Hello! I'm Zilan. I've talked a lot, but I don't know where to start. I haven't seen you for a long time. Looking back on these years, we gathered less and left more, and it was a quick glance to meet. Sometimes I'm scared. I'm afraid you won't know me when we meet again. I'm afraid that you who once said you cared about me just lived in my memory. I used to hope that you would care about me as much as before and now, even though I was afraid to stand in the least dazzling position by your side forever. But I just realized that these are obviously my wishful waiting, which has nothing to do with you. Because the story was my own from the beginning, no one knew it, only my diary clearly wrote down my feelings.
I still remember when I first met you ten years ago, you were so humble, otherwise we shouldn't have met. I've thought about it a million times. Because if I hadn't known you then, I would be happier than I am now. At that time, you always liked to follow me. No matter how we girls humiliated you, you still followed me firmly, always fearless and full of blood to tell me what he thought was happy. I don't know whether I am moved by your enthusiasm or pity that you are bullied by too many people. Because I admit that you are my follower, bullying you is my patent. I acquiesce that you can follow me every day, you defend me in front of everyone, and you are good to me. Unconsciously, I'm used to having a stalker like you, enjoying all the privileges in front of you, being unruly and domineering in front of you. In fact, I never understood why you put up with my torture and gave me a unique privilege, which I enjoyed for seven years as soon as I enjoyed it. It was really ordinary at that time, and only you cared.
Habits often make a person addicted to a kind of life. So I later realized why my memory of you is so deep and indelible. Remember, never say no to what I ask you to do, never allow others to speak ill of me, and never be angry with me. When I took off Cinderella's tattered clothes and put on the princess's costume, it was too late. I found that no matter how bright the jewelry is on my hand, it's so dim, and it's already Qian Shan in one turn. Because I found a secret I didn't want to find, a girl has quietly entered your heart, and I don't know when she has been hidden in your purest and kindest heart like that. And I have long been isolated from her aura, so far away, I can't even see if mine really exists in your life. You only have eyes for her. I sat next to you, watching your eyes follow her. I listened to all the relevant information you asked me about her. I will tell you all the details with the bitterness of helplessness. I will send the most beautiful smile to my corner with the saddest heart to hide that I am actually a person who has calmed down. Many times I cried in the seat on the left, but you quietly stared at her background in the seat on the right. I used to think that you still care about me as before, but in fact, those things have long been my persistent past.
I never knew, never knew that one day, when you grow up, there will be someone else in your heart. But I can't forget your smile, your sadness and your kindness, because I am used to it. I can see these things as soon as I close my eyes. We've known each other since the simplest years. I always thought you were the angel who saved me in my life, but suddenly I found that you were not. And I can only simply stand by your side, pretend to give you my blessing, and say with a smile that it's good that you like her, but only you know the inner taste. You shared your love letter and praised me for being smart and being able to read other people's minds at a glance. Yes, why should I read your heart and make myself so sad? I was very excited to find you on my birthday, but in order to win her heart and test whether she felt sorry for you, I swallowed my birthday words. What I swallowed was not only my words, but also my last hope. I told myself to leave silently, and leaving is the best ending. Left, no contact, but every time I think of you, it still hurts like that, thinking about what you once said is afraid that I will be sad, and I don't know that one day I will be more sad because of these words. We walked farther and farther, and the speed of walking made me hard to catch.
I remember that even though I only gave you a pencil on your birthday, you kept it so precious. Many years later, I saw in your house that all the treasures in your treasure chest were small things I gave you. I was touched by your baby. We have known each other about 10 years. Ten years of friendship and half-life feelings suddenly become extremely fragile. We went to different cities and different scenery respectively. What you like about her is the story of the past, but I am still a person who walks outside your heart. I am not in your city, but I know it better than anyone. The map of that city is engraved in my heart like a painting. A girl who doesn't like geography, I don't know when, her heart is full of cars coming and going in that city. Maybe she doesn't know the wind and rain changes in her city tomorrow, but she knows what kind of wind will blow in your city tomorrow. A girl who doesn't care about the weather has a barometer of that city in her heart. Yes, the more I want to forget, the more I can't forget. I picked up the phone countless times and burst into tears. After the phone was connected, I put it down timidly.
