Take stock of children's top ten dissatisfaction with their mothers
Parents often talk about their children's shortcomings, but they don't know that children sometimes have a lot of dissatisfaction with their parents. However, many parents think that this is a kind of "children's temper" and neglect the communication and exchange with their children. In fact, children are very sensitive and naive at heart. They want to be loved by their parents, and they also want their parents to understand their world. The following is a list of your children's top ten dissatisfaction with their mothers. How many have you won?
1 Always ask my aunt or my mother?
With the intensification of employment competition, more and more mothers entrust their children's daily care to nannies. The extreme example is that they can't see their children for two days a week.
And when I found that my child was emotionally dependent on the nanny, I was jealous. It is manifested in the behavior of picking on the nanny in front of the children, or asking the children to make a choice: is it a mother or an aunt? A white-collar worker in a foreign company changed four nannies in succession to compete for the emotional ownership of his children because his son was too attached to nannies. As a result, his four-year-old son became particularly timid, afraid of the dark and insecure.
Viewpoint:
No matter how hard-working a nanny is, it can't replace the mother's role in children's growth. No matter how busy a mother is, she should keep in touch with her children for 45 minutes to an hour every day. At this time, her mother should turn off her mobile phone and immerse herself in the innocent environment provided by her children. You should know that parent-child interaction not only benefits children, but also benefits mothers. It makes you experience the happiness of taking off your mask and showing your true colors.
2 Always say that I am not as good as the children next door
Ten mothers and eight can't escape the strange circle of comparison, from whose child is white and tall to whose child can recite Tang poetry and Song poetry; From whose child has passed Grade 8 piano, to whose child's calligraphy has gone to Japan for exhibition, mothers bite their ears together, and when they come back to see their cowardly and ordinary children, it is inevitable that they will attack their hearts and talk.
6-year-old He Tong is very unhappy that there is such an example upstairs: at 6: 3 in the morning, the little girl upstairs is already singing English songs; At 1 o'clock in the evening, the piano etudes upstairs are still playing tirelessly. They are also 6-year-old children of university teachers. How can their daughters be better than my sons? As soon as the mother urged her son, she couldn't help sighing: I wish I had a well-behaved daughter.
One day, 6-year-old He Tong finally choked his nagging mother completely: You want Wang Jing upstairs as a daughter, and I want her upstairs as a mother. She is more beautiful and knowledgeable than you! Mother's face turned white.
Viewpoint:
It can be said that all mothers who love to compare with others have an infatuation for their children's success, and it is precisely because of their unrealistic fantasies about their children's future that she becomes a perfectionist. However, the habit of beating children while keeping up with the joneses is fundamentally destroying children's self-confidence. You know, children's growth motivation comes from psychological self-affirmation, and children who lack self-confidence will eventually become helpless and mediocre.
In addition, the demanding caused by comparison will also make young children feel insecure. Children under the age of 4, if they always hear their mother say that they are not as good as one of their neighbors and colleagues, will have increased psychological pressure and panic of being abandoned. When the child grows up and realizes that he is no longer in line with his mother's wishes, and her mother can't abandon herself, the upward motivation will disappear. At this time, the child will become exhausted and no criticism can touch him. Even, he will irony that his mother is not as beautiful and learned as the mother of a classmate. At this time, as a mother, how will you face this embarrassing situation?
3 It is always said that this is not accurate, and it is also dangerous.
Naturally sensitive mothers are particularly prone to repeatedly remind and nag about their children's safety.
6-year-old MengMeng is a typical example: if her mother doesn't get off work, she can only stay at home and watch TV with the nanny when she comes back from kindergarten, and she can't go crazy in the yard. Mother always scares her with examples of abducting and selling children in newspapers or causing children to be injured and disabled due to poor care. Over time, MengMeng has become a complete' TV child'. She doesn't even say hello when she meets strange guests, but jumps into a small room like a mouse and doesn't come out for a long time.
Viewpoint:
In the eyes of mothers who provide excessive protection for their children, children lack instinctive self-protection ability, and parents need to hold up umbrellas to follow suit. She won't think of her words and deeds, giving children the illusion that the world is full of traps, which will eventually make children have quite extreme personalities. First, they are introverted, timid and even have communication obstacles; Second, some children are likely to become bold teenagers when they grow up. The more you say it is forbidden fruit, the more he thinks it may be delicious. This is quite dangerous.
