Poetry creation is an art. In addition to mastering the basic rules of level, rhyme, counterpoint, and adhesion, you must also pay attention to conception, material selection, plan planning, layout, text refining, language control, and even content. relationship with genre and a series of other issues. Beginners often tend to lose sight of one thing and miss the other. Here, I have briefly organized some common problems encountered in teaching practice over the past few years and summarized them into several categories for reference by students and friends.
1. "Cooking" type
In the contemporary poetry world, there are many people who cook "Cooking" rice. If you open any poetry magazine at random, I dare to say that there is no one without "Cooking". "Food." People who commit this kind of problem are mostly those who are proficient in rhythm, and their "heat" is often poor in word control. Please see the example:
What I saw while walking in the suburbs in the evening
The color of Baiyun Mountain is hidden, and the smoke is rising from the ruins.
The new moon penetrates the clouds, and the cicadas sing in the bamboo garden.
The pine waves are rolling over the rain, and the returning birds are noisy in the forest.
Lying on the moss, your body is as light as a fairy.
This poem was written by a retired veteran cadre. If you look at the rhyme and rhythm alone, it fully meets the standards; however, if you look at the language and art, there are many problems.
It is not appropriate to "hide" the "mountain color" at the beginning of the sentence. Since the title says "what you see in the book", it will be difficult to "hide" it. Only by letting it show a little can it arouse boundless emotions. Therefore, it is better to replace the last three words with "distant gaze" to leave room for the following. In the second sentence, Wang Wei's "there is a solitary smoke in the ruins", changing "shang" to "qi" is redundant, and changing "solitary smoke" to "chicken smoke" makes even less sense. The author's original intention may be to provide some reason for the word "hidden", but little does he know that "smoke" has long become history. Where can it be found in Baiyun Mountain today? Once poetry is divorced from reality, it has no basis. Therefore, this sentence is difficult to apply even if Wang Mojie does not raise objections. If we replace it with our own product such as "Mountain shadows and green sky", not only can we get rid of the suspicion of being inherited, but it will also connect with the clouds in the previous sentence, forming a wonderful picture. The structure of the first four characters in the two couplets is the same, the sentence pattern is rigid, and the words used have multiple overlapping concepts, such as "ming", "noisy", "hustle", etc. In addition, the framing is not very suitable, so if no major adjustments are made, it will be dangerous. It is difficult to maintain the facade. Based on the four sentences, we should first let the "returning bird" sound in advance, change "forest" to "wood", focus the camera, and present a lively scene of "ancient trees noisily returning birds". The sentence "Crescent Moon" is naturally eliminated because it does not match the scene of birds chirping, and the moonrise is a sign of peace. Secondly, it is necessary to select another evening scene as the second couplet to complement the panoramic view. It seems more appropriate to replace the moon with the setting sun, and it fits perfectly with the first couplet as "a long river embedded in a falling circle". Although these five words also come from Wang Mojie, they are more playful and will not lose his face as an old man. The word "cicada chirping" will automatically make you laid off. With the noise of birds, you don't have to work to "understand" Mr. Cicada's great leadership. The transformation of the fifth and sixth sentences is roughly the same as that of the third and fourth sentences. The main purpose of the first couplet is to adjust the position of the words to avoid being the same as the three or four sentences. The second couplet has to be supplemented because "Gui Niao" has been moved forward. Try to replace it with the five words "fog scatters, rocks create smoke". The illusion effect produced by it should be It is comparable to "the waves rolling over the pines and making rain".
The connection is not very appropriate. If it is "walking leisurely", why "lying on your back"? Moreover, the author is very old. Lying on the "moss", the dampness caused the pain in the waist and bones, which is no joke. What's more, words such as "Piao Ruoxian" ("Piao" is suspected to be a mistake of "Piao") are not suitable for being so clear. There must be some room left at the end of the poem, you don't have to say it all yourself. How about inviting Mr. Tao Yuanming, the author of "Peach Blossom Spring", to come out and clean up the mess? If it ends with "An De Hu Yuanliang, Taoyuan writes another chapter", then the beauty of the scenery here goes without saying. In this way, the readers are left with unlimited imagination space, so that they won’t be able to see everything at a glance. Now, let us take a look at the revised poem:
What I saw while walking in the evening suburbs
The white clouds are far away, and the shadows of the mountains are green across the sky.
