Taboos of family culture, first of all, what do you mean by prohibitions and taboos? What is the difference?
Let me talk about a problem of family medication first. There are contraindications about this drug in the drug instructions. Including precautions, contraindications and prohibition requirements. Let's look at taboos and prohibitions.
Avoid using: it means to avoid using or better not to use. For example, some patients may have obvious side effects after taking certain drugs. For example, sulfonamides are harmful to the kidneys, and people with poor renal function should not use them. If you don't need to use some drugs, you must use drugs that can offset or weaken their side effects at the same time to minimize unsafe factors. When using drugs at home, it is best not to use taboo drugs.
Prohibition: absolutely prohibited. It can be said that there is no choice to ban drugs. Because once the patient takes it, there will be serious adverse reactions or poisoning, such as croton, morning glory, musk, leech and other drugs, which are absolutely forbidden for pregnant women. Aspirin is forbidden in patients with gastric ulcer, otherwise it will easily cause gastric bleeding and even gastric perforation. Morphine has inhibitory effect on respiratory center, so it is forbidden for patients with bronchial asthma and pulmonary heart disease. For patients, all prohibited drugs should not be used rashly to prevent serious consequences.
I think you should understand the basic difference between prohibition and taboo. Now let's talk about why family culture is forbidden and taboo. From the role of family culture mentioned above, we can easily understand that the influence of family culture on children is all-round and profound, and many of them are interactive. Good influence is what we want, and bad influence is what we should avoid, or avoid. Our parents should first distinguish between good influence and bad influence. American children's education experts concluded through a survey that parents are most likely to step into the following seven forbidden zones that are not conducive to their children's growth:
1, command
Taboo words: "If you do this, you will be beaten", "I was your age …" and "If you don't listen, you have to listen" and so on. If parents are always "above", children can't achieve psychological balance when accepting criticism, so even if your criticism 100% is correct, children will have a "verbal dissatisfaction" reaction, and ultimately get twice the result with half the effort.
Step 2 be cynical
Taboo: "What do you think you can do?" "You are the genius of my family" and so on. Child psychotherapy experts point out that children, especially young children, are most afraid of the cynicism of their parents. It's hard for them to understand how their closest parents can say such a "pun" which is ostensibly a compliment but in essence a derogatory one, even if you still have a sense of humor when you say these words.
3. Absolute negation
Taboo words: "You haven't had a good meal", "You always lie" and so on. In family education, it is right to criticize children, but if we say "absolutely", it may in turn trigger children's rebellious psychology and eventually lead to refusal to accept critical education.
Step 4 exaggerate
Taboo words: "This is the funniest toy I have ever seen", "You are the most beautiful girl in the world" and so on. As children grow older, they will gradually realize that your words are watery, so when they grow up, they will be skeptical about other people's comments or praises. In addition, children who are used to listening to their parents' exaggerated praise often can only listen to good words and not negative opinions after entering the society, which also makes their lives vulnerable to setbacks.
5. Personal attacks
Taboo words: "You are as fat as a pig", "You are as stupid as a donkey" and so on. No matter how slow a child is, he can also appreciate the "malice" contained in such words, and his mind will be greatly hurt. In addition, children may believe it, give up on themselves, and finally lose self-esteem and self-confidence.
6. Coercive
Taboo: "If you don't do your homework, I'll put you in detention" and "If you're not good, I'll let you feed the wolves". Like exaggerated praise, this kind of bluff will also make children lose their intimacy and trust in their parents.
As cold as ice.
Taboo words: "Can't you see I'm busy?" "We'll talk later" and so on. The "subtext" that children hear from these words is that adults are not interested in what I do, and they don't regard me as their darling. In children's education, speech education is a common way. There is no mother who doesn't love her children. However, when the child makes a mistake or fails to achieve the expected goal, will you speak out in the name of love and hurt the child's tender heart?
All the above items are common. It is also an obvious low-level mistake that parents often make. Many friends who want to be good parents can do it consciously. Don't, or make fewer, these low-level mistakes. Parental psychology summarizes the following nine rules of prohibition and taboo. Now share it with everyone.
First, avoid beating and scolding children. Prohibition of indifference and contempt
Corporal punishment, beating and cursing. Many parents' behaviors are often in a state of emergency, which is mostly because they were beaten and scolded by their parents at an early age and unconsciously learned coping styles. Some even believe in the creed of "defeating the enemy without fighting" and "a good man gives birth to a yellow thorn stick". Nowadays, fewer and fewer parents swear and raise their hands when they say anything. Parents who have never beaten their children are also national treasure panda parents, which are very precious. In fact, the emotional experience and communication behind corporal punishment and scolding are efficient. Children under the age of three mostly judge their behavior through their parents' emotional reactions. It is believed that language and reason make children better, which is the product of parents' narcissism. The children just looked at our faces instead of listening to our reasons. Parents who think their children understand the truth of adults are even more ridiculous. We believe that what parents should do is to anticipate how they will treat their children when they are in an emergency, and whether there is a restricted area. Our "I want to be a good parent workshop" includes the training of using NLP technology to set anchors for parents and friends. That kind of swearing when you move your mouth and hitting when you raise your hand will make your child abnormal and cause long-term emotional opposition. The scars of beatings remain on children, but the seeds of hatred are buried in their hearts. If not, they will run away angrily and seek comfort in society. In this way, they will be mixed with irresponsible people outside, and they are likely to embark on the road of crime.
