When it comes to raising boys, many people will say: poor people raise sons and rich people raise daughters. As a son, you need to be strict so that you can be successful when you grow up.
Indeed, it is the ultimate wish of parents for their children to grow up and be successful. We devote our efforts to our children and have high hopes for them. We hope that they will grow up healthily, be brave, strong, responsible, and become an excellent man.
However, the ideal is very full, but the reality is very skinny.
Compared with girls who are calm, generous and positive, boys are more likely to be irritable and unwilling to make progress. They like to run around wildly and often get injured, which is really worrying.
Numerous psychological studies have also shown that many boys will fall into psychological crises as they grow up. In various growth hotlines, counseling agencies, and Internet addiction treatment agencies, there are often more boys than girls in need of help.
Among common mental diseases in children and adolescents, such as ADHD, learning disabilities, intellectual disabilities, and autism, the incidence rate in boys is much higher than that in girls.
At this time, we can’t help but sigh: Why is it so difficult to raise a boy? What should the boy's parents do?
Steve Biddulph, the author of "Raising Boys" tells us: If you want boys to become excellent men, the most critical thing for parents to do is to understand them.
Steve Biddulph is a well-known Australian expert on family issues. His parenting books have been translated into 32 languages ??around the world and are widely distributed. His representative works include "Raising Boys" and "Raising Girls" wait.
Among them, the book "Raising Boys" has been published in 28 countries, with global sales exceeding one million. It is the most respected guide to raising boys by parents in Australia and the United Kingdom.
Next, let us open this guide to raising boys and share three key contents in the book:
I don’t know if you have noticed that children are brought up in parks and squares every day. Among the adults who were playing with their children, most of the parents who were shouting loudly and running around like fire fighters were looking after boys.
The author tells us that boys are always energetic, adventurous and noisy for a reason. Because boys' bodies contain a substance called testosterone, which affects their psychology and behavior.
Testosterone is commonly found in male animals, so it is also called the male hormone. What does testosterone do? To understand it, let's first look at an experiment on monkeys.
Scientists once conducted an experiment on a group of monkeys. The monkey group is a typical patriarchal society. The monkey king among the monkeys is the most powerful and the most powerful of all the monkeys. They found a little monkey who was bullied the most among the monkeys. It had a low status and had no choice but to run away every time it was provoked by other male monkeys. The scientists injected it with a shot of testosterone and put it back among the monkeys for observation.
Then, something magical happened. The high levels of testosterone in the monkey's body made it courageous and, with divine help, it began to openly provoke other monkeys. In the end, it really used its strength to defeat all the opponents in the monkey group and became the new monkey king.
However, the good times did not last long. When the testosterone in its body expired, it immediately returned to its original coward, and its position as the monkey king was immediately knocked away.
In this experiment, it is not difficult to find that testosterone not only stimulates the physical development of male animals, but also affects its mental structure to a great extent. This stimulating effect exists in humans as well, and continues throughout a boy's growth experience.
The starting point of testosterone in a boy is in the 8th week of conception of the boy's mother. At this time, the Y chromosome in the fetus' genes is already functioning, secreting testosterone and stimulating the growth of male organs.
After a boy is born, as he grows older, the testosterone content in his body is like an "elevator", showing a curve-shaped change pattern.
At the age of 4, the boy's testosterone surges to twice its previous level. At this time, he begins to become naughty, active, and interested in battles, heroic acts, adventures, and activities that require a lot of energy. The game generated a lot of interest. And when he turns 5, his testosterone drops by half, causing him to calm down again.
Between the ages of 11 and 13, testosterone levels in boys begin to rise sharply again, reaching eight times what they were in toddlers. At this time, the boy's limbs will suddenly grow, and the whole body's nervous system will undergo fundamental changes.
At the age of 14, a boy's testosterone levels reach their highest levels. At this time, you will find that the boys have obvious male characteristics, and acne will appear in the blink of an eye. At this time, they are particularly prone to restlessness. This situation will continue until the age of twenty-four or five, and their bodies will slowly adapt.
It can be seen that with the existence of testosterone, boys always like to use their fists to solve problems, and they will be more concerned about class differences and more interested in competition. They want to know who is the leader in the group and must be treated fairly.
In short, testosterone is a boy’s “patent” and is equivalent to a boy’s vitality. It has been accompanying boys as they grow and affects their psychology and behavior. We need to know it, understand and respect it, so that it can accompany boys to develop in a healthy direction.
After we understand the characteristics of boys, let’s continue to talk about the three significant stages in a boy’s growth.
The first stage is 0-6 years old. The author describes this as a tender period, the warmest stage in a boy's life.
At this time, the boy needs his mother to love him most. The mother's gentle and kind image can give the boy the greatest comfort. When a mother devotes herself to taking care of a boy, the boy will build a sense of security deep inside his heart, his brain will be fully developed, and he will gain the skills to communicate intimately with others.
In addition, boys at this stage are more likely to develop separation anxiety than girls at this stage, believing that they have been abandoned, thus closing themselves off emotionally. Therefore, it is not suitable to send a boy to a nursery before the age of 3 to ensure that he can feel the warmth and kindness from the care of his relatives, laying the foundation for him to have a healthy and happy life.
The second stage is from 6 to 13 years old. This is the stage when boys learn to become men.
