One day, on the vast Australian grassland, two cows were discussing about the European mad cow disease.
A cow said to another cow, "I heard that mad cow disease in Europe is terrible. I wonder if we have it here?"
Another cow shouted, "Are you crazy? Are we kangaroos?"
the use of cowhide
The teacher asked the students, "Who can tell me what the use of cowhide is?"
Niu Niu scrambled to raise his hand: "You can make leather shoes and belts ..."
Bingbing then replied: "You can blow them!"
Teacher: "Xinxin, you are the best. Please answer."
Xinxin hesitated for a long time and said, "The biggest use of cowhide is to wrap beef ..."
The teacher fainted.
I'm a male
There was a girl who went to the pasture as a trainee to milk, but everyone else squeezed a bucket. She just squeezed a little, and suddenly the old cow said, "Miss, I'm a male!" "
I'm guilty
A man went to church to confess.
The priest said to him, "Everyone is guilty. What's wrong with you? "
The man replied, "Father, I stole another cow. What should I do?" Shall I give you the cow? "
The priest replied, "I don't want it. You should return that cow to its owner. "
The man said, "But he said he didn't want it."
The priest said, "Then you can have it yourself."
As a result, when the priest came home that night, he found his cow missing.
1. One day on the bus, a man and a woman collided because of the crowd.
The fashionable girl looked back and said, "What's wrong with you?"
The man was puzzled and answered, "Do you have any medicine?"
people in the car snickered!
The woman felt angry and replied, "Are you mentally ill?"
The man said coldly, "Can you cure it?"
the whole car is laughing!
the bus driver stops and laughs on the steering wheel!
2. The bus was overcrowded. A woman was standing at the door.
A GG came from behind the bus to get off.
She said to the woman, "Excuse me, get off." The woman dropped wood.
GG stepped on her when she pushed past.
As a result, the woman was so fierce that she kept cursing "You are crazy! You are crazy! ~ ~ ",it's so loud that the whole car can watch it.
GG hasn't said anything, and when he got off the bus, he couldn't stand it. He turned to the woman and said, "Repeater!"
the whole car roared with laughter ~!
3. Chief: Hello, comrades! Soldier: Hello, Chief! Chief: comrades are all tanned! Soldier: The leader is darker! The chief patted a soldier on the chest and said, how well this muscle is trained! Soldier: report to the chief, I am a female soldier.
4. The miser was out on business, and he was afraid that others would steal the wine he just ordered, so he wrote on the paper: I spat in the cup. After a while, he came back and found a few more words on the note: I vomited, too!
5. One night, I was tossing and turning, and I couldn't sleep at night, so I sent a text message to my friend and sister: "If you are depressed, please chat with me for a while." Soon, my sister wrote back: "Okay, what do you want to talk about? The topic is up to you. "I thought about it and replied happily," Then let's talk about something heavier, such as-your weight! " After a moment of silence, my sister sent me a short message, which said, "This is too heavy. Then let's talk about superficial topics, such as-your IQ!"
6. The miser was out on business, and he was afraid that others would steal the wine he just ordered, so he wrote on the paper: I spat in the cup. After a while, he came back and found a few more words on the note: I vomited, too!
7. A primary school student confessed to his long-cherished teacher. The teacher said it was wrong, but he didn't listen. Finally, the teacher couldn't stand it and said, I don't want children. The pupil said: I will be careful! ”。
8. once GIN and vodka went to the mountains to hunt deer, and the greedy two hunted two deer by themselves. When going back by plane, the captain said worriedly, "So many deer are overweight!" " Both of them disdainfully said, "What are you afraid of? Last year, we also hunted so many deer, so we flew back here!" " The captain couldn't beat them and had to let them on the plane.
the plane flew smoothly for a while, suddenly shook and finally fell. The two men got up with gray faces. Vodka looked around and whispered to GIN, "Boss, it seems that we fell here last year!" "
9。 A mental hospital heard that the leader would come to the hospital to inspect the situation, so the dean called the patients in the hospital to have a meeting at the meeting.
