The mother and daughter live together, and the mother has to take care of her daughter when she goes to work. The father of the child died in a car accident. This mother often tells her children that our family's conditions are not good, mother's income is not high, and life has made you miserable. Children not only don't want their mothers, but also work hard. She is the first and second in the group every year, and she is very rational in life. She can also cook a good dish. Even in summer, the child doesn't want to eat ice cream. I asked her why she worked so hard. She said that only she can live a good life!
Yes, the family can't choose, only hard work can change the present life, so it is not necessarily a bad thing to let the children suffer!
Do you want to tell your child the truth of life? This is a dilemma for many parents.
Today, my child suddenly asked me, "How much can our family earn a year?" . Seeing him pretending to be calm and his eyes full of complicated emotions, I suddenly remembered that when I was a child, I asked my mother a similar question when I was his age.
I have forgotten what my parents answered me, except that I have avoided all such topics since then. But inner curiosity still exists, which leads to a lot of anxiety and anxiety for a long time, until it is a little bigger.
Thinking of my childhood experience, I know I must answer this question clearly, so that they will no longer doubt and guide him to look at money correctly and understand the meaning of "making money".
Tell your child the family income in the right way.
We should choose the specific way to inform their family income according to their age, because children of different ages have different cognitive ability and self-control ability.
For example, primary school students are not sensible and often talk nonsense. If they know the specific family income, they may disclose this information to others in their daily life, which may bring us unnecessary trouble.
Therefore, when children are younger, they can be told that their income is at a relatively high, medium and low level in their region. If they must know the exact amount, they can tell them the approximate range, such as10-300 thousand.
If the children are older and more mature, you can tell them the specific amount and tell them not to tell others at will. At the same time, you need to tell them other relevant financial information, such as monthly living expenses, taxes and fees, income surplus and so on.
This will give them a more comprehensive understanding of the family financial situation, not just an isolated figure.
Excavate the psychological needs behind children's questions
Many parents don't realize that family income is not the most important thing for their children. In fact, children are more concerned about whether their needs can be met and whether the family economy is safe.
Perhaps the children themselves don't realize that there are important psychological needs behind their problems.
Therefore, parents must simply answer "how much do you earn", but continue to dig behind the child's question and ask him: Why do you want to know?
I asked him, "Are you worried about something? Do you think our family is poor? "
He thought for a moment and said, "I don't think our family is rich."
Being poor or being rich is a relative concept. I tell my children that whether we are poor or rich depends on who we compare with. We may feel rich or poor.
Then who do we choose to compete with? Why compare with others?
Undeniably, there are indeed some families with material difficulties, and their lives are relatively tight, which cannot fully meet their personal needs. Then it depends on parents' attitude towards difficulties at this time.
If you often sigh or even blame your spouse for money, then in the eyes of children, money is the source of pain and the maker of trouble.
Then children may reject money when they grow up, or regard money as a means to solve all problems and constantly seek security from money.
On the contrary, if you let your child see that the problem can be solved, not fixed, let him pay attention to the resources he already has. More importantly, I thank my family for supporting each other and overcoming the difficulties together.
This can make children have hope for the future, feel the love between relatives who are more important than money, and establish a correct outlook on life and values.
Establish a correct view of money for children
After learning that children want to know the reasons for their parents' income and meet their psychological needs. Children may not ask questions anymore, but parents can't stop there and continue to discuss with their children to help them establish a correct view of money.
If children don't want to be spoiled, they should be taught how to manage money and spend money reasonably. It takes a long time to educate children to develop a correct view of money, so parents must be patient.
In particular, guiding children to understand what the main income model is will help them think about what way they want to make money in the future.
My children first thought of making money when they were 6 years old. He had just learned children's painting, and he thought, "I can draw others, and a painting costs 100 yuan." After a while, he thought, "I can teach other people's children to draw, so I don't have to be so tired and earn more money every time." Later, he thought, "If I invented a robot that can draw pictures automatically, I wouldn't have to go to so much trouble."
I told him that his knowledge and skills are becoming more and more complicated, and the mode of making money and income level are also very different.
Children's whimsy in painting will become an excellent career initiation dialogue as long as their parents give them a little guidance. I let him know that it is the lowest efficiency to make money only by labor. Teaching others methods can make their income scale, but if he can invent new technologies, it may change the whole industry.
After all, children need to grow up to be an independent person. For him, it is more important to know the real family situation and face the challenges of life than "perfect life". Being able to truly treat children as family members and share joys and sorrows with children is the most precious place in the family.
As a parent, the best protection for a child is to let him still love life after recognizing the truth of life.
Considering that the child is still young, I have never seriously discussed the economic problems at home with him. The experience of buying a birthday present at the age of five made me realize that this problem can't be hidden.
