Every time Grandpa talks about this, he always wipes his eyes with the cuffs with raw edges. When Jiang Mumu saw grandpa's cloudy and bloodshot eyes, he always felt sour.
At that time, she was still too young, and this sad feeling took a long time to understand, but she was wronged and unable to change the reality.
Jiang Mumu's attic was temporarily built on grandpa's shop. It was narrow and crude, and the wood was perfunctory.
There is only a small bed and an old sewing machine in the attic. It was left by my dead grandmother. When she was a child, Jiang Mumu liked to put her foot on the pedal so that she couldn't step on it. Grandpa always laughs with tears in his eyes when he sees it. We Jiang Mumu really look like her grandmother.
Jiang Mumu, who has gone to school, does his homework on this sewing machine and sometimes falls asleep on his stomach. Grandpa closed the store door and saw that the light in the attic was still on, so he stepped forward, gently carried Jiang Mumu to the bed, and then crept down.
After a long, long time, Jiang Mumu left the attic, and he will still remember the "creaking" sound made by his grandfather stepping on the pine board carefully when he came downstairs. The attic is a white wall of cement blocks with potholes; Occasionally, when I get up at night and go downstairs, my grandfather lies on the old bed in the shop, snoring like thunder.
Jiang Mumu 10 years old, innocent and carefree. When there are many guests in the soybean milk shop, she stays quietly in the attic, looking at the people who come and go drinking soybean milk through the cracks in the boards. Watching grandpa bend his waist all day.
Jiang Mumu went to junior high school, and grandpa studied harder. Jiang Mumu studied very well, and all the neighbors praised Jiang Mumu as a good boy.
It could be Mu Mu, but he seldom smiles. Jiang Mumu got her heart.
Probably, when we were young, our understanding of liking always came from one person. Most of this person has nothing to do with the later years, but due to lack of experience at that time, it became the theme that could not be bypassed in those years.
Jiang Mumu was a careful child since childhood, and became more sensitive after junior high school.
She knows that his name is Qiao Yan and he works downstairs. He is tall and likes playing basketball on the playground. It seems ... I saw him on duty several times when I went downstairs to take out the garbage.
She doesn't know what she likes. No one has ever told her what it feels like to like it.
Girls at that time were always ashamed to admit the word "like". Even if you like it, pretend to be extremely boring. "Oh, you don't know how annoying he is ... how can there be such an annoying person ..." At this time, hate is like it.
Qiao Yan never seems to go home at noon and often comes to her class to play. Know that he and Tan in the class are good friends. Later, Jiang Mumu always went home after class, ate his meal in a hurry, and then went to school soon.
When grandpa asked, he said that his homework was not finished. Only Jiang Mumu knows, because the punch line is continuous.
When young, girls are easily attracted to frivolous and proud boys. Probably it is this coolness that satisfies all the mysterious fantasies of the opposite sex in girls' hearts.
Qiao Yan is such a boy. Tall and not handsome, with a poisonous tongue and conceit. Jiang Mumu often only dares to sneak a look at him with his head down. Feel Qiao Yan eyes, Jiang Mumu buried his head lower.
"The legs are short and thick, and I still twist my ass when I walk." Joe said this sentence has been ringing in my ears. Every time I think about it, Jiang Mumu blushes.
Grandpa asked in the evening, is it uncomfortable? Why are you eating less and less recently?
Jiang Mumu just shook his head and said he was full.
Grandpa said, Jiang Mumu, grandpa has no money to buy you many new clothes, and he can't dress you beautifully. Grandpa feels sorry for you. ...
Jiang Mumu quickly interrupted Grandpa: "Grandpa, it doesn't matter." Turn your head and dry your tears.
Too depressed to speak. Maybe in Qiao Yan's eyes, he is short and fat. Wearing old clothes all day, my face will always be as dusty as grass on the roadside.
That afternoon, Qiao Yan, who had never spoken to her, suddenly uttered such a hurtful remark. Jiang Mumu looked back and saw Qiao Yan's playful smile, and he was so ashamed that he didn't know what to do.
