? If you want to raise an excellent and confident boy, parents are like taming an animal. You don’t need to use too much force, but you need to use it in the right direction. The book "Boys Need Clear Instructions" points out: Boys are never the problem makers. As long as parents give boys clear guidance, their talents will be discovered. If there are boys at home, parents might as well keep these four words on their lips.
1. "It's different if you have a son or not."
Show weakness to your son appropriately. Educator Sun Yunxiao once pointed out such a crisis for boys: modern boys are becoming "weak". Many boys have lost their masculinity, such as masculinity and responsibility, and have turned to "feminine" and other signs of weakness. Educator Lu Qin has repeatedly warned parents to give their boys room to grow. She said: "If you have a son at home, parents should be weaker. If you are too strong, the son will be weak. The son relies on you and depends on you." , he will not grow up, but if you rely on him, he will grow up." So how to do it? Lu Qin gave a saying to say more: "It's different if you have a son or not." A mother, because she is afraid of the neighbor's big dog, follows her husband every time she goes home. Later, her husband went abroad to work, and she didn’t dare to go upstairs, so her son said, “Mom, it’s okay! Don’t be afraid, I’m here.” The dog barked loudly when she went upstairs. Although her son was trembling with fear, he still took her Protect behind you. She sincerely sighed: Having a son or not is different! After hearing this, my son looked proud and gradually became more courageous. Once, when grandma was going out to take out the trash, her son took a small bench and walked into the dark corridor, turned on the light, and then let grandma come out. The grandma was moved to tears and said, "It's different to have a boy in the family." In this way, the mother seized the opportunity to say this to her son, and his son gradually transformed from a timid and afraid of the dark, to a crying and quarrelsome little boy. Became a little man. In fact, boys are not born to grow into men. The age of 6 to 13 is the period when boys try to become men. The phrase "it's different if you have a son or not" may seem simple, but it invisibly inspires the boy's sense of responsibility and value. If a boy wants to stand upright, parents must first praise him more and give him the courage and strength to play the role of a "boy".
2. "Why do you do this? What do you think?"
I heard a saying: Give a boy a toolbox and he can tear down the earth. The boy is simply the lever that breaks down the family. He has endless destructive power and endless imagination. The newly bought toy fell apart after playing with it for less than half a day; I cut a hole in the TV just to see if I could get through it. I had obviously hidden the notebook, but when I took it out again, the keyboard had been dug into pieces. Having children will not make you old, but raising a son will make you crazy every minute! In fact, when a boy is tearing down his "home" again, parents should not rush to label him as "naughty". They might as well squat down first and ask him: "What do you think?" After all, if something is broken, it can be repaired. , the desire for knowledge is wiped out, and the child's thoughts are shackled.
Wen Fan, who had four national patents for his inventions while studying at school, has also been a boy who loves to "wreak havoc" since he was a child. Once, my mother spent two months’ salary to buy a radio, but he dismantled it after only a few days of use. When his mother found out, she didn't lose her temper or blame him. Instead, she asked him: "What do you think? Can you tell your mother?" Wen Fan replied: "I want to see how auntie sings in there." , no matter what trouble Wen Fan gets into, his mother will first listen to his ideas, affirm his whimsical ideas, and then accompany him to fix things. His curiosity and innovative thinking were well protected, and he created inventions that won national patents again and again. As the educator Homlinsky said: A child's wisdom is at his fingertips. Using your hands means using your brain. The process of disassembly and assembly is a process of developing intelligence and active exploration. Instead of staring at the boy's destructive behavior, it is better to discover the "fantastic thoughts" behind the boy's behavior and provide the boy with the motivation to explore and the wings of imagination.
3. "About XX, can you do it?"
