1
I remember when I was a country bumpkin, what fascinated and saddened me the most was the aloofness of goddesses and the aloofness of goddesses.
High, so high that people feel out of reach.
Cold, so cold that people feel inaccessible.
At that time, I felt that to conquer the aloofness of the goddess, I am afraid that it is not an ordinary person, so how good and powerful must be.
Later, as I became engaged in psychology, more and more aloof goddesses began to come to me. I just discovered that a lot of girls are inexplicably perceived as having a cold temperament, and I can't figure it out and don't feel the same way.
I also discovered that being cold and aloof is not just for goddesses. Many boys are also considered aloof.
So, how did aloofness come about?
How to seduce cool men and women?
First of all, there is no simple aloof temperament. Being aloof is the result of two people colliding together. The same person will have different impressions in front of different people. Some people think he is kind, and some people think he is cold. Some people have a tendency, and most people think they are aloof, but there is no such thing as someone who is aloof in front of everyone.
Then let’s talk about high and cold separately.
2
Let’s talk about high first.
High actually means that people feel that they are unattainable. They feel that this person is very cultivated, connotative, knowledgeable, wise, knowledgeable, noble in birth, extraordinary in temperament, etc. Being with him will make your own temperament clearly visible. It was as if in front of him, he was just a country bumpkin, someone from the countryside.
There are two reasons why I feel this person is tall:
The external reason is that he really has a tall side. The reason why you think he is tall is because you see his excellent side. Either they are good-looking, or they dress elegantly, or they speak well, or they have one or two outstanding achievements and talents.
If you are also good in this aspect, then you will not feel that he is high, you will only feel that you have met a normal person. But if you are not confident in this aspect, you will think that he is too tall.
The internal reason is that you have low self-esteem. You unconsciously imagine him to be very high, in many places. You don't even realize that this is your imagination, you think he is just very tall and powerful.
Highness is a projected result. It is because we feel our inferiority deeply deep in our hearts, and then complete our inferiority by idealizing a neutral existence.
In other words: through imagination, we imagine a person we don’t understand to be very tall, and then we bring out our own inferiority and country temperament.
This feeling is: when a person steals something and becomes a thief, he feels that everyone he doesn't know around him is like a policeman. In fact, it is because I have low self-esteem in my heart. When I see a person who is a bit good, I use this good thing about him to imagine all the blank parts of him as good. This is the halo effect.
But this person is not as good as you think. He also picks his nose, is very distressed, very sad, and has a lot of things he dislikes about himself. He is also very unconfident and even has low self-esteem. It's just that you don't know it, but you imagine him to be very good based on his appearance.
Then when you get along with him, you will feel awkward, afraid to joke around, dare not talk nonsense, and dare not let go. You are afraid that your performance will be looked down upon and laughed at. All your capital is gone because he is tall.
You won't feel this way about people who are obviously bad, ugly, or clumsy. Halo effect failed to activate. At a glance, you can tell that they are the same kind of people, even lower than yourself. It's like a thief who sees an old, weak, sick, and disabled person and naturally concludes that he is definitely not a policeman. He doesn't feel guilty and even looks down on him.
It’s because you want to be high too much, but you can’t get as high as others, so you feel guilty. I feel like he is very tall.
3
Let’s talk about the cold.
Coldness is caused by distance.
When you feel that a person is cold, you feel that he cannot be approached and there is always a distance. Our subconscious understanding of this is that people are well-informed and have many suitors, so they really won’t pay too much attention to little people like us, and they won’t be enthusiastic about us.
But according to common sense, powerful people are actually very humble and enthusiastic. They don't have time to get to know you deeply, but they won't be cold when they meet.
Coldness is also caused by two reasons:
The external reason is that he is really cold.
After giving psychological counseling to many cold goddesses and men, I began to deeply see the other side: they cannot open themselves up, so they always distance themselves from others.
Because they have been ignored, left out, criticized, and no one loves them since they were young. So they learned to play on their own and learned to rely on themselves. Therefore, they learned to be both morally and artistically knowledgeable and well-informed. Because apart from studying and reading, there is really nothing to do and no one to play with. They are less able to be very open, playful, and heart-to-heart with others. You can't be hot with anyone, and no one has ever been hot with you, so you can only be cold.
Those who have not been warmed up will not warm up others.
Yet they still long to be heated. They long for love, but since they have never seen love, they do not believe in it. If you make yourself so humble in front of him, he will not feel love even more.
He even doubted himself deeply in his heart: Maybe he was not good enough, so no one liked him. It must be because I'm not good enough, that's why I'm so lonely.
They say they warm up slowly, but in fact they have not been warmed much, so they heat up slowly.
They long for love, but they don’t know how to say or do it, and they have no experience in asking for it. He likes to look at others dryly, expecting others to take the initiative and pamper him. Others don't take the initiative enough, and I don't dare to open up easily. It seemed extremely cold.
I happened to meet you again, a person who doesn’t take enough initiative.
The external reason is that you are a sensitive and fragile person, so it is especially easy for you to experience his coldness.
You are also very passive, and your heart also longs to be loved, paid attention to, and responded enthusiastically. You finally forced yourself to be a little more enthusiastic, and then you expected him to give you an equally enthusiastic response. However, his response to you is not enthusiastic at all, he is not cooperative with you, and he even rejects you. At this time, you got a closed door.
Your passionate heart has been poured out. A person who is full of love in his heart will not react much to this, just like when you go to coax a child and the child pouted and doesn't want to talk to you. However, if you expect him to respond eagerly to you like your mother but he doesn't, your heart will quickly cool down.
You feel like he is cold.
In fact, he just didn't give you the warm response and love like your mother.
Therefore, you are the real cold.
You force yourself to be hot, and if others don’t cooperate with you, you blame them for being cold. People are cold inside and cold outside, so cold that it is real. Your heart is cold, and you force yourself to be warm in order to be close to others. This is a kind of colder than him. Fake enthusiasm is colder than real coldness.
4
A cold goddess is easily conquered by a careless hooligan. Because the little hooligan doesn't care that he is weaker than the other person. Anyway, he is used to being bad and will no longer feel inferior. The little hooligan is particularly patient. He is good at taking the initiative to hook up. He is used to being rejected and left out, and he has a strong ability to withstand this. Although the little gangster is less talented than you, he is mentally strong. Compared with him, you are simply weak and your initiative is simply terrible. So he should have a cold goddess.
Aloof people may appear beautiful and talented on the outside, but deep down they cannot identify with themselves. They have a lot of timidity, waiting for someone to warm them, but they never come. Gradually despair.
People who are really tall are hot, while people who are fake are cold.
A cold-hearted person does not mean that he has too many pursuits and disdains to associate with you, but that he is unable to open himself up and establish sincere relationships with others.
Exactly you. You couldn't admit your coldness, so you saw how cold others were. You have an inferiority complex and cannot talk to others on an equal footing. Your fragile heart cannot bear a little coldness.
5
When someone thinks you are aloof, what they are actually saying is: I think you are excellent and I envy you. I want to be close to you, but I'm worried about being rejected. So what do you do?
If you also want to be close to him. You can tell him that you are actually not very good, and you also have a lot of fears and low self-esteem. You wanted to be close to him too, you just didn't know how.
As for those who are aloof, just stop imagining that they are so tall. Being aloof is a kind of defense against inner fragility, just to hide one's own fragility. What should you do if you see a baby who is unhappy and wants nothing to do with you? Be patient with him and be proactive.
Every aloof person is actually a baby.