One morning, as soon as Jiang Mumu got up, he came down from the attic. Seeing several familiar figures, she recognized Qiao Yan at a glance. The boy next to him is Tan's classmate.
Jiang Mumu's first reaction was to turn away.
"Jiang Mumu, come on, these are not all your classmates." Grandpa's warm greetings made her panic at a loss.
It's like being stripped naked in the sun and standing there naked to be seen. What little self-esteem was left was destroyed at the moment.
Jiang Mumu turned around and forced a smile, pretending to be natural and brilliant: "Good morning."
Grandpa said, "Jiang Mumu, come and have something to eat, too. It will be cold in a while. " Jiang Mumu said, good.
She clearly saw Qiao Yan frowning.
Forget it. He will never like me.
That kind of disappointment is nothing to a girl who has been in love many times in the future. But for Jiang Mumu at that time, all the happiness and hope in life were extinguished.
Jiang Mumu doesn't know how to finish this bowl of soybean milk. It was so hot that her mouth blistered. I was so hot that I cried. I couldn't cover it.
Tan looked at her in amazement, handed the tissue and asked, "Jiang Mumu, what's wrong with you?"
Qiao Yan didn't speak and looked at her coldly.
Jiang Mumu smiled and concealed: "Hey, it's okay, Grandpa's soybean milk is so delicious."
Silly appearance, clear eyes and chubby face make people want to pinch.
"It's the same as never drinking soy milk." What Qiao Yan says always seems to be disdainful.
Mywood got up with a face of embarrassment, and Tan He beat around the bush with a smile.
In the next month, Jiang Mumu seldom saw Qiao Yan. Even though she went to class early, she didn't see any jokes in the classroom in the afternoon.
Jiang Mumu was pleasantly surprised when she received the list handed by her tutor.
That's the announcement that the radio station wants an announcer. Jiang Mumu is the kind of girl who is very good and studies well. She is not a beauty. She is small and fleshy with delicate facial features.
"Try it, your voice is very nice." The tutor is a boy who just graduated, handsome and elegant. Always dressed in casual clothes, giving orders and having long fingers.
Jiang Mumu looked at the big brother-like teacher gratefully and smiled at him, revealing a pair of dimples: "Thank you."
When Jiang Mumu stood in front of the window of the broadcast room, overlooking the playground, roads, trees and pedestrians downstairs, he was in a daze for a few minutes, and then he woke up.
The person she was looking for didn't see it. It's almost time for class in the afternoon. Why? He hasn't come yet?
Senior is urging her, it's time to broadcast. Jiang Mumu looked out of the window, turned around and picked up the receiver.
I recited what I had practiced many times, and a clear voice came from the microphone: "This is the school radio station, I am Jiang Mumu ..."
She didn't know that the midday sun, together with her crisp voice, reached the heart of the long-awaited teenager.
Qiao Yan rode her bike through a row of tree-lined paths shaded by camphor trees. Sunlight shone through the gaps between the leaves and fell on his dark sweater, eyebrows and eyes. ...
Mumu's voice was just right. "I am Mumu ..." "I am Mumu ..." Qiao Yan stopped, propped up the ground with her feet and listened carefully. Jiang Mumu, the girl. ...
But Jiang Mumu didn't know. She thought he couldn't hear. When the bell rang, Jiang Mumu said on the radio, "I'll see you next Friday".
Qiao Yan stopped her bike and walked into the classroom. He was absent-minded at the window. When I looked at it from the side, it was mywood returning to class. Fine hair and a childish and stubborn face. Still so short ... but I seem to have lost a lot of weight.
The small space in the attic does not limit the growth of mywood. The narrow space gave Mumu a great sense of security. Turn around and you can lean against the wall, lean against the wall, and read the book. It feels solid, like being hugged. In fact, Jiang Mumu longed for a hug, and he would dream without it.
She thought that if one day, she was held in his arms and paid any price, she would be willing.
Mywood is a little taller and more silent than before. The grades are getting better and better, and the boys begin to confess. Grandpa's health is improving. Everything seems to be moving in the right direction, except Qiao Yan.
The whole class is saying that Qiao Yan and He Chu in the class are in love.
