Chapter one: The seesaw of marriage in which women are strong and men are weak.
Chapter 2: What is your love writing style?
Chapter III: Defects in marriage.
Nowadays, women have already left their families, and their prosperity in society is no less than that of men, and even the phenomenon of strong women has appeared. How to face a strong wife and how to maintain the marriage of a woman who is stronger than a man?
Marriage tug-of-war between strong women and weak men
This is an era when men and women compete for jobs. If the husband is not as good as the wife, and the husband and wife can't balance their economic income and social status, the traditional family model of "strong men and weak women" will be broken. There are roughly three kinds of women who are strong and men who are weak. Either the social status of women is much higher than that of men, or the income of women is much higher than that of men. There is a woman who has nothing but is strong. How to balance such a marriage?
These women are full of pain.
Is it easy for me to get where I am today? But he kept saying that I didn't care about my family and kept asking me to resign. Who am I working hard for outside? Not just for this family.
I am very tired in the company during the day. When I get home, I won't talk about hot meals and hot dishes. At least pour me a glass of water: he will pour, and he will show me his face.
I will pay the mortgage and car loan, and I will pay the children's tuition. He earned enough money to buy food, and I was too embarrassed to tell me about my family. Every day, he calculated to let me take money to subsidize his poor parents. No money, no status. It's not easy for me to carry this family alone. Do you still want me to carry the old couple?
When the social status of women far exceeds that of men
Liu Xiaoqing said: It's hard to be a woman, but it's even harder to be a woman. A famous woman, in all aspects of life, is bound to accept the crowd, not to mention those famous female stars. In a large courtyard, women who only make achievements in their own work also have an advantage in public opinion, thus putting pressure on their husbands' social status: public opinion is fiercer than tigers. Although social status and economic income are not necessarily directly proportional, in the eyes of the public, a female professor is much more powerful than the vice president of sales.
analyse
The glamorous identity of celebrities directly challenges the traditional pattern of "strong men and weak women": as celebrities, men often need to face the problem of dignity: dignity is not worth mentioning when they are underfed, but it is as heavy as Mount Tai when they are pampered. Therefore, men's dignity needs women's double care.
Secret killing technique
Lovely bird-(of a girl) as lovely and docile as a bird.
If you are an invincible female general outside, you might as well put down all the tricks when you get home, lean on your husband's shoulder when you are tired and sleepy, and call him "husband" sweetly. This move aroused the male's desire for protection to the maximum extent. This trick comes out, not to mention cooking and washing dishes, but rubbing your feet and pinching your shoulders. My husbands came one after another. Who doesn't want to take care of this delicate and lovely flower? Don't feel embarrassed for the old couple. Even with white hair, coquetry is an irresistible weapon for men.
Give people enough face before.
In front of relatives and friends, a man's face is very important. Throughout the ages, many heroes have fought to the death to save face; So smart women always know when they need patience.
Might as well do some face-saving projects.
The external pressure comes from the life circle. If people in your life circle are pointing at your husband with colored glasses, his husband is naturally under great pressure. So it is also a good trick to sing with your husband occasionally. For example, praise your husband in front of neighbors and friends and tell others his innate advantages.
When you become the breadwinner of your family.
If you don't find a "man's wife" who earns less money, then suddenly one day, women earn more money than men, and problems will follow. Making more money must be because you pay more. It is not easy for a woman to struggle in society. How will she feel if she can't get the support of her husband and in-laws? Therefore, whether we can handle the problems of money and mentality is the key to the success or failure of marriage.
analyse
Reach a consensus on the issue of high income to avoid endless troubles. It's not terrible for women to earn more money. The terrible thing is that she can't get her husband's support. When your income is getting higher and higher and your husband's face is getting ugly, you need to sit down with your husband and have a frank talk. You can analyze the importance of this well-paid job in combination with the planning rationality of the whole family. Unlike women who are emotional animals, men mostly think straight and consider problems from reality.
Killing skills
Give him full respect.
Making less money is a man's weakness. It would be even worse if he were deprived of the right to decide and speak on family affairs. It doesn't really matter whether his opinion is good or not. You can rationally analyze with him and seek the most reasonable solution. Without this procedure and mutual respect, you may lose your marriage.
Gentleness is the best weapon.
Being resolute is a professional performance, not a wife's attitude. As the man behind a strong woman, his pressure is as great as yours. Don't put yourself in the position of "family hero", you will be bossed around when you get home. Under the long-term pressure trend, the husband may go outside to find balance, which is not conducive to the stability of marriage.