Because of the effects of dopamine and testosterone, our boys are like a perpetual motion machine with high spirits. One minute No fuss, just itchy skin all over my body. Forget it at home, in a public place, that minute is the scene of a large-scale social death for the old mother. Two days ago, I saw such a scene in a shopping mall. The two boys ignored the pedestrians and started chasing each other. When we got to the daily necessities area, you had a trash basket, and I had a toilet brush, and then I set it up and set it up. The mothers on the side kept shouting: "Don't run! Stop fighting! Stop making trouble! Can you calm down for a moment..." The mothers were shouting until their mouths were dry, but the boys were still running around. When you encounter a pillar, you want to climb up. When you reach an empty spot, you roll twice. The more the mother stops him, the more the boy gets excited. How to stop bad behavior in boys? The writer Yu Dad once gave a good solution: replace the negative forbidden words with positive instructions, and add at the end: "Can you do it?" This is because boys are naturally unwilling to admit defeat and are restless in their bones. You The more forbidden it is, the more it will arouse his rebellious mood. On the contrary, you change the forbidden words into words of encouragement and ask him, "Can you do it?" Boys feel respected, and they like challenges, so they often won't refuse. Therefore, we might as well change the words to what boys like to hear, so that boys can truly do what we want. For example: "You need to keep quiet in public places. Can you do it?" "I can!" "When playing games, you can't roll on the ground or hit people. Can you do it?" "I can!" !” Such words not only allow boys to experience the fun of challenges, but also build their confidence in completing tasks. It should be noted that after a boy does something right, parents should give him timely affirmation to enhance the boy's sense of accomplishment and stimulate his interest in doing things. When a boy makes a mistake again, parents should not worry. They only need to remind the boy again and repeat it many times to help the boy develop correct behavior.
? The boy has a late awakening, can we just resign ourselves to fate and wait for the flowers to bloom? Let's see what Wei Shusheng, the director of education, did. He found the boy who only scored 8 points (out of 100) in the exam and was at the bottom every time. He asked: "I heard that you never listen to the class?" The student was honest: "Teacher, I didn't understand, so I stopped listening. "I heard that you never do homework?" "Well, I copied my homework. Later, the teacher stopped correcting my homework, so I stopped copying it." "I heard that you didn't read the homework when you got home." "Teacher, I can't understand the book, so I stopped reading it." Seeing the students giving up on themselves, Shusheng Wei did not criticize or lecture, but affirmed: "That's right, look at yourself, if you don't listen to the class, Without doing homework or reading, we can still score 8 points. Doesn’t it mean that we are talented?” Upon hearing this, the boy’s eyes began to light up and he began to have the motivation to study. Later, with his constant encouragement, the boy who ranked last in the school improved his scores from 8 to 10, 26, and 36 to pass, and finally he was admitted to the military academy.
An educator said: During the growth of a child, girls need more love, while boys need more encouragement. Boys who start late are already frustrated with their studies and feel that they are just incapable of doing anything. Therefore, the only way to save them is to rescue them from a situation of self-destruction and constantly encourage them. When a boy's handwriting is messy, you can pick out the best handwriting to acknowledge him: "I found that every stroke of your handwriting is particularly straight." When the boy answers 10 questions When you only answer 1 question, you can say: "I found this question a bit difficult, but you got it right." Even if the boy can't learn it, you still have to affirm him: "I found that there was something special about you when you were studying. Try to think hard. ""I found..." The essence of this sentence is to try to find out the shining points in the boy, to amplify it, to give the boy self-confidence and a sense of accomplishment. With a good experience and feeling, our boys will grow up step by step.
? A parenting blogger said: "The process of raising a boy is destined to be tortuous. On this road, the boy is like a playful elephant and can only see the present.
My parents are the elephant riders who hold a map and can see far away. But the rider needs to know that you can never whip an elephant into a distant place. "If you want a boy to stand tall and go far, it's useless to criticize, beat, scold, or complain. What you can do is to patiently love, guide, encourage, affirm, and support him. Many times, there is a truth. , change the way of expression, the boy's reaction pattern and behavior pattern will change accordingly, and the parenting problem will be solved. As a saying goes: children are constantly defining themselves and adjusting themselves in the mouths of their parents. Build yourself. Never underestimate the impact of what you say on a child's life.