With your back to the phone, you have no strength to cry goodbye. It's your good to close your eyes. There have been all kinds of stories for seven years. I always thought that you would be the one who would be kind to me all my life, but I never calculated the length of my life until I saw you standing on the other side of the road waiting for a girl but it wasn't me. I understand that you are a person who will be kind to me all your life, but you can't be by my side all your life. Maybe in a certain month, you have forgotten me and suddenly opened your eyes. There are so many people around you. I don't know if it's familiar or unfamiliar. They are also by my side, as you used to be good to me, care about me, and even tolerate my willfulness and indifference. But who says that one day they won't reject me like you? Have you grown up? When you grow up, you won't look at me so distressed. When you grow up, you will never leave those privileges to me, you will never be anxious because I am angry, and you will never be angry with me. It's just what you should do when you grow up. It's vague, but I can't figure out whether you should be familiar or unfamiliar when you grow up. I am sad that you have never felt my departure, or that you took me as a substitute when you were lonely and couldn't see her, saying that it is good to listen to me all the time. Hearing my laughter, my troubles vanished, but I was deeply surrounded by sadness. The face I clearly remember is getting farther and farther away from my heart, and I don't have the courage to open the diary you handed me. People always send such caring notes to my hands and my mobile phone, because I don't care if I throw them away so lightly or delete them at will. Suddenly, the past scenes are so clear in front of my eyes, just like the note I wrote to you at the beginning, and you just threw it away so lightly. Everything is just my wishful thinking. What I write with my heart is just the most common waste paper in your eyes. If you throw it away, it will flutter and dance with the wind. I won't be stupid because of slight pain again.
You never knew my sadness, but you joked on the other end of the phone and told my roommate that I was your girlfriend. I cried on the other end of the phone. But I won't let you know, I buried all the stories in my heart. At first, we will go to different cities. In the days before we left, I always danced with the lights in the square. How many times have I pretended not to walk there, hoping to catch a glimpse and meet by chance. I hope you will suddenly stand behind me and cover my ears under the splendid fireworks, and then I am worried that you will send me back to my door as before, but fate has never asked me for help. Actually, I'm not afraid on my way home. I just hope that when we leave, you can walk with me for a little longer, then turn around and start a new life journey without looking back ... and you happen to be standing at her door.
How many regrets can't be said. When I met you, your heart was free. God also let me meet, get to know each other and know each other at our simplest time. It was still early, but I couldn't stand on the stage and walk into your eyes. Your custody was limited to when I was Cinderella. When I was about to restore Princess sharping, you left me urgently, and then you hid another person in your heart, making me change my costume, and there was no place for me. I used to think that I would wait until your heart was empty again and let myself bloom peacefully in front of you, but I couldn't resist the years and sadness, so I chose to escape. Every time, I cover up my inner thread with superficial calm, and I don't want you to know how many heartbreaking wounds there are behind the bleak smile.
You don't know how I bloom silently in the lonely midnight. You don't want to appreciate my dancing in the breeze. A flying yellow leaf clearly betrayed my thoughts, but it was still blown away by the wind in the rain after autumn. From beginning to end, it is my own stage, a solo dance, a person's eternal life, a person's sadness or missing, a person's interpretation of love and unrequited love. But every memory is related to you. I was reborn in the flying fireworks. I left thousands of feelings for you to the most beautiful fireworks in the night sky. At that time, I didn't know if you were in the garden. On that easterly night, in the winter when thousands of trees are blooming, I asked Melissa Zhou if he was silent. I asked him where he came from and laughed at me. Did the dim street lamp I passed also give you light when you passed? Obviously it is the most common story, but it makes me unable to give up the pain. I felt my wound strongly and told myself that it was painless. If life can be repeated, I will definitely choose the original acquaintance.
It's just that life has no beginning.
XXX
XXXX。 X. X