This is a very good question! I personally believe that being a good mother is a woman’s lifelong career. It can be said that it is relatively easy to be a mother, but it is difficult to be a good mother who is popular with children. Today, being a popular and good mother is more than just being a full-time nanny and a full-time tutor for your children. A smart mother is one who is good at discerning and understanding the true inner needs of her children and is able to "advance with the times." Here are some examples of “mothers who are not popular with their children.” By avoiding the following mistakes, you should be close to the "good mother" standard you want to achieve. 1. Mothers who always ask their children, "Auntie or mother?" As competition for jobs intensifies, more and more mothers entrust their children's daily care to nannies. In extreme cases, they cannot see their children for two days a week. And when you discover that your child is emotionally dependent on your nanny, you can't help but feel jealous. This may manifest as picking on the nanny in front of the child, or asking the child to make a choice: "Mom, or aunt?" In fact, no matter how dedicated the nanny is, she cannot replace the mother's role in the child's growth. No matter how busy a mother is, she should ensure that she is in contact with her children for 45 minutes to an hour every day. At this time, the mother should turn off her mobile phone and immerse herself in the innocent environment provided by her children. You must know that parent-child interaction not only benefits the child, but the mother is also a beneficiary - it allows you to experience the joy of taking off your mask and showing your true colors. 2. Mothers who always say that their children are not as good as the children next door. Eight out of ten mothers cannot escape the cycle of comparison. From whose child is fairer and taller to whose child can recite Tang poetry and Song lyrics; from whose child has passed the piano 8 Level, whose child's calligraphy has gone to Japan for an exhibition... The mothers finished chewing their ears together, and when they came back to see their timid and ordinary children, they couldn't help but get angry and nagging. It can be said that a mother who loves to compare has an infatuated desire to hope that her children will succeed and that her daughters will succeed. It is precisely because she is obsessed with unrealistic fantasies about her children's future that she becomes a perfectionist. However, the habit of comparing and attacking children at the same time is fundamentally speaking, slowly destroying children's self-confidence. You must know that the motivation for children's growth comes from constant psychological self-affirmation. Children who lack self-confidence will eventually become devoid of confidence and do nothing. In addition, the demandingness caused by comparison will also make young children lose their sense of security. For children under 4 years old, if they always hear their mother say that they are not as good as a child from their neighbors or colleagues, their psychological pressure will increase and they may fear being abandoned. And when the child grows up and realizes that no matter how dissatisfied he is with his mother, his mother cannot abandon him, his upward motivation will also disappear. At this time, the child will become tired and no criticism can touch him. He would even sarcastically say that his mother was "not as beautiful and knowledgeable as a certain classmate's mother." At this time, as a mother, how will you face this embarrassing situation? 3. The mother who always says, “This is not allowed, and that is dangerous.” Mothers who are sensitive by nature are particularly likely to repeatedly remind and nag about their children’s safety issues. In the eyes of mothers who overprotect their children, children lack the ability to instinctively protect themselves and need their parents to hold up a protective umbrella and follow suit. She would not have thought that her words and deeds would create the illusion that "the world is full of traps" for her children, which would eventually lead to them having quite extreme personalities. First, they would be closed and introverted, extremely cowardly, and even have communication barriers; second, some children would grow into He is likely to become a bold teenager in the future. The more you say it is forbidden fruit, the more he thinks it may be delicious. This is quite dangerous. Therefore, instead of over-protecting, it is better to stipulate a few basic principles, or let the children know a few key points of self-protection, and then boldly let go, allowing the children to experience freedom within the largest possible range of activities. 4. Mothers who hope that their children’s friends are all top students. Some children describe their mothers like this: “Mom always hopes that my friends are all top students in the decathlon, who can play the piano, swim, badminton, and participate in painting competitions. Won the winning prize... When my mother found out that my best friend was only an average student, she was extremely disappointed. "If the child has not changed when he is 15 years old, they will say: "Mom is too utilitarian. "People, so I won't tell her any friends I make." Is this kind of communication blockage what mothers expect? Mothers who are more utilitarian hope that their children can make "role model friends" and believe that only if the friends they make are stronger than their children can their children gain something from their friends.