Therefore, instead of overprotecting, it is better to lay down a few basic principles, or let children know some tips of self-protection, and then let them go boldly, so that they can experience freedom wholeheartedly within the maximum range of activities.
4 I hope all my friends are top students
Eight-year-old Tianao describes her mother like this: My mother always hopes that all my friends are top students in decathlon, who can play the piano, swim, badminton and win prizes in painting competitions. When my mother found out that my best friend was only a middle school student, she was extremely disappointed.
If Tianao reaches the age of 15 and her mother still hasn't changed, she will say: My mother is too utilitarian, so I won't tell her what kind of friends I have made. Is this kind of communication jam what mothers expect?
Viewpoint:
Mothers with strong utilitarian heart hope that their children can make role model friends, and think that only when they make better friends than their children can their children get something from their friends. It is too narrow to understand the word "friend" in this way. Think about it. Are all your friends better than you in education or career? An interesting friend may impress us with his understanding and humor, and so do children.
5 Never squat down and watch ants move with me
A best-selling author in Taiwan Province said: My daughter gave me another chance to experience childlike innocence. She called on her mother to bend down, restore children's instinct, and look at the world from a child's perspective. From a child's perspective, the world has more wonderful details, which we adults can't understand. Therefore, don't laugh at some mothers wearing cartoon pullovers, crouching in the grass to catch grasshoppers, or yelling about the winding of kites, which are all manifestations of childlike innocence.
The most boring mother in a child's mind is when you call her to see the rainbow on a soap bubble, or to see the moving ant army. She glanced at it and said indifferently, Why do you always pay attention to such boring things? Did you play the piano? Did you listen to the English tape?
Mothers who have lost their childlike innocence often don't get the sincere reward from their children. Often, after you get tired of playing with your children in the grass, the children will take you to see his secret garden, a place that only he and a few friends know. They often come here to tell each other their troubles and worries. He brought his mother here, which shows that he has regarded you as his closest friend, and he is willing to talk to you privately. Having fun with children is an important way for mothers to open their children's hearts. Just like Alibaba's cave, if you read the right spell, the children's hearts will open.
6 likes watching long TV soap operas too much
Nine-year-old Beibei said that she hates her mother watching long soap operas, each of which is 4 to 1 episodes long. When she became addicted, her mother stopped playing with her: once we went to the carnival theme amusement park and I didn't leave until seven o'clock in the evening, and her mother lost her temper. When I promised to go home at once, my mother offered to give me two beautiful porcelain doll as gifts.
I know, mom turned anger into joy, but she can go back to watch the series right away. I'm really sad. Does my mother value watching TV more than me? Beibei said that her happiest day was the power failure at home: the last time there was a power failure for two hours, my mother had to light candles and teach us to play hand shadow games on the wall.
From then on, Beibei hoped to cut off the electricity again. To her disappointment, the chance of power failure never came again.
Viewpoint:
super tv fans always think that they stay at home long enough and take care of their children's daily life. However, what else? Mother spends every minute at home in front of TV. For children, she means that people are absent. Therefore, the expert's suggestion is: a family should set at least two TV-off days every week, and the family should read, talk or play games; When turning on the TV on weekdays, it is best to turn on only one TV. Mothers should choose TV programs to watch with their children. They can also take their children to watch circus, magic and music TV to exchange their views on TV programs, thus turning TV watching activities into a platform for parent-child communication.
7 absolutely refused to eat a little bit of sweets
The child was pushed off the slide by Xie Yuxin at the back in the activity class in kindergarten and scratched his forehead. Afterwards, the teachers took turns to talk to Xiao Yuxin, who caused the accident, and made him apologize to Gan Tian. After Yu Xin's parents knew it, they visited Gan Tian again and again, saying that if they wanted to go to the hospital for examination, they would pay all the expenses.
It was originally a false alarm. A Band-Aid Band-Aid was put on Sweet's head, which stopped the bleeding and stopped the pain. As a result, after being known by Sweet's mother who came to pick up the child the next day, she had to take the child to the hospital for a general examination. For Sweet, Yu Xin and I are good friends, and we have made up. I don't want to go to the hospital for an injection. Sweet's mother raised her eyes and said, Who will be responsible if something goes wrong in the future? Then again, I dropped my baby, so it's over quietly?