The ancient trees are buzzing with birds, and the long rivers are embedded in circles.
The waves turn over the pines and make rain, and the mist scatters and rocks make smoke.
Ande Hu Yuanliang, Taoyuan wrote another chapter.
The following poem about things is guilty of the same problem:
Tuberose
Under the clusters of flowers in front of the garden, it is lonely and autumn-winter.
The branches are thin due to raindrops, and the leaves are heavily shadowed by the wind.
The dew is light in color and the moon white is dark and fragrant.
Who can compare to nobleness? Pond lotuses and stream pines.
A work that chants an object must have a distinct personality of the object being chanted, otherwise it will be a generic label that can be affixed anywhere. This poem is about tuberose, which only has the medicinal properties of ordinary flowers. It is not the exclusive property of tuberose, so it is difficult to say that it is successful.
It was vague at first, where was the shadow of tuberose? Here it is advisable to point out the identity and stick to the question, then the correct move can be made. The three or four sentences are also written randomly, seemingly swaying, but in fact they have nothing to do with the original flower. In addition, the contrast is not done well, and the quality of the general label is not good. If we make a slight change and continue to write the word "night", the situation will be different. "The branches are thin under the moon, and the leaves are heavily shadowed before the wind." Doesn't it have a bit of "tuberose" appearance invisibly?
Five or six sentences have some meaning, but the sentence pattern is rigid (mostly the same shape as the first couplet). They are changed to flowing pairs, making the whole article lively. At the end of the sentence, the word "ke" is against the law, so change it to "kan", and the problem is solved. How do you feel when you taste it after processing and polishing it?
Tuberose
When the buds bloom at night, autumn and winter will be remembered again.
The branches are thin under the moon, and the leaves have heavy shadows before the wind.
Don’t be fooled by the light color, as it has a dark fragrance.
Who is comparable to Gao Jie? Pond lotuses and stream pines.
2. "Dislocation" type
In poetry creation (here mainly refers to lyrics), there is a problem that although not required by meter, has been established by literati and poets in the past dynasties. Ignored by beginners. This is what kind of words are suitable for majestic words and what kind of words are suitable for soft and graceful words. For example, "Huanxi Sand", "Qingyu Case", etc., usually do not use bold; while "Man Jianghong", "Golden Thread Song", etc., usually do not use euphemism. Since there are no such regulations in the word score, it is easy for beginners to reverse the words and choose the wrong tone of words, causing disharmony in the style. The following small order to commemorate Army Day is evidence of this:
Huanxisha · Commemorating August 1st
The uprising in Nanchang played a triumphant song, and the Long March shook the mountains and rivers for thousands of miles. Work together to fight against Japan and fight bravely. The sound of the high-pitched voice of Marxism-Leninism spread far and wide, turning the world upside down and sweeping away the demons. The Chinese nation was founded in Saga.
This work is full of strong language, which is extremely inconsistent with the soft and euphemistic use of "Huanxisha". As far as its language style is concerned, it is somewhat similar to the seven-character poem. If it were slightly improved and expanded into a seven-character rhymed poem, it seems to be slightly better than the original work.
