What is the reason why you can't find love? There are basically three types. The first is not to look for it, that is, he thinks there is nothing to look for. The second category is disapproval, that is, there have been many loving behaviors around you, and many people have expressed concern for you. You should be able to feel it, but you can't feel it and you can't recognize it. The third category is to win more with less. What do you mean by earning more and earning less? It is when you don't get what you need, you will earn more and less.
What do you mean? For example, when we started to struggle in big cities, you felt particularly insecure. You'll think I have to buy a house, so I can feel safe. Then you go all out to make money, pay monthly bills and buy a house. When you really buy this house, you still feel insecure. You are wrong. I should feel safe after paying the mortgage, and then you will earn money to pay the mortgage. Then after you pay off this mortgage for several years, you will find that you still feel insecure.
Why?
You are chasing in the wrong direction. What you are chasing is not something that can bring you love at all, but something that you mistakenly think can bring you love. So the more you get, the less you feel. Each of us has this experience, not only buying a house, we change cars, we buy insurance, we change better credit cards, and then there are bank deposits, stocks, wealth management and all kinds of things, hoping to make us feel safe. But you will find that you will never feel the feeling of being loved, because love does not come from these external substances at all.
Love is a feeling.
We live in two emotions every day, one is love and the other is fear. These are our emotions. Emotion never appears alone, it is a mixture.
Do you feel anxious about any children coming home late at night? Or to put it another way, did you skip school and come home late when you were a child, and your parents were angry? I have a feeling that I dare not enter the house. I saw my mother in it. I dare not go in. I'm afraid she will hit me. But in fact, when the child comes home late, the mother's reaction is very strange, happy, angry, worried and distressed. Therefore, this kind of emotion is mixed, which definitely does not mean that mom is pure angry, or that mom is pure love, no.
Love is accompanied by worry, fear and various complicated emotions. So at this time, you can't get rid of one of the emotions, just keep the part of love and get rid of the part of worry. Impossible, impossible. So emotions are a mixture.
What made us lose control? It is stress, not emotion, that makes us out of control. If you use your anger properly, for example, someone laughs at you and says that your academic performance is really poor, we won't play with you. At this time, you can have the first reaction and say that I am angry, angry. If you are just angry and angry, you will probably work hard, because I don't want to be laughed at by you anymore, so I try to do better. So anger has its positive significance. Every emotion sends us some information, but if we are afraid of these emotions and say that I don't want to know them, it means that you didn't receive that information at all. So you have to say what this information will bring you.
There is a particularly good metaphor that before cutting off the messenger, you should at least find out what he has to say. In ancient times, people who were messengers were particularly unlucky. He was sent by Genghis Khan as an emissary with Jin Guo, and then Genghis Khan's request was that you should imitate my way of speaking and cursing, and then that person should imitate Genghis Khan's swearing. You should learn a lot, or you will insult the mission.
When the messenger arrived in the state of Jin, he said, We told you in a sweat. After that, the Emperor of Jin was very angry and pushed him out to be beheaded. So in the past, a large number of messengers were either beheaded or cut off, and there were many terrible things. Only patriots with great courage can become messengers. Therefore, there is a saying that there has been such a reminder since ancient times, saying that before you cut off the messenger, you must first understand what he is saying. You killed people and didn't hear what they brought you. How to communicate?
So when anger, fear, depression and other emotions appear, you should stop and distinguish. What does this emotion tell me? What does it want me to do? It laughs at me, it makes me angry, and it hopes I can forge ahead in anger. I am motivated and I work hard.
But why did we lose control? We'll say yes, you laugh at me and I'll fight you. Or you can laugh at me, I lift the table, I don't learn anymore, I break the jar. You broke the jar, you overturned the table, and you didn't cooperate with others. Does it help you solve the problem of being laughed at? Actually, it's not. It's avoiding responsibility. What are the reasons for evading responsibility? Because you can't stand such a big pressure. What works at this time is not that kind of emotion, but great pressure.
But why is it difficult to distinguish between the two? It is because stress often appears when we are in a bad mood, that is, our opportunity to release stress often appears when negative emotions appear. So the two are often linked, which leads us to confuse the relationship between stress and emotion. In the end, our decision is that in that line, I will suppress everything in the future, never let this emotion erupt, let nature take its course, and let you have no sensitive feelings about life. So what makes us out of control is stress and energy used to avoid emotions, that is, you want to avoid that emotion and you don't want to be sad. For example, some people cry when they are sad, which is normal. Some people get angry when they are sad, that is, they are sad. I felt ashamed, and as a result, he got angry because he wanted to avoid the emotion he didn't like.
This is what makes us out of control: the first is stress, and the second is the energy to avoid such emotions. Therefore, it is a very important knowledge point for us to suppress an emotion and make the whole person numb. Only in this way can you understand that you should be kind to all your emotions and learn to carefully distinguish what kind of feelings this emotion brings me. When you can feel this feeling, you will become a sensitive and delicate person. If you can take care of others' feelings and feel others' feelings, you will become a person who can give others love. This is the most basic principle.
Why can't we feel love? This is a very important section in this book. It is important for us to distinguish between emotion and stress. We often confuse emotions with stress. For example, if a person is angry and has a big temper, then we will persuade him to control your emotions. What do you think this person will do to control his emotions? Okay, I suppress my emotions. Or if this person is seriously depressed, the doctor will tell you to take some medicine to control your mood.
But what are the side effects when we control our emotions? Emotions can't be controlled alone. If you control one of his emotions, his other emotions will become numb. Once you completely reduce his anger, this person's life will become boring and he will find it boring. I have a friend who is like this. He was depressed and went to the hospital to see a doctor. After taking the medicine, the whole person is getting sluggish day by day. He may have lost his temper in the past, but he is happy when he is happy. He will play a joke on you. He will be a very lively person. But when he went to the hospital to take antidepressants, he became calm and didn't lose his temper, but he was also unhappy and numb.
So we can't feel love. If there is no feeling, it is called numbness. In ancient China, there was a word called insensitive, benevolent loves others, and only two people can be benevolent, so benevolence is the feeling of others. But numbness means that I am numb, and I can't feel this feeling. So, we used to have a misunderstanding about emotions. We always want to suppress our emotions, which leads us to make ourselves angry and invisible. We must control our emotions. In the process of controlling your negative emotions, your feelings for love will also weaken.
Dance with emotion and let love flow naturally. ...
I am a sister, with many majors: enterprise human resources consultant, career planner, and external vocational lecturer of Qilu University of Technology.
I 17 years working experience in human resources, and served as the human resources director of a listed company for 3 years. 20 16 I am no longer satisfied with having a well-paid job. I hope that with professional coaching ability, dedicated professionalism and dedicated counseling, I can help my partners who have just entered the workplace to enhance their personal values.
In the next 25 years, personal realization 1000+ case consultation will focus on solving the problems encountered in personal career development at noon. If you or your friends are suffering from career orientation, career development, job burnout, career bottleneck and other confusion and torture, welcome to make an appointment with a professional sister.