We live with our parents-in-law, and the old people have been working hard for our elders. I am very grateful! Because of my work, I basically don't go out at 7 o'clock every morning and can't get home until after 7 o'clock in the evening. I have to work overtime or train from time to time on weekends. Many times, parents-in-law help to take care of their sons.
Usually, toys and snacks are mainly bought online, and my mother-in-law will think that there are enough toys, so don't waste them. I believe every mother can understand me. In fact, I have a fixed amount of money to spend on toys every month, but I didn't tell my son.
My fifth birthday, because of negligence, I remembered that tomorrow was my son's birthday and forgot to buy a gift, so I took my son to the toy store. "Son, you choose!" "Excited turned a big circle, finally wandering in front of the Altman special frame. Seeing his eyes fixed on the big gift box at the bottom, I waited for him to say, "Mom, can't you buy a big toy?" Temptation tone, "yes! It's no big problem, but do you really like it? " "I like this! "The voice was sure, but low." That's it! "Say that finish his words, I really saw a little star in his eyes! The old mother suddenly felt that everything was worth [covering her face]. She picked up a gift box half the size of a person and walked to the cashier, but he timidly ran over and said, "Mom, do you want to change it to a smaller one?" "You don't like it!" "no!" "I wish I liked it! ""But grandma says we can't always buy toys. Grandma says toys are expensive. If you always buy toys, there will be no money at home! "I think he is going to cry! I hugged him. " It doesn't matter, mom will tell grandma that we have arranged the money for toys! ""Finally, at my insistence, I paid the money. It was fun to see him holding a toy, but obviously he was not as excited as he was then. He is young and has something on his mind [almost crying].
I can understand the thrift of the elderly. After all, they were desperately short of supplies at that time. Even if the conditions are good now, many elders still can't enjoy life with peace of mind. Waste needs to be resisted, but excessive thrift is against human nature. The financial situation of each family is different. I define myself as "excessive", that is, consumption accounts for less than 30% of income.
After I came back, I also told my mother-in-law what I thought alone. I hope that within the limit, don't say anything to my son, such as waste and no money. It may be bad for my son's future growth. My mother-in-law is really nice. Although she may not agree with me, she is still willing to cooperate now that I have brought it up.
I simply listed the income and expenditure of my family on paper and explained it to my son before eating. I mainly want him to know that our family has made reasonable arrangements for expenses, how much money we can earn a month, and then how much we eat, how much we wear, how much we save when we are sick, how much we spend on toys every month, and how many toys we buy every month as long as it does not exceed this number. I also told him that if our family's money does not exceed this amount, the toy expenses that can't be spent every month can be accumulated to next month. Tell him that if you really like a toy, but you don't have enough money this month, you can save enough before buying it.
More than a year has passed, but my son has been very cautious in choosing toys. He basically doesn't buy duplicate toys, and the balance of toy expenses is getting bigger and bigger. Is he stopping the big move? [money]
The real financial situation can tell children.
The following is my specific analysis of this problem:
If children can understand the hard work of their parents to earn money, the economic situation can be open to them.
The reason for this kind of worry is that the family is rich and the children are showing off, or because the family's economy is not good, the children have the idea of sharing.
Between the two, I personally prefer the former. This is my first feeling when I saw the subject asking questions. Parents are worried that their children will develop the habit of extravagance and waste.
In fact, it is normal for parents to worry. Children have no financial ability. There used to be a story abroad that a child got a lot of wealth one day and many people envied him. However, some time later, he was found dead at home and left a suicide note.
The suicide note is like this:
I think it's not luck that God gave me such a large fortune, but a disaster. I do, but I don't manage it well.
So I think parents can cultivate children's awareness of money, and children can understand their parents. Parents can tell their children the real financial situation.
As mentioned above, parents can choose to tell their children if they can be considerate. Are children considerate of their parents? It also depends on the influence of external factors.
There used to be such a way of education, which was called "suffering education". When the family experience is not good, it can be regarded as an aspect of the cold environment. The children were honed in the cold. In order to get a better life, children work hard and eventually become talents.
This is the result of personal strong demand and drive their own efforts. In a TV series "Blade of Karan", there are similar lines to prove this truth.
"If you want to have something you have never had, then you must do something you have never done!" -"Blade of Karan" series
If parents want to influence their children more positively, some people take the initiative to choose "suffering education".
Is it really good to take the initiative to choose "suffering education"?
Of course not.
For example:
I have seen such a micro-movie: it tells the story of a family whose financial situation is not good and both parents are laid off. The children's grades have improved a lot.
My father started his business again, but with little success. However, parents did not tell their children that the economic situation had improved. On the contrary, they are still the same.
In the end, the child told the truth, was angry at his parents' deception and ran away from home.
Deliberately doing it is counterproductive! !
Therefore, it is not good to "actively" choose "suffering education"!
Between talking and not talking, I suggest telling the children. A family is a whole, there is no need to hide it.