The first sentence is a typical "Laogan style", which is retained to preserve its true character. The last three words of the second sentence were cut off, and "sweeping the demons" from the fifth sentence was moved in, while "mountains and rivers" were reserved for later use. This adjustment immediately made the opening chapter look more upright. The third sentence was slightly modified and changed to "The Central Plains fought against Japan together", which was used as the upper comparison in the couplet. In addition, a historical event of "the peninsula's aid to Korea was sharpened" was added as the lower comparison, and the two sides supported half of it. Facade. The "Marxist-Leninist" sentence should be modified in the same way as before, removing the cliché "spread far and wide" and replacing it with the three words "upholding principles and uprightness", so that the first couplet will look similar. It is not difficult to draw the second line. You only need to return the two words "mountain and river" that you saved in the previous line, add some branches and leaves, and expand it to "rebuilding mountains and rivers will benefit the people". Compared with the first line, its quality may not be any different. Since the chin couplet maintains the "Marxism-Leninism" and reorganizes the "mountain and river", it also constitutes a natural turning point in poetry, which is enough to serve as a pillar in the article together with the neck couplet. The conclusion is similar to a slogan, boring. You might as well take its meaning and change it to "The giant stands with his head raised in the east" as the seventh sentence, and don't create a seven-character ending of "What can I do if I have a blue-eyed beard?" This is an indispensable sentence. With it, confidence and belief are in it, and a sense of national pride will arise spontaneously. The same theme, after being changed from words to poetry, reads differently:
Commemorating August 1st
The uprising in Nanchang played a triumphant song, and the long march thousands of miles wiped out the demons.
The Central Plains fought together to resist Japan, and the peninsula's sword to aid Korea was sharpened.
Marxism-Leninism upholds principles and upholds justice, and rebuilding mountains and rivers will benefit the people.
The giant stands in the east with his head held high, but his blue eyes and beard can do nothing to me!
3. "Anemia" Category
Looking through various poetry publications, it is not difficult to find many works that look like poetry but are actually boring.
In this kind of works, the language is familiar and the meter is consistent, but what is missing is the image and charm of poetry. It's like a person suffering from "anaemia". He seems to be normal on the outside, but in fact he cannot withstand a beating. Let’s take a look at the following two examples:
Fishing
Come to the riverside for leisure, dressed in green shade.
Fishing in the setting sun is like a poem or a painting.
The impression given by this poem is that it is only suitable for a rough look and cannot be chewed carefully. The reason why I can't bear to chew it carefully is because the author himself has said all the words. For example, the five words "like a poem or a painting" at the end of the sentence, this kind of effect should be experienced by the readers in the poem, not by the author's self-declaration. The "poetic and picturesque" that readers experience from the poem is implicit; the "poetic and picturesque" expressed by the author himself is shallow. What's more, the first three sentences of this poem do not describe the beautiful scenery. Simply saying "poetic and picturesque" will not impress readers. If you want to truly achieve the effect of poetry and painting, you must delve deeper into the romantic scene and create another world. Now let us follow the author's footsteps, adjust and transform this poem, and then examine its artistic effect?
Fishing
The spring water is green when shaking lotuses, and the willow trees on the banks are densely shaded.
Sitting leisurely towards Jitou, fishing with a pole in the painting.
The original work and the adapted work both revolve around "fishing". One claims that it is "poetic and picturesque", while the other does not mention it. Who is the real "picturesque"? Comparing the two, I believe it is not difficult for readers to make their own judgments.
Visiting the Peach Blossom Spring
During the spring at high speed, I was delighted to see the new colors of the mountain flowers.
The most beautiful scenery in Taoyuan is that after returning, I still miss the people in the cave.
The text and rhythm of this poem are all in compliance with the standards, but the meaning is not new, and despite all the efforts, it is still not out of the ordinary. The wording in the first sentence is uneconomical. Since it says "speeding", "highway" should be omitted. Who dares to "speed" in the downtown area? In the second sentence, ordinary scenery can be seen everywhere. How can it have any "Peach Blossom Land" characteristics? This is the so-called "universal gift" that can be given to Zhang San or Li Si. If it is "Peach Blossoms Ten Miles A New Color", it will be like Tao Yuanliang's "forgetting the distance of the road, suddenly encountering a peach blossom forest, dozens of steps across the bank, nothing in between" The natural combination of miscellaneous trees, delicious grass, and colorful fallen flowers has become a patented trademark of this place. The third sentence is also boring. "The scenery is good" should be understood and appreciated by readers from the text. I am so lavish about it, it is not just empty talk! The last sentence also falls into the usual routine. It is better to change the angle and say "jealousy" instead of "nian". This poem may create a strange and interesting poem. Of course, the word "jealousy" needs to be prepared beforehand. The original third sentence is changed to "Such scenery cannot be moved away", and the second sentence is combined to become "The bow is spread like a full moon, and the arrow is like a shooting star." If you don’t believe me, take a look:
Visiting the Peach Blossom Spring
Explore Wulingchun by car, and you will see peach blossoms every ten miles away.
