It is a reflection of children's self-defense. If parents can't perceive the needs behind their children for a long time, can't understand and accept their behaviors, and can't recognize their feelings, but preach to their children unilaterally and seriously, their hearts will gradually close, and they will gradually get tired of finding reasons, and will gradually shut you out and get tired of learning.
Everything has two sides. It's worrying that children don't do well in exams and are naughty. In addition to seeing the disadvantages of things, we should also see the opportunities hidden in them, that is, both children and parents still have room for improvement. Parents expect their children to make progress, so they need to learn to form a unified camp with their children, accompany them to meet challenges, and let them feel the support, encouragement and love of their parents, instead of criticizing and preaching him blindly from the opposite side.
Dr jane nelsen once argued that when children feel good, they have a chance to behave better. Therefore, as parents, we need more wisdom and patience, consciously create some beautiful feelings for our children in their study and life, connect the emotional ties between parents and children, and let the love between parents flow again, so as to raise a reassuring good child.
Parents want to win their children, not win them. To win children's hearts, we need to connect the emotional ties between parents and children. With emotional support, it is easier to correct behavior. The magic weapon to connect parent-child emotional ties is: recognize feelings! This is what Dr. jane nelsen advocated: contact first, then correct!
Therefore, when children have bad behaviors such as poor test scores again, please ask parents to try consciously, don't rush to criticize and preach, but use curiosity questions to guide children to talk more, express their true thoughts and feelings, and then recognize their feelings.
You can try to say to your child, "You didn't do well in this exam. Mom knows you did your best. Can you tell mom how you feel now? Mom, can you listen to your thoughts? " When the child is willing to talk, parents should resist the behavior that they want to interrupt or interrupt, and listen to the child patiently. When the child has finished speaking, we can say to the child, "Thank you for sharing your feelings with your mother, who understands your feelings. If you need any help from your mother, you can always tell her that she will support you. "
By consciously recognizing children's feelings and giving them understanding and support, children will gradually regain their trust in their parents and feel that parents are allies rather than enemies, and the emotional bond between parents and children will be reconnected. They will also gain strength from their parents' support and understanding, and then gradually make changes.
# Those things about babies # I am @ Jingjing Jingjing, who loves to go out and who loves to come back! Let's work together to be growing parents!
Look at the movie Spice Girl at the bottom.
The Spice Girl at the Bottom is a classic inspirational film, which mainly tells the story of a poor student who was admitted to a famous university. The heroine Kudo Sayega is successful not only because of her own efforts, but also because she has always encouraged her teachers and trusted her mother unconditionally. With the help of these two people, Shayega changed from a poor student to an excellent student and realized his dream. There are many philosophies of life in this play. I have compiled a few to share with you, hoping to bring you some help.
When the impossible is done, it will become self-confidence.
Shayega is a poor student at the bottom. She was called scum by the school teacher. She's just fooling around at school. She also gave up on herself and felt that this was her life. When Shayega gave up on herself, her mother did not give up on her and sent her to a cram school. Here, Shayega met her teacher Hirata, a very excellent teacher, who changed Shayega's life.
Teacher Hirata asked Shayega to set a school goal, but Shayega said it was impossible for him. Teacher Hirata said, "If the impossible is done, it will become self-confidence." In fact, it is true that a person feels useless and can't reach a certain goal because he is not confident. People who are not confident usually break the jar and fall, and it is difficult to walk well in the future. It's not that you can do it well if you want to. Assuming that you can't do it well, it proves that you are incompetent, and children will become more and more negative.
Besides Shayega, there is also a boy named Ling Si in the play. Because his father is very strict with him, he has been avoiding, unwilling to study, and playing games every day.
Ling Si's mother said that they have been lawyers for three generations, so she also hopes that he can become a lawyer. She hoped that teacher Hirata could stimulate his interest in learning, and said that as long as he did, Lingsi would certainly do well. Because of this sentence, Teacher Hirata said the above sentence.
In life, many parents always hope that their children can do well, but they don't know that it is enough for their children to do well. Whether they are doing well or not is quite another matter. If they keep demanding children with high standards, the result will only be counterproductive.
There are always difficulties and setbacks on the road of life. For these setbacks, it is the best way to face them bravely without escaping.
After staying in the cram school for a while, Shayega's grades were not very satisfactory. She wanted to give up and felt that it was useless to try again. Although teacher Hirata always encouraged her, she finally collapsed and left the cram school with teacher Hirata's anger.
Later, after a series of things, Shayega was relieved. She went back to the cram school and said the above words to teacher Pingtian, which also deeply touched Pingtian.
Many times, when we encounter difficulties, the first thing we think of is to escape, not to face it bravely. Even if you escape for a while, you can't escape for a lifetime. The best way to face difficulties is to face them bravely. Only by facing it bravely can we hope to solve it and make ourselves better.
To tell the truth, I really want to congratulate this parent. Your child is a strong and optimistic child.
