"Why are you throwing toys around again?"
"You put away all the toys."
"Look at this room full of your toys."
"How many times have I told you, why don't you clean up?"
"If you don't clean up, I won't buy you any more toys."
"If you don't clean up, I'll throw it away for you."
"If you don't clean up, you won't eat snacks or candy."
"When you finish packing, you will get candy as a reward."
Parents use all kinds of words, threats and inducements, and may become angry from embarrassment. Children may be indifferent or obedient.
After lunch, I wanted to read the Encyclopedia of the Earth, but many toys on the ground were still confiscated, which was a mess.
I say you put your toys away first. The rule at home is to put them back in their original place and put them back when they are not playing.
Reluctantly, he said, "Mom, you turn on the TV first, and then I'll clean it up."
I said calmly and firmly, "Please put away your toys first, and I will wait for you." He murmured, "I just don't want to accept it."
I said, "well, then you give up taking responsibility for these toys, don't you?" Then I will deal with them. "
The previous agreement was that the toy was not cleaned up, which was regarded as giving up the responsibility for the toy. The toy was handled by me and he no longer enjoyed the ownership of the toy.
He said, "Go ahead and put them in the toy donation cabinet." There is a recycling cabinet in the community, and we occasionally put toys and clothes in it.
I said, "Aren't all the toys on the floor, including assembled Legos?"
On hearing this, he jumped down from the sofa and said, "No, no, no, I'm still playing this." So I devoted myself to cleaning up.
I went to the kitchen and came out to see that he quickly put all the toys back in place and put them in order, even the sofa was in order.
I quickly appreciated: "You cleaned up quickly and neatly. This environment makes people feel really comfortable! " He also smiled with satisfaction.
In the whole process, my mother didn't have a language of evaluation. When she saw the toys all over the floor, she didn't feel any dissatisfaction or emotion towards her children. She just told him firmly and calmly that what he needed to do was to respect the children and give them the right to choose. By experiencing the natural consequences, she learned how to be responsible for her actions and gradually established a sense of rules.
What our parents and teachers have to do is to help children establish rules repeatedly when they are young. Every little thing starts with "Please throw the garbage into the trash can", "Please return to your place" and "Please queue up". When implementing the rules, the most important thing is the consciousness of adults. Your attitude and energy in this process will be integrated into the child's own nature and determine the direction of the child!
Helping children to establish rules is essentially to help children have a sense of rules.
For example, children in our kindergarten should put the small chair back in the classroom as soon as they get up. When a child internalizes this rule, he will push a chair whenever he gets up in any place, restaurant or library. This is the rule consciousness, which forms a civilized and educated behavior and will become a highly self-disciplined person in the future.
Rule consciousness is an internal order and an agreement between the individual and himself, which makes the individual's state free, calm and calm. This agreement is a noble character in human life!