I can’t move away from such scenery, and I will still be jealous of the people in the cave when I return.
4. "Partial Target" Category
In poetry creation activities, you can often see many astute writers who can better capture new things and new themes in life. But he was not good at choosing the angle of attack, so he missed the target accurately or missed the target deeply. Good materials cannot make good products. The following two examples can provide us with reference in this regard:
Shenzhou ascends to the sky
It is also reported that Shenzhou visited Jiuxiao, and the Cowherd and Weaver Girl happily invited him.
In the coming year, we will go to the moon together with wine, and we will not teach Chang'e to be lonely again.
This work captures a brand-new theme that was unimaginable in the era of Li Bai, Du Fu, and Su Dongpo, and the technique of expression is also somewhat romantic. Unfortunately, the angle of entry was not chosen correctly, resulting in a missed target. , wasted the great material that had already been obtained. In addition, the roughness of the workmanship also affects the aesthetic performance of the existing angles. For example, "xiangxi" is mostly used for friends, not suitable for couples; the word "jiao" has a plain tone and is against the rules. If you change the angle, eliminate the judgmental elements of bystanders, let the Cowherd and the Weaver Girl speak out for themselves, and experience the joy brought by modern technology for yourself, the taste will be completely different. Please see:
The Shenzhou ascends to the sky (written by Dai Niunu)
I am happy to see the Shenzhou visiting Bixiao. From now on, there is no need for a bridge to gather together.
Let’s go to the moon together with wine in the next update, so that Chang’e won’t be lonely.
From the comparison between the original work and the adaptation, it is not difficult to find that the so-called change of perspective is actually just adding the words "work by Dai Niunu" in the title, changing the two people into one person. As far as the literal modification is concerned, it can only be regarded as a slight adjustment; however, from the perspective of the correction of the direction selection, it has the significance of making a big difference.
Spring Festival Couplets
They come to the world in pairs, and life and death are closely linked.
Looking for the ancestor Yi should be at the end of the poem, and posting the couplet will lead to the spring.
Create ancient and modern scenes according to your mood, and play the long and short strings as your heart pleases.
I like the most elegant and beautiful ones, and the colorful pillars on the gate are all beautiful.
The title is a common question, and the matter is a common thing, but once it is cut by skillful hands, it adds a lot of charm. There are always small flaws in the poems, and there are also natural charms. This kind of new bud with flaws and flavor is more than ten thousand times better than the flawless and tasteless old stuff from Sanjia Village's acetic acid master.
The opening chapter uses the metaphor of "life and death mandarin ducks" in "pairs", giving the "Spring Festival Couplets" full human touch and unique imagination. However, the words "down to the human world" are a little too clever. The couplets are originally from the "human world". There is no need to classify them as "immortals", otherwise they will lose their authenticity. Just change it to "yingpianpian". Regardless of other things, from an image perspective, it is much richer than the original sentence.
The upper part of the neck couplet is better, and it is natural to determine the historical status of the Spring Festival couplets; the lower part is too weak, and it is almost impossible to write a poem, so it was changed to "People who announce spring like to take advantage of the flowers". The appearance remains the same, but the meaning is completely new. Confront the Shanglian. Five or six sentences were cut by hand, and the expressions are extremely accurate. It is rare to be able to make flexible use of rhythm and enhance the effect of syllables.