It is too narrow to understand the word "friend" in this way. Think about it, are all your friends better than you in academic qualifications or career? An interesting friend may impress us with his understanding and humor, and the same is true for children. 5. The mother who never squats down to watch the ants move with her children. A Taiwanese best-selling author said: My daughter gave me another chance to experience childlike innocence. She called on mothers to squat down, restore children's instincts, and see the world from a child's perspective. "Looking from a child's perspective, the world has more wonderful details that we adults cannot appreciate." So, don't laugh. Some mothers wear cartoon pullovers like their children of several years old, lie down in the grass to catch grasshoppers, or scream about the winding of kites. These are all manifestations of their childlike innocence. The most boring mother in a child's mind is when you ask her to look at the rainbow on the soap bubbles, or to look at the moving ant army, she takes one look at it and says indifferently: "Why do you always pay attention to such boring things? You Have you played the piano? Have you listened to the English tape? "Mothers who have lost their childlike innocence often do not receive sincere rewards from their children. Often after you and your child get tired of playing in the grass, your child will take you to see his "secret garden", a place that only he and a few friends know. They often come here to talk to each other about their worries and concerns. He brought his mother here to show that he has regarded you as his most caring "buddy" and that he is willing to have "private words" with you. Playing happily with your children is an important way for mothers to open their children's hearts. Just like Alibaba's cave, if you recite the "spell" correctly, your children's hearts will open. 6. Mothers who like to watch long-running TV soap operas too much. Mothers who are super TV fans always think that they stay at home long enough and take care of their children enough. However, what about other than that? The mother spends every minute at home in front of the TV. To the child, she is not in the child's mind. Therefore, experts suggest that the family should set up "TV off days" at least two days a week, and the family can read, talk or play games together; when turning on the TV on weekdays, it is best to turn on only one TV, "Mom You should choose TV programs to watch with your children. You can also take your children to watch circus, magic, and music TV to communicate with your children about their views on TV programs, thereby turning the TV viewing activity into a platform for parent-child communication. 7. Absolutely refuse. Mothers who suffer a little loss When children play together, there will inevitably be bumps and bumps. We often see some mothers doing this: after their children have friction with other children, they immediately stand up for their children and argue with the other parent. They even got into a fight, leaving the children at a loss as to what to do, "We're already together, what's wrong with you adults?" "When we complain that today's children are becoming more and more self-centered and less and less aware of the word "tolerance", we must first examine ourselves: As mothers, have we given our children the example of "tolerance leads to generosity"? Many mothers have taught their children since childhood to "never give in an inch of ground" and to "be reasonable and unforgiving". Fundamentally speaking, they confuse "dare to compete" with "fighting for interests". Children educated in this way , it is very likely that children who lack teamwork spirit will find it difficult to gain recognition from the team due to their mean and selfish nature in the future. Why not just laugh off the minor frictions among the children? It will be of great benefit to children to deal with conflicts between partners on their own, which will be of great benefit to their future interpersonal skills. 8. Mothers who don’t keep their word. When a five- or six-year-old child often sees his mother not keeping his word with him, then he will feel guilty. Why should we keep our promises? Mothers who always play the "promise card" have the right intention. They want to add a little material stimulation to their children's progress and make them motivated. However, mothers find various reasons for "breaking appointments". But the positive stimulation brought by the promise will disappear step by step. If the mother always looks for objective reasons for her "broken appointments", then the children will also find various excuses for what they cannot do in the future, instead of looking for themselves. The reason is that she never apologizes or reflects on herself. 9. What kind of consequence is this? 9. Mothers who are more affectionate towards their children’s friends regard their closest mother as their “patented product” and do not allow mothers to show intimacy to others. (Including dad), this is the unique psychology of young children. This "overbearing" mentality is actually a way for young children to build a sense of psychological security. Mothers do not need to worry too much about this after the age of 2 to 5. At this stage, starting from the age of 6, with the expansion of the child's social circle and the diversification of emotional sustenance, he will gradually learn to share his mother's care with the people around him, and his jealousy will not be as intense as when he was a child. .
10. Mothers who are too fat, or mothers who are slovenly. Some children will ask their father some strange questions, such as asking their father: "Why do you want to marry your mother if she is so fat?" Another example is that before going out, they will remind their mother: "Mom, why don't you put on lipstick or dye your hair? Why do you always wear jeans instead of skirts? Oh, I know, you must not want others to see your big fat legs." Children's cognition is not yet mature. They want to "see the essence through the phenomenon", so "judging a book by its appearance" is their specialty. Children generally hope that their mothers will have curly long hair, wear skirts, wear light makeup, and be admired by their friends. This has nothing to do with the children's feelings for their mothers. So, you might as well laugh off your children’s pickiness, and when you are in a good mood, you can also ask for their opinions: “What color skirt do you want your mother to wear?” or “It’s okay for your mother to drink slimming tea, but she probably won’t have the strength to hug you.” Are you willing? "If you change yourself in a measured manner according to your child's wishes, the atmosphere between parents and children will be more harmonious, and the children may in turn change their habits according to their parents' wishes. That's not a bad thing. I hope this answer satisfies you. Finally, I wish you a happy life!