The dean said, "This afternoon, there are very important leaders coming to visit, and all the people should go to the door to welcome them. When greeting
, all patients should stand on both sides of the hospital gate, and stand neatly. When I cough, everyone should clap their hands together, the warmer the better; When I stamp my feet, I must stop completely, and I can't make a mistake. If everyone is ready,
we can eat meat buns for everyone tonight. As long as one person screws up, everyone will have no buns to eat. Remember
? " The patients in the audience shouted together: "Remember!"
This afternoon, the leader arrived on time. When he stepped into the gate, the welcoming patients had already stood at the door.
When the hospital director coughed, all the patients applauded together, and the atmosphere was very warm. The visiting leader < P > was infected by the warm atmosphere, smiling and applauding with everyone to enter the hospital. Seeing that the leader had entered the hospital, the president stamped his foot and all the applause stopped, which was very neat. Only this leader is still smiling and clapping his hands, and the dean is very satisfied. Suddenly, a sick man as strong as Schwarzenegger came out of the welcome crowd, strode to the leader, gave him a big slap in the face, and shouted angrily, "You don't want to eat steamed buns? ! ! ！”
1. One day, a mother and a fly had lunch together.
The son asked the mother fly: Why do we eat shit every day?
The mother fly said angrily: Don't say such disgusting things when eating, eat while it is hot! !
11. One night, a naked man called a taxi, and the female driver stared at him intently. The naked man was furious and shouted: You have never seen a naked man before! The female driver is also furious: I see where the fuck you pay for it!
12. It was dark and windy at night. Pig Bajie was kissing me on the moon with Chang 'e's sister. Suddenly, a dark shadow passed by. Pig Bajie hurried out with a rake
and came back after a while, saying, Damn it, Yang Liwei ...
13. The earthworm family was bored this day, so the little earthworm cut himself into two pieces and went to play badminton. Mother earthworm felt that. Mother earthworm cried and said, "Why are you so stupid? You'll die if you cut it so badly! " Father earthworm said weakly, "... suddenly wanted to play football
14. A gambler took 1 yuan from home to gamble, and a few hours later, he came back.
His wife asked quickly, "Did that big bill have a baby?"
"Yes, yes." The gambler took out two 1 yuan bills from his pocket and said sadly, "Unfortunately, their' mother' passed away."
15. What animal likes to ask why?
Passerby: I didn't know
it was a pig!
passerby: why?
16. Seat belts
The stewardess announced to the passengers, "Ladies and gentlemen, please fasten your seat belts. The plane will take off
soon. " After the plane took off, the voice of the stewardess came from the loudspeaker. "Please fasten your seat belt a little
. Sorry, we forgot to board the plane for breakfast today. "
18. The teacher asked the students to make sentences with the word "wrinkles".
Xiaoqiang wrote: There are many wrinkles on my father's eggs.
The teacher wrote comments to parents: Don't show children everywhere, it will have a bad influence.
Xiaoqiang's father replied:
The child was careless and missed a word "face".
19. My mother often tells Yang Yang: "Don't swing when wearing a skirt; Otherwise, the little boy will see the little underwear inside! " One day, Yang Yang happily said to his mother, "Today I played on the swing with Xiao Ming, and I won!" " Mother said angrily, "Didn't I tell you? Don't swing when wearing a skirt! " Yang Yang said proudly, "But I'm so smart! I took off my underwear so that he couldn't see my underwear! "
2. Today, I was fired for the following reasons:
1. I worked too hard, and one person did the work of two people, which made another laid-off worker in China
2. I was too handsome, which made some lesbians have no mood to go to work
3. They are all single at the age of 2, which proves that their feelings are not rich enough
4. Sooner or later, they robbed us of our jobs
6. They love making friends too much and have strong social skills. In fact, the reason is the same as the last one. I am afraid that I will gather people to seek power and usurp the throne.
7. I have never made a mistake at work, and I am an abnormal human being.
21. The centipede was bitten by a snake.
It was sent to the hospital for emergency treatment.
After the doctor diagnosed it, he said:
It must be amputated for the spread of anti-virus liquid!
centipede thought: fortunately, I have many legs!
The doctor consoled:
Brother, take it easy.
You will be an earthworm in the future.
22, a little tiger came up slowly
blushing and asked the little squirrel:
"Excuse me, can I eat you?"
The little squirrel thinks this question is quite funny: "Is this your first time to eat animals?"