There are obvious problems with the linking: the word "ge" in the first sentence is against the law, and the word "first beauty" is too full and inappropriate; the second sentence is generally lacking in warmth, and seems to start before the end. It must break through the original conceptual framework before it can become the highlight of the whole poem. Please pay attention to the contrast:
Spring Festival Couplets
The shadows are dancing in pairs, and the mandarin ducks of life and death are bound by ink.
Looking for the ancestral Yi should be at the end of the poem, and the people who announce the spring like to be the first to take advantage of the flowers.
Create ancient and modern scenes according to your mood, and play the long and short strings as your heart pleases.
What I like most is that I am high-minded and not snobbish, and I live happily in a wealthy family in a poor house.
5. "Bullty" Category
Poetry should be refined. Only those who can express as much meaning as possible in as few words as possible can be considered a master. There is a common type of poet who always has difficulty controlling his writing. He often writes what can be expressed in five words into seven words; what can be written in quatrains is drawn into rhymed poetry. This phenomenon can be called "bloat". In today's poetry world, this disease is relatively common. Here are a few examples to prove it:
Dukou vegetable farmers are happy that the Anqing Yangtze River Bridge has been completed
In the past, Yicheng had a hard time crossing the river, and the boats and cars were windy and foggy. long.
I am glad to see a new bridge that is wide, but I cannot bear to cross the cold after a thousand years.
The yellow plum blossoms bloom in the north, and the green fruit fields in the south are fragrant.
The music of the east-flowing harp plays softly, accompanied by the painting of pastoral wealth-making medals.
This work describes the various benefits brought to vegetable farmers after the completion of the Anqing Yangtze River Bridge. It has the spirit of the times and the flavor of life. The problem is that the language is far-fetched and muddled. If compressed into five words, the effect seems to be superior.
The word "Yicheng" in the first sentence can be omitted according to the title. It is better to say "sorrow" than to say "suffering". The word "wind and mist" in the second sentence is too complex to piece together traces, so it is better to sweep them away; the word "zhou chariot" can easily be used as "carriage and horse", which can increase the time span of the "past" countless times. The word "wide" in the neck couplet is redundant. Can a bridge on the Yangtze River be narrowed? Moreover, if the upper and lower meanings are not smooth, wouldn't it be concise and concise if a little deletion is made and the words are flattened? The words in the five or six sentences also lacked elaboration: the meaning of "appreciating yellow plums" is already clear, but adding a "flower" for no reason makes it become a snake's foot; Perverse. Remove the branches and vines, correct the deviation, and leave ten words to make a good sentence. The seventh sentence is even more of a failure. Think of the Yangtze River's "rocks piercing the sky, and the stormy waves crashing on the shore." How majestic and powerful it is, how can it be like "small waves"! Instead, I used a line from a Tang poem, "From now on, the world is near." This title is just right. At the end, the previous meaning is slightly adjusted, and the whole poem becomes natural. Please take a look at its new look:
The Dukou Vegetable Farmer is happy that the Anqing Yangtze River Bridge has been completed
Crossing the river, I miss the past, and there is a long line of cars and horses.
A new bridge rises to cross the cold weather for thousands of years.
The plum blossoms in the north look beautiful, while the fruits in the south are fragrant.
From now on, we are close to each other, and we share the same book to get rich.
After this poem is compressed into five words, does it have richer connotation than the original seven words? Through comparison, I think the answer is not difficult to come up with.
Chrysanthemum chanting
The willows on the shore are accompanied by white gulls in the wind, and the red maple clouds and light chrysanthemums are quiet.
Lianfang wants to show her feelings, but Xiyu prefers to keep her pride.
I would rather embrace the fragrance of old age on the branches than climb the pavilion to avoid the cold autumn.
Born with natural beauty, prosperity and prosperity follow fate without complaint.