Gan Tian was dragged by her mother, and went to the Children's Hospital for half a building. She wrote a lot of laboratory tests, accompanied by Yu Xin's parents, and their attitudes became more and more subtle.
Even the 6-year-old Gan Tian saw the embarrassment. When she went out, she finally complained in a low voice: Mom, you are a shame! Sweet mother is a little confused: who is shameful? Isn't Richard on our side?
Viewpoint:
When we complain that children nowadays are becoming more and more self-centered and don't understand the word tolerance, we should first review ourselves: As mothers, have we given our children an example of tolerance? Many mothers, when educating their children from an early age, have to give up every inch of land and be unreasonable. Fundamentally speaking, they confuse the courage to compete with the struggle for interests. The children educated in this way are likely to be children who lack the spirit of teamwork. Even if they have a skill in the future, it is difficult to gain the recognition of the team because of people's meanness and selfishness, and it is difficult to achieve great success in the end. Why not laugh at the slight friction between children? It will be of great benefit to the children's interpersonal communication ability in the future to let them handle the conflicts between their partners by themselves.
8 words don't count
It's only three things. Now, at the age of five, Shi Xiaoxin doesn't believe his mother's promise to take him to Disneyland in Japan. Her mother is a person who doesn't keep her word. Thus, when my mother was angry with Xiaoxin's actions and vowed to punish him, Shi Xiaoxin's face was indifferent, and her mother would forget. She didn't even take me to Disneyland. How could she remember not to let me watch cartoons for this week?
Opinion:
Even a child of five or six years old will pointedly point out that his mother is not trustworthy, so why should I be trustworthy? Mothers who always play the promise card have the right starting point, hoping to add a little material stimulation to their children's progress and make them motivated. However, my mother looked for various reasons for breaking her promise, but the positive stimulation brought by the promise gradually disappeared.
If the mother always looks for objective reasons for breaking her promise, then the children will also look for various excuses for what they can't do in the future, instead of looking for reasons from themselves, never apologizing and reflecting on themselves. What kind of consequence is this?
9 Fat mother, or untidy mother
4-year-old Beibei asks some strange questions every day. For example, she will ask her father: Mom is so fat, why do you want to marry her? Mom and dad looked at each other and didn't know what was going on in this little girl's ghost mind; For example, before going out, Beibei will remind her mother: Mom, why don't you put on lipstick and dye your hair? Why do you always wear jeans instead of skirts? Oh, I see. You must not want to be seen with your big fat legs. Mother blushed with shame and secretly said to her father, Is it only beautiful and handsome people who deserve to be Beibei's parents? I'm not old, and my daughter thinks I'm ugly?
Viewpoint:
Children's cognition is not mature enough to see the essence through phenomena, so judging people by their appearances is their specialty. Children generally want their mothers to have curly long hair, wear skirts and make up lightly, and be admired by their friends, which has nothing to do with their feelings for their mothers. Therefore, you might as well laugh at your children's nitpicking. When you are in a good mood, you can also ask their opinions: What color skirt do you want your mother to wear? Or mom can drink slimming tea, but she probably won't have the strength to hug you. Would you like it? If you have the measure to change yourself according to your child's wishes, the atmosphere between parents and children will be more harmonious, and children may in turn change their habits according to their parents' wishes. This is not a bad thing.
1 is more affectionate to my friends than to me
After having a birthday party at home, 5-year-old Yangyang refused to invite her classmates to have a Christmas party again, because her mother gave me the smallest piece of cake last time. Took more than 3 photos, only two for me.
A few months later, Yangyang mentioned her mother's unfairness, and tears swirled in her eyes. My mother said that it was polite to entertain guests, and that Yangyang was stingy and was the chief of pediatrics. Yangyang screamed while covering her ears. Anyway, I don't want anyone to come home to play anymore. When other children come, people become the sun, and my mother revolves around them. I hate my mother!
Viewpoint:
It is unique for young children to regard their closest mother as their own patent, and not allow their mother to show intimacy to others (including their father). This overbearing mentality is actually a way for young children to build a sense of security psychologically, and mothers need not be overly worried about it. After the age of 2 to 5, from the age of 6, with the expansion of children's communication circle and the diversification of emotional sustenance, he will gradually learn to share his mother's care with people around him, and his jealousy will not be as intense as when he was a child.
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