Little Tiger is even more embarrassed: "Yes, mom is not at home."
"What did you eat before?"
the little squirrel asked curiously.
..............
"What? Speak louder, I can't hear you! "
"suck!"
with that, the little tiger's face turned redder.
The little tiger took off his clothes and put his two big breasts on ~ ~ ~
23. At the art festival, we are going to do a terrible group dance-
We need violent and difficult movements such as falling down quickly and lifting our legs high.
As a result, everyone couldn't stand it after practicing for a few days.
Some of them were covered in bruises,
Some of them pulled muscles ... My right leg was badly hurt, and
I didn't listen at all!
I went to class on the third floor today.
God,
I just
lifted my right leg straight up one step at a time.
The most exasperating thing is that while walking,
I only heard two girls behind me mutter in a low voice:
"Schools in big cities are more formal,
If this is in our hometown,
polio patients can't go to school at all!
24. A man went to Shaolin to learn from a teacher.
The master pointed out that martial arts should focus on internal strength.
Internal strength should be practiced first, and then external strength should be practiced.
After that,
the master took out a pipe and asked him to blow into the water in the half tank.
He said when the water in the tank would overflow,
which proved that the internal skill had reached the highest level.
So he practiced hard day after day.
Three years later,
it didn't work.
But he thought, since Master said that, he must have a point!
so I continued to practice.
after ten years like this, it still doesn't work.
Finally, he was disappointed.
He decided to stop practicing and prepare to go home.
When I got home, I met his father.
His father asked him,
How did you learn from your teacher for ten years?
He felt very embarrassed,
So he bowed his head and sighed in frustration.
Wait until he looks up-his father is gone ...
25. Ding Yi, why are you talking in class?
Write your name 1 times!
The child keeps teaching,
Look at Xiong Linkui, the deskmate,
Remember it once ~!
26. The telephone of the US Federal Bureau of Investigation rang.
"Hello, is this the FBI?"
"Yes, what can I do for you?" The other party asked.
"I called to report my neighbor Tom. He hid marijuana in his firewood. " The informant said.
"We will investigate." The FBI agent said.
The next day, the FBI went to Tom's house.
They searched the shed where the firewood was kept, and split each piece of firewood.
No marijuana was found, so they scolded Tom and left.
Tom's phone is ringing.
"hello, Tom! Did the FBI help you chop wood? "
"split." Tom replied.
"it's your turn to call. My garden needs to be turned over. "
27. A king of a country chooses his husband, pulls a cow to the river and says: Who can make this cow nod first and then jump into the river, I will marry the princess to him.
A butcher goes up to the cow and says: Pretty awesome, huh? The cow nodded.
The butcher said, Do you know me? The cow shook her head.
The butcher stabbed the cow in the ass, and the cow jumped into the river in pain.
The king thought the butcher was rude, so the butcher asked to try again, and the king agreed. The cow was pulled to the river again.
The butcher came forward and said to the cow; Do you know me? The cow nodded.
The butcher said again: Can't you pay the cow back? The cow shook his head.
The butcher said with a smile. Know what to do? The cow turned and jumped into the river
Participation information:/qy193/blog/item/bbcc695a166927bf4895.html
1 We should miss each other every day, but don't meet each other every day. You are responsible for beauty and I am responsible for making money. You can fall in love with others, but don't let me meet you, hum. . . . Rat medicine to cook noodles!
2。 After reading his son's report card, the father said, I can believe that you didn't cheat by looking at your grades. Son: It's not that I didn't cheat, but that I didn't succeed in cheating.
May 15th: The director and the section chief * * * took the elevator. After farting, the director said to the section chief: You farted! The section chief said: I didn't put it there. Soon the section chief was removed from office. The director said at the meeting: You can't afford to take care of big things, so what's the use of asking you?
5-16: teacher; Xiaoxin, please make a sentence with' dilemma'. Xiaoxin: I was in a dilemma during the exam. Teacher: Are you in a dilemma because you can't answer the questions? Xiaoxin; No, the left and right students have different answers, which puts me in a dilemma.
5-17: whether it's bitter or not, tears are dancing for students, whether it's tiring or not, whether it's tiring or not, whether it's boring or not, whether it's a lot of homework that can't be corrected or not.