What troubles do middle-aged people have when they remarry?

Nowadays, marriage is no longer the patent of young people, especially a large number of middle-aged people have ended their failed marriages and returned to the ranks of unmarried people. After experiencing some unforgettable feelings of loss, tearing and internal bleeding, some people are determined to keep their eyes open, while more people follow the custom and devote themselves to finding a happy family again. In the movie Cassandra Bridge, sophia loren, a female writer, said to her ex-husband and a doctor, "Every divorce brings me inspiration." Few divorcees in China are so free and easy, including women who are also writers. They look more like the less chic lyrics sung by the chic ChristianRandPhillips-"I'm tired, my eyes are sour tears …" Unfortunately, the door closed behind me. Will the door of hope open ahead? A paper document and a green card announced the termination of the previous contract and the dissolution of the original husband and wife's personal relationship. However, the marriage formed and torn up by oneself is still as entangled as a nightmare, and the accustomed family life, like an invisible atmosphere, often affects people's mood and their attitude towards reality to a great extent. This divorce sequela, a deep intangible psychological trauma, is hard to disappear with the passage of time. According to the follow-up observation of relevant institutions in Britain and America, some people have the ability to adjust themselves in time, while others need to spend 14- 15 years to heal the huge trauma caused by divorce. Some people's trauma will even last a lifetime. Moreover, life is short, and no one has the right to spoil or despise it. Therefore, while licking the wound, they are also striving for new opportunities. Longing for happiness, but also afraid of life. The feeling of wanting love and being afraid of it is beyond outsiders' comprehension. On their journey of remarriage, they have added a lot of troubles and living conditions that people who are married for the first time do not have. People with a history of divorce often have a special content-"Talking about the history of revolutionaries" when they are in contact with new partners. They not only talk about themselves, but also trace back to the source, full of doubts, trying to find out the reasons for each other's divorce. Undoubtedly, this is a heavy topic and will not cause a pleasant topic. Scars on both sides. I am afraid that the other party will uncover their own scars, and I want to spy on each other's scars. In fact, in the face of the marriage reality in name only, there is a conscious divorce psychology, which is taken for granted by anyone, whether male or female. Most of the divorced parties have no right or wrong, and there is no way to judge who is the winner and who is the loser, both of them, and neither of them is. Some people scold their ex-wives or ex-husbands as soon as they come up, severely whip and condemn them, showing how they are right and how they are wronged. Doing so is easy to arouse others' disgust. The other party will think of it from there and here, fearing that this gentleman will do the same thing in the future, so he should be careful first. I think: Why did his (her) lover leave him (her)? Can he leave without any problem? Good men (women) don't divorce! I just forgot that I am also a person with a "criminal record". In today's social atmosphere where divorce is no longer despised, the parties themselves feel ashamed and cast a shadow over their new life. Different from the first marriage, when two middle-aged people who want to remarry meet, they not only bring their temperament, thinking, habits, relatives and friends, but also their children, property, identity and social status. There are too many aspects to take care of, too many contact points, too many objective factors, overlapping bedsteads and all kinds of mistakes, which can not be ignored, and the subjective feelings that should be in the dominant position have regressed. By analogy, there are more conditions attached to the remarriage of the elderly, more people below, and practical problems such as inheritance distribution. It is more difficult to make a model for yourself and form a new consortium. The door of the past is not easy to close. The trouble with marriage is that it is not just a matter that couples can settle after giving up, especially in China, a family with a small vertical pension structure. No matter what kind of breakup, one thing is clear-the most direct victim of family disintegration can only be innocent children. As the saying goes: if the sea is noisy, the fish and shrimp will suffer. Children, usually regarded as the natural bond to maintain, consolidate and deepen the feelings of husband and wife, play a quasi-decisive role in marriage. It is worth noting that when the marriage relationship no longer exists, children can still play a quasi-decisive role when their father or mother remarries. Cows protect calves, people love children, this is nature, and mothers are naturally better. After divorce, many women live alone with their children and give them double love for fear of bringing accidents to their children again. They are busy with work and children all day, and they are not particularly aware of the urgency of reorganizing their families. There is a little girl at home who is afraid that it is not safe for her child to introduce a strange stepfather. When their children grow up, have their own friends, have their own work life and family, mothers suddenly feel lonely and have no one to rely on for the rest of their lives. Looking back at myself at this time, my beauty is gone, and my horse's teeth are white. The conditions are far worse than before, adding a little helplessness in the competition, and it is too late to regret it. Men are generally reluctant to take care of children, and the scope of tolerance is limited to girls. Except for girls, most of them are obedient and reasonable. According to Freud's theory, some