At the same time, don't deliberately do "selling bitter fruit" and "suffering education".
Parents had better not tell their children about the financial situation at home.
Children's first task is to study, and they can't be distracted by things at home. A harmonious and perfect environment is the basic guarantee for children to learn their studies well. Without the protection of this environment, even children are likely to die in the cradle, bringing permanent regret to their parents.
First of all, in real life, we see many examples because children's learning progress has been influenced by family conditions since childhood. Those with good conditions are not enterprising, while those with poor conditions are forced to go out to earn money to support their families, which brings great pressure to their study and life.
Secondly, children with money at home tend to have a sense of superiority, compare with others, spend money lavishly, and easily develop bad habits from childhood. Poor children at home often feel inferior when they know it. They are cautious in front of teachers and classmates, afraid to show themselves, timid in doing things, and lack self-confidence. This psychological influence will accompany children for many years. Therefore, try not to tell the children about the family's financial situation. Children know very well that studying hard at school is the greatest contribution to this family.
Finally, everyone's family conditions are different, including rich second generation, official second generation and other children with superior conditions. For such people, we should tell our children not to be jealous, learn to be independent and change their destiny by their own ability. When you are an official second generation, you can't be an official second generation, and when you are an unofficial second generation, you can't be a rich second generation. At present, your academic performance has surpassed them, and your ability has surpassed them. You can leave them far behind in the future. Your birth is not up to you, but the road ahead is at your feet. How to get there depends on your own efforts.
We often say that the poor raise children and the rich raise daughters. In order to make my son have the spirit of hard work since he was a child, the purpose of raising a daughter is to give her the best, improve her vision and make her not easy to be cheated when she grows up.
This statement seems reasonable, but it is unreasonable. Whether it is a boy or a girl, parents should establish correct values and consumption concepts for their children from an early age. Regarding whether to tell children the real situation at home, I think it is necessary to cultivate children's concept of "money" from an early age, so that children can understand that money can be obtained through labor, not just taken.
Give children the best, not the most expensive. In fact, this thing has been around since childhood. From food, clothing, housing and transportation, children will also compare with each other. However, when children are not financially independent, we should give them the best in their own economic scope and let them have confidence outside. Colleagues educate children to help others more, and self-confidence will become the greatest wealth among children.
Generally speaking, this is unnecessary.
If the family has money, what is the purpose of telling the children the real economic situation at home? Show off your wealth to your children? Afraid that children don't know how rich the family is? Let children not study hard, relax and hate work and seek pleasure?
If the family is poor, what is the purpose of telling the children the real economic situation at home? Complain to the children? Let children be thrifty, work hard and work hard? Or let the children be pessimistic and disappointed?
It is necessary under special circumstances.
For example, when children's demands are beyond the family's financial capacity, and parents can't meet them, which may cause children's dissatisfaction or even serious consequences, parents must be honest with their children, tell them the real economic situation at home, let them know the family's economic strength and understand their parents' difficulties.
I feel that it depends on the specific situation of your family and children whether you want to tell your children about your family's financial situation. I think it mainly depends on the following points:
1, sensible child: If our child is a good child who is diligent and thrifty at ordinary times, then we can tell our child whether our family situation is good or bad, and we can cultivate children's good quality of hard work from an early age. If the conditions are good, we can also tell our children that our wealth is hard-won and cannot be wasted, and cultivate children's high quality of being rich and not debauched.
2. Children who are not sensible: For such children, I suggest that children should not know the specific situation of our family. Children who are not sensible generally can't understand their parents' hard work, but just ask for it. If our family is good, children will spend a lot of money and don't know how to save. If our family is not good, they will feel inferior, look down on their parents and compare with other children easily.
Therefore, whether to tell your child about your financial situation depends on your child's personality and type. I hope it helps you.
This situation can be divided into age groups. If the child is too young, tell him (her) because his/her thinking is not perfect, briefly outline, big and complete. When you grow up, you can tell her (his) financial situation, composition and storage as appropriate, because the child is a family member, it is necessary to tell her. Moreover, this home will also be his (her) in the future, and the responsibilities and obligations should be clear. This is a personal opinion, of course, there are very few children, except those who can't afford it!
Children should be told that because children are also family members, they also have the responsibility to share and bear the savings and debts at home.
First, cultivate children's sense of responsibility and responsibility from an early age, knowing that wealth is created by parents with their hands.
Second, know how to share, now the family is a child, not all delicious and fun things are their own, starting with sharing food, housework and everything.
Third, personal value, the value income created by individuals for society, the income returned by society for themselves, and the amount of income is their own value, which has changed the personal concept of children now.
Educating parents should start with their children's mental health, rather than pursuing their children's academic performance, which is only a part of their growth. Their growth should start from their own study life. Never lead, lead, rush or chase their children, they will leave without you. Only in this way can children be truly independent and cultivate their sound personality.