Every parent wants his child to become a schoolmaster and be admitted to Tsinghua of Peking University.
Christina Huang Lei plays a bad student's parents. After space bound recovery was almost persuaded by the teacher to repeat the grade, the teacher sent a message to the parents: Xueba * * * is similar.
There are almost ten: first, the family is full of love and nourishment; Second, I am keen on learning rather than thinking; Third, love learning is better than love life ... X. I believe there are many things more important than grades.
Comparing these ten items, the two couples said: we have all these in our family. Why is his grade still so poor?
Yes, just search online, and educational articles like this are overwhelming. ......
Parents are more and more anxious after reading such articles and comparing their own education.
What is the focus of educating children?
There is a very popular video on Ted, "The key to success? Grit's guest speaker Angela Lee Duckworth is a research psychologist in China.
At the age of 27, she quit a promising job as a business management consultant in new york and chose to teach seventh-grade students mathematics in a public school in new york. At first, like other teachers, she would give students quizzes and exams, give them homework, and calculate their grades after the papers and homework were collected.
She said in her speech: What shocked me is that IQ is not the only difference between learning to be a tyrant and learning to be a scum. Some students who do their homework well have low IQ scores, while some very smart children have unsatisfactory performance in their homework and grades. This phenomenon caused me to think.
She soon realized that IQ was not the only criterion to distinguish those successful students from those who tried hard but failed.
I found that the difference between my best students and my worst students is not just IQ. Some excellent students are not particularly high in IQ; Some very clever students are not very good at school.
After teaching for several years, I have come to the conclusion that our education needs a better understanding of students and learning-from the perspective of motivation and psychology.
In the field of education, the indicator we are best at testing is IQ, but what if the performance in school and life depends not only on whether you can learn well and quickly?
So, I left the classroom and began to study the performance of children and adults in various arduous challenges.
In every study, my concern is: who will succeed? Why is it successful?
My research team and I went to West Point Military Academy. We study the new teachers who work in a very difficult environment and predict which teachers will stay in their posts at the end of the school year. Of course, which teachers have taught students the most significant improvement in their grades?
We work with private companies to predict which salespeople can keep their jobs. Who can earn the most money?
? In these very different backgrounds, we find that a trait can predict success well.
Not social skills, beautiful appearance, healthy body, IQ, but willpower.
Willpower is the enthusiasm and perseverance to face long-term goals. Willpower is a sign of endurance. Willpower means believing in the future day after day, not just this week, not just this month, but year after year, trying hard to realize the future you believe in. Willpower is to see life as a marathon, not a sprint.
Then, Angela began to study the trait of "perseverance" in Chicago public schools, and conducted a survey of perseverance papers among thousands of junior high school students. After more than a year, she came to see which students could graduate, and the results proved that those students with more perseverance had an absolute advantage in graduation.
Even under the same quantifiable external factors, such as family income, scores on standardized achievement tests, and even how much sense of security children can get at school, students with perseverance are more likely to graduate.
Perseverance is needed not only in West Point Military Academy or spelling bee, but also in schools, especially those children who are on the verge of dropping out of school.
How to cultivate children's perseverance?
How to arouse children's long-term enthusiasm?
Talent can't keep you going. Our data clearly show that there are many talented people who can't keep their promises. In fact, according to our data, perseverance usually has nothing to do with other factors, and even runs counter to the measurement of talent.
So far, I have heard that the most effective way to cultivate children's tough quality is called "growth thinking mode"
Professor Carol Dweck of Stanford University put forward a point. He believes that people's learning ability is changeable, and it changes with your efforts.
Professor Dwek said that when children read and learn about the brain and its changes and growth in the face of challenges, they are more likely to persist after failure because they don't believe that they will continue to fail.
Therefore, the growth thinking mode is of great benefit to cultivating perseverance. But we need more, we must come up with the best ideas and the strongest intuition, and we must practice them. We need to measure the success of all this, and we are also eager to learn from failures and mistakes and start over.