There was once such a case:
Comparing similar events, I wonder what the subject thinks? Excessive self-esteem, fragile mind and poor endurance are extremely unfavorable to children's growth.
According to the situation of the topic, if there is a problem, it is parents. Parents should strengthen their own growth. Establish a correct educational concept and learn scientific educational methods.
Parents should do this so that their children can grow up smoothly.
1. Parents should fully realize that children's happy and healthy growth is more important than their grades, and their healthy growth depends more on their sound personality. For example, positive attitude, responsibility, tenacity, sincerity, good interpersonal communication and so on.
Only children with sound personality have the courage to face setbacks and the ability to achieve happiness and success.
Second, in the face of children's growth, parents should adopt "slow education". Slow education refers to humanized education that respects children's nature and personality. It is an education that waits for the cocoon to break into a butterfly.
As Bi Shumin said: All natural things are slow. The sun rises bit by bit, flowers bloom one by one, and rice matures slowly. Most of those sudden natural changes are disasters, such as volcanic eruptions, earthquakes and hurricanes.
The process of raising children is also a slow process. Don't rush for success, pull the child to a big tree.
Slow also includes: respecting children, encouraging children, trusting children, and keeping things quiet.
Third, parents should keep learning and making progress, which is the best love for their children. Parents are roots, children are flowers and fruits. If you want beautiful flowers and sweet fruits, you must have developed roots.
Parents are role models for children, and children are parents' mirrors. Children are children.
So some people say: what kind of person do you want your children to be, what kind of person do you want to be first.
1, learn communication skills with children. Many parents are troubled by their children's unwillingness to communicate with themselves. No matter what you say, the child is impatient or disagrees with you.
The reason is that parents' communication methods are incorrect. Good communication between parents and children is a bridge for children to succeed.
2, learn to educate children's psychological and educational skills. After your child 10 years old, do you know their psychological characteristics? There are many periods of children's psychological development, and each period has different characteristics. Do parents know?
What do you do when your child is depressed and doesn't want to do his homework? Can you find out when a child is at odds with a good classmate and is in a mood?
Raising children depends on educational concepts and methods, so parents need to keep learning and constantly improve themselves. Learning to educate children is one of the most profitable investments.
Summary: Family is the most important educational place for children's growth. Therefore, parents should have correct educational concepts and methods suitable for their children.
Good family education is the starting point of children's success, which directly affects their life.
As parents, we should try not to label our children negatively.
The first thing we should do is to be affectionate and righteous and understand children. Try to accept him first. Now that things have happened, accept the fact that children are not sad about exams.
Secondly, no child doesn't want to do well in the exam. He may say that he is not sad. You tell him, in fact, he still cares.
We need to find out, what is the reason behind the "indifference" of children's poor exam results?
If he is seeking power, he thinks that everything should be controlled by himself. Then we will try to let go and often say love and care to our children.
What we need to do is to make the child think that this is what he wants to do, not what we want him to do. We should stand beside the children, not the opposite of them.
If the child has revenge in his heart and deliberately fails in the exam, then our parents need to always maintain a friendly attitude and understand his feelings. When children encounter problems, we can face them together and find ways to solve them together. You can also show weakness and invite children to discuss and solve a problem together.
If the child really thinks that his grades are too poor, he has given up on himself and doesn't want to work hard, then we need to spend some time training him and teaching him some fundamental methods to improve his grades.
Then we give him a simple little task. As long as he has accomplished a little, we should give him a little and give him enough encouragement and affirmation.
Once a child has a sense of accomplishment and control, he will be more willing to do it, because this is what he wants to do from the heart, not what his parents ask me to do.
The root cause of children's low self-esteem is the wrong education and behavior of parents and teachers, which intensifies the speed of children's low self-esteem and does great harm to children. Why do you say that? Because children's self-esteem is cultivated from childhood, in life, in learning, and acquired! So as parents and teachers, don't worry! Don't lose heart either! Self-esteem plays a very important role in children's psychological development. We should train and exercise children's self-esteem from the most basic, so that children's self-esteem can be further exercised. As for how to help our children get rid of inferiority, let them stop feeling inferior and enhance their self-confidence. Our parents and teachers need to pay attention to and do a good job in the following six aspects:
First, as parents, they can discuss their children's affairs with their teachers and how to cultivate their self-esteem and self-confidence. I won't elaborate here. Sometimes the key to children's self-esteem lies in teachers' educational methods and school environment.
The second is to create a safe, harmonious, warm and caring educational atmosphere for children. With the help of pictures, videos, computer animation and other modern means, help children understand the common sense and precautions of using water, fire, electricity, gas, knives and commonly used drugs through multiple channels and in all directions; Tell children the significance of obeying traffic rules; Teach children the common sense of dealing with accidents, master 3~5 different types of emergency measures, and ensure that children truly gain a comprehensive understanding of sensibility and rationality. Teachers must conduct comprehensive inspection and maintenance of all kinds of large-scale sports equipment and operating materials provided to prevent minor delays and avoid accidents as much as possible. Because only when children's physical safety is truly guaranteed can they actively adapt to the environment and accept the impact of the environment.