Yelling and swearing at very young children. In front of the angry mother, the young children can only be frightened and cry silently. In severe cases, it will also cause panic reaction. Children who are used to being scolded by their mothers for a long time will be subtly influenced by their mothers and used to treating others with harsh words, which is not good for beating and cursing. Indifferent neglect is a more terrible behavior than beating and scolding, and we think it should be prohibited, because in beating and scolding, children can accept that they are valued and parents care about their information. However, indifference and neglect make children unable to accept the value and significance of their own existence, and self cannot be basically accepted and affirmed, while affirmation and love are the premise of spiritual growth. If children are neglected and indifferent, they cannot grow up healthily on the basis. In reality, there are very few parents who are really indifferent to their children, but they can't pay attention to their needs, especially their spiritual needs. China's parents are more concerned about their children's food. Children, like adults, need someone to talk to when they are in a bad mood and release their bad emotions. However, some parents often ignore their children's needs because they are busy, impatient or think their children are still young. If this happens more often, the child will feel frustrated and feel that his mother doesn't like and value himself, thus estranging himself from his mother and never opening his heart to her again. It will be difficult for mothers to communicate with their children when they grow up. This is how the generation gap was dug. Lack of emotional communication is emotional abuse. You know, children who lack and are deprived of parental care are more traumatized and hurt than those who are beaten by their parents. When children lack caress and upbringing, when parents abuse their children emotionally through deprivation, alienation, domination and reprimand. It will cause children's uncoordinated movements, lack of emotions, abnormal development of muscles, bones, joints and organs, and the body cannot carry out effective metabolism. Over time, children who are emotionally abused will feel lonely and gradually lose interest and enthusiasm for everything. In clinical practice, almost all children who are emotionally abused are accompanied by serious physical diseases and obstacles.
Second, avoid material rewards and prohibit economic incentives.
Material reward is our parents' favorite educational behavior, but it is a very bad way. Why reward children is mostly because children's performance conforms to parents' wishes, and parents' wishes are more about their own needs being projected on their children. It is a form of controlling children with love, which is criticized by our parents' psychology. However, in educational practice, material rewards can really play an effective educational effect, which is caused by psychological theory and is also a behavioral psychotherapy, representation method and positive reinforcement method.
Parental psychology advocates that you can try not to use material rewards. Because there are more negative factors hidden behind the positive significance of material rewards, first of all, children may forget the happiness, growth happiness and spiritual freedom brought by his behavior itself. These factors that contribute to his healthy mental growth are likely to be covered up by material rewards. For example, learning is a happy activity, which satisfies our curious psychological needs, and because we participate in learning activities, we will feel the strength of ourselves and the joy of learning successful experiences. This is very attractive in itself, and it is also a reward for children's efforts. Material returns from the outside world are likely to become material blindness. Cover a clear heart with the dust of parents and society. The stimulation of money is more terrible, stronger and has a greater impact on children's minds. We should associate normal growth behavior with making money, because money is valuable. This is a very wrong connection, which is to tell children a very wrong way to hold hands. I remember telling a story in my lecture about how an old man used money to influence his children's behavior changes. However, it is necessary to distinguish between the necessary pocket money given by parents and the lucky money given by elders during the Spring Festival. This is a national feature of China and cannot be used as a monetary reward. Children have money, how to use it, manage their own desires and learn to delay satisfaction, which are often good educational resources and opportunities. Financial management is also a social ability! What we want to prohibit is to link the normal growth performance and behavior of children with money, and use money to stimulate children to show the performance and behavior that parents want to see. In order to achieve the goal of parents controlling their children's growth.
Third, don't make promises easily, and promises will be reversed.
How's this? Our parents can correctly understand and pay attention to it in practice. The story of the ancient Ceng Zi brake pig is a good example. Here is just to remind parents and friends that if you have such a situation, I suggest you do some introspection on yourself and talk to a psychological counselor when necessary, because this behavior is not only bad for your child's growth, but also has a great impact on your own healthy and harmonious family life, social relations and career development.
Fourth, avoid exposing contradictions and forbid belittling each other.
One of the harms to children is to destroy his sense of identity, cognition, concept and so on. Exposing the contradiction between husband and wife in front of children, or exposing the contradiction between grandparents and relatives of children, is the destruction of children's identity. Family life is full of contradictions. I remember President Mao Zedong said in On Contradictions that contradictions are universal. It is also the unity of opposites. Still transformed into each other. The contradiction between adults is beyond children's comprehension. It is a heavy burden for children to expose the contradictions of adults to them. Will distort the child's mind. Contradictory exposure sometimes happens naturally and inevitably, which has positive factors for children's spiritual growth. Encourage children to think, observe and explore, and some children even mediate conflicts between their parents. Of course, we still have to emphasize that children should not care about the contradictions between their parents, and parents should not deliberately expose the contradictions to their children.
Despising each other is an act that must be strictly prohibited, because it is a personality attack, and it is easy for children to learn and use it in their relationships with others. Despising each other can also cause children's insecurity. Causing internal division, leading children to learn pussy from an early age
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