in the first year, it produced 1 apples, nine of which were taken away and one was obtained by itself. In this regard, the apple tree was indignant, so it cut itself off and refused to grow. The next year, it produced five apples, four of which were taken away and one was obtained by itself. "Ha ha, I got 1% last year and 2% this year! It has doubled. " This apple tree is psychologically balanced.
however, it can continue to grow. For example, in the second year, it produced 1 fruits, 9 of which were taken away and 1 were obtained by itself.
probably, 99 of them were taken away and one was obtained by themselves. But it doesn't matter, it can continue to grow and bear 1 fruits in the third year ... < P > Actually, how many fruits you get is not the most important. Most importantly, the apple tree is growing! When the apple tree grows into a towering tree, the forces that have hindered its growth will be too weak to be ignored. Really, don't care too much about fruit. Growth is the most important thing.
psychological comment: are you a migrant worker who has cut off his own meridians?
When you first started working, you were brilliant and full of energy, believing that "I was born to be useful". But the reality soon knocked you a few sap, perhaps, you made a great contribution to the unit and no one paid attention to it; Perhaps, only verbal attention but no benefits; Maybe ... In a word, you feel like that apple tree, which only enjoys a small part of its fruit, which is far from your expectation.
So, you're angry, you're upset, you're full of complaints ... Finally, you decide not to work so hard and let your actions match your income. A few years later, when you reflect, you find that you don't have the passion and talent when you first started working.
"Old and mature." We are used to laughing at ourselves like this. But in essence, you have stopped growing.
such stories are everywhere around us.
We make this mistake because we forget that life is a process and a whole. We feel that we have grown up, and now it is time to bear fruit. We care so much about temporary gains and losses that we forget that growth is the most important thing.
fortunately, this is not a self-breaking meridian in Jin Yong's novels. We can always give up doing this and continue on the road to growth.
remember: if you are a migrant worker and meet a boss or corporate culture who doesn't understand management, brutal management or wrong management, then remind yourself not to cut yourself off because of anger and grumbling. No matter what happens, be an apple tree that grows forever, because your growth is always more important than how much money you get every month.
Second, the fable of motivation: Who are the children playing for
A group of children frolicking in front of an old man, screaming all over the sky. A few days passed, and the old man could not bear it.
So, he came out and gave each child 25 cents and said to them, "You have made this place very lively. I feel a lot younger. I am grateful for this little money."
The children were very happy. They still came the next day and played as usual. The old man came out again and gave each child 15 cents. He explained that he had no income and could only give less. Fifteen cents is not bad, but the child still leaves happily.
On the third day, the old man only gave each child 5 cents.
The children flew into a rage. "It's only 5 cents a day. Do you know how hard we work!" They swore to the old man that they would never play for him again!
psychological comment on whom you are "playing"
This fable is a deeper answer to the apple tree fable: Why does the apple tree cut its own meridians, because it is not "playing" for itself.
there are two kinds of human motivations: internal motivation and external motivation. If we act according to internal motives, we are our own masters. If what drives us is external motivation, we will be controlled by external factors and become its slaves.
In this fable, the old man's calculation is very simple. He changed the children's internal motivation of "playing for their own happiness" into the external motivation of "playing for getting cents", and he manipulated the external factor of cents, so he also manipulated the children's behavior. Is the old man in the fable like your boss or boss? And cents, like your salary, bonus and other external rewards?
If external evaluation is taken as a reference coordinate, our mood will easily fluctuate. Because external factors are beyond our control, it is easy to deviate from our internal expectations, make us dissatisfied and complain. Negative emotions such as dissatisfaction and complaints make us suffer. In order to reduce the pain, we have to lower our internal expectations. The most common way is to reduce the degree of hard work.
