Pursuing a person, when we are just together, is naturally happy and beautiful, because at that time, we will cater to and satisfy each other from the heart and ignore our own feelings. It is not hypocrisy to point out this, but we feel that the other party will definitely pay double compensation with gratitude in the future.
It's just that the reality is always impermanent and regular, and that person finally let himself down and got hurt.
The so-called sense of security that we need in love actually comes from trust in essence.
No matter how powerful you are, there will always be some fragile and uncertain moments on the road of life, especially in emotional relationships. At this time, trust can make people maintain enough ability to cope with the hardships of life and deal with difficult problems. With this kind of trust, they can gain a sense of security and maintain a long-term relationship.
Many couples, the gap between husband and wife will not really happen. Through words, attitudes, and ignoring expressions, I think that the other person has a crooked mind or doesn't care about myself. The biggest thing in a relationship is not a substantive event, but inner speculation and uncertainty and distrust of the other half.
So what is the performance of this trust in emotional relationships?
From the psychological point of view, the need to bring people a sense of security has four elements: predictability, dependability, controllability and belief in the same thing.
Predictable
The relationship between each other, the behavior of each other, and the life at the moment can all be accurately reasoned and judged.
After getting along for a long time, there will inevitably be quarrels, worries and doubts, and if these things can be analyzed through trust or substantive evidence, the relationship will develop better. We can resolve conflicts gently, because we trust and care about each other, and it is worthwhile to better resolve differences through compromise and suppression.
But when the other person's heart and feelings are still there, even with a new love, the future and the development of the relationship can not be accurately judged. Without trust, there is naturally no happiness.
reliable
Emotional dependence is not survival dependence, but more companionship of spirit, body and life details.
Ability not only refers to the skills that a partner has, but also includes his own physical and mental state. For example, if your partner is always drunk and mentally unstable, you may think that he is "unreliable" and cannot rely on him.
How does the trust in love relationship come into being?
True trust does not depend on moral kidnapping. "If you love me, you must make me feel at ease", but you have actually done something to make the other person feel at ease.
The starting point of "predictability" is usually not that one of them is observant, but that he has never concealed his "secret", just like a trustworthy person has been arguing about whether to check his partner's mobile phone. A trustworthy person will not make the other person suspicious. Your generous attitude, the mode of getting along with everything and the sense of border with the opposite sex have all become the "evidence" of the other person's predictable relationship in the future.
In other words, there must be facts that can make the other party judge and analyze, so as to be practical.
But how can you make your partner willing to do these behaviors to appease?
It may not be that you are beautiful and in good shape, nor that you pursue it on your own initiative, but that your substantive value makes him or her afraid of losing it.
Long-term intimate relationships are always based on value, so they can constantly appear, appreciate and cherish.