Talk to: Min Min.
Female 29-year-old shop assistant
Call time: May 3 1.
Venue: Bailonggang Park
Six years ago, we thought it was easy to settle in this city.
A Jian and I were introduced in April 2003, when I was 23 and he was 25. In our hometown, most men and women of this age have children, so as soon as the relationship was confirmed, both parents urged us to get married quickly.
It happened that A Jian was in high spirits. He said that he didn't want to live in the countryside all his life, and he didn't want me to suffer hardships in the countryside with him, so when the economic conditions were good, he would take me out to work and talk about marriage. I have longed for city life for a long time. After listening to his words, all my ambitions were aroused, and I was bent on winning a person's appearance. So, I reached a consensus with him that we must buy a house in this city and settle down.
This idea became stronger and stronger after we arrived in Yichang. A Jian and I came to Yichang in June 2003, and both found jobs that month. I applied for a job as a clerk in a big shopping mall, and I look good; A Jian, who is diligent and practical and can dig machines, works with a foreman on the construction site. Although tired, the salary is not bad. Maybe everything went too well at first. We thought that the road ahead was simple, and that it would not be too difficult to buy a house and settle down in this city. A Jian has outlined our future ambitiously for many times, saying that he must hold a grand wedding in Yichang to marry me.
Full of longing, happy to wait, and work together for it. I firmly believe that this day will not be too far away.
Six years later, with the growth of age, my dream is still empty.
Let's just say that we expect everything to be wonderful. When I made a promise with A Jian, I never dreamed that happiness, which seems to be only one step away, was so far away. Now six years later, the original dream is still empty.
There are many reasons for this. First of all, our later development was not as smooth as it was at the beginning. Shortly after the Spring Festival in 2004, A Jian jumped ship with his foreman. Without the recommendation of acquaintances, it is difficult for him to take over the job. At worst, he only started work for four or five days a month. During that time, we only earned enough money to maintain our daily life. In June of that year, I was ill and hospitalized again. After leaving the hospital, I stayed at home for more than two months. After all this trouble, I almost spent all my previous savings. In other words, A Jian and I have worked hard in Yichang for more than a year, but we still have nothing and everything is zero.
In August 2007, we finally saved some money. A Jian said that he wanted to buy an excavator and become his own boss in the future, so that he could earn more money. So, we spent all our money, borrowed hundreds of thousands and bought a machine. Unexpectedly, this excavator brought us trouble, and there were problems at both ends for three days. Money is not earned, but the maintenance cost is quite high. Barely maintained for half a year, we really can't support it, so we have to deal with it at a low price. Only in this way, the assets of A Jian and I turned negative, and we still owe some foreign debts until now.
In sharp contrast to our negative assets, the housing prices in Yichang are rising, which is another reason why Ajian and I failed in our dream of buying a house and getting married. I remember when we first arrived in Yichang, we often looked at new buildings and inquired about second-hand houses, but with the repeated rise in house prices, we gradually lost interest in seeing them, because it was useless to see them.
In addition, there is another thing that bothers me, which I think is also a reason for my dream to fail. After arriving in Yichang, A Jian became less honest than before. He has to go to the big shopping mall to buy clothes and smoke well. From time to time, he also invited a large group of friends to the bar to run with KTV and bulls. The most intolerable thing is that he learned to gamble and played hard. I made a rough calculation for him. He has lost at least 20,000 to 30,000 in recent years. For those of us who have no house, no home and are heavily in debt, this money is not a small sum. Whenever I think about it, I feel very angry and distressed.
I have also asked myself, since I have failed again and again, I can't even see the hope of the future. Why can I persist for six years? After all, six years is a long time for a woman.
Looking back carefully, I also had the idea of giving up during this period. I remember the Spring Festival we spent in Yichang in 2005. Because we have no money, we are ashamed to go home. During that time, I was very upset. I think Jian is very incompetent. I think I have suffered too much from him. I once clamored to break up. But I couldn't beat his tearful plea, and I suddenly relented. After all, I still can't bear this relationship.
Then I sold the excavator and owed a large amount of foreign debt. I simply felt that the sky was dark and I couldn't see where the hope was. Originally, I was determined to stay with Ajian, but he did something that moved me completely: after I broke up, he lent me 50,000 yuan from scratch, saying that I also had a share of the lost money, and I had to pay it back, and wrote me an iou for the insufficient part. A man is desperate and thinks that he can't let his woman suffer, which shows his sincerity and frankness. As soon as I was moved, I changed my mind and stayed with Jian. In addition, we also had many small fights in the rest of the time, but I compromised every time.
In this way, I stayed with Jian for six years until I became an old maid, but the marriage was still hopeless.
It's too difficult to continue now. I don't want to leave.
As I get older, I don't have high expectations for getting married. I have discussed with A Jian more than once: "Why don't you just rent a house and get married, and take your time later?" But he refused, on the grounds that getting married in a rented house would embarrass him in front of his friends. "Then you can't afford a house. Are you going to let me hang like this all my life? " Seeing me angry, he always said, "Soon, soon, as long as we find the right project, the money will come soon." It's not that I don't believe him. I just don't know when the opportunity will come to him. Where can I afford it?
Renting a house to get married is afraid of losing face, but I can't afford to buy a house to get married, so I have to drag it on so reluctantly. Finally, people got a little numb, when my friend asked me, "When are you two getting married?" I actually replied, "Isn't a wedding just a formality?" What's the difference between us now and getting married? "But in this way, only oneself can realize the inner sadness and helplessness.
In this way, on May 2, 2009, my best girlfriend in Yichang got married. That day, I was her maid of honor and spent a happy and romantic day with her. I'm a little jealous to see her smile so happily. I hope it wasn't me who wore the wedding dress that day. My girlfriend seems to have read my mind. After the guests left, she said to me earnestly, "Min Min, if Ajian still can't afford a house and refuses to marry you, you should break up with him quickly. Women only have a few good years. How much longer can you put it off? The more you go, the worse for you. " This sentence made me hesitate. Yes, I really should think about my future.
The next day, I asked Ajian about getting married. "I am willing to have a wedding in a rented house, as long as there is a nest. Please think about it for me. I'm almost 30 years old. Get married early and have children early, otherwise it will be difficult to have children later. " At this point, he is still hesitating. Finally, the answer he gave me was to wait for him for another year, saying that if he still didn't get better after one year, he would do as I said.
I really want to cry. It stands to reason that after waiting for six years, do you still care about this year? But the key is that this year is unknown, and I am afraid it will be the end after a year of empty consumption. Thinking of this, I simply feel that I can't wait for another day. Perhaps at this age, my mind has become very anxious and I gave Ajian an ultimatum: "Either marry me as soon as possible or break up." It's just that he hasn't given me a definite answer yet.
In fact, my heart is full of contradictions. If I really want to break up like my friend said, then I will find another one and give myself a new start. But when I think of my six-year relationship and six-year efforts with Ajian, I feel particularly unwilling. Then wait another year as he said, but I have lost patience. In other words, what I am afraid of is not waiting, but worrying that the outcome will be disappointing after one year.
Recently, I often sigh: getting married is not difficult. How can I not even realize this dream? We are about to enter the threshold of 30, and we are still wandering. Who can understand the feeling of insecurity and instability? Should I blame the sword? Or blame yourself? There seems to be no need to argue about this problem. The only indisputable fact is that I was dragged into an old maid by this relationship and fell into an extremely embarrassing and embarrassing situation.
Sometimes, when a woman is down and out, she will feel the importance of money and a house, but what if she doesn't love you even if she has a house and money?