The main reason why a person forms an external evaluation system is that parents like to control him. Parents are too fond of using verbal rewards and punishments, material rewards and punishments to control their children, regardless of their own motives. Over time, children forget their original motives and care about external evaluation. At school, he forgot the original motivation of learning-curiosity and happiness of learning; After work, he forgot the original motivation of his work-the happiness of growing up. The evaluation of his boss and the ups and downs of his income became the greatest source of happiness and pain in his work.
remember: the external evaluation system is often a family inheritance, but you can completely break it and cultivate your own internal evaluation system from now on, so that your study and work will become "playing for yourself".
Third, the fable of planning: Fold a piece of paper 51 times
Imagine that you have a blank sheet of paper big enough in your hand. Now, your task is to fold it 51 times. So, how high is it?
a refrigerator? One floor? Or the height of a skyscraper? No, the difference is too much. This thickness exceeds the distance between the earth and the sun.
Psychological comments
Up to now, I have asked more than a dozen people about this fable, and only two people said that it may be an unimaginable height, and the highest height that others thought was as high as a skyscraper.
The height of folding 51 times is so terrible, but what if you just stack 51 pieces of white paper together?
this contrast has shocked many people. Because a life without direction and planning is like simply stacking 51 pieces of white paper together. There is no connection between doing this today and doing that tomorrow. In this way, even if every job is well done, it is just a simple superposition for your whole life.
Of course, life is more complicated than this fable. Some people stick to a simple direction all their lives, and finally reach a height that others can't reach. For example, my friend's life direction is English. He has spent more than ten years working hard, and the memory of words alone has reached hundreds of thousands, which has reached a height that ordinary people can't reach.
There are also some people who have a clear direction in life, such as starting a company as a boss, so they need many skills-professional skills, management skills, communication skills, decision-making skills and so on. They may try to do this and that at the beginning, and none of them are particularly proficient, but in the end, the direction of starting a company as a boss integrates these seemingly scattered efforts, which is also a complicated life folding, not a simple superposition.
remember: visible power is more useful than invisible power.
Nowadays, it is popular to look for answers from invisible places, such as potential development, such as success, thinking that our lives can only be saved by some miracles. However, in my opinion, Mao Zhengqiang, a consultant of Dongguan Hengyuan Psychological Counseling Center, said more correctly, "It is far more important to make good use of existing abilities through planning than to tap the so-called potential."
Fourth, the fable of escape: the trick of the kitten to escape from the shadow
"The shadow is really annoying!" Tom and Toby, the kittens, think so. "We must get rid of it."
however, wherever they go, Tom and Toby find that whenever the sun shines, they will see their own shadow that drives them crazy.
However, Tom and Toby finally found their own solutions. Tom's method is to keep his eyes closed forever. Toby's solution is to stay in the shadow of other things forever.
The fable of psychological comment shows how a small psychological problem becomes a bigger psychological problem.
It can be said that all psychological problems stem from the distortion of facts. What's the truth? Mainly those negative events that make us suffer.
because of the painful experience, we are unwilling to face this negative event. However, once it happens, such negative events are destined to accompany us all our lives. What we can do at most is to suppress them into the subconscious, which is called forgetting.
However, they will continue to play their role in the subconscious. Moreover, no matter how much we forget the facts, the pain accompanying these facts will still attack us, making us inexplicably sad and uncontrollable. This kind of pain makes us make further efforts to escape.
in the end, the usual solutions are these two: either, like Tom the cat, we completely distort our experience and turn a blind eye to all the important negative facts in life; Or, like Toby the kitten, we simply take refuge in pain and make everything very bad for ourselves. Since everything is so bad, the original event that makes us most sad is not so painful.
Li Ling, a consultant in Baiyun Psychological Hospital, said that 99% of drug addicts have had painful experiences. The reason why they take drugs is to escape these pains. It's like hiding in the shadows. The painful truth is a devil. In order to avoid this devil, I simply sell myself to a bigger devil.
There are many adults who drink too much. They had an alcoholic and tyrannical father and suffered a lot from his father. In order to forget the pain, they learned the same method.
