the loneliness and embarrassment after divorce and give your child a complete home.
Do you really think that a complete family is what they want most? Yes, the child wants a complete family, but what he wants is peace.
Because only in this way, he doesn't have to have a small partner shouting at him when he is having fun: XXX, you go back quickly, your parents are quarreling again.
He will never forget the feeling of fear and panic.
Seven, Susan Nolan-Hosima's book Abnormal Psychology analyzes the formation mechanism of various mental disorders in detail, and puts forward practical solutions.
1. OCD patients know how ridiculous their thoughts and behaviors are, but they just can't control themselves.
This is true of many psychological problems. The parties know that they just think too much and worry too much, so you don't need to emphasize it.
Their problem is not to think too much, because everyone thinks too much, they just can't stop themselves from thinking too much. This is usually related to family background and traumatic experience.
Therefore, as family members or friends, what we can do is to stand by him firmly, encourage him to receive treatment, and supervise him to take medicine or receive psychological counseling.
2. People who are anxious because of obsessive-compulsive ideas find that their anxiety symptoms will be alleviated if they engage in certain behaviors. Whenever they force their thoughts back, they implement these behaviors to alleviate the symptoms, thus negatively reinforcing the symptoms. So it forms a compulsive behavior.
This is the formation mechanism of many psychological problems: the source of anxiety-anxiety-relieving anxiety through a certain behavior (relaxation is reward)-rewarding and strengthening the behavior-continuing to implement the behavior next time you feel anxious.
In countless repetitions, the anxiety source has established a conditioned reflex with this behavior. Once there is a source of anxiety in the future, this behavior will be implemented.
Taking social phobia as a distance, Xiao Ming is afraid of dealing with people and feels anxious every time he is with people. In order to relieve his anxiety, he began to avoid the crowd and stay at home alone. This made him feel relaxed. Here, relaxation is a reward, which strengthens his behavior of staying at home.
After that, he began to avoid all kinds of parties and dates. He only likes to stay at home alone. In the end, going out to work became a very difficult thing for him.
How to solve it? The easiest way is to break the reinforcement cycle and cancel the reward.
In other words, when Xiao Ming feels anxious, let him stand in the crowd and be exposed to anxiety instead of avoiding it. After that, you can also let him take the initiative to say hello to people. This treatment is also called desensitization.
Believe in people's adaptability. Over time, anxiety will dissipate in proficiency.