San Mao said that marriage must fall into the details of eating, dressing and counting money, otherwise it will not last long.
I always think that "sleeping in separate rooms" is the patent of middle-aged and elderly couples, because most of them have passed the period of love and their living habits are slightly different, so they are looking for comfortable space.
One day, I was chatting with a friend, only to find that she, who is close to my age, has been sleeping in separate rooms with her husband for four years. From that day on, I began to pay attention to the emotional topic of sleeping in separate rooms, but I was surprised to find that many people who got married after 90 had already had the experience of sleeping in separate rooms.
In fact, we patiently calculate that a person spends 24 hours a day 1/3 in sleep.
We all run around for a living during the day and get tired when we come back at night. The best time to relieve stress is to get into the soft bed, pick up a book or brush your mobile phone, and the whole person will relax.
Of course, this time is also the best time for couples to communicate. Before going to bed, husband and wife can chat, talk about the day's experience, share each other's happiness and share each other's troubles. What better way to enhance the affection between lovers than these?
"Husband and wife sharing the same bed" is the guarantee of intimate relationship, and long-term isolation is easy to form strangeness.
In fact, there is a key element in intimacy. We should make intimate contact between husband and wife a habit. Hugs and kisses should be natural, just like hugging children. These are all expressions of love.
Husband and wife are a whole, but they often disagree. There is an old saying called "fighting at the end of the bed". If both husband and wife are in different beds, it will naturally be more difficult for Sister He to get up.
If you want to keep your marriage warm and fresh, "sleeping in separate rooms" is a taboo.
02
Ms. Zhou: "Thirty years old, married for six years, sleeping in separate rooms for four years."
I am an optimist, but since I had children, my smile has decreased. Friends around me think that I am tired and stressed with my children, but it is not.
Although it is hard to take care of children, the happiness it brings me can't be concealed. Similarly, the harm that my husband has brought me in this marriage cannot be concealed.
After six years of marriage, but sleeping in separate rooms for four years, does it sound ridiculous? The time together is actually not enough for two people to sleep in separate rooms.
We slept in separate rooms, since the year I was pregnant. In the middle and late pregnancy, I often get up at night to drink water, find something to eat, go to the toilet, and have leg cramps ... In short, I can hardly sleep all night.
Just then, my husband said to me, "why don't we sleep separately?" I don't have enough energy to work during the day. " So from the third year of marriage, we began to sleep in separate beds.
In fact, I really wanted someone to accompany me at that time. I had a really hard night alone. I not only have to endure physical discomfort, but also relieve psychological pressure.
Then the baby was finally born, and he moved back to live with me for a few days. When he was confined, he invited a sister-in-law with a baby. In the middle of the night, the eldest sister-in-law who raises the baby will hold the child for milk many times. He said it was inconvenient, so did I. We slept in separate rooms again.
I asked my wife to move in when she left, but a few days later, she moved to the next room to sleep without saying a word. He said: "The children are too noisy, take care."
In this way, the burden of taking care of children falls on me alone. I am a novice mother and have no experience. Sometimes I can't coax a child into crying. I even cried with her. At this time, I wish he would say to me, "Wife, you have worked hard, and I will take care of the children."
But never, whenever the child cries, there will only be an angry cry in the next room: "Will you take good care of the child?" Are you such a mother? "
I was very thin during that time, and my hair fell off in handfuls. Finally, when the child is over three years old, the child can sleep all night. I also want to ease the feelings between us, and let him go back to the master bedroom to sleep together. The child can sleep in a cot, but he flatly refused: "I am used to sleeping alone."
I think our relationship now is as cold as a glass of boiling water. He will never feel my pain. I really can't feel happiness in this marriage except looking after the children.
Ms. Liu: "28 years old, married for three years, sleeping in separate rooms for one year."
My husband proposed sleeping in separate rooms at first. He had to catch up with a project for a while, and he didn't go home until after midnight every day, but I had a light sleep and it was difficult to fall asleep after waking up.
He was afraid to disturb me, so we changed our mode of getting along and slept in separate rooms. When I first slept in separate rooms, the effect was very good. No longer distracted during the day, you can get a space to think and relax at night.
However, when his project ended, he didn't want to move back to the dormitory, but began to brush his mobile phone every day and play games until late at night. When I made a suggestion, he retorted that the work pressure was too great and the project was finally over, so he wanted to relax during this time.
I also understand him, and as a result, the final result of this understanding is that I am exhausted. Habit becomes nature, and my husband starts to close the door after dinner every day, covering his ears and playing his games until late at night.
And I deeply feel that two people have been sleeping in separate rooms for a long time, with less communication and less affection. I even gradually developed a distrust of him, and I myself fell into deep self-doubt.
Sometimes I want to chat with him. He is completely immersed in the game and just responds to me without a complete answer.
From then on, I always subconsciously find fault with him and quarrel with him, because only when I quarrel can his eyes turn away from the game and turn to me. However, this is not a wise approach, and feelings will fade after quarreling. Gradually, I feel that we have become the most familiar strangers.
It was our anniversary. I asked him if he wanted to go out for dinner. He kept staring at my cell phone and asked me, what's wrong? I smiled and said, no, I won't bother you.
03
There is a kind of housing distribution, which is equivalent to giving up the management of marriage. Marriage will inevitably lose its proper temperature, and couples will be indifferent to the heat of life.
People who have read Intimacy will be deeply impressed by this passage:
Your partner is not the source of your love and happiness. Their duty is not to meet your expectations and make you happy. Your partner needs to play these three important roles in your life:
A mirror, let you see the uncomfortable feeling that attracts your attention; When you explore your true self, the teacher will inspire you; A playmate, start and accompany your life journey.
Nowadays, most people spend their time on work, study and socializing. When they get home, they can calm down and have little time to feel themselves. The habit of separating the room from the bed makes it impossible for you to look in the mirror, see the teacher and pay attention to your playmates in life.
This is not only the emotional abandonment of two people, but also the abandonment and avoidance of cognitive self.
Empathy and responsibility are very important to marriage. Whether the marriage relationship is healthy and happy depends on the communication efficiency of both husband and wife and whether they can share the problems together.
There is a saying: "If you are divided, you will be weak, and if you are weak, you will leave." It takes several generations to become husband and wife and sleep in separate rooms. Seemingly separate beds, the essence is the heart.
If the bed is the last position of the husband and wife after marriage, it is fatal for anyone to abandon their armor and flee.
The relationship between husband and wife is to accumulate deep feelings through countless days and nights. Habit is a terrible thing, which can make you depend on each other and keep you away from each other.