In other words, only by becoming more persistent can children be more persistent.
In other words, in the matter of strengthening children's willpower, parents and teachers should also have unremitting will and educate their children with a growing thinking mode.
So what is the "growth thinking mode"? Your basic ability can be cultivated through hard work. Even if there are various differences in talents and qualifications, interests or temperament between people, everyone can change their growth through hard work and personal experience.
The true potential of human beings is unknown (and unknowable); After years of enthusiasm, hard work and training, what kind of achievements human beings can achieve is unpredictable.
In the first few episodes of "Little Joy", the grade director suggested that space bound recovery fan and the poor children of several generations stay in class (repeat grades), but fortunately, the principal stopped the plan in time; Then, the exam divides students into punching classes, parallel classes and basic classes.
This phenomenon is very common in today's schools, and students and parents can't help but feel that they have been labeled, even teachers. They think that the students in the basic class are poor students, and the students in the punching class are the guarantee of the college entrance examination rate of famous schools.
At the swearing-in meeting, Song Qian asked Eiko to ensure that the college entrance examination score was above 700 points; Eiko ranked second in the basic test, so her mother, Song Qian, couldn't accept this fact and cancelled all her entertainment time and interests.
Children with fixed thinking patterns are labeled as poor students, and children in punching classes can't accept their own little gap.
When I was in the third year of high school, a female student in a top class entered Fudan University for half a year, but died of a brain tumor. The doctor said that the patient was caused by excessive self-pressure.
When I went to physical education class with her, I found that she was abnormally thin. Every time she does mat exercise, her classmates are afraid to hold her arm, for fear that the slender arm like chopsticks will be accidentally broken by us. Gradually, the information about her spread: every day, the top class's exam rankings made her extremely afraid, which inevitably caused great pressure. Although he was finally admitted to a prestigious school, he was crushed by long-term pressure and passed away in the best years.
Professor Carol Dweck of Roldwick said: A good educator should not only be kind to students and children, but also have strong endurance.
They create a learning atmosphere full of trust and abandon judgment. The atmosphere is "I'll teach you", not "Let me judge your ability".
What will the growth thinking teacher teach students? Teach them to love learning, teach them to learn to teach themselves and think, and study hard.
When students don't have to know how to do what others can do but can't cross the gap, teachers with growth thinking mode will tell students the truth and then teach them the ways to narrow the gap.
A good teacher is a teacher who can grow up with students, because he is not interested in teaching, but in learning.
In the TV series "My First Half Life", which was a hit the year before last, Ma Yili played Luo Zijun's mother Xue, with a typical growth thinking mode.
After Luo Zijun's divorce, when faced with two job choices, Luo's mother from the market made an amazing career analysis from the female instinct.
Buying women's shoes in high-end department stores: the work is very easy, but all of them are female guests, or men accompany women to buy shoes. There are few single men and the possibility of marriage is slim.
Research company: Although it is hard, there are many male colleagues and many marriage options.
I have to admire Luo Mu's growth thinking mode. Her rational analysis of her daughter's marital affairs is well-founded.
Parents who grow up thinking mode are reflected through behavior. The way she gives children not only sets them high standards, but also enables them to meet them.
Luo Zijun's success in middle age depends on the growth thinking mode.
In order to get custody of her son, she immediately went to find the most basic service job.
Zijun was directly brushed in the first job search, and after the second supermarket convenience store was inexplicably dismissed by customers, he was not discouraged and depressed.
With the help of He Han, the experience advantage of buying luxury goods made her get a white-collar position in the service industry.
In life, it is difficult for most women to do this. After several interviews, they usually go home.
Although I am not a princess in my life, I already have a princess's heart. The princess in the sky suddenly became Cinderella on earth. The huge psychological gap is unbearable.
In the department store, in order to get rid of the entanglement of Lao Jin, Luo Zijun resigned decisively without finding a next home and did not continue to develop in similar industries. Instead, I went to a more challenging consulting industry and completed a qualitative leap in life.
