Many people think I love him, and he should know! I miss him. He should know. I am grateful to him, he should feel it! But as a result, he didn't feel or know these "should". Husband and wife originally came from different family environments, and their views on some things have traces of their own families. Moreover, the differences between the sexes make it impossible for us to think about the same thing all the time. So gratitude, or love, should be felt by no one. Need a clear statement from one party. Many times, it may not be understandable to express it, let alone not to say it.
I know a few. Husband is very interesting and especially likes to criticize his wife. My wife is very upset about it. How can she feel that she has no advantage at all? Later, when we were chatting together, I asked my husband, "Why do you always criticize her?" ? Don't you like her? The husband replied, "How can I not love her?" She is the best woman I have ever seen in my life, but how can she change her shortcomings and become better if I don't criticize her? I am stricter because I love her. "This is really a deep love and hate! I want to criticize her because I love her and want her to get better, but before her husband said it, my wife thought that her husband hated herself. So be sure to say it, especially your love, your thoughtfulness and your gratitude. If you don't say it, the other party won't know and even lead to misunderstanding. What's good for your's feelings? Say it, no matter what, as long as you say it and put it on the table, you may quarrel, but after you say it, there is nothing that can't be solved. Not to mention love or gratitude?
Don't take it for granted that he knows or understands.
Everyone has a tendency to expect too much from understanding, especially in intimate relationships. I dated a couple who had been married for ten years. My wife always says, I know what he is thinking, and I even know what he wants to say. And my husband is getting more and more silent, why? Because the husband has his own ideas, and the wife thinks she knows her husband, if the husband speaks his own ideas, he will quarrel with his wife, so the husband chooses a more peaceful method-silence.
Don't assume telepathy, even if you really feel it sometimes. Don't assume that you have the same taste. The way to please your partner is to make him feel that you don't know his thoughts in advance. If his answer is different from what you think, don't make a boring expression, as if everything is under your control, and let the other person see your pleasure, because you shared a little secret again.
Listen to him first, then let him listen to himself.
In marriage, we can see many silent partners. In the process of negotiation, I found that the result is usually because the silent party is defeated in the language struggle, so the policy of not communicating with each other is adopted. So, don't be too eager to communicate, lest your speech turn into a hurricane and ruin everything in front of you.
4. Don't fight for victory or defeat in an argument.
Many couples, once they have a quarrel, will argue about right and wrong and win or lose. There is no winner in the process of falling in love and quarreling! In the process of winning or losing, in fact, everyone lost. Because I forgot the purpose of the initial communication, I failed to achieve the expected communication effect. And many things in life are unsolvable, and there is no right or wrong. Therefore, in the case of disagreement, it is much better to say a few sweet words to your partner and think of a win-win solution than to argue endlessly about right and wrong and win or lose. Family is not a court, and husband and wife are not lawyers and judges.
5. Don't play power games
"Why don't you always talk to me?" Silence. "Are you bothering me?" "no!"
"Then why did you ignore me? Did I do something wrong? " "You know very well what you have done!"
This game can last forever. The questioner wants to improve his life, and the silent person doesn't want to respond. Because this problem affects the nobility of love. Questioners and silencers both want to be the dominant players in emotional relationships, but they are alienated as a result. Even if you are ignored by your partner, you don't need to express your nobility, but accept and respect it in an all-round way. This power struggle will naturally be broken. Answer blows with blows, can maintain the sacredness of the heart, but drive away the warmth of life. Love is mutual respect and understanding, and equality will create a win-win situation.
6. Try to avoid expressing negative emotions.
Share good things, happy things and unhappy things with your partner, especially those brought by your partner, and don't say them immediately. If you express your emotions without thinking, you will definitely regret your words in the future. In other words, even if you were happy to say those words and felt that the other person "deserved it", when you found that the relationship between two people was affected, you would be depressed about what happened at that time. If you wear a dress for too long, the fabric will become thinner or puncture, and so will feelings. Too many negative emotions will lead to the passing of feelings, and no matter how deep feelings are, they cannot be eroded by negative emotions. So try to behave appropriately and avoid regrets afterwards.
When you feel sad and depressed, please stop for a moment. If possible, wait for yourself to calm down. Let calm rather than excited emotions dominate the situation, so that you will always be the master of your inner world. When you are calm, you can convey your true thoughts, even if it is hidden under temporary depression. In this way, even if you are still complaining, your partner can still feel that you are saying, "I really love you."
7. Learn to enjoy silence together
Couples have been married for many years, and sometimes they really lack topics. Silence also came into being. Let silence be a way of communication, not just a pause in conversation. Learn to explore your partner's spiritual world with your sensitive heart. Love will sublimate in harmony and exquisiteness.
8. Watch your tone.
Anger tightens the vocal cords, while love relaxes them. Kindness, humor, pride, enthusiasm, recreation, weakness, strength, all these, as well as other more emotions, will be immediately reflected in the change of voice. If you don't notice these subtle differences, you can pay attention to them the next time you talk to others. By changing your tone of voice, you can easily correct a negative attitude. The tone of speech can always reflect people's mental and emotional state. Remember, the tone of speech is as important as the content.
This is what I think of the communication between husband and wife.