Boys entering this stage begin to feel the call from the inner world, become "manly", and like to use swords and guns.
They develop a strong interest in men and like to play with their father. They will pay more attention to their father's every move and are always ready to learn from their father. Although the boy still maintains close contact with his mother at this time, his interests and preferences in activities are clearly becoming more like those of his father.
Therefore, the most important thing the boy’s father should do at this time is to get close to his child and take time to accompany him as he grows up.
Speaking of the topic of accompanying children, a study in the United States shows that children whose fathers accompany them for 15 minutes a day have significantly higher IQs than children who do not have their fathers accompanying them, and they tend to achieve better results in school. , and it is easier to succeed in society.
Therefore, if there is a boy aged 6-13 in our family, his father's company is very necessary for him. Men's natural logical thinking advantage allows fathers to educate their children more purposefully and plannedly. Their good qualities such as tolerance, independence, decisiveness, and self-confidence will also subtly influence the children's personality foundation in their companionship.
The third stage is after the age of 14. Boys at this stage have already embarked on the fast track to transform into men.
For boys of this age, male physical characteristics are becoming more and more obvious, and at the same time, their minds are also undergoing tremendous changes. They become irritable, argumentative, and moody. Parents will feel a headache when faced with such a boy, and may think that their son has become bad.
The author tells us that this is normal. Because at this stage, the boy's dramatically increased testosterone continues to stimulate him, leaving him with a lot of remaining energy with nowhere to release, making him restless. At this time, boys are physically and psychologically ready to move into adulthood, and all these changes are the beginning of new challenges for them.
What we need to do is to guide them calmly and convince them with reason, rather than yelling at them. Although we know that at this time they will neither always listen to their parents nor change their hobbies according to their parents' opinions, but it is still necessary for us to set an example for them.
At the same time, they are not old enough to "face the outside world alone".
At this time, we need to find a leader with both ability and political integrity to be by the boy's side.
At this age, boys are often in trouble and face many difficult choices. Therefore, they need the right advice from their guides. Research shows that if a child has a trusted adult friend outside of the family, it is enough to prevent the child from turning to crime.
Guides can teach boys to establish a correct outlook on life, learn to deal with interpersonal relationships, avoid dangers and temptations, and reconcile conflicts with their parents by meeting and talking with boys and participating in activities together. .
On the contrary, if there is no guide around the child, he will experience many ups and downs on the road to growth. In order to break free from the constraints of their parents, they will have unnecessary arguments with their parents. If things go on like this, he will become withdrawn and depressed.
3. The influence of parents on boys’ growth
In the above three stages of boys’ growth, parents need to constantly adjust their parenting methods as their children grow. The roles played by both parents in a boy's growth path are also different. Next, we will share the third key content of the book: the impact of parents on the growth of boys.
First let’s talk about the role of the father. The impact of father's love on children goes far beyond intelligence, and also involves physical, emotional, personality and other aspects. If you want to be a good father, the first thing is to find ways to participate in family life. You must not put all the responsibility for childcare on your wife.
As a father, you can take advantage of every opportunity to take the initiative to be with your children, chat with them, play games, do crafts, and travel together.
In this process, the boy will learn his father’s attitude towards life, learn to feel everything by observing his father’s behavior, and learn how to love others by learning his father’s behavior, such as imitating how his father treats others. Show love to your mother.
In addition, most boys like to play rough. Fathers can play with their children, but they must set some rules beforehand. This is done to enjoy the fun, but also to teach the boy to learn self-control during the fight and know when to stop.
It can be seen that there is not only family affection between father and son, but also moral power. The moral force of his father always restrains his behavior.
If the father truly cares about and respects his wife in the family, then he will have prestige in the heart of his son. When parents have conflicts with boys, the father's words can also play a certain role in making the son understand the importance of respecting women and respecting himself.
Compared to fathers, raising boys may be inexplicably scary for most women, because mothers know nothing about boys from the beginning.
But it doesn’t matter, the author tells us in the book: As a mother, if you know little about men, go to a man you are familiar with for help. Let them tell you what it is about men.
Boys first learn love from their mothers, so mothers must let their children feel your warmth and kindness.
We can tell our son something about girls and teach him how to get along better with girls. We should always praise our son for being handsome, express our love for him, and let him know that we are willing to be with him. Chat with him so that he can feel confident about himself.
When he is an adult, let him learn from his actions or inactions. For example, let him learn to take responsibility for being late for school because of deliberate delay.
There is another point of special attention: as the mother of a boy, she cannot affect the relationship between her husband and her son, let alone complete the work of taking care of her son on behalf of her husband.
Both you and your son need his participation. At the same time, you must encourage your son to get closer to his father and establish a close relationship with him. You cannot compete with his father for his son or use him as a bargaining chip to defeat your husband, making him feel at a loss. .
At this point, we have finished sharing the key content of our book.
The ancient Roman philosopher Seneca has a famous saying: "A true great man is a mortal who is as fearless as a god." It can be seen that no boy is born excellent, and there is no boy who cannot be cultivated to be excellent. A boy with temperament.
Therefore, while we give the boy a lot of expectations, we must also give him a full understanding, so that he can always maintain a warm heart and happy nature, and grow up healthily into an excellent man.
I hope that all parents who raise boys will eventually have an excellent child after putting in their efforts.