This work is as sloppy as before, but the brush and ink are wandering. It is appropriate to compress the whole into five words. The topic is to write about chrysanthemums, but I don’t know that I have to concentrate my pen and ink on describing the personality characteristics of the object of chanting, but I have to arrange "willow" to "carry the wind" and "gull" to be "companions", and also add a "red maple cloud" to join in the fun. . All kinds of insignificant things come to greet you when you open the door. The "guests" squeeze through the door. Does the "host" still have room? The real show has taken over the show! These two sentences are not lacking in beauty, but they are too far away from the topic and waste a good shot. It would be better to break the title with "Returning to Tao Ling's house, enjoying the tranquility of the three paths". The two sentences "Lianfang" and "Cherish the jade" seem to be used as idioms, and they are not very relevant to chrysanthemums. "Proud" can be "retained", but "feelings" do not need to be "opened". The previous sentence is "the hairpin on the temples is high in sentiment", which is a reference to Du Mu's "the head must be filled with chrysanthemums", wouldn't it be good? In the second half, the order is re-arranged, merging what should be merged, and scouring what should be excavated, removing clichés such as "natural beauty comes from birth", and placing a flowing couplet in the fifth and sixth positions, making the passage more lively. How does it taste? You might as well read it:
Yong Chrysanthemum
Returning to Tao Ling's house, you can enjoy the tranquility of the three paths.
The hairpins on the temples are high in sentiment, but the frost and pride remain.
I also used the idea of ????the fence to decorate the autumn scenery of the osmanthus.
Who can complain when the fragrant branches grow old?
Can readers see the real "Yong Chrysanthemum" without some cutting?
The edge of the seal cutting
The square inch is clever enough to accommodate the width of the earth and the sky, and the chisel blade travels between the sun and the moon.
The red and white lines mark the ancient charm, and the vertical and horizontal ink marks inscribe a new chapter.
The Southern Sect pursues elegance in a single line, while the Northern Sect pursues elegance with both swords.
Revisiting the legacy of my ancestors, it hurts my five internal organs.
This poem is about seal cutting. Although there is nothing wrong with the meter, the "grain mark", "ink mark", "single line", "double sword" and "family inheritance" skills are not fully described. As a result, The writing power is evenly distributed, and no one reaches the depth. It is best to take a little bit of the work to express your feelings and dig deep into it. Don't be greedy for big things and seek to be comprehensive. If you seek perfection, it will be diluted. How can one ounce of lime whiten a building? Instead of drinking a hundred cups, it is better to taste one cup. There are so many methods of engraving metal and stone seals. How can seven words or eight sentences cover them all? If the Tao is not exhausted, there will be no Tao. Delete the branches and vines, and compose "carve out the ancient method to follow your heart, and reach the wilderness with a smile in the wind." The master is invisible, isn't it better than the incomprehensible list of methods? You see, as soon as the "bloat" disappears, the poetic flavor becomes stronger in an instant:
The edge of seal cutting
The square inch is clever enough to accommodate the width of the earth and the sky, and it can move freely between the sun and the moon. .
There is no ancient way to follow your heart, and you can reach the wilderness with a smile in the wind.
A similar example is the typical song "Shenzhou 5 Goes to Heaven":
Shenzhou 5 Goes to Heaven
The billowing smoke and heat waves go straight towards the cattle Dou Jiuchongyun.
Suddenly a giant dragon danced on the earth, and the Shenzhou rocket rose in an instant.
The Queen Mother was still frightened and smashed the holy banquet, and the Jade Emperor was afraid of causing trouble in heaven.
Why are there drilling holes in Xiaohan? Spacecraft No. 5 made a mark.
It may seem earth-shattering, but it is actually a bluff. But the last two sentences are strangely imaginative. With these two sentences, this poem can not only be saved, but also create a new world.
The method of transformation is to take the meaning of two or four sentences and translate them into "One arrow breaks through the heavy clouds" as the opening sentence. Next, do not "surprise" the "Queen Mother", let alone "terrify" the Queen Mother. "To "Jade Emperor", you only need to invite the person who made a big fuss in the Heavenly Palace and let him scratch his head and shout a few sentences, and the whole poem will be very vivid.
