Text/Parents, come and see
Last Sunday, my friend Lijuan and I finally found a day of independent time to go shopping. As a result, Lijuan was disappointed and said, "I've bought it." No, I have to go back quickly, otherwise Yaya will have to call and get emotional again later." According to Lijuan, her 8-year-old daughter Yaya usually only sticks to her mother. Although her father often accompanies her, he always The last resort when mom is not at home is to keep dad away as long as mom is at home.
Although I have two daughters at home, they just don’t sleep with their father at night and can get along with each other casually during the day. When it comes to the topic of clinging to their mother, Lijuan is full of helplessness. She said, "The one in my family, When I was little, I loved hugging Yaya. Every time I came back from get off work, I would bring delicious food to Yaya. But after Yaya took the food, she would run very fast, as if she would be abducted if she stayed for one second longer."
From Lijuan’s words, it can be heard that Yaya’s father is not lazy. He usually tries to find ways to please his daughter, but the daughter only recognizes her mother’s clinging skills and makes all her father’s efforts go to waste. It’s all in vain. In the perception of many people, children who end up only clinging to their mothers when living under the same roof are children whose fathers don’t provide enough companionship and patience. In fact, they are very happy with their mothers, and their faces change immediately as soon as their fathers take over. Sometimes it really isn’t the father who is lazy, but a common phenomenon that children experience when growing up.
The relationship between baby and mother is irreplaceable by others (including dad)
The relationship between baby and mother begins a wonderful relationship from the moment of birth. When the mother is unhappy or angry, the baby will kick its little feet and wave its fists to interact with the mother. After the baby is born, it will cry when it is hungry, and when the mother comes close, it will rub into her arms and express "I am very hungry." Many people say that "babies can smell." I personally think that babies' sense of smell is not so amazing. These are dependent emotions that "no one teaches".
The child only clings to the mother. This is not just because the mother spends more time with the child, nor because the father is too lazy to take care of the baby, but because the child keeps away from his father who is unsure of his feelings. He said that he will only show his true self in front of the people he trusts most, including his father, who is a trust that children cannot grasp.
We can start from the moment the baby is born. If the baby cries when the baby is hungry, the mother will satisfy him as soon as he comes. If the baby cries when the baby is sleepy, the mother will coax him to sleep. Crying is like a command to convey instructions. If the child Crying is ignored, and crying again is the privilege of threatening until the little one is satisfied. As the children grow older, they have independent self-awareness, but the things about satisfaction can only become more and more, and it will not change because of the "Growing up" will make you less, and as you grow up, you will become more sensible.
Because the child has been accustomed to accept the mother's satisfaction from the beginning, so that the child subconsciously regards the mother as a person "who can be manipulated at will", but what about the father and other family members? Although they love their children very much, they never participate in as much time and things as their mothers. This is why many children have no choice but to deal with their fathers when their mothers are not at home.
So, when faced with being with their mothers, Hey, how do you deal with a child who suddenly changes his attitude as soon as his father takes over?
1. Create opportunities for dad to accompany him
As the head of the family, sometimes even if dad wants to accompany him, he does not have much spare time, especially for children who are only children. Basically, they are all "robbed of love", but dad does not desire to be relied on like mom. When he misses the baby, he will not excitedly start running away from a dozen meters away. Even if he thinks about it in his heart, he will not say it out loud. If the baby doesn't know how to express it, it will create a sense of alienation for the baby. When the baby encounters difficulties, he will naturally seek out a mother who expresses her love enthusiastically as soon as possible.
Therefore, in parent-child companionship, as a mother, you must create opportunities for your father to accompany you, so that your baby can feel that "daddy loves you". With enough trust, reciprocal love will arise. Dependence, how to create opportunities for dad to accompany him? Mothers can start by refusing and showing weakness. For example, if the baby wants to drink water, we say to the baby, "Mom is so afraid of getting burned, but I don't dare. Can you ask dad to get you some water?"
This kind of weak refusal can not only make the baby develop a sense of the danger of scalding water, but also allow the baby to feel the knight-like protection of the father in this "fear". As the father becomes more involved, , the baby will naturally gradually develop trust in his father's emotions.
2. Tell the child "Dad may do better"
Sometimes the method is easy to say, but it may not be as good as imagined when done. The difference also emphasizes that no method is absolute, including education. Some children can accept it if their mother creates opportunities for their father to accompany them, while some children are too dependent and have to rely on the mother's stubbornness to make the baby willing to accept everything. "No, no, no."
If the mother creates an opportunity for the father to accompany the child, but the baby refuses it ruthlessly, "Don't, don't, don't", don't try to force the child to the father. At this time, forcing the father to take care of the child will only make the father and son ( The relationship between father and daughter is even worse. We can change the child's view of his father through certain things in life.
For example, if the baby likes to stack blocks, we can say to the baby, "Wow, the baby stacks things really well, but daddy might do it better!" Only by letting the baby subconsciously develop a feeling for daddy With a curious attitude, the child will take the initiative to get close to and test his father. At this time, we can create opportunities for his father to participate in the company, which is more effective than directly creating opportunities.
3. Don’t be too textbook-y in raising children
When raising children, I believe that every parent should cultivate them with the mentality of hoping that their children will be better, but as parents, we must know how to educate There is no standard form for children. Each child's growth environment, including their personalities, is different. Only parents know their children's personalities best and their words are the most authoritative.
Although happy education will allow children to develop better, the source of happiness is not as simple as imagined. Children's sense of security, including growth, cannot be left unchecked. We must have the right to educate children. Love also has rules. Setting rules for children does not depend on how early or late it is, but whether the children can accept and believe them. How to make children have nothing to say about the rules? There is nothing better than setting a unified example.
For example, when the father goes to bed early, the mother goes to bed early, and the grandparents go to bed early and get up early, the child will form a life rule of going to bed early and getting up early from the living environment. This is more effective than mom and dad constantly nagging "You have to go to bed early so you can get up early" every day and leaves the child speechless!