When I was a teacher at Zhejiang University, I found that many students were frustrated and said that "I failed in the college entrance examination and came to Zhejiang University", which was widely circulated in Zhejiang University. It is conceivable that how many of them came to Tsinghua Peking University and had to settle for the second best and come to Zhejiang University. But is this really a failure?
Self-denial is sometimes an incentive, but in many cases it can only be an obstacle, especially when things are irreparable. It will be like a stubborn stone, making you walk badly. Just like insomnia, if you are always worried that you can't sleep, you will be more anxious to sleep; On the contrary, if you can calm down, instead of worrying about whether you will be sleepy the next day or not, you can fall asleep quickly.
"The sunk cost is not the cost" and "Let go of the past and live in the present", all of which have been heard a lot, but how difficult it is to let go of the obsession. But from the examples of Zhejiang University students and many psychological counseling letters in the book, I can see that you are not the only one with obsession, nor are you a minority.
How familiar a writer's self-report is:
A friend who started over at the age of 28 felt anxious:
A teacher will shake hands with a leader when he is doing an experiment;
One student suffers from procrastination:
Besides, don't just compete:
The right direction of life:
Seeing this, I am relieved.
There is a wonderful metaphor for life.
The author divides this problem into several parts:
Then I quoted a metaphor from the copper mine teacher:
Develop, extend, cooperate and pay like a tree, "every inch has an inch of joy".
The author has a friend who resigned as a civil servant and traveled around the world, not nostalgic for the secular, like a Dharma walker. When she read a Buddhist book alone in Sri Lanka at night, she had an epiphany:
How to live a fuller and more meaningful life depends on the richness of inner experience. A monotonous life always gives people the feeling that time flies, because it seems that there is only one day after repeated life. Therefore, to experience, to explore, to try, to live a richer life and a happier life.
"In addition to ordinary and boring life, you need some wild and primitive things to balance", such as climbing mountains to watch the sunset.
A group of contestants took part in an outdoor challenge reality show. They were going to live in seclusion in a paradise for a while. They want to take this opportunity to stay away from the secular world and experience the comfort of "leisurely seeing Nanshan". As a result, it didn't take long for them to find that "where there are people, there are rivers and lakes", and the players are intrigued and don't lose the outside world.
So don't have illusions that are far away from the world, but cultivate a heart that can be placed anywhere.
The author thinks that the ideal job meets three conditions: safety, competence and autonomy. That is, material security, ability to play, but also to decide something for themselves.
He gave such an example. A friend sold his company and became his favorite musician. He remained anonymous. But when it comes to the difference between life, he said:
Some people can do their favorite jobs.
"No money" does not mean "poverty". The poor only see the present, and the "rich" who have no money always have the future in their hearts. The author answered the questioner like this:
Think more about what you have, and don't always let your heart feel lacking.
Finally, the author also puts forward two specific suggestions:
Secondly, it is a good medicine for an anxious person who works hard and is worth a try.
There is a doctoral student, in order to build a complete experimental structure and sufficient experimental data, the thesis has been delayed until graduation.
This is related to Zhihu's question, "How to efficiently complete the work/study tasks that you don't like?" The next answer is very similar:
It is impolite to divide personality into extroversion and introversion. Many times, personality is relative and is determined by the situation.
Situational psychologists have done an experiment in which some prisoners play the role of policemen to interrogate others and then exchange identities. It turns out that no matter whether the prisoner is extroverted or introverted, as long as he plays the police, he will be overbearing and timid. For example, "Why am I introverted to death in front of strangers and extroverted to death in front of acquaintances?" "Why am I extroverted to work and introverted to life?" The theory of situational psychologists can give you the answer.
I think it can't be too absolute. People still have some inherent personalities, that is, human personality = inherent personality+situational personality.
Introverts also have advantages, because they are often more sensitive to the environment and can receive and process more information, which is also a trait that can lead to success in modern society, such as artists.
The author used to be a teacher of Zhejiang University and chose to resign at the "critical moment" of housing allocation. His reason is:
He chose difficulty on the simple and difficult road. He is not sure whether it will be better, but he knows that this road is free. This is the price paid for rebelling against the secular and becoming interesting. He doesn't advise you to imitate blindly, but should be based on common sense: