Novel·The Death of an Only Child
Article I Le Yili
“Goodbye, this cold world!” This is Shan Zhiwen’s shortest novel This diary was written on September 5, 1995.
Of course, this is not his last diary entry. How can a fourth-grade child have the courage to commit suicide? But Shan Zhiwen did plan this that day.
At that time, it was certainly impossible for primary school students to commit suicide, and there was no Internet to provide them with examples and precedents. At that time, all the information that teenagers were exposed to came from school and family. At that time, the market economy had just arrived, and each family lived alone, but the birth of children was still in the planned economy. Each family had only one fertility quota, which was used up until it was used up. The children were not allowed to die or be lost until they were born.
Therefore, the children of any family are treasures, whether they are sons or daughters, they are the treasures in the family's palm. They are protected by two adults and four old people. They usually send them to school and pick them up after school. Going to the amusement park on the weekends, there is no shortage of all kinds of snacks, toys and beautiful clothes. On weekdays, we try not to let the children go out unless nothing happens. They are kept at home with adults, who hold them and coax them, for fear of being crushed outside.
But Shan Zhiwen has never experienced the feeling of being a "darling". His mother said that men become bad when they have money. The woman" ran away. My grandma who lives on the outskirts of the city is the only elderly person in the family and can only be seen once a month. Mom is usually busy with work, so Shan Zhiwen goes home alone after school to do his homework. After finishing his homework, he goes to the balcony and stares at the two pots of marigolds in a daze. Marigolds are the only clue that Dad stays at home. The lavender petals bulge into small umbrellas, and a cluster of small purple umbrellas gather into groups. Can they withstand the wind and rain outside? Shan Zhiwen smiled blankly.
A paper airplane shot in from the opposite window. Luo Yingying made a gesture at the other end. Shan Zhiwen unfolded the paper airplane knowingly, with the words "I only scored 72 points in the math test this time. My mother scored 72 points again." It’s time for me to skip dinner. What a bad luck! On my way home, I saw Teacher Wang and his parents entering the arcade. They took Zhou Yang, Tang Long, and others to the street and beat them so hard that Tang Long’s teeth started to bleed. It was Liu Ruisong. The secret..."
Shan Zhiwen went back to the house to get a pen and wrote on the back of the paper airplane, "I didn't do well in the test this time. Tomorrow is Saturday. I went to my grandma's house to ask her to sign the test paper. Zhou Yang, Tanglong and the others really shouldn’t go to the game arcade, but Liu Ruisong’s snitching is really annoying! I’ll give you two stickers, don’t be too discouraged!” Two Doraemon stickers were inside the paper airplane in the reply.
The next day, on the way to grandma’s house, Shan Zhiwen saw the game arcade where Teacher Wang arrested him. Several arrogant young people were squatting at the door smoking. The door was ajar, and there was a sound coming from inside. The chirping electronic fighting sound effects were accompanied by the boys' passionate roars with curse words. This is a forbidden place for good students. The head teacher, Mr. Wang, will repeatedly warn everyone at every class meeting: Stay away from the game arcade, it is a concentration camp for degenerate youths.
Thinking of this, Shan Zhiwen felt as if he had stepped on a wire, and he quickly escaped from this concentration camp of degenerate youths. As Shan Zhiwen left in a hurry, he didn't notice that there was a food wholesale store opened next to the game hall, with colorful goods piled in front of the door, making it a spectacular sight. At the counter, Liu Ruisong spread out his homework and wrote quickly. He looked up and saw Shan Zhiwen flashing past the door of the store, with a strange arc at the corner of his mouth.
It happened that his mother was working overtime this weekend, and Shan Zhiwen escaped the dangerous period of signing the test papers and successfully made it to Monday.
During the Monday class meeting, Teacher Wang walked into the classroom with a slumped face, and the noisy reading stopped abruptly. "Students, the school has expressly stipulated that students are prohibited from entering or leaving commercial establishments. I have warned everyone many times to stay away from game arcades. But last Friday, two students' parents and I went to a nearby game arcade to check and caught two students from my class on the spot. , According to the regulations, the school will give these two people major demerits." Teacher Wang raised his eyes and looked at Zhou Yang and Tang Long in their seats, and the two of them immediately blushed and lowered their heads.
Teacher Wang cleared his throat and continued: "The atmosphere in the class is getting more and more outrageous. Just after arresting people on Friday afternoon, someone reported it, and on Saturday morning someone in the class entered and left the game arcade. Now, please those students who went to the game arcade on Saturday, please stand up!" The students in the class looked at each other, but no one stood up.
"Shan Zhiwen, where were you on Saturday?" Teacher Wang's question was like a bolt from the blue. Shan Zhiwen froze on the spot, and a cold feeling ran through his body.
"I... I... did my homework at home for a while on Saturday morning, and then... then I went to grandma's house."
"You lied! You obviously went there on Saturday Went to the game hall! Teacher Wang, I was guarding the store next door and saw Shan Zhiwen coming out of the game hall with my own eyes!" You don't need to look back to know that the hoarse and loud voice behind him is Liu Ruisong's patent.
"Teacher Wang, Shan Zhiwen didn't go to the game arcade. I saw him watering the flowers on the balcony on Saturday morning. I live opposite his house!" Luo Yingying stood up with a blushing face to testify for Shan Zhiwen.
"Luo Yingying, sit down! Shan Zhiwen, I called the homes of all the male students in the class on Saturday, but no one answered your home. What's going on? Where have you been?" Wang Zai Under the teacher's gaze, Shan Zhiwen became restless. Standing up is tantamount to taking the initiative to admit your wrongdoing, and you will definitely not be able to get rid of it in the future. It was no longer possible to sit still. The whole class stared at me, like dozens of scissors pointing at my neck. Luo Yingying looked at him with a red face, like a lamb betrayed by its owner, with two huge tears in her eyes.