Usually after the age of 35, people's thoughts are solidified, their working environment is fixed, and their life circle is stereotyped. People are always full of fear of the unknown world.
The growth thinking mode will not only seek challenges, but also grow in challenges. The greater the challenge, the greater the room for growth.
Nowadays, the common conflict problem of middle school children is mobile phones. Once parents see their children playing with mobile phones, they will get angry all over.
What do fixed-minded parents usually do?
Whenever children are seen playing mobile phones, parents should first persuade, scold and confiscate them; Children naturally refused to be pushed around at will, and began to quarrel and the contradictions escalated.
The result is: the child peeks at the phone; Or spare a mobile phone; Even because of the confiscation of mobile phones, they have negative resistance to their studies.
Faced with this situation, parents are miserable and have to find ways.
What does the parent-teacher conference with growth thinking mode do?
Understand the motivation behind children's use of mobile phones;
Academic pressure, need to play games to relax and meet the needs of rest.
Understand the game, in order to have more * * * languages with classmates and meet the needs of making friends.
Watch social news and celebrity gossip to meet the needs of exploring curiosity.
If you don't have the motivation to learn, you can use your mobile phone to kill boredom and meet meaningful needs.
......
When parents know the exact motivation behind their children playing mobile phones, they can guide them in a targeted manner.
Children need to rest and relax, and parents can agree on game time with their children;
Children need to socialize, and parents can consciously look for these information materials to provide more talk materials for their children; Or satisfy children's desires
Children are curious about the outside world. Parents can collect all kinds of information from Weibo, various media and official media and discuss with their children.
Children have no motivation to learn, and parents often bring their children into contact with various sports and lectures to capture their inner interests;
......
Every behavior in children's growth can inspire parents to discover, change and grow.
When you decide to change, think about what you want to do, what you want to learn, or what you want to face.
Determine the goal first, and then make a specific plan. When will you carry out this plan? Where will you carry out this plan? How are you going to implement it? Considering the specific details.
These concrete and imaginable plans involve the time, place and way of doing things.
This will keep you efficient and increase your chances of success.
In Little Joy, Ruth's mother, Song Qian, learned the truth about Ruth's truancy every morning, but she didn't understand the real reason behind her children's truancy. Instead, she let her emotions erupt like a volcano.
When Eiko told her mother that she was under great pressure, Song Qian wailed, "Am I not under great pressure?" ? Then a lot of complaints poured down to the children like a river, and the children were controlled again with the so-called "love" emotion.
If she can understand the causes of the pressure behind her children, appreciate and protect her children's persistence in astronomy, make a study plan for her favorite university together, become an assistant on her child's growth path, and help her children achieve their goals, then it will be too late for her children to be naturally happy, and there will be no need for her father's so-called shelter.
In Looking Up, Deng Chao plays a father with a growing mode of thinking.
He said to his son: We are not studying for Tsinghua Peking University, but for cultivating the habit of thinking and the courage to face life.
After the father and son separated in the heavy rain, the son was trapped in the fierce flood, and his father's consistent growth thinking mode began to work. He found himself a basin, tied a flashlight, whistled and was finally saved.
The growth thinking mode will always stimulate people's potential.
When screening astronaut applications, NASA will reject those who have experienced simple smooth sailing and choose those who have experienced major failures and stood up again.
Failure is also a painful experience for people who grow up thinking mode, but it can't define you, it is just a problem that you need to face, solve and learn from.
There is a survey of 143 creativity researchers:
Outstanding people have a special talent, that is, they can turn setbacks in life into future success.
This spirit of perseverance, which we also call "perseverance", is the product of growth thinking mode.
When parents educate their children with a growing mode of thinking, children will accept this mode of thinking. He will not be far away from himself, he will think about the problem with the same thinking mode and face the future, but it will bring the child closer to his true self.
Moreover, parents with growth thinking mode know that it will take some time for their children's potential to bloom.
As long as parents and children continue to grow together, school scum can also become the person who decides their future direction.
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