Women are not outstanding, but they are strong.
There are not a few such women in life, who care about every detail of the family and are not at ease with 10 thousand men. They can't wait to wash the dishes and pay the bill themselves, by the way, nagging a few words. These tough housewives invisibly provoke the burden of being the master, and men will eventually get used to being "shopkeepers". After a long time, the woman complained, "This man doesn't care about anything."
analyse
For this kind of wife, being strong is a character. She doesn't like to hear what she said wrong: that her contribution to her family is like a raging river. When she said she was worried about her family, it was pure dedication. Ironically, such a devoted woman often fails to get a good marriage for Qi Mei. The reason is obvious. How many men can stand being a domestic queen for decades?
Killing skills
Learn to focus on housework.
Is it important to buy peanut oil and salad oil in the supermarket? Compared with marriage, is it insignificant? Before you blurt out your criticism, you might as well calm down and think about whether it is worth your anger. Men are naturally careless and not suitable for housework. Too much nagging will upset them. Not only will it not help solve the problem, but it will also affect the harmony between husband and wife, which is not good at all.
Cultivate men's sense of responsibility.
In daily life, change the tone of complaining to asking for advice. For example, don't complain, "You haven't mopped the floor for days?" Replace it with "honey, I'll do the dishes." Can you mop the floor? " How could he refuse such a tone? Although the man is the master and the woman is the master, the husband should properly participate in family affairs. It is wrong to be a complete outsider. Induce him to think about his family, and slowly he will take care of his family and naturally help you share some housework.
Arouse beauty and respect each other.
Mutual respect is not affectation, beauty comes from distance. Don't turn yourself into a yellow-faced woman who revolves around pots and pans all day, and don't turn yourself into a maker who nags in her husband's ear. No matter how close you are to your husband, you should have proper reservations. You will fly into a rage when you are angry. When you are dissatisfied, you will vent your anger. If you don't know how to control your emotions, you will only exhaust your beautiful image in your husband's mind. Proper tolerance and dressing from the inside out are love for her husband and respect for herself.
What is your love writing style?
First, please answer the following questions:
These days, your partner has less time to communicate with you. He left you a note today, hoping to talk to you tonight. Your first thought will be:
No, he won't break up with me, will he?
B. think about your recent contact carefully and find out what you are not satisfied with.
C.it's all his fault. He ignored me and asked me!
D. we'll know what's going on at night.
What would your answer be?
To be honest, when the communication between two people is ambiguous, how you and I interpret it will not only affect our next reaction, but also affect the pressure of the other half. A man who decided to divorce told me, "I really can't stand my wife's paranoia and sensitivity." No matter how to communicate with her, it is useless. Therefore, how to interpret each other properly will be a happy art that EQ experts should learn. I've met many couples. Unfortunately, when we finally break up, it is often not because we don't care enough about each other, but because we care too much about each other and become overly sensitive, which leads to irrationality and difficulty in communicating with the other half.
In love, observe what you say and what you see. However, it is unwise to speculate too much, and you may become an outrageous screenwriter. The first topic is testing. What kind of "love writer" are you?
If your answer is A: You are a "negative and pessimistic" love writer.
You always have a blueprint of love tragedy in your mind, so you are very sensitive, and it is easy to make a leap-forward guess from the other person's little gesture or sentence. For example, he is not satisfied with my appearance, which means that he has never loved me, which means that he must be having an affair. Hehe, in fact, these ideas have no basis and relevance. Such a screenwriter's result will only make you fall into an emotional dilemma and feel at a loss. I suggest that the next time you unconsciously want to fall into the interpretation of love tragicomedy, please tell yourself to stop guessing quickly, don't draw a conclusion, and ask yourself, "Is there any evidence for this idea?" This will help you get rid of the pain of directing and acting.
If your answer is B: You are a "self-critical" love writer.
If you don't pay attention now, you will habitually underestimate yourself. You always feel that you are not good enough to cause emotional problems. Although I know how to introspect, review and improve immediately, it will be an emotional intelligence expert's love plus action. However, if you attribute all unhappiness to your own fault, it will be difficult to find happiness and happiness. To make matters worse, you will fall into the mire of self-blame and miss the opportunity to solve the problem. So I suggest you learn to recognize your own advantages. The next time you have a problem with your partner, you should not only reflect on your mistakes, but also think about your strengths. Only in this way can we not be involved in the whirlpool of self-blame, and feel the sweetness and happiness with open arms.