After time and space stood still for a few seconds, Teacher Wang pointed to the back door with his chin. The subtext of this action was clear to the whole class: stand at the back and listen to the class.
Shan Zhiwen held his textbook and stood against the wall. Everyone turned their backs to face the blackboard. He was abandoned outside the world of justice and did not understand a word in class.
Finally, after school, Liu Ruisong approached calmly, rolled his eyes and said: "Teacher Wang asked you and Luo Yingying to go to the office."
From the classroom to During the journey to the office, Shan Zhiwen seemed to have walked through his entire childhood. In front of Teacher Wang's desk, stood her furious mother and Luo Yingying, who bowed her head and remained silent.
"Shan Zhiwen, I will give you one last chance. In front of your parents, you must honestly explain your whereabouts on Saturday from beginning to end. Otherwise, I will follow the instructions of Zhou Yang, Tanglong and the others. Report it to the school." Teacher Wang casually unfolded a leather-covered book and put it away for review.
"I did my homework at home on Saturday. After I finished my homework, I went to my grandma's house. Liu Ruisong framed me. I only passed the game arcade on the way to grandma's house..." Shan Zhiwen was punished to stand all morning. The strength to speak was also reduced by three points.
Teacher Wang put the pen down heavily on the table, sighed, then looked at Shan's mother without saying a word, and hummed in his mouth, as if to say: You can figure it out.
A slap on the face, a snap, like an explosion very close to the brain. "Teacher Wang has given you a chance, why don't you admit your mistake? Your classmates saw you going to the game arcade, and the teacher called your home to investigate. Why don't you repent? Also, don't do this with Luo Yingying in the future. From the little girl's movies, I have long seen that she has many evil ideas and loves to lie..."
Luo Yingying burst into tears and rushed out of the office panting. The sound of retreating footsteps in the corridor made Shan Zhiwen feel even more lonely. The whole world declared war on him, but he lost even his last ally. No one believed him anymore, no one testified for him anymore, no one could comfort him anymore.
Shan Zhiwen, who was isolated and helpless, had to confess: He failed the math test last week and did not dare to take the test paper to his mother to sign, so he went to his grandma's house on Saturday to find her to sign for him as a cover. If you don’t believe it, you can go to grandma’s house and ask.
"Alas, this child is not only playful, but also learned to make a name for himself behind his back. He usually doesn't study hard, and after the exam, he still wants to hide it. You parents should correct his moral character. He is only eight years old. He is a habitual liar, can he...?" Teacher Wang, who was accustomed to looking at people with his chin, shook his head guiltily, like a defeated rooster.
"I worked so hard to bring you up all by myself, just to let you make up lies and show them to others? You don't want to make progress, you run wild everywhere, and you are shameless in front of others? You are really good at it, you and that person You're like a bastard, you don't do serious things, and you only devote your energy to conspiracy... I don't have a son like you, so don't go back to my home again! Get as far away from me as you can..."
Crackling slaps came from all directions, and an atomic bomb fell on top of the head, exploding into flowers. The tears that had accumulated all day turned into a waterfall. Shan Zhiwen was pushed by the huge waves and ran out of the office, out of school, and onto the street. He kept running, and he didn’t know how far he ran...
It was windy all the way. It was so big that it hurt both eyes. When I was exhausted, a colorful world appeared in front of my eyes, with neon lights flashing, traffic flowing continuously, and music soaring into the sky.
Shan Zhiwen broke into this strange adult world for no reason, and was shaken by the noise and lost his will. In a trance, my father appeared at the door of the Crystal Palace Entertainment City, with a young woman on his arm. His appearance could not be seen clearly. She was wearing very heavy makeup. It turns out that what my father meant to socialize was to have fun in this place that was a hundred times more depraved than the arcade, but the "bad woman" my mother described was actually so gaudy.
Shan Zhiwen wanted to step forward and call his father, but was scolded and driven away by the fierce security guard in front of the door. He could only look up at this crystal palace from a distance, looking like a monster, sucking up successful people like his father day and night. Little Shan Zhiwen didn't understand why the adults had just said goodbye to hunger and plunged into the entertainment city, floating in the smoke and noise, going from one sensory pain to another.
But at that moment, Shan Zhiwen clearly realized the despair: the world is so big, he has no home, no one to accompany him, and no one to complain to.
During the early divorce period, the parents regarded each other as enemies. When the situation reached a point of stalemate, the family was gone with a bang. That day, when the smoke cleared, Shan Zhiwen saw his parents walking away, back to back, and tasted the salty taste of loneliness for the first time. From then on, my mother began to work overtime day and night, and would sigh and complain when she stopped. The father will form a new family with another woman, strive for a target, and raise children. Today, the world remains the same, but in our eyes it is black and white, odorless and tasteless, and a vast expanse of ruins.
At night, Shan Zhiwen was awakened by a burst of barking. When he opened his eyes, his body was as stiff as lead, and there was a puppy lying at his feet. The puppy, like him, got lost by the river on a frosty night. He vaguely remembered the long dream he had just had, in which he was chased by everyone and fled to the end, so he had to kill himself. Then, the world returned to color, the sun was shining, and the birds were singing and the flowers were fragrant. That night, Shan Zhiwen picked up the puppy and went to his grandma's house. It was also that night that he wrote the shortest diary entry in his life.
Shan Zhiwen's last diary entry was written ten years later - the day before he went diving in the river. September 5, 2005, a full year after my grandmother passed away, the puppy was missing for eighty days, and a full ten years before his father's second child was born.