Many people encounter different problems in parenting, which may make you feel headache and make you anxious, such as what your mother said to rebellious children. Teacher Zhang, a gold medal psychological counselor, takes you to know a little about parenting every day.
Mother's heartfelt words to rebellious children: rebellious children are very sensitive to money
Many parents are worried about their children's rebellious mentality and don't know what to do. In many cases, the rebellious period of children coincides with the menopause of mothers. During this period, the mother was easily suspicious and irritable, while the child was very rebellious, so the battle between mother and child began. Mother is in pain, but she doesn't know how to deal with it. ......
Similar things happen in many families, besides mother and son, there are also problems between father and son. Why is this happening? ? With the popularization of the concept of late marriage and late childbearing, when parents enter menopause, most children are in turbulent adolescence. How to spend the "two festivals" has become a realistic problem faced by more and more families!
No, half-year-old children are really difficult to manage. Many parents are helpless when their adolescent children are rebellious, and the children also say their own words: "Rebellion is forced out, but in fact they are also very contradictory in life." Children's hearts yearn for their parents to get along well with them. On an equal footing, "in the eyes of parents, they are always right and I am always right."
Family education in the rebellious period is not a simple knowledge, it is sensitive and complicated, and it needs to be taken seriously. Parents are the key to family education. Parents' methods and attitudes directly determine whether they can get along well with their children and whether they can let their children spend a special period of life smoothly, healthily and happily.
This is a very common problem and a headache for parents. Why do children of this age have rebellious psychology? Adolescence is a special period. Psychology calls it a storm period. Children's mood swings will be great. During this period, the psychological changes of teenagers are very prominent, which is the second improvement of self-awareness.
At this time, children have a strong desire to grow up and some internal needs. This demand is very strong. Because of his mental and physical age, he cannot become an adult. He is semi-independent and semi-dependent, so students will have a strong rebellious attitude. Parents should not think about why my child has become like this. It turns out that he is very nice, and there will be a panic and fear in his heart. When parents have such worries, fears and fears, this psychological state will be brought into his interaction with their children.
First of all, parents should adjust their mentality. It's normal to see children rebelling against their parents. Second, how to communicate with children of this age. Children usually lock up their things, and some things in their hearts will not tell you, and may even have strong emotional conflicts with you. When children have strong emotional reactions, parents should listen rather than reason. This is a * * method that has been proved by countless people. We need to hear why children have such a strong emotional reaction. Is it because children are eager to be adults and independence, but we have not met their needs?
Third, because they have a strong sense of independence, we should give them corresponding trust. Children often say that my parents don't trust me or understand me. In this case, we should give him some rights and trust, let him do something independently and accept his bad side. Trust is very important, because they are in the state of half adults and children.
A father once told me that his children are all in the first grade of high school. The child is often absent from class. For a time, his mother was often ill. His father often calls his children and says that his mother is ill. You should go to the hospital to see her. Sometimes children go to see their mothers, and sometimes they don't. As soon as my mother's condition deteriorated, he rushed to the hospital to see her, and then asked her father why you didn't tell me in time and why you didn't call me. Father wants to say: I called you, but you never answered. But my dad held back and said, I thought you knew your mother would come back. The child didn't say anything, but stayed with her and took care of her during her hospitalization. Therefore, at this time, it is very important for parents to trust and accept their children. Children should be tolerant when they don't behave well enough. It is very important to meet their inner needs, become "independent people" and satisfy their trust and recognition. Need.
How do young people keep a good mood?
Apart from the specific psychological age of teenagers, there may be another problem, that is, how we view emotions. Emotion is an important part of mental health. In the development of people's mental health, an important aspect of whether your mental health is healthy is whether you know how to manage your emotions. This is an important life topic that primary and middle school students and even many adults need to learn. How should I manage my emotions?
First, identify emotions. In the cultural tradition of China, we often think that positive emotions are good and negative emotions are bad. What are negative emotions, such as anger, anger, sadness and fear? Many parents tell their children that you can't be angry and you are not allowed to be angry. Many families have such family rules, and children form an idea in their minds: it is not good to be angry. What should I do when I am angry?
There are usually two methods. One is to suppress anger, but it still exists in the subconscious. When I suppress my anger once, twice and many times, it will accumulate to a certain extent. If I suppress it to a certain extent, I can't suppress it any longer, and it will explode. At this time, there was another huge explosion. The other is to avoid stress. There is actually positive significance behind negative emotions. Everyone has negative emotions. When we see these negative emotions, we can't say "across the board".
Let me give you an example. Mother's child is over two years old. It is more common to hit the wall with your head and even bleed. What is behind such a strong emotional reaction? Children over two years old have self-awareness. Sometimes her mother asks her to brush her teeth, but if she doesn't, her mother forces her to go. Mom said that you put away your toys, and our family was going out. She didn't want to and had a good time. When she has unhappy and negative emotions, the child doesn't know how to resolve them. She wants to express her dissatisfaction. She finally hit her head against the wall to express my anger, dissatisfaction and anger.
In this process, what we see is that when the child is angry and angry, his parents tell him that you allow this anger, and you tell his mother why he is angry. We have changed from cognitive emotions to the second aspect: accepting emotions.
Accept that our child has some negative emotions, instead of telling him that you are not allowed to have negative emotions. We see your negative emotions and allow you to have negative emotions. Let's see why you are so angry and how to accept these emotions. In the process of talking with children, children will gradually learn how to express and vent in a more reasonable way when I am angry, instead of "groping" myself.
The third aspect: transforming emotions. When I have negative emotions, I can adjust and transform them by relaxing, imagining and changing my cognition, so that negative emotions can gradually become positive emotions. If you can't adjust your positive mood for a while, for example, I'm still in a hurry, it doesn't matter. It reminds me that I have something to deal with, so let it exist. There is nothing. Many times we are worried that I am in a hurry. What should I do? The more I think about it, the more anxious I am. On the contrary, anxiety is a part of my body. I allow it to exist. Probably my friend. When we look at these negative emotions in this way, the negative impact of negative emotions on us will be greatly reduced.
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The above is an article my mother said to rebellious children. If you feel good, please give me some attention.