Shenzhou 5 went up to the sky
An arrow shot through the sky and broke through the heavy clouds, shocking Bi Mawen back then:
Which god is stronger than me? Dare to come and make new marks in the sky!
"Which god is stronger than me? How dare you come to the sky to make new marks!" The Great Sage has said so, who else dares to be dissatisfied? Such side-viewing is much more powerful and interesting than directly talking about "Shenzhou Five". After cutting, compressing, and transforming the poem, the swelling has disappeared, and it is truly "a little is better than a lot"!
6. "Free" category
The writing and ink are free, pieced together, far-fetched, and specious, which is also one of the common diseases in poetry creation. This kind of disease is especially popular in works that describe things and chant things. The author has so many cases that I could write a book on my own.
Two Bamboo Songs (Yangguan style)
Ten thousand poles stand upright in the sky, and a gust of wind rolls across the waves.
The three armies are roaring and hunting with flags, and they are united and unyielding.
Only because I am in the crevices of rocks, my joints are strong and my branches and leaves are poor.
Banqiao taps two or three strokes lightly, and a cappella song sings in the strong wind.
The title is "Ode to Bamboo", but there is no shadow of bamboo in the article. The first song "Ten thousand poles standing upright" seems to have an image, but in fact it has no sense of movement. It is more like scaffolding on a construction site and is far from a living bamboo forest. As "green pushing and emerald embraces the sky", you may get a glimpse of the bamboo forest atmosphere. The last three sentences have no personality, and they can be used to sing about pine trees, cypress trees, and miscellaneous trees. "The roar of the three armies" is just a show of publicity, and the "whirling" of ten thousand years will not make any sense; just make it a "Lotus Halberd", that is the personality characteristic of bamboo. "Silence is better than sound at this time." Using image thinking does not necessarily mean shouting like a field battle. "United as one" is not good either. A seven-character poem has been replaced by a four-character ready-made sentence. How much else can we have? Such general labels can be attached anywhere, but it is best to use them sparingly. The revised work has made overall adjustments to this. Although "humility" and "vigor" are already available, they are directly related to bamboo, and its inner character can be seen, which provides a strong foundation for the conclusion. "Slender waist" should not be underestimated. It is a close-up of a bamboo waist. What's so surprising about a thick waist that doesn't break? The slim waist is amazing. The personality is embedded in the image.
The first time I wrote, I made a mistake, "I am in the crevices of rocks." Does bamboo grow like this? The only thing that can take root in the cracks in the rocks is pine. This is called "pine crown and bamboo crown". The oblique sound of the word "sew" is against the rules and inappropriate. The second sentence "the joints are strong" is still written in pine, not suitable for bamboo; "the branches and leaves are poor" is even more like a frog jumping into a well, plop plop. Bamboo is a thing, with luxuriant branches and leaves, and evergreen all year round. How can it be "poor" ? At the end, we invited the famous bamboo painter Zheng Banqiao. It was a good idea, but the language was a bit confusing and needed to be rekindled. Also, the Yangguan style is used in both capitals, and it is not very good to bend the waist for no reason. The body of Yang Guan must be connected with water and connected with the clouds, and flow with one breath, such as Wang Wei's "Weicheng Song", in order to be authentic; if it only has its form but no reality, it will become a "high paraplegia", which is clever and clumsy. After the two poems were revised, they seemed to have been completely transformed. If you don’t believe it, please read:
Two Poems about Bamboo
The green and green trees embrace the sky, and the three armies with halberds and halberds roll into the angry tide.
Always be modest and dignified, and the strong wind will not break your slender waist.
The iron whip pierces the stone mud deeply, and the spring rain is full of joy.
I borrowed three or two strokes from Banqiao, and sang a clear song to the top.