In addition to these visible wrong methods, we human beings have invented countless ways to escape pain, which Freud called psychological defense mechanism. When it is too painful, these defense mechanisms are necessary, but unfortunately, if the psychological defense mechanism distorts the facts too much, it will bring out more psychological problems, such as obsessive-compulsive disorder, social anxiety, multiple personalities, and even psychosis. There is only one way to truly reach health-face the pain. People who face the pain will get many unexpected gains from the pain, which will eventually become the life wealth of the parties.
remember: shadows, like light, are the wealth of life.
One of the most important psychological laws is that no matter how painful things are, you can't escape. You can only face it bravely, resolve it, transcend it, and finally reach a settlement with it. If you are temporarily short of strength, you can ask for help, friends and relatives, or professional help, and let people you trust accompany you to face these painful things.
American psychologist Rogers was once the loneliest man, but when he faced this fact and resolved it, he became a real master of interpersonal relationship. Frank, an American psychologist, had a tyrannical and alcoholic stepfather and a bad mother, but when he challenged this fact and finally forgave his parents from his heart, he became an expert in treating this problem. Japanese psychologist Morita Shoma was once a severe neurosis patient, but he challenged this fact and finally invented Morita therapy ... The most painful facts in their lives finally became their most important wealth. You can do the same.
the fable of action-crabs, owls and bats
crabs, owls and bats go to a bad habit cram school. A few years later, they all graduated successfully and got their doctorates. However, crabs are still rampant, owls are still sleeping during the day and moving at night, and bats are still hanging upside down.
psychological comment this is a fable of master Huang Yongyu, and its moral is simple: action is more important than knowledge.
When applied to mental health, this fable is also thought-provoking.
The knowledge of psychology is profound. However, no amount of psychological knowledge can automatically help a person become healthier. In fact, some people I know who have studied psychology for many years, one of their purposes is to cure themselves, but after studying for so many years, their problems remain.
One of the most important reasons for this situation is that they didn't practice, so knowledge is just distant knowledge, and knowledge has not turned into their own life experience.
A friend of mine who likes psychology was once considered by many psychologists as insensitive and unsuitable for studying psychology. But it turns out that this speculation is not correct. He is not sensitive enough, but he has a great advantage: knowing a good knowledge, he will immediately implement it in his own life. In this way, those distant knowledge becomes a real life experience, and he can help himself and many people without "knowing" too much.
If high sensitivity is a genius quality, then high mobility is a more important genius quality.
this fable can also be extended to another meaning: don't expect too much from the magic of mysterious psychotherapy. The most important power is always in yourself. Mysterious knowledge, mysterious potential development, dazzling success, etc. are far less important than the power you already have. We are used to looking outside for answers and looking for strength from others, and we forget that strength lies in ourselves.
remember: other people's knowledge can't save you automatically.
If some witty remarks of Lian Zhu touched you, if some words or new beliefs inspired you. Then, these other people's words and experiences are just the beginning. More importantly, you really apply what you think is good knowledge to your own life.
I always think this sentence by the Jewish philosopher martin buber is the most important: you must start by yourself. If you don't live deeply with positive love, if you don't reveal the meaning of life for yourself in your own way, then for you, life will still be meaningless.
Sixth, the fable of giving up: bees and flowers
The rose withered, and the bee still sucked hard, because it had sucked sweetness from this flower before. But now, on this flower, bees are sucking poison. Bees know this, because the poison is bitter and tastes very different from before. So, the bee was so angry that it looked up and complained to the whole world after taking a sip. Why did the taste change? ! Finally, one day, I don't know why, the bees fluttered their wings and flew a little higher. At this time, it found that flowers were everywhere around the withered roses.
Psychological comment
This is a fable about love, and it is the true feeling of a young Chinese teacher. For a while, she was lovelorn and miserable. She always wanted to talk to me, hoping that my psychological knowledge could give her some help. We have been making an appointment, but almost two months have passed, and our time can't happen to be together. The last time I asked her out, she said, "Thank you! No, I want to understand. "
It turns out that she just came back from Jiuzhaigou. The pain of lovelorn is still haunting her, leaving her in a trance.