If your answer is C: You are an "angry youth" love writer.
You have high expectations for yourself and the people around you, so you often get angry because you feel that you have not been treated as you deserve. If you hide these emotions in your heart, it will suddenly cause a "volcanic eruption" and hurt your feelings. Your anger will make your body and mind unbalanced, and it will also make it difficult for the other person to hear what you say and understand your feelings. Therefore, it is suggested that the next time your partner makes you unhappy, please remind yourself to be "kind" rather than "right" in love and learn to forgive each other, so that you will feel happier.
If your answer is D: You are a "calm and objective" love writer.
You are doing very well. You have long understood that in love, there is no need to be nervous or overreact. Unless you have evidence, you won't waste a lot of time thinking about one thing over and over again. You know how to manage your emotions, and you can find out the countermeasures calmly and objectively, so when you get along with me, you won't feel like you are making a scene. However, I also want to remind you that if you obviously feel that the other person is unhappy, you should spend more time understanding the other person's mood instead of clarifying the evidence, so that you can get along more happily.
Whether love is happy or not actually has a lot to do with your scriptwriting skills. Knowing your own type of love screenwriter, as long as you can master the appropriate screenwriter skills, you will be able to write a happy love drama with your partner.
Defects in marriage
What is asexual marriage? Some mainstream sociologists believe that "asexual marriage" means that both husband and wife have no physical illness or accident in their marriage life, and no husband and wife have lived for more than one month, not because of the state of separation. According to the survey, nearly a quarter of married couples in China are in a state of asexual marriage, which is really unimaginable.
"separated" couple
Ran Xu, a 42-year-old and 48-year-old husband, is the son of grade five in primary school. A very ordinary family of three, but according to Chen Qing's words: "My husband and I are roommates living under the same roof, and there are only a handful of sexual intercourse a year." As the president of a bank branch, he is undoubtedly successful in his career, but as the director of a police station, Ran doesn't think so. In his eyes, his wife is too strong, and she always has the final say at home, never asking him how he feels. Home is where he comes back for dinner. Anyway, his wife can manage other things by herself, and it doesn't matter whether he exists or not. In fact, their sex life began to become dispensable five years ago. Neither of them knows why. There is no noise, only the intimacy between husband and wife.
Zhu Lin is 40 years old and her husband He Fei is 45 years old. They live in a family and have no children. To outsiders, music teacher Zhu Lin and her business husband are a match made in heaven. She is rich and has no children to hold her back. She must have a high quality of life. In fact, every night in Zhu Lin is spent in lonely waiting. He Fei seldom touched her again after an unexpected ectopic pregnancy at the age of 28 and an emergency operation to remove an ovary. The initial reason was that he felt guilty and brought danger to his wife's life. Later, parents' desire to have grandchildren put pressure on them, but it was only during the ovulation period in Zhu Lin that they gave it to Duke Zhou. To Zhu Lin's great disappointment, their passion for love has long since disappeared, and sex has become a "necessary means to have children". As time goes on, even such physical contact becomes less and less. The same change is that my husband has become a bigger company and has more and more entertainment. Although Zhu Lin can buy any luxury he wants, Zhu Lin doesn't think his life is very happy.
There are too many such examples.
Happy families need sex.
In other words, every unhappy family has its own unhappiness, and happy families are roughly similar. For ordinary people, a happy family should have lingering "sex". The ideal sex life is satisfactory, pleasant and voluntary, and it is a full catharsis of body and mind, with pleasant spiritual enjoyment. As we all know, normal and moderate sexual life has many benefits for physical and mental health. It is a way to relieve stress and vent emotions. Happy sex life can relax depressed nerves, effectively control bad emotions and reduce domestic violence. This is also a way to help you sleep and exercise, because 30 minutes of sex can consume 200 calories, which is more conducive to falling asleep after sex. Moreover, good sex life can protect men's hearts, regulate women's menstruation, and even delay aging and prevent cancer. Of course, the most important thing is that sex is essentially a way for men and women to express their love, so it can satisfy people's psychology and play an important role in maintaining the relationship between husband and wife and the stability of marriage.
Why are couples asexual?
Since sex is so important, why do so many couples stay away from it? I remember once attending a meeting of the Hangzhou Family Planning Commission, a director of the Family Planning Office asked me, "How much of the disharmony in marriage is caused by sexual disharmony?" In my opinion, it's like a question of chicken laying eggs or chicken laying eggs. Sex and love can never exist in isolation, but they have given birth to the ultimate problem.