people think that father and daughter are naturally easy to get along with. Therefore, it is not difficult to see the following sentence in many personals: "If the other person has children around him, it is best to be a girl." A man was originally the holder of this view, but when he met a middle-aged woman and fell in love at first sight, his earlier scruples were thrown to Java. This time, not only did I have no ideological obstacles, but I also approached another boy and wanted to show my father's love to others. It is expected that the boy's parents are afraid that their children will be hurt, and the divorce has been kept from him. Children who know nothing will naturally feel disgusted and disgusted when they are taken care of by an "uncle" for no reason. This "uncle" became the most unpopular person. The mother who has contact with the child saw it and broke the family relationship without saying anything. She will never accept a person whose feelings are not in place at the expense of her children. It is not uncommon for people to choose a spouse when they are young, regardless of their parents' lives and the words of their elders, and fall out with their families. She always obeys her children when she remarries. Children have become an important weight in their choice. In other words, "worship of children and grandchildren" exceeds "worship of ancestors". Moreover, trying to take a new step without cleaning up the problems left over from the original marriage will inevitably add obstacles to the already rugged road. After many twists and turns, some divorcees will make a decision to return to their past lives. In their view, since no matter who they meet, they can't escape the process of running-in-running-in-running-in again, it's better to get familiar with it. It does not rule out that some former lovers are still in love, which is better than strangers who have been killed halfway. In this way, looking for and returning to the original starting point, their remaining feelings are not necessarily deep, but they can't do without each other after all. Just like playing with a stone in your hand, it is polished brightly. In fact, it is of little value to take it to the street. If you lose it after ten or twenty years, it will cause great psychological pain to anyone. Women may be more keen on nostalgia. They want to keep an authentic home for the second time, so that their children can enjoy the care of their "native" parents and regain a sureness of returning things to their original owners. To this end, even regardless of the men she fired. However, it takes two hands to make a sound. If the other person doesn't want to go back to the grass, it will inevitably push them into a dilemma. The good days have passed, and the good days are gone. All middle-aged people are in a hurry, let alone a homeless person. When they encounter emotions, they are generally impatient, want to make a quick decision and can't stand the protracted tug-of-war. However, feelings come at once, right? For most people, it takes a long time to restore the freshness of love after divorce. The British philosopher Russell spent nine years. A man I know made a mistake and rushed in without knowing each other. Soon after we met, the gentleman no longer regarded himself as an outsider, but appeared as the woman's protector and entered the role in advance. Most single women are eager to be cared for and cared for. Suddenly, this person falls from the sky, and they may be under inexplicable pressure because they have broken the original balance. The dislocation of the emotional process between the two sides made fate pass them by. Haste makes waste. After a long time, he can't stand it, and he can't be fast or slow. This man doesn't know how to act. After a family earthquake, I still have a lingering fear. Most people cherish the opportunity of family reunion and look forward to growing old together. However, maybe I cherish it too much and am too cautious. I don't know how to act it, but I can't. At this age, with more experience, I become more conservative and less frank. Emotion is not a simple comparison and addition of objective conditions. Its establishment needs relaxation, collision and mutual "discharge". Some people are too cautious, be swayed by considerations of gain and loss, get nervous when they have a little doubt, and brake suddenly. Generally speaking, it is always easier to give up than to build. Here, sophistication is only the enemy of passion. That is, if you write as soon as you are inspired when you are young, although the article is inevitably naive, it is full of vitality. At a certain age, I especially want to write an article that suits my identity and level. On second thought, I still can't write it. When people reach middle age, their temperament has been stereotyped and it is difficult to change, unlike when they were young. Psychologists' analysis shows that a single and lonely life can easily make people selfish and stubborn, unwilling to accommodate others and self-centered. When two people meet on the journey, if one or both of them insist on changing each other, they will definitely hit a wall everywhere. Try to adjust yourself, try to understand each other and adapt to each other, so as to get to a place. On the other hand, divorced people may be psychologically more mature. In American criminal investigation, it is considered that several divorces are very important psychological basis. They are less melodramatic, more pragmatic, more understanding and more tolerant. Coupled with a clear social orientation, a certain cultural accomplishment and mature life experience, it is not difficult to deal with all kinds of complex problems as long as we foster strengths and avoid weaknesses. "If you are sincere, the stone will open." The creed of love applies to people of all ages. The same is true for middle-aged people who remarry, and they can reap their own happiness. (Editor: Jiang Hui) Today's hot spot: My relationship with my wife is very bad. 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