What exactly is the sense of security we need in a relationship?

What exactly is the sense of security we need in a relationship?

Generally speaking, "security" seems to be the exclusive right of women. In fact, both men and women have weak sides, and they also have their own yearning for guarantees and needs. Pursuing the perfect person, when we first get together, we will naturally be happy, because at that time we have to please the other person from the bottom of our hearts, and ignore our own thoughts. This is not hypocritical, but rather If you find that the other party will be grateful in the future, you will definitely double the compensation. It's just that in reality, everything is impermanent and has a rhythm, which makes the person feel disappointed and hurt.

What we should call a sense of security in the face of love actually comes from trust. No matter how strong you are, you will always experience some sensitive and uncertain moments on the road of life, especially in relationships. Every moment of sex, at this time, trust can help people maintain their good ability to face the difficulties of life and solve thorny problems. Only with this sense of trust can they gain a sense of security and maintain the smoothness of the relationship. For many couples, the grudge between husband and wife is not really what happened. Based on the language and the indifferent expression, they think that the other party has bad intentions or is disdainful of themselves. The biggest thing in the relationship is not the essential thing, but the real thing. It is speculation and uncertainty and distrust of the other half.

How does this kind of trust manifest in emotional relationships? From a psychological perspective, four factors must be present to bring people a sense of security: predictability, dependability, controllability, having the same firm beliefs, predictability of each other’s relationships, each other’s personal behavior, and life at this moment. They are all able to accurately make logical reasoning and judgments. When you are together for a long time, there will inevitably be disputes, worries, and suspicions, but if these things can be explained with trust or substantial evidence, the relationship will develop better. We can resolve conflicts gently because we believe that the other party still cares about us, and it is worth using the method of concession and suppression to better resolve conflicts.

However, it is difficult to accurately estimate whether the other party's heart and feelings are still there, or even whether they have already formed a new relationship. There is no trust to talk about, and it may be difficult to predict the future and the rapid development of the relationship. There is no way to talk about happiness. Dependence in love is not dependence in survival. What is more important is to be there mentally, physically and in the details of life. Level not only refers to the professional skills of the lover, but also includes the lover's own physiology and mental outlook. For example, if your partner has been addicted to alcohol and is mentally unstable, you are likely to think that this person is "unreliable" and cannot be relied on. How does trust in a relationship come about? Trust in the true sense does not rely on verbal violence, "If you like me, you need to make me feel at ease" but on his specific personal actions that can make the other person feel at ease.