Milan Kundera, a writer, once said: Sex is not only a physiological desire, but also related to various desires from another level. The attachment we have, whether we love our partner, how we love our partner, become our mirror, and measure the image we value and our value.
There are many cases in which couples have no sexual life in marriage, some of which are due to physiological reasons or defects of one or both parties. The simplest thing is the natural deterioration of human function in old age, but it does not mean that there is a lack of love between husband and wife: some people lose the ability to have sex because of congenital or acquired diseases, trauma and other reasons, but their spouses can accept it, or their spouses can accept it, and their families are happy. In recent years, there have been touching reports of "asexual marriage" and happy life. Some people are not interested in sex themselves, or have feelings of resistance and disgust after psychological trauma. Of course, there are also reasons why couples can't get along well, and there are also reasons why marriage itself is in crisis, so we can't generalize asexual love in marriage.
What I want to say here is that one or both parties refuse to have sex, which makes the other party or both parties unhappy. In other words, there should be sex, not sex. This kind of situation is more and more in our country, which has attracted the attention of relevant people. Earlier, this problem appeared in some developed countries. Our neighbor Japan realized that asexual marriage would bring negative effects, and many large Japanese companies announced that they would force their employees to go home from work early to enjoy family life. At the same time, the Japanese Ministry of Health, Labor and Welfare has also issued a booklet "Making Love Slowly" to remind middle-aged couples who have entered the asexual stage to learn to enjoy life.
Of course, such advocacy is only an external effort. To really solve the problem, both husband and wife need to inject care, respect and love into each other's marriage, because sex is a complete and thorough exchange of love. When you can't feel love, it is the beginning and necessity of sexual absence.
In consultation, it can be found that in asexual marriage, one of the husband and wife has a naive and immature personality. After such a person enters the marriage, they will be unable to deal with many responsibilities and get along with each other, which will lead to contradictions in getting along with each other, thus causing the other spouse's psychological disgust and losing interest in sex life. Some people are very narcissistic, and their attitude towards sex is to take, not to pay. In this kind of sexual life, the normal party usually thinks that sexual life is simply "sex". It is not the interaction and communication between the two sexes. Over time, the normal party is disgusted with this pure physical communication.
In many women's psychological counseling, we found that at such critical moments as abortion, pregnancy and childbirth, if their husbands are not around, they will feel that they are suffering alone and can't feel love and affection. This feeling has become a kind of sexual psychological trauma, which makes them flinch from sex.
There are also many men who complain that their wives, instead of supporting and comforting them when their careers are frustrated, painful and unhappy, laugh at them like outsiders, even less sympathetic and understanding than outsiders. So in such complaints, they completely lost the motivation of husband and wife life. It can be said that all family conflicts, if not communicated and handled in time, will eventually be reflected in their relationship in the form of "sexual disharmony". There are also some families that attach importance to material life or create a good learning opportunity for their children, and couples put all their energy into the pursuit of economic ability. Such a family has more material things, less spirit and more property, but less "sexual interest"; Enjoy more, but be less happy. At the same time, social pressure is also hollowing out men's hearts and physical strength.
To some extent, the physical quality of men directly affects the quality of life of women. A man who is exhausted and lacks sleep in the mall will never have good sexual ability. N Men with empty hearts, little interest in reading and no time to meditate have absolutely no romantic sexual pleasure.
The absence or absence of marital neutrality will, in any case, make the basic unit family of society lose its "warmth" and "cohesion", thus affecting people's mental outlook and physical health in marriage.
The maintenance of "sexual relationship" between men and women is not only based on love, but also needs leisure and elegant nourishment to some extent, which may be the most lacking in this rapidly changing and developing era.
A happy marriage should be sex touching love and love activating! Modern society advocates healthy life and improves the quality of life. Whether individuals and families concerned should also try to avoid the "asexual" defect of precious marriage in a short life!
Conclusion: A happy marriage should have love, communication, responsibility, concern and tolerance, rather than two people staring at each other's shortcomings. (The article was originally published in Health Expo and Health World, serial number: 04,2012, by Zhang Yijun, Xin Wei and Lulu. Copyright belongs to the author; The purpose of reprinting is to convey more information, which does not mean that 360 Common Sense Network agrees with its views and is responsible for its authenticity. Please contact us as soon as possible and we will delete the content as soon as possible.