01 Telling a 2-year-old child "no" is committing the "white bear effect"?
In fact, every child will go through such a stage. Although it is a bit annoying, it is Quite cute too.
In fact, the behaviors of children of Xiaomi's age are based on psychological basis and are not reactions without reason.
And their "rebellious" behavior is all affected by the "white bear effect".
▼What is the White Bear Effect?
The white bear effect is also called the rebound effect.
Daniel Wegener, a social psychologist at Harvard University in the United States, conducted a simple experiment: He asked the subjects not to imagine a white bear. As a result, affected by the rebound of thinking, everyone's minds immediately A white bear appeared.
To put it simply: the more emphasis is placed on something that others are not allowed to do, the more people will remember it repeatedly and tell themselves not to think about it, but this strong method may bring the thought back to their minds.
Xiaomi’s situation is affected by the white bear effect. He is not allowed to play with building blocks in the living room, but he insists on playing with building blocks. I don't want him to play on the balcony, but he wants to play on the balcony.
In fact, what Xiaomi's mother said "no" is not only useless, but also provides Xiaomi with a "white bear".
So, what is the root of this psychology? Why does telling a child "no" actually make the child become more emotional and behave in the opposite direction?
This is mainly due to the big difference in thinking between young children and adults. Before the age of 3, children have the characteristics of their age groups in terms of language, cognition or mind, and are when their curiosity is strongest. 02 Why, when facing a troublesome 2-year-old, how many times do parents tell her not to have any effect?
1) Children aged 2-3 years old lack recognition and understanding of their mothers
Robert Feldman in "Developmental Psychology-Human Lifelong Development" A book mentioned: Children around 2 years old tend to omit less important words in information. In terms of language understanding, they have just begun to understand a prohibition. ?
To put it simply, children aged 2-3 are in the language learning stage, and they find negative sentences very unfamiliar.
So when they hear adults say "no", "no", they may not understand the meaning behind it.
In Piaget's theory of cognitive development, children aged 2-3 are still in the "egocentrism stage", and children and their parents have different understandings of "not".
The child may feel the disapproval of his parents and even know the consequences, but his behavior is not consciously controlled.
2) 0-3 years old is in an "absorptive mind" and has no stable memory
Sometimes parents tell their children not to do something, and the child may indeed understand it at the time, but when When he sees other friends doing this, he will forget his parents' instructions.
The reason why children are so forgetful is because of their "absorptive mind".
▼About the "Absorptive Mind":
The "Absorptive Mind", one of Montelisso's Principles, refers to the growth mind obtained by children absorbing and internalizing life experiences.
Children aged 0-3 are in the "unconscious stage" and do not make choices. They accept whatever they see and absorb everything in the environment.
Only when you are 3-6 years old will you be able to discern and absorb. Only then will you enter the conscious stage, and once this kind of mind is formed, it will accompany you throughout your life.
Montessori said in the book "Absorptive Mind": "The minds of infant children prevent us from using verbal teaching methods to them." ?
At this time, the child's "rebellious" behavior may not be intentional, but unconsciously absorbing everything from the outside world.
Adults cannot understand this kind of thinking of children, and they cannot make children make substantial changes through language teaching.
3) The forbidden fruit effect of curiosity?
Every child is curious. When parents emphasize what they should not do, it will stimulate their curiosity even more.
They also want to see what the consequences will be if they do this, which is called the "forbidden fruit effect" in psychology.
Don’t think that this is a patent only for adolescent children. Children aged 2-3 have already entered their first psychologically sensitive period.
Only by understanding the reasons behind a child's behavior can we find ways to guide the child. What can parents do about the "rebellious" behavior of 2-3-year-old children? 03 To deal with this situation, you need 4 tips
1. Work hard on wording so that children can understand the true meaning
Some education experts have said: The best family education in the world , in the dialogue between parents and children. Only by communicating with children can we understand their psychology and effectively solve problems.
The prerequisite for good communication is that parents use the right words.
Keiichi Sasaki, the author of "Don't Let Success Get Stuck in Speaking" said: Wording is like cooking. It has a recipe to follow. As long as you master the recipe, everyone can make delicious dishes.
▼To educate children in sensitive periods, the wording recipe should be like this:
◆Catering to the child’s psychology, using affirmation instead of negation? No?
Since you already know this If children of this age group don’t understand? No, then use language they can understand instead.
For example, if a child always misses rice grains when eating, don't say "Don't miss rice grains on the table anymore". Instead, say "Don't miss rice grains on the table" before eating. It doesn't matter if you eat slowly. Try to make sure you eat every mouthful of rice. . ?
The purpose of this is to cater to the child's psychology and tell him what to do, so that the child will not think about other aspects, and naturally "white bears" will not appear.
◆Give limited options to let children feel the right to choose
If children can choose independently, they will not be prone to rebellion.
For example, if you want your children to eat more vegetables, you can provide them with choices such as tomatoes and vegetables, instead of forcing them to eat vegetables.
If the child can choose what he wants to eat, it will be very happy. Don’t always be used to ordering and controlling the child, so that everyone can get along peacefully.
◆Attention Diversion Method
For children under 3 years old, diversion of attention can be used when appropriate to prevent them from getting too entangled in one thing.
When the "white bear" appears in the child's mind, don't compete with the child, turn around at the right time, and you may be able to reap good results.
◆Tone softly but firmly
No matter what method you use to educate your children, remember not to be anxious. Parents’ attitude must be kind and firm, so as to avoid being affected by emotions and achieve effective communication. .
2. Combining a good family atmosphere with precepts and deeds
Before children have no awareness of discrimination, parents can not only teach their children by precepts and deeds, but also create a good environment for them.
In addition to keeping children away from bad behaviors and habits, it can also subtly convey some benign things.
Young children are greatly influenced by their families. If they want to establish rules for their children, parents must first abide by the rules themselves.
3. Try the natural consequences method?
The more parents prohibit something, the more curious the children will be.
In response to this mentality, parents may wish to let their children try it. When they taste the bad consequences, they will automatically retreat.
Let children sum up experience through experience, which is a hundred times more effective than parents’ verbal teaching.
This is what is called the "natural consequences method" in psychology. When used appropriately, sometimes it can really have a hidden effect.
4. Give children the right to refuse
Bi Shumin said: "Rejection is a right, just like the right to survive." ?
Parents hope that what they say will be intimidating, hope that their children will be obedient, and do not want them to go against their will.
In fact, this kind of thinking shows disrespect for children. Children are also independent individuals with their own ideas. They should not be controlled by anyone.
Therefore, parents must give their children the right to say "no" and let them understand that it is okay to resist and refuse reasonably, and they must express their ideas boldly.
All parents have good intentions, but don’t forget to consider their children’s feelings and understand their way of thinking.
Educating children requires skills and methods, and parents must also grow together.