The following poem belongs to another stray form of the same author:
Tang Duoling
The bright moon sets on the West Hills, and the frost climbs up to the North Tower. Suddenly the wind blew across my heart. Don't blame the wind and rain in the world, stand upright and be blessed in Yingzhou. What are you dreaming about? Still chasing the waves. Far away from the hustle and bustle, wandering in the sea of ??books. Even though he is a casual guest, he has several names, and it is also spring and autumn.
The rhythm of the voice is not bad, but the problem is that the pulse of the mind is too scattered. "The wind blows across my heart in an instant", the word "wind" is forced to give way to "cloud", and the meaning is revealed; "cloud" refers to the shadow, which is more accurate in describing the melancholy in the heart. This is not because Han Wenggong once said "clouds across the sky". Qinling” was mentioned before I thought of using it. "Wind and rain" have passed, and the meaning of "wind and rain" has become smoother.
The two three-character sentences "Xiepai" and "Xiepai" have no connection with the surrounding context, which is a typical coincidence.
I think "body" should not be "upright", and "Yingzhou" should not be "endowed". Following the previous "not complaining", wouldn't it be great to "stay indifferent and endow the spring and autumn"?
After two sentences, the question "What do you want in a dream?" is vague. It will be clearer if you ask "What do you want in a clear dream?" Doing "playing waves" is free and unrestrained. "Although it is" the following three sentences are poorly written, breathless and have no flavor of poetry. They were changed to "Mo Xiao lives a leisurely old age, is comfortable and romantic", which is close to the common language of the poet. We might as well give it a try to find out the charm of the revised words:
Tang Duoling
The bright moon falls on the West Hill, and the frost climbs to the North Tower. Suddenly clouds cross my mind. Don't blame the wind and rain in the world, live indifferently, and be blessed with spring and autumn. What do you want from a clear dream? Still playing with the boat. Far away from the hustle and bustle, wandering in the sea of ??books. Mo Xiao lives a leisurely life, is comfortable and romantic.
If the above two examples are not enough to explain the problem, I will ask you to "climb" "Lushan" again, and you will believe that what I say is by no means alarmist:
Climbing Lushan
Retracing the old tour in Kuanglu, enjoy the nine songs.
There are birds chirping, and the flowers are half shy.
Tianchi invites beautiful shadows and winks at beautiful eyes.
The gorgeous Jiangzhou fire, the vast green sea.
The whole poem is scattered and disorganized. There are many inconsistencies in the article, and if you want to turn it into a poem, you have to completely reinvent it. The first sentence touches on the title, which is a bit of a miss. The second sentence ends with "Nine Songs" and runs outside Lushan. In addition, the second sentence also mentions "Tianchi", which makes Wu Yi and Changbai confused after reading it. If three or four sentences are not clear, what is meant by "turning the wheel" or "half-vomiting shame"? It is possible that no one will understand such a coined phrase. Sentences such as "Jingzhao brings beautiful eyes" and "The vast green sea is full of beauty" are also between common sense and implausible. There is a piece of "Jiangzhou Fire" left, but it is so "colorful" that it is unpleasant. Poetry has no clear explanation and no fixed method, but it must first be written clearly, then it must be written with personality, and then it must have artistic taste. I made major changes to this poem. While straightening it out, I also used some metaphorical thinking methods such as comparison, exaggeration, and association, which is actually equivalent to re-creating it. However, except for "a sound of flute", the rest of the sentences contain words used in the original poem, so the copyright does not belong to me - although I very much like the resounding ending of "a sound of flute rises, sparks move Jiangzhou". Although there is no copyright, the right to chant is still there. Now let me recite it for my friends:
Climbing Mount Lushan
Faith is hard to break, so we can continue our old trip to Kuanglu.
The singing of birds is so pleasant, and the singing of flowers is half shy.
The sky is hanging with waterfalls, and the waves are shaking and the eyes are flashing.
With the sound of a flute, sparks set off Jiangzhou.
There are far more common problems in poetry creation than the ones mentioned above. Due to space limitations, it is difficult to list them all. If there is an opportunity in the future, the author is willing to conduct further discussions with the majority of poetry friends.