Only Mumu said nothing about it.
He Chu will always be a shining girl. Jiang Mumu didn't dare to look at her, for fear that, by contrast, she would become a grey mouse who couldn't get on the table.
Not paying attention to this matter is not indifference, it is too fragile. I am so fragile that I can only hold myself, cover my ears and make up an excuse to lie to myself. These are just rumors.
The rumor spread and it really came true.
Qiao Yan probably never knew that when he held He Chu's hand like a princess, there was always a pair of eyes behind him, a pair of red eyes. Those are Jiang Mumu's eyes.
Probably, the people we care about most are not only our favorite Ta, but also our favorite Ta.
Mywood is silently watching He Chu. Children who grow up in well-off families are well protected. I have never seen embarrassment and ugliness in life, kindness and simplicity from the heart, although on the surface, it is also helpless.
When traveling with a group, He Chu became numb and shed tears when he saw the beggar's misery.
There are beggars everywhere in her and grandpa's community, which is nothing strange. Sometimes, she feels worse than a beggar.
He Chu's self-confidence was built by rich people with little money. She doesn't have to worry about losing anything. She knows there will always be something she wants. This sense of security gave her the courage to get close to others boldly. She is not afraid of rejection or being rejected.
Jiang Mumu, on the other hand, because you have too little, you cherish it more, you cling to it, and you are afraid of losing it instantly.
On the verge of death, Jiang Mumu even imagined him and Qiao Yan together. She couldn't help laughing at herself. They are really a good match, and she is not even qualified for fantasy.
Jiang Mumu will remember his long black hair, bright and straight. Always casually draped behind him, emitting a faint fragrance. She will still remember He Chushuanglang's laughter and uninhibited laughter, and the "black waterfall" that swayed with the first swing. ...
Jiang Mumu doesn't know why he can remember these things so clearly after several years. Even if you can't forget Qiao Yan, you can't forget He Chu's proud expression and straight back.
"Grandpa, I'm not leaving." Mu Mu cried into tears, clutching grandpa's hand. Grandpa's tears, dripping through the ditches, fell on his skirt.
A strange couple, looking embarrassed.
The pain of losing a child is still there. In the eyes of her daughter, it is actually defense and hostility.
No wonder, in order not to lose their jobs and keep their sons, they sent their twin daughters to their families in the countryside. Now my son has an accident and the rescue is unsuccessful. I just remembered that I have a daughter who lives outside.
They are the ones who sympathize with her. Looking at this humble house and the attic where Jiang Mumu lived, my parents cried and regretted it.
"Jiang Mumu, you can come back to see grandpa at any time." Grandpa advised, "Go back and live in a big house with mom and dad, and don't squeeze into the attic."
"If you follow Grandpa, you will have a good life in a few days, and you will suffer." Grandpa's trembling hands are so cold.
Jiang Mumu seems to be blind and has been stupefied for a long time. She didn't speak again until two strangers went out.
I packed my bags and lived for more than ten years before I found myself with nothing. Two sets of clothes and a few books are all.
07
Early in the morning, I opened the curtains and my biological parents were waiting for her downstairs. This time, maybe she can be a girl like He Chu. Rich family, loving parents, enviable achievements. ...
However, in this attic, there are mottled marks, childish graffiti, a bed that is not soft, and a quilt mended by grandpa himself ... this is the memory of youth.
There is a diary hidden in the drawer of that sewing machine. Every day is you, Qiao Yan. From the day I liked you, I said every word to you.
Perhaps adolescent love is not love, but the initial fantasy and expectation of immature boys and girls for love. Perhaps, there will be more unforgettable feelings in the future, but we always have to admit that the innocence when we like someone for the first time may never be there again. Stupid as it is, like mywood.
Under that window, it was such an early morning that there stood a joke that suddenly broke into her life. That day, he drank a bowl of the simplest soybean milk, which was ground by his grandfather. That day, she stood at the window of the attic and watched for a long time until Qiao Yan's back disappeared and could no longer be seen.
That figure, like her youth in the darkest and meanest attic, is drifting away.