The third is to create opportunities for children to succeed purposefully and consciously. Early education every child should have the opportunity to succeed in something, and often succeed. The teacher's role is to discover and discover the places where children can often succeed and create opportunities for them to succeed continuously.
Fourth, we should ensure that each child's self-image is gradually mature through various channels and skills. At the same time, teachers should pay attention to cultivating children's positive and optimistic way of thinking. Edison once said, "I didn't fail, I just found 10 thousand ways that didn't work." Because of his optimistic way of thinking, he became the greatest inventor with 1093 patent. Facts have proved that some people can't get rid of the shame and despair of failure all their lives, which is directly related to their inability to get rid of the shadow of failure psychologically and face up to the reasons for failure. If a child can understand that "failure is the mother of success", he will have an insatiable spirit of adventure and exploration.
Sixth, we should always be patient and face everything of our children. The child has a lot of disappointments, only the self-management consciousness and feelings of parents and teachers, but the child can't feel what he has done, and parents and teachers don't recognize it. Only through the preaching and guidance of parents and teachers can children realize their own problems. Therefore, if you want to give your child a correct guidance and help, you must be calm and patient, so that your child can change better.
Find out what he is interested in and actively encourage him as long as it is reasonable.
Care more about children in life, usually care about children and help them solve their learning difficulties. Children will feel insecure when they grow up. A warm family atmosphere will make children feel relaxed and gradually gain self-confidence. In school, teachers' encouragement, including classmates' friendship, is also indispensable. This is a sensitive child who needs a lot of care and communication from parents, and it is also important to encourage the child.
You can feel your parents' anger, helplessness and worry.
From your description, you can feel that the child is unhappy! Although he is naughty and indifferent, he is even said to have no self-esteem. In my opinion, this hat is too big. After all, he is only a ten-year-old child. In fact, children's behavior is a disguised form of self-protection. His heart is actually very painful, but he doesn't want to face it, or feels that he is not understood and accepted, so he suppresses his pain.
What is your usual communication mode with children? Did you put down your own evaluation and judgment first and listen to your child's voice patiently? You have been worried about your child's future, but your true feelings about the child's current growth seem to be filtered out.
All children are upward and want to get better. Only those children who are constantly frustrated and not recognized will lose courage and escape.
In addition, when it comes to self-esteem, the premise is self-confidence, and then you like yourself and respect yourself. Without self-confidence and self-love, how can you respect yourself if you are not respected?
Therefore, what children need now is encouragement and recognition. Maybe their grades will not improve at once, but besides their grades, they should also recognize their own advantages, do well in life, gradually help them build up their self-confidence, make him feel that their parents love him, make him feel that he is accepted and valuable, and gradually his self-esteem will be improved!
Ten-year-olds also have self-esteem. I don't think you have noticed.
The child you are talking about is not sad because he didn't do well in the exam. There may be two reasons: first, he may not realize the importance of study, so he will not pay attention to the exam results.
Second, post-examination reflection is a highly academic or technical issue, which needs the guidance and guidance of teachers and parents. For example, take out a paper and analyze it with your child. Which question scored more points, and what caused it? Is not immediately mastered knowledge, problem-solving skills, problem-solving skills, or other reasons.
How to educate?
First, parents are children's first teachers, and words and deeds speak louder than words. Don't talk nonsense, son. Even if you preach, you should get to the point, that is, speak in a targeted way.
Second, learn to talk to children, talk to children like adults, and talk about important issues.
Third, good habits will benefit you for life. Guide the formulation of study plans and timetables; Strict constraints, clear rewards and punishments.
I hope I can help you. Good luck!
Parenting is a more complicated process than any occupation. Examples speak louder than words. The education of children must be done by hand.
There are two kinds of people, one likes physical strength and the other likes brain power. Differentiate treatment and classify teaching.
Of course, the nine-year compulsory education system is the foundation. Be sure to arouse children's interest in learning.
Children nowadays can't bear to be strict. But behind the seriousness, it is * * * growing together.
Let him know how to cherish time. People are really different. Wang Yangming was about ten years old and determined to be holy. Study hard.
Concentrate on practice. Half an hour's warm-up class and ten minutes' skipping. Debris time. Participate in children's learning. Children study, you study. After that, * * * plus exercise.
Is this not good? Instead of just talking about scores. Participating in growth is the best way to motivate.
Children's mistakes are a choice for growth. No left, no right, give the correct answer. Pursue universal values.
To enlighten the values of life, error correction is the best way to show it.
The child's eyes are pure and the surrounding environment is wrong. They choose not to like them. Around, they choose the best.
Since ancient times, there has been a saying that Meng Mu moved three times.
It can be seen that positive energy parents, positive energy neighbors and positive energy entertainment atmosphere are so important.
It's not terrible to be wrong, it's terrible to be wrong again and again. Ten-year-olds have not yet formed their own values.
To this end, we must be like Confucius. You won't get angry if you don't start.